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1.7k · May 2019
White Guilt is Bullshit
Tiara I S May 2019
There's trauma interlocking my genetics
Stripped of specifics boiled into one
My own blood stained with my ancestors' rapes
23% White in my DNA sickens my bones
How much of it was forced upon my people
My great great and further back peoples
How many mothers thighs ripped apart to give birth to the innocent child of white devils
To be beaten by the white she-devil for "enticing" her man

For the child- if lighter- it be favored but enslaved in the home- near that very room they were criminally conceived

How many young Black men taken and ***** to be emasculated and sedated to work passively upon the plantation
Take a wife- to have her taken to masters room
Have a daughter- son- and the pattern roll on

How many white people and non-black people believe Black peoples to be inherently ****** to this **** day
These are the origins

If White people ignore my claims
Then you- white man- woman- person
You are just as guilty as the slave owners
Just born centuries too late for free labor
You must pity this of yourself too

To ignore Black peoples cries is to be complacent in our mistreatment
To not listen is to feel we were deserving of our suffering
To have happily whipped and beaten your fellow man if born back then

To support U.S. military veterans and be empathizing of their trauma
While rolling eyes to when Black people don't trust police, the government, or all White people of high status
Invented- created- controlled- plagued by White people
Because of 300+ years of trauma has brazed us with forced submission
To ignore the intergenerational neglect of treatment among Black people

Makes you a slave master on a cold December in 1865 missing your slaves just born modern day
The title is referring to the fact that so many White people have SCREAMED in my face that SLAVERY HAPPENED SO LONG AGO- when I have calmly mentioned the inequalities of this day in age still being faced
yet Black Americans havent nearly been freed for as long as slavery went on.
The White people with this sort of guilt need to literally shut the **** up and get out my face.
If you are White and this makes you uncomfortable. Good.
It should.
Now go out and openly disapprove of racists when you can, and learn about laws that criminalize Black people, or you are just who I am describing in the last stanza

White discomfort is not nearly as lethal as racism don't kid yourself
1.4k · Mar 2019
4:30am
Tiara I S Mar 2019
I feel like a waste of time
My stomach boils with pink pills
Eyelids droop- I pry them open
To drink words I thirst for
Taste worlds I yearn for
Sludge pools in from the bitter thoughts
Soaking soaks- soaking sponges
Run and drain out the membrane
Everything is all too much
I seem to never be good enough
1.1k · Mar 2019
Liberosis
Tiara I S Mar 2019
Senseless bubble erase the fears
Mundane life pulls at heartstrings taut
Carving ridges and trenches of pain
Back beaten concerns and worries
Never fully flush from my flesh
Excitement bursting and dissolving
Like acid into everyone's apathetic ears
Long limbs elaborating tales that could
Otherwise simply suspend with sentences
Splashes of distaste scald at my face
Burrowing deeply into my deep diseases
I'm thousands of degrees to cold eyes
Yet I burn within their icy glares of uncare
Every nerve twitches while others' tingle
Soft happiness blooms into blissful days
Torn by how I feel all too much yet am not enough
918 · May 2019
stagnant
Tiara I S May 2019
its bubbly- it bubbles- it builds
the insurmountable urge to quit- it all
soft- whispy- sweet- a toxic treat
it is in the gaps my health falls
i wish I could up and combust
so much to do- so little fuel
its bubbly- it bubbles- it builds
the insurmountable urge to quit-
it all
my suicidal thoughts tend to be so soft and coaxing- such sweet temptation
849 · Mar 2019
bitter trauma
Tiara I S Mar 2019
bitter honey slipping from my lips
an acquired taste of hyper sensitivity
don't whisper to me any pain
it thunders violently- rupturing my brain
molten eyes capturing 1000 frames
processing what a diseased mind poisons
rose lenses shaken from memories
hung to dry into pungent trauma
602 · Mar 2019
Soc Anx
Tiara I S Mar 2019
When did friendship come with an expiration date
Since the first date we were strung out
Rung out and left to decay away
I thought I called Philotes all this time
Wrong dial- wrong mood- Oizys answers me in her place

