You texted me last night.
If you had done that a year or two ago,
My stomach would have been rushing with butterflies,
My heart would have stopped,
I would have lost the ability to speak,
I would have texted back in a heartbeat.
You texted me again last night,
Wondering what I was up to,
Acting as if nothing was wrong,
Acting as if it hasn’t been months since the last time we talked.
You wanted to know what I was up to,
And our conversation flowed like how it did before.
Our words floated out of our mouths like how the rain fell from the sky,
Slowly but sometimes all at once.
You wanted to know what I was up to
And we were fine until you asked me to give myself to you.
I was fine until I figured out that you only wanted me for something physical,
For an easy kiss,
A skin to touch,
A diamond to ****.
I was pure
And you wanted to destroy everything about me,
My sanctuary,
My ******* body,
You wanted to destroy my very being.
I realized then that you were an animal,
A boy,
Not a man,
Who wanted nothing but a **** in the daytime
So you can get off
And I realized then that if I had given it up,
Not only would I have given up my purity,
I would have given myself to you,
Someone so ******* vile and atrocious
And I would never have been the same.
I was the last number in your phonebook,
And you named me the side *****,
The person you would only ever call for easy ***
And for something to taint.
You forgot my name,
Forgot that I have an identity,
You only ever call me when you remember I have a body,
And even then you only use me for **** that only ever benefits you.
I’m ******* sorry you’re such an immature person
And you don’t know how to treat a woman right.
I wonder what your mother thinks of you,
How your sister looks at you,
I want to know if they see you like I do.
I used to hold you up like a trophy,
Held you up to the sky
Because I thought you were better than this,
But now I look at you in disgust
Because you’re a monster.
I don’t know what the **** I saw in you,
You were everything I wanted at the time,
Everything I needed,
But I was only ever the last number in your phonebook.
You treated me as if I was a phone number on a billboard,
Everyone forgets them until it’s needed,
But I’m not your mistress,
Your little harlot,
The person you can go to after you’ve smoked a bowl
And had crack in your system.
Don’t ******* treat me like I’m a door with an Open sign that allows everybody in,
I’m not your *****.
So text me again,
Call me if you have to.
Instead there’s going to be bile up my throat
And my heartbeat will race,
But not because I’m happy,
No, no
It will ******* race because I hate you
And I’m excited because I want to do every cruel thing I can possibly do to you,
But I’m not you,
I won’t ever be the monster that you turned out to be,
I’m just sorry you have to live with yourself.
So text me again when I’m no longer the last person on your phonebook,
But I’m not going to reply again.

Ya Know ....
  
I'm Beginning To Think The Truth Is ...
A LOT of Folks Are ... STUPID ... !!!  
    
You Can Tell By The Way They're Moving ...  
And Who They Choose To ... Move With ...  
    
It's CLEAR Some NEED Improvements ...  
Because They Deal In Looseness .............................. !!!!!  
    
Like CLAIMING Their ... " Religion " ...  
DEFINES How They Be Living ... ?  
    
Here's What I Mean You DON'T EAT PIG ...
Because It's UNCLEAN Is Your Religions' Theme ...  
    
BUT One Night You're At Home ...  
And Your Hunger Says ...  
    
"Yo it's time for some food !"  
    
So Do You Start To Cook ... ???  
NO You Go To The Phonebook ...  
INSTEAD And Have A Look ...  
For Something You Can Order ...  
    
An Option CLEARLY shorter ... !!!  
Than Cooking For ... Yourself ...  
    
So You Then GET A FEVER ...    
To Order Up ... Some Pizza ... !!!  
    
Ya' Hunger Says ... " Oh well " ...  
    
You Order Up ... " A VEGGIE " ...  
I Guess Cos' That Is ... " Healthy " ... ?!?  
    
ONLY To FIND Later ... That Night ...  
That Something MEATY Was Inside ... !!!  
    
Because THAT Night You Spent The Time ...  
With The Toilet By Your Side ... !!!!!!!  
    
It Now Becomes CLEAR ...  
STUPIDITY Steered Your *** To A Place ...  
Where It Had To ................................ DISPLACE ...... !!!!!!!!!!  
    
WHATEVER You Ate From That .... " Takeaway " .... ?!?  
    
Next Day When You Check ...  
The Pizza Then Said .... !!!?!!!
    
"If you didn't want meat,  
why did you eat me, without double checking !  
Why now are you stressing ?  
You were stupid to believe that you'd really receive,  
what we say we'll provide. The sales what rules our vibe !  
If you truly were, all that concerned about swine being a part  
of food you ingest, that makes you **** !  
You'd of got off your ****, and cooked at home,  
so that you'd of known, what it was you had,  
and wouldn't of eaten, a piece of ham !"  
    
You'd of Marked Your Own Card ...    
And Then Wouldn't Try To BLAME ... ?!?  
To .... "Cover Up Your SHAME" ... !!!  
    
It Seems Your Brain Is ... LAME ... !!!  
Cos' STUPIDITY Holds It's REINS ... !!!  
    
Your ANGER Is A FARCE ... !!!!!  
You People Make Me Laugh ...    
    
Actually ... YOU DON'T ... !!!!!!!  
Cos' STUPIDITY ROAMS ...................................
RIGHT THROUGH Your Bones ...  
And Into Zones Where It SHOULD NOT GO ... !!!!!  
    
It Seems That ALL YOUR Bleating ....    
DEFINES Much Like Your ... Leanings ...  
    
Your Faith To Be A SHAM ...    
And Quite Stupid At That ... !!!  

Just Like Wearing ... " LIONS " ... ?!?  
As If They Are ... YOUR TRIDENT ... !?!  
When NOT ONE Lion Roams ?  
In The Place That You Call ... " Home " ... !!!
    
Isn't That Something You STOLE .... ?!?  
From AFRICAN ... Time Zones ... !?!  
    
Somebody's CLEARLY LYING ... !!!!!  
And DOESN'T Come From ZION ... !!!  
    
I Clearly Am STUPID ...
To See THAT As FOOLISH ... !!!  
And PROOF of POOR Schooling ...
That Is Mind POLLUTING ... !!!  
    
Who'd They Think They're ...
..... " Fooling " ...... ???  

A GREAT MANY People ...
Like Those Under Steeples ... !!!  
CONFESSING Their SINS ... !!!  
Because of BAD THINGS ...  
That They Have Been Doing ...  
    
It's Church They Are USING ....    
To ACT As Their CLEANSER ...  
These STUPID PRETENDERS ... !!!!!  
    
USING Religion ...
To Give Themselves Visions ...  
of AGAIN Being ... PURE ... ?!!!!!?  
    
That's STUPID ... Fa' SURE ... !!!!!!  
    
A Leopard DOES NOT Change His Spots ... !!!  
    
He's A LEOPARD ... FOREVER ... !!!!!  
YES Humans Can BETTER ...    
Themselves ... YES IT's True ...    

But NOT In A Morning ... !!!  
That's STUPIDITY ... Calling ... !!!!!  
    
Is It Stupid To Say These Things Nowadays ... ?!?  
NOT IN My View But MANY Would Choose ...  
    
To Say .....  
    
" It is true, cos expression moves, and causes issues,  
and if you're not careful, may turn and bite you !"    
    
Man ... FEAR of YOUR TRUTH ...  
Seems Like ... FEARING YOU ... ?!!!?  
    
Something I View ...  
As YES A ... STUPID MOVE ... !!!!!  
    
Stupidity REIGNS ...  
When FEAR Takes The Strain ... !!!!!  

That's Now What's IMPRINTED .....  
And Runs Through My Veins ... !!!!!!!  
    
I Try To Use THINKING ...  
To Avoid ... STUPID TRAINS ... !!!  
    
