"stagnance" poems
i keep on thinking,
and grasping,
and clawing for
words
and words
and words
upon more words
stacking on, or attacking
this stagnance of mind,
unintentionally filling
this nothing
with thoughts
of your memory:
a sunsetclad feather
locked in a safebox
in the corner of the basement
of a mossy cottage
resting on a flowered hill
in some faraway place
recurring
in my sleep's sleep.
(somewhere
i long to belong to
but may never reach.)
do you travel there, too?
May 3, 2013
May 3, 2013 at 9:26 AM UTC
Deep in the folds
My vulnerable places
Like a draft displaces
Turbid Stagnance
Firey sun illuminates
The dewey fertile soil
Infiltrating unturned
Spongy depths
Stimulates the follicles
Teases tenacious life
Into frothing vigorous
Surging prominence
Hungry searching tongues
Tasting the flushed flesh
So forceful and so hot
in open air
Primitively freely
illuminate
My hunger
Devour me
Like a flame
Consuming
My pride and shame
To surrender
Is to love you
And the falling
Hurts the best
Aug 15, 2022
Aug 15, 2022 at 9:26 PM UTC
cold air is burning my face but the feeling is muffled, far away.
i look at you, stoic menace.
you are a block of ice and i am a flurry of snowflakes, raging, cold, soft.
you ask me what the heart speaks.
i do not know how to tell you what emotion is, just like i do not know how to explain to you what i am.
(things far too familiar are seldom easy to translate into a language someone might understand, a language that is not your own, a language you've forgotten the taste of)
mountains on my shoulders feel lighter than they should, and you take lightness to mean of less matter.
perhaps you think these mountains have a hollow center, are made of feathers.
you and i are two different forms of water.
i have known ice, and you have known snow, years before today.
i have known stagnance, you have known change, you took the word like an icicle to your chest, falling too far into your cave.
pull me out, you say, and i am frost lining your windowsill.
leave me be, you say, and you are a dull fog, whispering to glass.
through the glass, we interact.
you are trapped.
Dec 4, 2019
Dec 4, 2019 at 8:50 AM UTC
It was late into that viscious seasonal transition
with sticky heat grating at the loose barricades
the confused masses put up around
patterns of docile thought.
I remember entire cities
churning out their leaders as children
and dressing our most vulnerable
up for combat.
I remember each first moment
when another person knew
how painful it was
to just have it all happen.
The sweet sting of a tireless wind
at least taught us what momentum existed,
but never how to resist the pull
and claim it as our own.
Whatever took us kept us
up until the very end,
and we expected to wake up
panting, embracing a new land.
And then the storm stopped
and the eyelids pried open
against the settling dust
that encapulated the chaos.
Nothing was harmed and no one was moved
and the waters reclaimed a normal flow
but they all just sat with nowhere to go
in shock that their, "right here" hadn't changed.
Not right here
nor the now
nor the us
nor any "them".
We sweet human creatures
are built to seek shelter
to make it grow
into tragic stagnance.
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 7:14 PM UTC
Drowning or falling?
Floating or flying?
Is it raining inside
Or am I just crying?
Is time moving slowly?
Or just not at all?
I want to stop climbing
I long for the fall
There's chaos in stagnance
This silence is too loud
I feel lost in solitude
But smothered in a crowd
The darkness is freeing
The sun is too bright
I just want to hide
I thrive in the night
Just leave me, I beg you
It's too late for me now
Don't leave me, I beg you
I need you around
When you're gone I'll be left here
Alone with the sound
Of choking on oxygen
That can't be found
Pick me up
I'm falling d
o
w
n
Jun 22, 2015
Jun 22, 2015 at 4:02 PM UTC
My heart laid stagnant
My heart laid strong
yet I will still be independent
and not fazed by your tempting song
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 4:10 AM UTC
unpromise me forever;
abandoned lovelorn that I've become,
I need to be free from
the paradox of your absent
stagnance.
Dec 5, 2019
Dec 5, 2019 at 2:24 PM UTC
Cold, rust, metallic
Bars of stagnance and "normal"
Hold me captive, Caged.
Jan 17, 2019
Jan 17, 2019 at 1:42 PM UTC
I've never been comfortable with permanence
I guess you could say
I have commitment issues
the irony
-of course-
is that my fear of making permanent decisions
leaves me in a constant state of stagnance
we're not meant to stand still
we can make a thousand marble statues
in an attempt to grasp immortality
but no one was ever meant to last forever
our cells are doomed from the start
when you deselect for aging
you select for cancer
and
-just like marble-
cannot escape the weather
we cannot escape out own mortality
I've never been comfortable with permanence
but thankfully
-I suppose-
I'll never have to be
Mar 16, 2016
Mar 16, 2016 at 5:10 PM UTC
It feels like a calm before the storm.
Avoiding the red flag triggers
Like trap doors leading to the underworld
Or a rabbit hole that only leads to
Me in the fetal position
Begging the universe to bring you back.
Instead of wandering this booby-trapped wasteland,
Searching for the road out,
I'm clinging to the dirt,
Refusing to get up.
It is quiet like this,
Nothing scary to stumble on,
And no gaping holes to tumble down,
Just me, and the dirt
Solid, grounding, still.
I can breathe here,
But I know I cannot stay
Staying means starving
Staying means giving up a future
Staying means stagnance.
I cannot stay.
So it really is the calm before the storm
Because I feel fine now,
In the quiet aftermath,
But soon I'll have to get up
Navigate this minefield of memories,
Sadness, longing, and grief
If I want to see the sun rise.
And I will.
I once said it about you,
Now I say it for me
Here comes the sun.
Jan 22, 2017
Jan 22, 2017 at 9:22 PM UTC
They put my cage beside a
window.
While my heart bleeds
And my body remains
stagnant,
My dreams touch the
Stars, sun, moon.
They are as trapped as I
am.
Jan 10, 2019
Jan 10, 2019 at 8:42 AM UTC
Today
your voice
came into my mind
And I felt the stormy blues
But then I asked myself
"What is the point in even missing you?"
The reality is short and sweet
Like your favorite peanut butter snacks
That once took over my apartment's cabinet
I'd save them, assured you would come back
The reality is you won't.
Even if you knocked on my door,
Missing something faithful and true
I know what I know just as much as you've known what you knew
That you'd never admit your mistakes to your friends
Highly influenced by their opinions
Highly influenced by our differences
And yet you spin the wheel,
Manipulating their perspective
Like I'm daft just because I'm in this process of transition
God forbid you don't have some structure in your life,
But even more so God forbid you have an ever-adapting and changing wife
Because the reality is you won't find a partner who isn't transitioning
Between growing to different levels
A different person every decade
She could be a business owner one year,
then regress to a stay at home mom, having spit and crayon on her face every day
Is this your fear?
But what about the moments between,
That are still, like calm water?
You wont see growth but it's happening
But I know you- you'll never stay to see
Because stagnance is a red flag to you
you'd rather chase the white foaming edge
You'll never see the calming storm on the sea
You'll never know your destination's end
And I feel bad for you,
In your infinite search
Never content
So
If you couldn't accept me in my still moments
When my world is asleep
When my water is still
When I'm in hibernation
And preparing to bloom
When you couldn't just love me
despite my winter
What's the point of missing you?
Dec 30, 2019
Dec 30, 2019 at 11:29 AM UTC