It is the fear of absolment that vices my tongue
For I too often dissolve beneath others' acid
Quicker to cut the appendage than to gather my pride
Or what's been scraped from me
because I yearn for our friendship to remain intact and I do not think you quite understand how detrimental it is for me
558 · May 2019
Hestia Incarnate
Tiara I S May 2019
Can you come back home
See the cracks along with the wildflowers along with the weeds
Airplane arms flying concrete lanes
Hopping- skipping- tripping pavement
Apollo high in the sky
Ticking timebomb tickling- oh so- tender
Heartbeat jumping- pumping- thumping to the love
Love encased within the home hearth
Can you come back home
To the earthen greens and towering trees

- Hold Up -

A brain zap and a brain tap massercering-
The strength- the will- the want- the need
To see it all so bright and warm
The cracks cracking- shaking- breaking into molten chasms
Wildflowers- weeds- alike swallowed
Burnt alike- murdered alike- back to the core alike
Arms crashing- smashing- snapping into concrete fields
Timebomb looming- booming- shredding shrapnel through the love
The love encased- suppressed- within the home hearth
Mother nature aint your birther- she doesn't nurture
The hearth ain't **** if your home bone cold
Warmth make a home a home
Gaia spits up- chews up- ***** up mankind
Can you come back home

no

Make yourself your own ******* home.
antidepressant withdrawal got me heated and Kendrick Lamar's album To **** a Butterfly is literal spoken word. A masterpiece of the Black American collective conscious- if I may add.
498 · Mar 2019
crescent petal
Tiara I S Mar 2019
nourish a moonflower
tears water her best
shield her from the sun-
for sunlight burns the thin petals

why wont the moon shine down evermore
I need its presence as I wilt
from this disease that seeks attention
from those favorable to my eyes
all other doses are fine
yet not as potent as that of fine ambrosia
leiden with gentle eyes and firm brows
sharp jaws and the softest of words

timelessly I am in awe over
how many petals I've left scattered behind me
in my quest- for eternal moonlight
for I leave myself far too often with men whom dust me off
413 · Jun 2022
supernova
Tiara I S Jun 2022
sometimes I think
if I can't have it all then
let me go back
but back so far nothing can hurt
right off the plane of existence
312 · Mar 2019
Hard Pills
Tiara I S Mar 2019
You dont want me
He didnt want me
They wont want me
I've never wanted me
For I am too introverted for hookups yet I desire intimacy no one I know wants from me regularly
310 · Jun 2019
Lost My Last Safe House
Tiara I S Jun 2019
Black ink seaps from my pores- oily and tainted of hatred
My body has no place for anger or hatred or jealousy
So out it spews- from my skin- my lips- spit drenched lips
Spitting up feverish complaints of disgust
Yet they say your poisons are your own to consume
To take- to swallow- to abuse yourself with
Trama ringing as tinnitus in the stillest nights
Dripping from my skin oil pools as I wade through pain
Forcing it all out and drowning in it all the same
Darkness floods my brain- sludge swarming
Black pouring from white out- all sclera eyes rolled back
Begging to wield this pain against another- any monster
No human to be harmed by the inky tendrils that encapsulate me
Sensitivity thinning the toxins out- they pour from my pores
Fingers leaving trails along walls as I sit in a shower to leak out
Ring out to dry- only to refill with more doses of abuse the next day
...still off my antidepressants and back to being wayyyy too ******* sensitive, anxious, and mostly depressedddd. Its absolutely fantastic.
244 · Mar 2019
Butterfly Blood
Tiara I S Mar 2019
Its spinning
Everything is spinning- nobody cares
Not a **** soul cares
That the pulsing blood people die for
Can only sustain so long

Don't you hear below your jaw
As it pounds so strong

You're disgusting
All of you disgust me
Carry your heads and walk
Trampling and leaving trails of blood
Soaked in the remnants of you
Shove everyone aside
Placing the brightest light on you
Until you need the transfusion
butterflies can drink blood to gain nutrients
238 · Mar 2019
Chronic
Tiara I S Mar 2019
Day in- day out
My stress keeps me company
As I wake up- as I lie back down
When the moon has long risen-
I'm too tired to ignore it

Patches of raised flesh adorn me
Lattice work spiraling from my fingernails
Itching settles the urge for a moment
As my body wishes to burst free

Of the poison my mind erupts with
On a daily basis- as I am- corrupted
And plagued- by demons fueled by rain
I get sliced all day- there is only pain