Cos' Thought OVERPOWERS STUPIDITY's Power ... !!!  
    
As Does DISCIPLINE ...
Which Is Where I Begin ...  
    
NO RELIGION ... Within ... !!!  
    
Just Faith In Reflection ...  
And Thought FILLED Selections ... !!!  
On Life And It's LESSONS ... !!!  
To Give Me ... "PROTECTION" ...  
Against The INFECTIONS ... !!!!!  
    
STUPIDITY Spreads In UNDISCIPLINED Heads ...  
It's CLEAR TO ME Now That FOOLS Run Most Towns ... !!!!!  
    
And My Thinking That THOUGHT ...  
In People ... Runs FLUID ... !!!!!!  
    
Gives Me LIVING PROOF ...  
That I'm Being ........  
    
..... " STUPID " .....

It’s true. There are things I always rethink over.
I want to talk about this life, and the numbered corners
We back into, as each one before becomes a blur
I need to find those escaped outlawed words
Those thoughts that are dreams that are life I never said
Or ever read
In the newspapers full of despair & odes to the dead

Here I am, again. Scratching my head..
Solitary confinement in the tip of my pen
I hope I can hear the rain on a tin roof again.
I want to rescue each petal of this tired rose
Been told they hate getting wet, maybe they should close
Perhaps that’s a tangent better left to the prose..

I want to discuss the melody the earth plays as it spins
One day the clocks will melt, and time then will win
I want to pick these roses, struck by a thorn or two
I’ll rescue the weakest and give them all to you

I want to speak for every part of me.
Pronouncing the syllables of my arms through my neck
Feeling that same stutter I can’t ever forget
Or enunciating the words of America
It sounds like the inflection of grief
She’ll lead you to where hearts now lay limp
As all of her feels the pain in her feet
Composed of beings accepting defeat

But I can tell you about my motherland, or the hardness of her hands
As she struggles at the top, or the bottom of the can
Can do little more without much help to survive
First world problems? How about just keeping this life.

It’s ok if you’re lost. Go ahead, misunderstand.
Don’t tell us to work harder, poverty wasn’t planned

America, my other parent, imposed many countries
But Nicaragua is in tune with my heartbeat.
Now, how many secret wars are we fighting?
Like you’re ******* Genesis, the beginning of country
Well this is not why God himself sent me.

The great immigrations to one, emigrate with frustration
Looking for a better life, not just land; a nation.
We’ve graduated, far past the burning of witches
Although love may have been present, it was absent in ditches
Dug for the masses all over the world
Tell me the numbers don’t make your toes curl.

Like the owned. the bedraggled one in the line
Each of us in some way forever confined
To the cuffs of dark pigment or hair
The accent that these tongues flick out in the air,

I wanted to talk about the sky at jet-packed speeds
The broken men and that mystery
The wonder hiding on the other side of the reef
Or how certain dogs are not dogs, but a four legged beast
We put our ideas on those who can’t even speak
Judging and pointing deflecting our peak
Of feeling internally smaller and weak.

I want to talk about the man who hit on me last week
And the secrets that I have no real reason to keep
Perhaps tally up the hours and days without sleep
Or the relative meanings of victory or defeat.

I want to talk about the boy who was shot next to me
And the eyes on the girl who got away this past week
And now these heart valves have sprung a leak

There’s a reason I passed that spelling test in 4th grade
It’s a pact that me and some other nerd made
This test for some homework was the almost real trade
But then I studied anyways, suddenly was afraid
To be a real cheater at such a young age
So I waited until I was tired and baked
To cheat off of Tee Kay in the 8th grade.

I wanted to talk about the wonders of our skies
We see breathtaking birds and flutterbys take flight
Or how about the negative connotation with night
Instead of endless wonder, it’s dark, dead and trite.
Only letting the positive notions be awarded to light.

I want to talk about the things we all know
Like when someone asks you “what did he say?” at the same time as you
Following the first line in the show

Or

Wait, I forgot what I came into this room for.
I am now in my phonebook, what now?
--Swinging door.
Falling and yelling about what was left on the floor
Forgot that fearless child with instinct to explore.

And of course what about Fidel, the betrayal, conclusion
All in all, that epic Cuban Revolution
Or how we are scared to research the real scale of pollution
Settling for ignorance, unwritten, accepted solution
(I’m not a tree hugger, I’m a writer arranging each word just to lose them.)

How about what lies from sea to shining sea
And the immigrating souls giving testimony
To those who do, and will never know me
Each sea runs through the other
Like the veins in your body
And we all sadly add to our planet earth rotting

I wanted to talk about the first moment a hand brushed my cheek
My muscles finally gave in, tense to shameless defeat
The ridiculousness of the odd days in a week
Or how every sound in my almost mute world goes to the same beat
And the hook is brought to you by the bird’s tactful beak
And the beautiful colors the sunset uses to light up the streets

I want to spill each morsel of knowledge I’ve stolen, and the little that was free
And that I’ve learned from those before the ones that came before me
Being all of natures beautiful things.
Yes, did a bell mentally ring?
If you are alive, then you are one and more of all these
Even more beautiful with those scrapes on your knees
Standing with blood down your leg forgetting the dirt and disease
Carried away with the breeze through the trees

I can tell you those unspoken unwritten words from lost poetry
But that would be like asking you in the theater to scream
At that alien’s awkwardly shiny green screen moon beam

But maybe you should go out and growatree
Johnny the Appleseed Infantry
Or something to remember the free.

Discovery: Victory is only for the relentless
Walk up to a great oak, give thanks; we are rootless
Master ignoring those who labeled you useless
You decide what you are, and there’s no need to prove this

The heart that is mine beats with the rest that are beating
Trying to prevent a few scars and stitches from bleeding
Past error and self is no new acquaintance we’re meeting
Enjoy this life on a stage, I promise good seating

Fighting to clench onto every painful recollection
Every past hopeless pothole of the moments of rejection
Letting go is the key; allow me to mention
Freedom was, is never any man’s invention.
I’ll talk about the concept of our intentions
Hopefully you have good mental retention
There is one truth, and for some no redemption

I’ll give you one more line of ADHD poetry
I can put it short, and maybe even soerty
Some say  farfetched, or insurrectionary
Holding life’s weight at times sans what was necessary
Wide eyes at my inner strength, each arm is tearing
Felt each torn ligament swollen and flaring

Yesterday someone used the word evolutionary

I always write 'I am' before 'revolutionary.'

It flickered in the air,
sagged branch to branch,
pushed against the windows:
a death was pulsing.

It spilled into the streets
of my hometown.
I opened an old phonebook,
the names were humming.

I was cut to pieces by it.
I knew her as a little girl,  
she knew my sister
in her hippie period.

The telephone lines cowered
beneath the gray massing of moon.
The faces of houses screamed
ceaselessly at me as I drove.

It is so insistent,
her sixth-grade smile
in my old class photo.
It hovers inside me.

Snuggled in the corner
of his crystal castle
warding off wind’s whip,
head pillowed on phonebook pages,
warmly wrapped in dreams.
Street light serves as lunar glow,
While courtyard is landscaped with
cigarette butts and a broken bottle.
He’s Prince of the Paupers.
King of this urban domain.

and some came up with this philosophy stemming from internet
usage pleading for anonymity,
but then someone decided - **** it, i want to have
a digital presence like i have a presence on the street -
and the phonebook needs updating in the globalised world -
this someone also thought about turtles among achilles hares;
this aside, something had to be kept from the 20th century living,
after all certain things retain this antique quality to them,
the sort of nostalgia i have in competition with the german romanticism
that focused its nostalgia on ancient greece... as far as my nostalgia goes,
it spans the years 1960s - 2007 / 8, and it’s alive, it’s organic,
you won’t have to go an see and touch the acropolis or enter
the sneezing room of a library with ancients texts.