And strongest urge to end it all
It all hurts too much
221 · Nov 2019
Candy Noir
Tiara I S Nov 2019
I get my feelings hurt almost everyday
Everyday- a minuscule trait is extracted and projectile vomited into my face
Melting into my brain- no one wants me, okay
Tiara I S Dec 2019
bad girl music blaring through my head
but it's sad girl hours- day- weeks
I'm not having a good time
I smile for moments when with others
yet have no urge to smile when alone
201 · Mar 2019
Flailing
Tiara I S Mar 2019
You never know
Just how alone
You are
Until it happens
Until you grip words
And try to explain
And no one latches on
And you slip from their grasp
From their minds
From their care
You are
Nothing and alone
The world's got the best of me; nothing
179 · Jan 2021
insomnia relapse
Tiara I S Jan 2021
brain buzzing- burning
the lines of daylight and nighttime
she comes for me no matter when
this pain that carves my gut

open my mouth- they stare- mouth shuts

it's not a big deal- dont make a fuss

fingernails gripping under my chin- stay hushed

pallid brown skin and hazy coal eyes
carrying on the lie "I'm alright; I'm fine"
sleep, my nemesis-lover, crossing the line
skin sweltering- scalding
at night beneath sheets too cold
whatever this condition has it out for me

open my mouth- they glare- mouth shuts
061119
169 · Mar 2019
Straining
Tiara I S Mar 2019
Left all alone I continue to erode
My eyes find all my flaws
My mind dips into my insecurities

-no one actually cares for you-

I'd believe it if I was told so
I wish I wasnt anchored onto others
For validation to stay afloat
If left alone I succumb to demons
My brain starts to heat
My eyes become wet
Chip- chipping away at me
Me- who trip-trips over her own feet
Crackle- and- Sparkle as I smile
As though sludge is my brain matter
Sewage floods in my veins
My heart- soul- mind just decay
I will never cease to run out of words to describe my mental condition it seems
168 · Jun 2019
Sugar on Saliva
Tiara I S Jun 2019
It's hard.
Everything is so difficult.
I feel myself bending for others.
Yet not good enough because I didn't break myself for them.
I am all too much for others.
They ***** me out of their systems and purge their life of me.
As I try once more to enter their life.
I'm a passing dust speck to most.
A fly to others.
Swipe me away on another crushing day.
No one is wanted by me as much as he who I am hunting after.
He exists for fragments.
Melts away in the wind.
Slips from my grasp because of all I am is what I lack.
I just want...a lot it seems. More than what I'm given at least.
157 · May 2019
Antidepressant Withdrawal
Tiara I S May 2019
I'm tired- I'm aching
My head feels as if breaking
Hot- cold zaps and flashes
Slice through from the back of my brain

Body aches and chills rip on through
Eyeballs pained from bright lights
Patience thinner than cell membrane
Anger- I hold in reserves for moments
I need to tell oppressors off-
Swelling into seismic tidal waves
I cling onto my sanity-
The shreds bits and pieces left
As it feels I have none

The urge to collapse keeps me company
I force myself on- in the tsunami
To sleep it off is a luxury- unaffordable
So I drag myself to my workplaces

For earning money is
More important than my needs
Earning money is my priority need

Even if the back of my brain feels starved
Oxygen running so low- if I were to
Have been born of centuries prior-
A drilled hole in my skull sounds wonderous

Yet born of today- I know better
And yet on my brain zap- booms- shreds itself
Searching for the chemical happiness
Encased in pretty pink pills
Lost in the American healthcare war
Honestly this is the FIFTH time in 2 years I've had to deal with this
Side note: you literally cannot become addicted to antidepressants, like come on now give me my medication so I dont dip and **** myself
Because this pain is way too much
149 · Mar 2019
stress sweat sleep
Tiara I S Mar 2019
I have dreams involving ****** lately
Breathing heavy- blankets twisted- mind shaken

Forced to **** in a hyper-reality

Every fear I've ever had vividly reincarnated
All whom I love in these cotton clouds are attacked

It's my consciousness that has me fighting back

Is there something looming in the future?
That's got me- after weeks- aiming loaded guns

In the beginning I would wake up in a sweat
My eyes dripping wet- I'd run my heart beat till I'd awaken to have escaped
Now I kick in glass and chase shadows looming corners