She lived along the Atlantic coast
and had a collection of lobster pots
by the porch
and her lawn was trimmed for croquet
smelled of clams at low tide
the house was set near barnacle rocks
just beyond a stand of trees.

I found her by looking in a phonebook
next to her name it said, "Poetry Journals,"
so I called the number, and said I was on my way.
"Is that ok?" I added hesitantly.

“Well, yes,” she laughed, “You can come buy one.”
I passed the sign for fresh eggs
and arrived at a black wrought iron gate that said,
"Poetry Journals - 2 for $5.00."

“You’re the first one
who’s ever made it all the way to the house for a journal…”
“In four dozen years,"
she said.
Then she asked,
“What’s your name?”

“I don’t really have a name," I said.
She nodded and understood.
She'd heard from Byron
that the Banshee drags souls out to sea
but sometimes the nameless
manage to float back looking for poetry
these lost ones are like driftwood
bringing a sense of chilly dusk
a retrospective on the sea
in a seashell
appearing by happenstance
at low tide
"yes, I hear a distant mumble of waves,"
she might have said of me
I was one of the lost
turning her porch into a quay of despair
the first one in almost 50 years
who had made it so far
to latch on
until high tide
when the rush of sea returned
washed me out again clinging for dear life
to a raft of poetry

i am the one who makes up my owm axi,
rather than be man, in talk of repast,
and fake, and metaphor, and the need for
sleuth... ordeals and godly stature, but only with
orff's carmina burana, we are to dine?!
oh jew, oh arab... why whiff that stink so far
north? familial affairs? concerns? psychiatrists?!
how about an ode to dates
to break the month of ramadam?!
no, you tell me, at, what, point,
am, i, to, understand, you,
before, i, stop, selling, you,
apples, at, the greengrocers?
you gonna fake it and turn all turk
on me? i kinda hope you did,
the time i mentioned henry viii's wives
in a rhyme: charles the first goit the chop,
charles the second managed a harem
but primarily a poet,
charlie ****** the third?
    probably a plush stuffed bunny...
so i tell this homeless person my rhyme...
****! she runs off screaming...
next time i talk to homeless people
i'm brining a monopoly fake of a house
to surround and let the hounds loose on them...
but it's kinda nice... living in a society
that still believes in monarchy...
  i get to talk silly rhymes, just about names,
wives of henry buffon and...
that brothel disease: syphilis and sisyphus!
and that rhyme about 'enry... the 'andy man...
the one that could put up a shelf...
  yeah, that rhyming Olaf...
could get a homeless woman... running...
to fear rhyme...
    just when Otto was in power in germany,
and there was no vogue concerning baptising
babies with that failed name...
you know women, premonitions about
the zodiac and ****... magic...
          crying about the stone cold heart
of men in labs...
   yep, that story, it's boring,
it's history, tried and tested, proofs in pi...
and take to making up
names.
then again, the turks are prettily civil,
they can allow housewives,
and those housewife soaps.. i.e.
operas... i.e. melodrama that doesn't happen
in real life... the turks can stomach that...
ask an arab to provide the same when women
age... he starts a vanity project akin to
a pyramid that is the dubai glass-glacier...
   i know, and many other people
know where the Everest mountain belongs...
should that glass monstrosity belong where it's
currently placed? i'm looking at it and going all
Loci to say the most perfect joke...
   hyper-*****?
     ask the people that built it, the Bangladeshi...
why ask a ******* ****?
     they're bothered by Hindu...
i will add: -stan -stan, never mind Stanley
and why pole is never bothersome
you valentine crisp day-care centre worth of emotion...
  i don't get bothered whether you smack your
head against a pole, polejump, and polish
a wooden table... ****... get along with it...
english says don't when it says do not...
**** is acronym, ever heard of those?
     -        do i look like a queen Sheeba prediction
of copper skinned waiting for vitamin D
like i might wait for a suntan?!
yeah, i probably do...
but can you grow mushrooms on the tip of everest
from a horse's ****, giving there's so little atmosphere?
can fungi grow in zero oxygen environments?
  next, i'll say: i feel like growing one on my toe...
and be called an athlete...
     hail Olympus! ooh... hail 'eno... z...
    harp and snore... the anti clues given to both
orchestras...
apparently life was so very different back then,
thankfully my nostalgia only goes as far back
as the 1990s (nineteen nine tee offs)...
  before zeitgeist piracy and when your bought music.
i just find it funny how people get offended
by someone's spelling accuracy,
it's like people want people to become dyslexic...
no one seems offended when a triangle isn't
drawn...  ******! draw a triangle!
  a bit like: write something that doesn't require
spell-check!
              i always believed in people and literacy,
evidently people these days don't believe in either...
and yes, the Japanese really did write better cartoons
than the Mc Disney brigade...
they acutally invoked *** in their cartoons...
you know, once you learn english
you learn alice, the "wonderland" and the inherent
joke that the english language can't rub off,
namely paedohpilia...
           *** aware once able to take ***-invoking selfies
and posting them online?
  huh?
          you've been giving the status of a global
sprechen, and it's the internet, so apparently it's not real,
apparently the matrix metaphor can last for
30 more years...
of course the internet isn't real,
what with internet banking, hacking, politics,
the death of 20th century concept of window shopping...
the internet isn't real... what with
online dating... brothel services...
   THE INTERNET IS IN ITS INFANCY,
DO YOU EXPECT PEOPLE TO TELL YOU
ANYTHING APART FROM TRYING TO CALM YOU?!
   i too wished i wasn't the lab rat... evidently
the lab came before i realised i was a rat in it...
          they tell you it isn't real,
they tell you all that *******...
and sure, i buy it...
       it's just one thing,
they tell you the internet isn't real
when they accepted that the phonebook was real...
and yet they do their banking, on, the internet...
  what is and what isn't real... kinda happened...
and is already pointless to talk about.

"for thirteen dollars
ill tear apart
1 big Texan phone book

no deal if raining
. no refunds.
you must provide
the materials"

"tear apart
my phonebook
for twelve dollars"
says man

"exit the area"
I repeatedly bellow
twelve dollars is chump change
I'm better than that

im like a siren
I can't stop screaming
at this man
his face is turning purple
he's choking from fear
I continue
it is nice to me

I glare him in the eyebalks
"HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR
BIG TEXAN PHONE BOOK
SAT UPON FOR MILENNIA"
I SCOFF as I sit upon it

he stands
"that phonebook ain't yours feller"
i am aghast
he snatches it from me
and shoots me in the gut

i lay in the dirt
writhing in pain
he steps near my head
and leans down to whisper
calmly in my ear

"no refunds"
he stomps on my face
and thus ends my reign
as king of ripping
big Texan phonebooks
into two smooth halves
for thirteen dollars

What’s wrong with me?
That’s the question I always ask myself
What’s wrong with me?
What is it that I don’t have?
Am I ugly?
Am I too tall?
Am I too skinny?
Or am I not your type?

Well if I am not your type, then why did you even bother?
Why did you bother yourself telling me that you love me?
Why did you?
You should have said it in the first place that I shouldn’t raise my hopes because you are only there just to walk me half way
But because I was stupid, I was blinded by the idea of being in love
I let you build me with words
Words that took me up to the peak
Without realising that by the time I fall to fall I am going to fall hard

Every night and day I cry
I cry for you, I cry for us, I cry for my own happiness
I cry for the smile that I used to have
I cry for the smile that I didn’t want to break

I cry for the fact that I have to let go of you
I have to let go of somebody I truly love
I have to say goodbye
They say goodbye is a painful way of saying I love you
But I don’t want to show you that I love you through saying goodbye

My heart fought with my mind for what I wanted and now it has to fight to let you go
Every moment I talk to you I feel a stab within my heart as I come to realise that the tears that fall from my face are truly blood from my broken heart

I never thought I’ll ever relate to Beyoncé and Frank Oceans
When they said…
[singing]"I miss you like every day just want to be with you but your away
I miss you
I am missing you insane"
Every night and day I miss you
And that makes me wonder if it’s too soon or late
Because it hasn’t been too long since we broke up…..

Every time I see your name whether in my phonebook, facebook or whatsapp, I start to relieve the best of our days
When we used to call each other at night and you be like [singing]“she got me up all night” relating to Cole and Miguel
Those days are gone

Sometimes I tell my friends that I am over you and I don’t wanna go through that again
I tell them that I wanna see you happy and I am okay of letting you go
But sometimes I go on a milestone and think of the way to let you know that I still **** love you
So I start to click on your facebook even though you offline
Start to ask myself why I don’t just ring you
And tell you how I feel
But I will just stare at your numbers and cry

Cry because…
The only person I’ve ever loved left me with a broken heart
A broken heart that is hurting, lonely and jealous
A broken heart that is confused
I don’t know if i should be happy that we are “friends” or cry
Because that is all we will ever be
Friends

I never regret loving you only believing you loved me too
I loved you, I love you still and I will always love you

Love will come and go but you will remain in my heart forever

I called the suicide hotline today.
My hands shook as I dialed the numbers.
My heart pounded as the automated voice greeted me.
I don't know what i was so scared of.
Millions of people call every day. I'm just another suicidal girl in their phonebook.

I called the suicide hotline today
At 5 am. I hadn’t slept yet. Up all night trying not to hurt myself.
I hung up after pressing call twice.
Maybe if i didn't say my feelings out loud, they wouldn't exist?
Maybe if i kept them locked in there usual box,
I’d continue to live like nothing's wrong.

I called the suicide hotline today
And i was connected with a soft-spoken lady called Ashley.
I talked with my eyes closed, trying to picture her in front of me. I like to believe she greeted me with a comforting smile.
I still curse the first couple minutes of the call that consisted of me just saying “huh?” At all her questions because I couldn’t hear (thanks dad for the horrible ears)

I called the suicide hotline today.
I told ashley that i want to hurt and **** myself.
I told ashley that i wasn't okay.
I told ashley that i think i was losing a best friend.

I said sorry to ashley a lot for everything i did wrong.
For calling about my minuscule problems, for crying, for not being able to hear her, for crying again, for cursing.
She told me that I had no reason to be sorry a lot.
Then i said sorry for being sorry.

I called the suicide hotline today.
A great amount of time was spent with Ashley just listening to me.
And let me just say, speaking freely without worrying about being judged is amazing.
She offered help when i asked or paused and let me cry when i needed to.
She didn't belittle my problems, compare herself to me, or make it about her.
This entire call was about me and **** that felt good.

I called the suicide hotline today.
She gave me tips on how to healthily cope with things,
She informed me how i could get therapists for cheap or low prices,
She encouraged me to talk to friends and family.

I think the most important thing she told me was that it was okay to be selfish sometimes.
I don't think that's a trait I ever learned.
All I ever do is give and give to other people even when I had no spoons left.
Ashley made sure to inform me that that's not okay.
“You need to be selfish sometimes,” She said.
“I don't know how,” I said.

I called the suicide hotline today.
Our conversation lasted forty-five minutes.
I wanted to talk longer just because I enjoyed her company but I kept yawning and she insisted I slept.
And yet, i lie here, writing this and thinking about all we talked about instead of sleeping.

I called the suicide hotline today.
My night was very dark before talking to Ashley.
Although I thanked her multiple times, i don't know if she really knows how thankful I am for her. Because i am.
The difference she made in just forty-five minutes is mindblowing.

I called the suicide hotline today.
My hands are still shaking.
My heart is still pounding.
But i am alive.
And in this moment, I’m okay.