I dont wait and actively search for the disorder

Sweet children snatched from my heavy arms- I push through
Till I'm nearly awake just to break the sleep chains

I dont wanna **** unless I'm asleep

For there reality can easily be just my nightmares
I've been less stressed while conscious- funny cuz unconscious me has stressful decisions to make as a result
And it all seems all too real
149 · Mar 2020
Modesty in Vain
Tiara I S Mar 2020
I dream of fair resources
Of a fair chance for all
Where the biggest issues humanity faces
Are not created by humans at the top
Where there are no billionaires
Smothering the 99% rest of us
With greed, money, and zeal

I dream of green hills rolling
Of wind, air, and water power fueling us
Where we prosper with the government's best interest being in
Us
Not their vain agendas
Poison Native, Black, and Latino neighborhoods
Where they lock up Black youth
Strip us of power, resources, and wealth
Wealth we lost being enslaved for centuries
Power they accumulated by being vicious monsters
Resources they take to this day from lands never their own

I dream of justice
I dream of a day where I can stand and not witness someone be blatantly misgendered
Someone being denied living their best life because they aren't all if not mostly a
White
Male
Straight
Cis
Upperclass
Able-bodied
Able-minded
Straight sized
U.S. citizen
Etc. to all privileges

I dream so hard of freedom
Not to be bigots' excuses for oppression any longer
I dream of tomorrow being so beautifully filled to the brim with opportunity for all
Yet I know
This is a dream because
This country
This world
Is a ******* nightmare
143 · Mar 2019
Black is my color
Tiara I S Mar 2019
Hey- it's the emo kid you never knew
With Brown skin in the place of White
Clothing black- as my heritage
Multiple shades of darkness
Stripped of their specifics- boiled as one
Depression rampant within my home
Trauma plaguing my scattered peoples
Beaten- Whipped- Stolen- Neglected-
Murdered- Skinned- Hunted- Sold- Collected- Experimented- *****-
Anxiety trapped within my veins
Coiling my nervous system taut
Genetically- stress should have murdered me
I shouldn't exist-
So when I open my mouth to protest my sufferings--
Centuries of punishments left untreated- undiagnosed
Passed on generation to generation to bear
--Listen- Hear me- Listen to us and-
Be blessed we aren't out for Blood
Because an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind and
I see color
I dont ignore the past grievances but-
In spite of them keep going
Black Lives Matter (Too)
[I shouldn't have to add the "too" for yall to get it]
133 · Jun 2019
300519 Thought
Tiara I S Jun 2019
My dad is the kind of dad that makes you understand all too well why some girls run away to become *** workers.
Those men cannot hurt you more than your own father already has.
Because not everyone has a Dad that they are thankful for. My Dad is the foundation of my mental illness
121 · Mar 2019
Life Preserver
Tiara I S Mar 2019
Meet my gaze and plummet into me
My darkness- desires- and diseases
Serenade the shadows away
Take my hand and intertwine into the beat of our hearts flowing into one
Swipe my tears upon your sleeve
Press your chin atop my head
Wrap your warmth around me
Let me escape icy midnight swims
directions for holding me together
121 · Nov 2019
190705
Tiara I S Nov 2019
For as cold as I am
I crave heat
120 · Feb 2020
god bless ameriKKKa
Tiara I S Feb 2020
I find myself floundering and drowning
In a country not made for me
I find myself clinging to fantasies
Where I **** over the very systems
That have binded me from birth
Until I remember
I was never meant to flourish
In a society created and maintained by
Them
And that they would and will
Never
Allow me to prosper as they all have
some days it's harder to fight back than others
108 · Dec 2019
sick
Tiara I S Dec 2019
my anxiety flares like the sun
drip drop down my spine
parasomnia grips me tight
reminds me nothing will ever be right
95 · Dec 2019
brainfog
Tiara I S Dec 2019
the fog of my brain dilapidates my sane
84 · Mar 2019
Hyponatremia
Tiara I S Mar 2019
Swarms in ceaseless waves
Shore long lost to the inked horizon
Chills align my spine in spasms
Bitten red lips against ashen brown skin

I gulp in breathes of warm whispers

To the stars I beg to be a rose
Plucked and adorned in vast riches
Drenched with fine cut diamonds