it's twenty past four,
i have spent the past hour watching
the Vierschanzentournee -
like someone in England might
have stayed up, watching
the n.f.l. or a boxing match...
i bought johnny walker black
at the airport and i sat there
watching history.
                        can there be a modernised
version of ecce ****?
             apart from dietery requirements
and angst against Wagner
and all that pompous rattle
invoked in the original by Herr N.?
i guess there can be...
    there i was, on my hiatus,
going to bed almost every single night
trying to sleep-palm a chess set
or a keyboard, but both seemed out
of reach...
                   this, again, a forceful
resignation toward the past day,
              it will never be perfect,
the first approach will always be
rusty, it has been three weeks
since i last entered this spiderweb,
of snappy convo and even snappier
overload of democratic practises;
and before me: endless sleepless
nights, and countless miniature
fürhers... and thus this fact:
  which i thought was worth avoiding...
but then i did buy a used laptop for
550zł, (given the exchange rate,
that's roughly £100... the downside?
everything is in paul-leash (no,
that's not an americanism of drawl
and draw and slobber and Houdini's
last trick) - hence i might actually
sport a cravat, moccasins and a
velvet dinner jacket...
                                   and when
Rodin employed his minions to
    chisel away at chapters from Dante,
Dumas (have you ever seen his
omni coprus?) like some pseudo-Pope
employed heavy-drinking monks
to write out his stories for salon bored
ladies until their hands were
playing shadow-arthritis games
         that children would applaud:
rabbit! rabbit! poor monks, exhausted
from having scribbled and
chicken scratched chicken blood into
papyrus wanted nothing more than
to grow their nails so they couldn't
hold a quill... no matter! Dumas would
say... we'll sharpen your nails,
vol. 25 of the comte bourbon &
the flamingo dance, and Rambo XVI
were both written by the unfortunate
monks...
              once again: there's
autobiography... and there's an autobiography...
  to write an autobiography
so that no biography is worth writing...
perhaps if i used paragraphs:
i could be considered: "serious".
      then there's that thought:
thought as origin of biographics -
           nothing to be preserved in
it having happened, returning from
Stansted in a taxi:
  only a thought:
   philosophy cannot claim anything
to be counter-intuitive in its foundation,
to me that conjures up an analogue:
the guillotine is the counter-intuitive
foundation of the french revolution...
Ivan the terrible threw dogs off the Kremlin
wall, and gauged out the eyes of the St. Basil's
architect... and since then
children in Poland loved to play:
throw a bunch of marbles into a little hole...
evidently ancient Egypt resounded
in capricious cappuccino Milan...
or: Míllánò! nurse! nurse! the syllable-scalpel!
herr doctor, is that defined by diacritical
marks? yes sister.
                  **** in boots to suit you toppling
too...  and may i add:
             how ever did i digress from
the mundane reality of: second-hand laptop,
Windows in Polish... every single word
in english: red tape, underlined...
if i have dyslexia, it'll show like a crow's
feather on a dove -
and when it does, you can start calling
me Chief Apache Pixie Jack...
or how you have black and white as
polar, the rainbow... and then
nights in grey satin by the bothersome blues.
this will be defined by lacklustre
and hopping along... then, vaguely:
a romance?
                        it was supposed to
be a hiatus... hiatus...
         3 weeks of what became defined by
anything but such hopes...
   some people span a literary career of
20 years... take 3 years to write a book...
         it takes me 3 years to keep
a single thought...
          can you really repress biographic
accounts these days?
                                 well... if written
par with the times, i guess it's as much
fun as questioning whether
     the following two are very much akin:
1 + 2 + 3 = 5 - 10 + 20 x 2 = 30
is the same sort of arithmetic as when
you do the "math"of writing out
a word like onomatopoeia...
the hanging vowels of babylon...
          if anything, then this -
             as it also could be: on the scrapheap
of memory, a dazzling iron-clad
      heftiness of pulverising vector -
a Gucci demanding a pulpit and an
avocado on toast... champagne and
squid... or as the Michelin criteria were
revealed: rubber tire and squid di Calabria...
tell the two apart... you'll get a republic
passport... who would have thought
that rubber tires were the benchmark,
the ph 7 of foody palettes across the
azure blob, with some ashen and fern
bits in between.
   but this is me, testing new equipment...
having spent 3 weeks on two kinds
of detox... alcoholic... oh the whiskey...
and the ski jumping gavrons...
   plush? sparrels in a rolling dozen
of figurative barrels - and more sensibly?
kestrels, petted by stiff, castrated
   hippos of the sky, akin to astronomy
naming blobs: pi-7773-quatro-offshoot-of
Juno...
                 or a boo boo 747...
about as gracious as a **** launched
off a trebuchet at the dome of the rock...
gimmicky the sliding down...
hot wedge like swallowing a sword...
                3 weeks on this vegetarian
diet... detox alcohol detox 21st century
phonebook...
    rusty first imprints from the waiting game...
but my my...
               wasn't it fun...
                  Jan Kazimierz Waza
(the finicky cardinal)
                                       as presented by
Horatio... no no: John Ignatius Kraszewski...
   (Copernicus was apparently Prussia)...
which means Ignacy was Bella Belyy Kraшevsky...
      which makes me wonder:
why is the violin the pauper's? instrument
or the instrument of hoped-for empathy?
any one would tell you:
as also the accordion player on a tree...
well... roof here, roof there:
try doing ballerina's tip toe on a gothic
spiral tip of a cathedral...
and yes, the gargoyles... sing-along:
silent night...
                       holy night...
again: this was supposed to be a hiatus...
dogmatic statements... and....
    apodictic statements...
                      in truth, most people are
size 0 with their diet of words....
      where that turkey of a tongue to
fatten 'im up? well... ask the shepherds
of Damashek when Saladin will come
to rattle the blacksmith to wield a sword.
a thousand maidens faint...
   (if this was a cabaret voltaire play,
it would happen...
    and the two will never win:
one has a crop of hair on the scalp,
but spider-legs of a beard on the chin...
the other has precious silverware on
the scalp... and 21st Amazonian nomads
peeping out from between his
beard)... well...
not bad for a break from hiatus...
the whiskey is good,
                    the breadth has already been
tested...
   oh yes, the dreaded notes...
   this was supposed to be a:
a 3 week break, bam! a whole session
of writing it out in one go,
beginning with: the first question
i was asked as the Western Warsaw coach station:
do Kijova? i.e. to Kiev?
       oh sure, plenty of Ukranian merchants
down the western side of Warsaw...
   a Ukranian family of only women
sitting eating 3 while chickens among other
things: polskie chlopachki nie placzy...
and if you're lucky! you might even spot
a Mongolian!
                    it was never going to be an easy
transition...
i left Poland when it was -18°C...
                   sunny... bitter...
   walking on snow was like either
hearing a meow purr every time the foot impressed
itself on the snow, or i was wearing latex...
                 and to come into this abysmall
+7°C "winter" that England is?
   gothica... rain in winter... only in England...
and yes, if i were born here
i would be making awckward jokes about
the rain... but i wasn't.... i inherited it
from some unforseen discourse about
     Saint Gorbachev and how bloodless it all
became... prized piglets of Kazakh:
   dollar baby koo chi go go west and buys
usés a Lambro-jini... plight of the Sinking Belgian:
and all he did was sail to Congo on a waffle...
   pity the man! pity the man!
    i have no romance with England...
the grey skies and the constant rain
are like toenails to my heart... they're just there...
but you just see me walk in that pine
forest... in my natural element...
                              -18°C...
why did only German poets philosophise?
   and why did only Shakespeare make
poetry indistinguishable from philosophy and
why did the French turn to pastries
                                rather than the dry
and cough infused pages of bookworm time-donning
yella spaniel sepia waggle waggle
                  Sorbone          
   & Pavlov... pretty girls and pretty boys in
the Erasmus programme... to Rome!
to Antwerp! to Brioche! ... to a brioche...
                      Bruges!
                                               Kiev aflame...
Cracow a mind-game...
            Prague merely an INXS postcard from
the early 1990s...
                    Berlin a wall...
   Munich a litre of gods' **** and company of a dog:
of a dog's intuitive measure of man's
competence with regards to a desire for gods...
                   Lvov... thankfully Lvov
will never be the Istambul of Byzantines' nostalgia...
   so too Vilno...
                                                well...
that's for starters.

I wanted to stay,
But I wouldn’t let me
With dawning on the dark,
It lay there fully heaving
With searing conic splinters
Of headlight in its back,
We left it on the road

Tossed in epinephrine,
Guilty of some throttle-rush
We had macerated in the night
Some brood of Nature’s brush
So, I sped to Edgerton
As fast as our time was

You'll say, “He never cared.”
I’m sad I’ve lost your name
No phonebook would amend
I should have just slowed down

The Baby Boomer Generation
was between 1946–1964.
Currently today between
the ages of 57 and 75.
So that would make most
of us still alive and kicking

No, two people experience,
their generation the same.
It depends upon your age
going through the experience
Facilitates our gauge.

These is what I remember along my way.
Details, I leave out the baby boomers will know what I’m talking about.
One of 8 kids I’ve seen many layers
These recollections are from many players
This memory train stops ,Ends 1979

My generation as a child;
Buying our clothes from the
Sears and Roebuck catalog
Weekend chores morning till night
Sunday church, youth fellowship group
A treat to play baseball in the street
First set of wheels a Banana Bike
with high handlebars, Ten Speed bike
We road for miles but never lost our way.
Made and played with Paper, Airplanes,
Lincoln Logs, Click Clacks and Jack’s
We dug holes to make a Mini Golf Course

I sold fruit from our many trees For lunch
money cafeteria food 4 fruits NO sac lunch,
We were resourceful, earning our own way.

The boys had a Paper Rout
The girls Babysitters. I bought my clothes, by the age of 12 with babysitting money.
And happy to doit.!NO more sister’s things
The embarrassment of hand me downs

We covered our School Books with
Brown paper, trash bags, creative Kids used
comics from the newspaper cool!
We walk to school and back, never alone

We dial a rotary phone plugged in the wall.
Dial zero for operator to connect your call
Yellow page phonebook to find numbers.
chores and homework done, before fun!
Boys collected Baseball Cards MadeCrafts

Junior High; The quarterly Shop classes
Boys Only,
Auto Shop, Wood Shop,
Electronic Shop and Plastic Shop
The boys sold what they made
for a pretty penny(expensive price)$$

Drivers Ed
In the classroom and in the Car
The schools had four Cars;
4 kids and the Instructor

Home economics
Girls Only;
learn to Sew, A-line Skirt, Gym Bags
with Embroidered Names, one freestyle project. Anything from Turning jeans into a Jean skirts. Imagination creation,
Original design Homemade crafted gifts

Cooking Class had 7 mini Kitchens
Nutritional well-balanced meals, but my favorite Cake Baking tips and techniques.
We had a lemonade Stand in the summer
Sold Fresh lemons off your fruit trees.
Baked cookies, cupcakes, and cakes as well.

Every meal was made from scratch
Feeding 10 meant more than one batch.
We ate Dinner as a Family every night
Us kids, brothers and sisters were tight
We went to Drive-in, Movies in our PJs
We got our information from Encyclopedias
We waited for the Milkman, and the Helm’s 
Whistle Blow, Diaper Services at the door.
We listened toTransistor Radio on the floor.

My Generation as a Teenager
Bellbottoms and Crop Tops” peace signs”
mini skirts, go-go boots, moccasins beehive
Hair with Flowers everywhere
Bought my First Vinyl Record

Rationing Gasoline;, odd, and even days
By The last digit of your license plate
In 1993 and again in 1997. Gas Ran Out!

Changing the TV channel with the ****
First black and white TV followed by color
FineTune the antenna, rabbit ears for clarity.
We piled in the wood panel station wagon

A Phone Booth on every corner $.10 a call.
The simplicity of it all
Until The Moral pendulum Shifted Society
The shooting of John F. Kennedy
I knows where I was the day it happened
The shooting of Martin Luther King
These two Events shaped our Generation.

The Vietnam war, Kent State Univ. shooting
Our Generation Before
Cell Phones, CDs, ATM, machines, Internet, Pagers, Cassettes Tapes Eight Track tapes
in the car. The swear jar

We barter food, sold eggs Goods,& Serves
Wore Galoshes to school on muddy roads

My generation as an Adult
Neighbors Voted in our garage
Their loving façade was an allusion Mirage  
Never answer “Who did you Vote for”
Airing ***** laundry in public, not smart
VOTING couples screaming, fighting in the street taught me.NEVER talk about;
Religion and Politics. Two Deadly Battles
The price, too High, to lose, your happy life

Gypsies gave daisies At the Airport
Make Love Not War, Peace bohemian style
California rock ‘n’ roll bands in the city
And to the sand, Artistry in the air
Music flourished,Bands played everywhere

The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd,
The Beatles, , Crosby, stills, Nash, Young
Simon and Garfunkel every day fair
Woodstock a whole other scene
To describe it, you had to be there

Drugs,;mushrooms, ***, psychedelics, acid
Roxy, & Rainbow Club where the weirdos went or Chinese tour buses,
filled with people dressed in 60s wear
Men wore a camera around their neck, Hawaiian shirt, black Horn rimmed glasses, Ladies poodle skirts with Peddicoats and white button down blouses and sweaters
in the 1979. I kid you not. strange people!
I wanted to ask what movie they saw that made them think this was California style?

Car Races on Van Nuys Blvd.
Parking with your boyfriend
Teen center held under 21 Dances.
The San Fernando Valley(Valley Girls)
Really said “for sure”. “Totally awesome” “whatever” “ not even” “ As If”

Orange Grove and walnut trees as far as the eye can see. The city Tarzana was named after Tarzan. South of the Boulevard 4 miles from Michael Jackson’s house. Modest home. Difference as night and day

Curiously, I never thought we were poor
We were rich in love, and that was more than enough. Help a friend in need
Because it’s the right thing to do.

people were people, Just getting along
Decent folks Kind and Caring,Sharing
God-fearing Christians, Moral Values
Live and let Live. The American Way

I. I didn’t pick up when you called
and I watched it go straight to voicemail—
there was hesitation in your voice
but I still didn’t pick up.

II. Tuesday became Wednesday
and I forgot what time you had texted
me back because I didn’t check my phone
every 15 minutes for no reason.


III. I was confused on your name
being in my phonebook and
I wanted to ask someone
who’s number I have

but when you texted me again
to ask how my day was, I replied to say
it would have been a lot better
if I spent it with you.

IV. I recorded your snoring
so when I sleep, I can remember
what I don’t want to sound like
but it’s the only way I can go to sleep.

V. Morning afters became routine for us
and you still won’t kiss me
after I ****** your ****,
only if I brush first.

VI. Ask me if I’m crazy again
and I’ll tell you that I’m crazy
for you, like a schizophrenic
off medication.

VII. At 8 in the evening
the night before a test, I’ll drop everything
to drive 45 minutes to see you for 20 minutes
because I don’t know when I’ll see you next.

VIII. I don’t like to text you
because you don’t use emojis
but if you don’t call me before bed,
I’ll yell at you for not talking to me.

IX. I’m not a ****
so stop laughing
at me.

X. I called you back the next day.

It feels too early for them to be playing the ******* Wii
and I realize I can't even see them
but I feel each of them step on my head
hear each of them yell at me to wake up
that I've been asleep too long.
I roll over and try to my eyes
but realize they're already open, and have been.
I unclench the blanket
from my stomach
which is screaming near as much as my head.
And I quit blaming the headache and stomachache on them-
they are fast asleep
and I'm just hallucinating their presence
and 6 in the morning
because those aren't dreams
they are hallucinations.
Or so I find when I take my phone out of my pillow
(beating it on the ground because i can't find the end of the case)
to see why my phone alarm hasn't gone off.
my phone says it is 2:30
and I realize that I set the clock three and a half hours ahead
in my half lucid state.
I stand,
separating myself, in a less than graceful manner
from my brothers carpet.
I stumble through the doorway
lit by the lamp he always keeps on
through the dark hallway
and into the bathroom.
I flip on the light and shut and lock the door in one movement.
my eyes are tired and bloodshot
my head and stomach hurt.
I let a small stream of cold water go
and splash it over my face and open eyes.
that does nothing.
I through more water over my front.
no effect.
I try to scream but no sound comes out.
I open the the door
letting the lock pop loudly enough to deserve a four hour lecture.
I'm tired of lectures.
I stumble back to my makeshift floor bed
and try to lay down.
my stomach complains
I can't bend all the way.
I pick up my blankets and pillows
(silently screaming)
and carry them to the small couch.
I flip the tv stand over and throw grandma's blankets and pillows
I'm done giving a ****.
I throw my bed down and lie there.
for two and a half hours I try to sleep.
I'm too tall
I decide around five.
I stand
throw the tv stand
all the other pillows and the phonebook
the other way
and lay down on the large couch.
it takes me fifteen minutes to fall asleep.
forty five minutes later
I wake up to him screaming at me.

this is the tale of my good friend Hugh
who was once so ***** he didn't know what to do
he tried watching videos on dubious websites
but even that couldn't satisfy his ****** appetite.

So one day he was pondering what he should try
to get rid of this libido he was creating the poor guy
So he picked up a phonebook and dialed a number
"I hate to do this, but I have to put this problem under!"

35 minutes later he started to simmer and stew
until there was a knock at the door, and up jumped Hugh
There at the door was a curvaceous female
he could barely speak he just started to stare

In she walked and off came her clothes
she was wearing nothing, but she looked hotter than melted gold
He immediately jumped in and they made sweet love
so loud the screams were heard by doves

So remember folks if your like Hugh
and so ***** you don't know what to do
just take a peek at the classified section
and you can absolve your Hugh G Rection

I've grown so
envious
of taller men

because I'm sick and tired
of standing on my tiptoes
to **** in the kitchen sink.

I shouldn't be calling you
well we haven't got that far.
all those facts you've known,
signals are diminished and stopped

Your silence is killing
you're presence is unseen,
you've marked the days in your calendar
and I am not part of your key wins,

You've deleted my number
in your phonebook and probably your mind,
memories are just shadows
of distractions and pure back draft

Did I just deleted you,
well my memorization is strong.
I wanted to transform you
and sing you a song,

Like a disguise of wise words
words of penned encouragements.
maybe some about love,
and my hidden admiration's bent.

It's a joyful mission
to let you hear,
even for a few precious minutes,
beside me without any fear.

And I love to see you again,
talk about random things you say.
sing songs we try
and find time to take.

I just miss you
more than anything in the world
But I'm that snob or shy
but I'm adjusting my chords

So this is love,
or we're just too lazy to come out our shells?
playing the sweet note's too obvious,
But I hope you can ring some chime's and bells.