Not bleeding out in salted oceans
Searching for that soft sweet light
That feathers upon the sea

Not even the moon casts upon me

I drown in green envious waters
Toxins sloshing in the pit of my gut
Shaken- lonesome- neglected
Wishing to be loved

To the point of incessant madness
...I am jealous of those whom have someone in this apocalyptic world
81 · Dec 2019
Hilarious
Tiara I S Dec 2019
The idea of someone loving you till you love yourself is hilarious

Do guys really see a broken soul
And wish to mend her together again

That's so funny its sick
That's all these songs whine about
Yet it's not ******* true

Who's gonna hold me when I slip
Not a **** soul
Where do I go when I wanna die

My own **** bed
Psychiatric wondering where my other half is
I wonder too

Cause literally what the **** did I do
To deserve my loneliness

I just want a hug
I just want to be held on these cold winter nights
But no

What the **** did I do to deserve this
I'm sick of being strung along

Just a body not a soul

Know my soul throw it away
Ghost me til my phones starts its decay
75 · Jun 2022
[untitled]
Tiara I S Jun 2022
once more- the chemicals in my brain- have dilapidated my sane
74 · Nov 2019
beginning of the end
Tiara I S Nov 2019
Whenever the beginning starts
It all gets ****** up

Sadness bellowing out from my soul
I'm left in the cold

If its another's doing- I have no clue
Everyone walks in twos

First meetings go unhinged
Burrowing into my heart

I notice when they all leave
74 · Mar 2020
OOTD
Tiara I S Mar 2020
One of these days
One of these years
I won't have to pour my pain onto this screen
And maybe one day I won't feel so alone
71 · Dec 2019
Disassociate
Tiara I S Dec 2019
Ripped from right now
Shoved into a yester-year
Eyelids parched- eyes seen too much
Eyes seeing too much
Jazz numbers haunting in step
Voices clawing down my throat
Don't recall what it was
Tastes of a frenzy and fear
Click clacking resounding
Fingers gripping after not before
Nightmares heightening
Tangling into- another disassociation
Tiara I S Nov 2019
It's the midnight depression
chilling and stifling
stale in taste and pale in sight
lofty air clutching at your throat
legs swimming in hot sheets
electric static ringing your ears
spit hard to swallow
mind buzzing with vengeance
69 · Apr 2020
procrastination
Tiara I S Apr 2020
"you are not lazy. you are just sad."
69 · Dec 2019
Existence Refund?
Tiara I S Dec 2019
I'm not having a good time
I think this is all pointless
Why is it all so awful
The good cannot outlast the bad
The good is found dead in a ditch
I dont want to go on
If that means death so be it
Can I just go now
Please
Not much has happened bad and yet
I dont want to do this
Why do I have to live
Its ridiculous
I didn't ask to be born
I don't want it anymore
Call my lazy- call me selfish
Call me ungrateful
I'll take it
But
Those words cannot cushion nor heal
How uninvolved I wish to be with being
68 · Dec 2019
Ghosting Hell
Tiara I S Dec 2019
If you don't ever wanna see me again
Just tell me
If you don't wanna ever hold me again
Just tell me
If you don't wanna ever be there when everything's going to hell
Just tell me
67 · Mar 2019
KG you are too good to me
Tiara I S Mar 2019
it is painful and numbing
To wish for hate to flood
I cannot hate you
Even if you do not let me go
But drop me
On my face onto concrete

City lights are so blinding
Blurring my tears
I swing on the moon
Sip from the devils brew
Just to momentarily forget you
Dont lift me so high
If you only wanted to drop me
Blood swells in my mouth
I choke on my heart
Your silence is deafening

Tires screeching in the night
Prolonging the inevitable
An accident at the center of my world
I let you in too close
I should have gotten better security
Tell em your description
This wont happen again
Except it will
It has
You're the first to get this close
To drop me from so high
I will cling to you in those seconds
Not life- not living- you
Made my life bearable
Did I hurt you accidentally
When I poured my poison
Into a glass
You tossed back toxin after toxin
Of mine
Like it was nothing
Did I hurt you
Did I change you