The wind is getting in but not out. we know this because we see the curtain rise
we love our mismatched furniture
we love our scraggly hair
we love our couch with the cigarette burn in the second cushion from the right
and our ever constant stream of dishes that we wash ourselves to make our room mate smile
we love our valentine's day door hanger
we love our nonfunctional bicycle
we love our half eaten box of cookies
and our overfull incense burner
and making puns about our incense burner
we love our phonebook that we found by the door today
we love our friends
we are joyful his day

I. from living under a rock to exploring the internet

well... isn't it nice...
me? i've greatly benefited from the existence
of the internet...
how else would i have found out about the origins
of Taoism if not thanks for the internet...

i just kept one maxim in my head from
a book i picked up in some bookshop near
Russell Sq., it was a book on Taoism...
but it was sort of like the Best of
   of a band...
                not good enough... but my modus operandi
became the Kantian categorical imperative:
in order to help the world -
forget the world and let the world forget you:
the crux of "not-doing": i.e. purely being...
hell not- is not the antonym of pure...
                 not could be coupled with just... simply...
pro?
                   one of those...

me? i greatly benefited from the internet...
as most "bears" / "loners" / solitary creatures have
found out to be true...
i have an entire world history and a body
of knowledge at my fingertips:
it's only a question of what you're wanting to find...

without the internet i would have never
bothered to spend £20 on a physical copy of a book...
the complete writings of the primo Taoist: Zhuangzi...
nor would i have spent £30 x 2 on Heidegger's
black notebooks...

but i understand that the people who make videos
and do not write are all "savvy" when it comes
to view-counts... they ignore them...
they are more into "interaction": the comment sections...
i don't remember the last time i commented
on something:
i mean, ****'s sake... it's not like you buy
a book and expect to leave a comment... where?
on the sleeve? who's going to read that?
the author? hardly...

                             i like my view counts...
obviously the comments come minimally...
why? i believe in the anonymity of the readership...
the anonymity of the reader...
i like the fact that ideas are equivalent
to gold-mining and lightning strikes...
and that thinking itself is subject to shadows acting...
that it can be the best: most worthwhile "thing"
that implores of a being: hide me! hide me!

but i'm never going to make a video...
videos attract all the wrong viral attention...
i like the filter process involved in writing:
people have to make an effort and?
therefore? i'm left to my devices and whims
and sarcasms...
i can entertain Ovid and Marquis de Sade...

tu mihi, tu certe, memini, Graecine, negabas
    uno posse aliquem tempore amare duas.
per te ego decipior, per te deprensus inermis -
    ecce, duas uno tempore turpis amo!

i remember that it was you, certainly you Graecinus,
who told me to deny the idea
that one could love two girls at once!
through you i'm deceived - unarmed -
reason (this be the reason): i'm in love with two
girls at the same time!

i did one over old Ovid... loved two girls when both
of them were loving me...
which is so much better that loving one when loving
one and loving another when loving
another...
might as well:

                ledo duas aves uno lapide

two birds one stone... hardly serving two masters:
being served up twice...
and we're not talking about masters and servants
either...

me? i greatly gained from the internet...
                 am i the only person to agree to the fact that
it's just a jolly decent tool to use...
in and out... in and out... the internet to me
is like a brothel... i'm there / "here" for an hour...
then i disappear... leave footprints in the sand
on the beach... the tide of humanity washes in...
i'm left diluted: but i don't mind...
i too wouldn't want to have written the Harry Potter
books and then be mistreated for some
trans-****** phobic insinuations...
but i give her the grammar...
and how about the grammar on
the lyrics from WHAT IS SOUL... the B-sides
of By The Way...
                                 Big-Pie (Bag-Pie from Trainspotting:
freaking about... did i just touch
a magic nugget... a leprechaun's nose?!
is there! is there! a rainbow on this "other" side?!
pretty please... hey! if i go to Thailand
i'm sort of expecting to get confused...
it's a Thai thing... it was originally a Thai thing...
those Thai ******* are crazy)...

'it's roaming the streets at 4 in the morning
finding your best friend making out with a trans-******
in an all-night diner in Cleveland in 1986!'

plenty of women... ingenious boys
will be outright butch or add some extra BLUSH...
i can't say that i never kissed a man
sensually like i might kiss a woman sensually...
to later brush up on my Mr. Slurp'y skills
in the garden of fleshy flowers...
located where i entered the world: hopefully head-first:
oh sure... plenty of dolphins too...
how's it hanging? how's it hanging in Dubai?
plenty of hanging in Dubai...

freakishly lean: a plentiful decent diet of literature...
me? i benefited from the internet...
hey presto! i can bypass the gatekeepers of literature!
i can forget about publishing houses...
sure... i don't earn any money from it...
but that also increases me drive to pursue
the spiral out of control...
for me the advent of the internet is akin to:
the invention of the Gutenberg Press...
                                                  
yes, i was a fan of buying cans of Pepsi
instead of those 2litre bottles...
hmm... how to keep the gas once opened!
aha! shake the bottle after having a refill!
shake shake!
keeps the pressure tight-knit... beautifully
bountiful!

- two songs get me these days....
ALLAROUND THE WORLD
and GO ROBOT...
i trun to the canvas with regret: great! more typing!
i just want to keep keeping the rhyhtm:
perched on the windowsill
tapping my leg and grooving with my neck
like an imitation-party-pooper-pigeon
who invented head-banging
as the Hebrews imitate before the Wailing Wall...
i should have never picked up the guitar...
what a lonely enterprise:
it's already haunting me...
i was born as a natural drummer...

huh?!
of course i gained all the things there
are gained from the internet...
minus the light-bulb...
i managed to bypass all the gatekeepers
of literature: the editors...
hello! you forgot the paper! there's no paper!
there's no spoon either!
forgot the pills! just focus on the spoon
that isn't there!
and it's the perfect filter...
no one is going to bother me when i'm writig
and slacking on making video confession...

videos can be ingested passively:
reading? oh wow! who would have thought
that it might take some effort!
mix into the whole affair some Katakana...
hell... mix in some Mandarin hieroglyphs...
perfect defences against "simpletons"...
who? you have rotten cabbage
agreed with to throw with your comrade
against against being disgruntled about some
poor acting actor? what?!
stealing shadows became mundane?!

i also managed to breed a higher purpose
while everyone else was slumping
in the "pandemic"... i couldn't tell the difference...
what a funny: he-he-ha-ha tickling breeze!
ooh... let's have another go!
come on! let's go, let's go!
           he-he-ha-ha!
or rather: hí-hí-h'ah-ah-haha!

                             the internet wa been great for me...
but recently i came across this trend...
hmm (emoji of the biggest SMILE)...
VABBING...
                     dabbing... people dab perfumes on themselves...
what's VABBING... ah... ah... ha ha...
this is the point where i feel like putting
on my clown make-up and going out to
party come Halloween...

i'm pretty sure i'lll grow old and irrelevant
at some point... pop culture will no longer
interest me...
             but until that time comes...
piglets! teases!
                   it's like that one time where
i thought it was a good idea to date a single mom....
brought her homemade wine...
brought her homemade banana loaf cake...
NO GOOD...
i'm good-crazy as one prostitutes remarked...
still NO GOOD...
                                   goo.. plenty of goo...
oh man... the arsenal of music i have to sieve through:
it makes sense to not have children...
sure.... i'd love a little kritter "here and there"...
but? come on... with so much music
made available: would you?

and how did that parody of my grandfather
and grandmother play out?
she kept his death a secret....
to the point where he was in AGONIA:
out of reach... **** that then!