This numbing pain clings
Like your whispers across my skin
As you ran through me
Shivers igniting me aflame
You were always my favorite
I melted in your arms
It felt safe and warm
Did I push you away
When I put up defenses
When I simply was there for you
Or was I nothing
Did I demote along the way
Was I not enough
Did I not give enough

I didn't try hard enough
I wasn't enough for you
You think of me as irresponsible
Yet I did my best
It wasn't enough
I wasn't enough
Even at my best
You wished for me to be better

I'm sorry I am not enough
he's a good one
I say I hate men
He nods and says same
65 · Jun 2022
euthanasia
Tiara I S Jun 2022
its 4am- and I can't sleep
to be honest- nothing feels real
my brain's erasing my serotonin
I'm drowning in chemical imbalances
don't even want to reach out
where do I reach out
at this hour- in this crisis- how can I
get my life back
I want to be held
by someone who wants me
yet who ******* wants me
I don't want me
just hold me close- till I can't breathe
64 · Mar 2020
A Caption Too Raw for IG
Tiara I S Mar 2020
I don't know what to do to feel better
I do what I want - that's not good for me
I do what I need to - most of it saddens me
I'm just chilling but that seems unfavorable
It's never been the world that makes me care
But it's one person's malice existence that fuels me with anger towards any opposition I face from them
They're relaxed but my anxiety makes me wonder if it will stay this way
64 · Jun 2022
venoma
Tiara I S Jun 2022
I've coughed up enough phlegm in my life to fill oceans
pale blood-less skin lies below my melanin
the tantalizing desire- to rip limb from limb
anyone who questions the spare shreds of my power
has a strong grip on me- and holds me stagnant
through the tsunamis of emotions that
threaten to subdue me to that of submission
the cold manner I've been treated with has scarred my skin
all the poisons I've swallowed has made me venomous
Tiara I S Nov 2019
tears slipping from shut satin lids
curled up body exposed to the cold
deflation pumping slowed veins
it hurts so much- to know he
never felt the same
I sit and I remember those days
days I allowed myself to feel
I was naive- I was spontaneous
I somehow tripped into a pond
that was two inches deep
yet I drowned in first love
and choked as it killed me
Tiara I S Nov 2019
I thought you you and you would prove me wrong
Yet here I am- bets placed- winning the losing game
Its such a shame- that I'm to blame
For even imagining their words to bear fruit
Shriveled trees adorn my lawns- roots nestled into my core
How many more- corpsed trunks will I need
To painstakingly gouge from my soul
Tears cemented into the blades that dig deeper
How much more decay will I be dealt with upon jaded horizons
Lottery rigged for all who maintain their lawns
Before I lose- before I'm wrong of how vile men truly are
Tiara I S Dec 2019
Let the whispers of the angels wash you ashore
let the lullaby of the heavens soothe your tattered soul
you've been drowning- sputtering- gasping for air
you've been weighed down by your "demons who know how to swim"

tides rise and take you back- why would you fight them
it feels so good to lose control
you go jelly with a blissed laugh- bubbles popping
demons caress you close- and capture your thoughts
Oh isnt it beautiful when you're no longer a burden
"to reverse is to live"
61 · Nov 2019
Wanting Moon
Tiara I S Nov 2019
I wanna fall apart into pretty pieces
Scattered in your palm
Blown in your face and shoved down your throat
Choke on my glitter because I'm not okay Because of you
I wanna waltz in 4-lane traffic with you
Twirl and extend me into the path of an oncoming semi
Bite your finger off and stir my drinks with it
I wanna fall apart because I know you'll leave me in pieces
Tiara I S Jan 2021
thousand eyes
thousand nights
deliver me to the realm
tasting of ambrosia
slick honey thick and full
running down my brown thighs
I'll drown in your disguise
gulping at the very me
legs curling around your skull
hands tugging at your roots
******* you in for more
breathy moans swallowed
large palms gripping at my flesh
neglected you snapping at air
delirium coating your veins
living for my satisfaction
humming at every ****
fingers entered and coiling
thickly coated in my sweetness
pressing for deliverance
desperately coaxing me to the edge
upon my heavenly release
my unraveling unwinds you
with shuddering breathes
and slick glossed lips
281119
58 · Mar 2020
꿈 [dream]
Tiara I S Mar 2020
everyone has dreams while I just wish to sleep
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