****'s sake VABBING... i.e. inserting your fingers
into your genital regions...
and then... Orestes! save me!
pretending that these juices are sort of:
akin to: perfumes!

o.k.: i'll level with these women...
here goes:
i like... ******* on my leg...
when i'm having a shower?
i like the idea of being a child again:
unable: UNONSCIOUSLY to control his bladder...
once in a while: i like ******* on my leg...
but that's only when i'm having a shower...
i like the idea of being without control...
i wish i could **** my pants ever so often...
alas... i can't!
but then i relieve my tamed unconscious
inhibitions... i tend to **** on my leg...
while taking a shower....
          
what is left for man beside finding new avenues
to compete: for the crown and the jewel in
in it of losing reason?
hell... let's all become **** AUTOMATON!
i can wait...
i'm orientating myself around the internet
like i might orientate myself around
a phonebook, an encyclopoedia...
and the... sacred loss of the music store on
the high streets...

there's me imitating drummers on a windowsill...
robot-esque...
*****! i'm keeping rhythm...
with a squint of my eye watching NORMIES
sitting static with their static televisions...
entertained?!
i like brick walls: i think of chess...
i like the sea bashing the land come high night...
i think of playing cards with the boys...
and backgammon...
i also like the idea of interpreting the flute
by splitting a reed of grass and blowing through it...
i like the childhood memory
of catching cockchafers and throwing them
down girls' t-shirts...
         hmm! i liked a lot of things...
whiskey won... i like swimming in it: thoughtless...
it's like like: give me a drink of whiskey =
Cleopatra having a ******* bath of milk!

i love the minutes "concerning" an unlit cigarette
dangling in my mouth...
before the opening crescendo
of Led Zeppelin's IN THE EVENING...
kicks in... only because: SHARP OBJECTS
waas such a captivating t.v. show...

hate t.v. love t.v. most certainly loved the movies...
i hate the movies these days...
i sometimes think: i could replace
the t.v. with three "things":
the sky... a fireplace... or a... ooh!
a ******* aquarium!
                     yeah... that could  work!
then again.... candles or the sky...
either wait.... play shadow charades...
                  
             there are actually two ways to give stress
to a F-U... using the hand...
there's:
A. the clenched fist with the etended middle
finger... poison...
but there's also
B. ******* extended....
thumb also extended: NO FIST...
all the other fingers are "bowing":
but they're not clenched... there's no imitation
of a fist...

seriously, though? no wonder i ventured into the realm
of prostitution, no wonder so many people thought this
"pandemic" was a "fake"...
sure sure... let me just apply my *****
Jean-Paul Gautier sniff-sniffs
while you, girl, test out, your next best
found ******.... what the ****?!

how about we start off with... oiling ourselves
with molten pig fat and then, then asking:
kosher enough for you?
oh... but this craziness is not supposed to stop!
it's supposed to escalate!
didn't you know?!
                           no no!
                                 there are either the crazies
or the uber-crazies!
      there's no in-between!
                 as much as Ovid prescribes ****** love...
i find the most erotica in prescriving myself
a decent amount of sleep...
               perhaps in his days...
but... he wasn't a solider...
so he wouldn't have known about being stationed in
Britannia,., jumping ****-naked into
the feral bushes of... no! not mint!
              you ******* Forrest Gimp or something?
blushes of *******... ****'s sake... FENNELS!
POKRZYWY! FENNELS! not ******* BASIL...
not ROSEMARY... not TYHME
*******: Hamza: brain-drain-lord
of an otherwise working Latin BREEN!
call your ******* cousin Hah-med and Muha!
the lord of the flies! Muhammad!
Muha! FLY! Jesus is the lord of mosquitos...
Muhammad is the lord of the flies...

please tell me someone tried to tell them
that they were
the auxillaries of Hell?
the past 2000 years has been an advent
of Hell...
Hell... even more: the Hellenic original
thought project...
comme ci, comme ça... c'est la vie!
i.e. it's good when it's good...
and bad when it's bad...

the tired mountain: the eagerly waiting stone...
the tired sea... the ambitious droplet of water...
that eternal flame... but all the more eager
sparkle of an ignite!

time flies when you're not having any fun...
pretending to not having a stab at...
those Kenyan ivory slush-puppies
come the crocodiles and Muhammad types
moon-served plump almost juiced up...
hey ** hey... you're just my Macaque sort
of type...

II. a schematic of rugby

H15()15H
\ (pass back)
/ (kick forward)
and...
just run around
shuffling your
magic feet:
toying with the octopus
dance of
a dislocated shoulder.


III. leftovers from an afternoon

give me until tomorrow, i'm still figuring "things" out...
video: oh video V video... Deo. and Doo and Deus...
mighty Churchill's index and middle...
of the fork in the road...
          or akin to the crossroads of
Robert Johnson...
            i picked up playing the guitar but i'm
a natural drummer...
easily soothed but also easily irritated by a rhythm
and beat...
for all the protest of (search engine, hello...
back of the bus protest, i just need a name)
sitting at the back of the bus:
Rosa Parks and the Montgomery bus protest...
i just remember mornings on the no. 86
bus... reading Stendhal while all the black
boys "unconsciously" stashed themselves
to the back of the double-decker...
white-flight in reverse, i.e. all the white girls
could join them:
thank god for my Turkish and Japanese fetish...
a fact not frequently recited:
i don't own any woman under the sun,
it's just my turn, turn after turn...
perhaps happily a *****-donor...
what's ******* and what's surrogate
motherhood for a homosexual couple,
like for like: i can't tell the difference...
besides... i earn about £10 an hour...
she earns £120 an hour and all for what?
being given an ******
and soothing my ego...
amazing though... it's crystal clear...
i never liked the back of the bus...
double-deckers have their engines in their ***...
very much like VW beetles...
the black boys naturally migrated to
the back of the bus every trip to school i took...
loud, vociferous: like most post-African people...
still strapped to the gridlock of
VICTIM... but sure: thanks for the jazz...
thanks for the blues...
if certain Africans were not exposed
to the English tongue...
i fear we'd still be stuck in a Mozart epoch...

you know, two doors down,
a bunch of youthful sikhs are having
a weener get together party,
sounds like friday at the mosque:
no women allowed;
and they're standing there in
the garden, smoking joints,
laughing & trivialising,
**** on the read: i call them.

and there's me, little ol' me,
solving a sudoku puzzle and drinking
some *** on the side, while listening
to the ultimate template for "m.g.t.o.w.",
and thinking, am i part of this movement,
to be the reversal cartesian dynamic
that hasn't kicked in?

vocals on gorgorath,
and the story behind it...
i see hell as silence,
mainly? no throne of god,
nor hallelujah angels...
i have to make this pig latin...

ego videre infernum qua silentium

  and i do... see hell as silence:

   videre infernum qua silentium...

heaven?

      rephrasing: audio... for pedantic
***** involved.

so i have thus: sikh party two doors
down,
i don't mind them...
    i'm sure as ****, the fan gets involved,
i start to gurgle the brew,
i tilt my head back, with a neck still
intact..
  and gurgle the brew...
        mind you, these neighbours killed
my cat...
               i'm not begging, i'm not asking
for a response, i'm just saying...
  what happened, happened,
    i have the north winds to attest to...
no sikh is going into my house
and say: make us a kuppah...
no, *******, turn your turban cloth into
a napkin, and have
your jimmy-jimmy daal....
you ******* idiot... oh? it didn't translate?
how about i voodoo my cat's remains
in a woogie-boogie promise
of: the haunted house?

     i **** as hell digged up a grave,
you "think" i'm about to joke?
let me fiddle with my nose for a bit...
you know how disrespect for humans
is born? when the "idiot" disrespects
the non-edible, petted forms of animal...

you make grievances with
non-edible pieces of meat
that men are associated with...
you're asking for the name of the seasons,
plus a choir of angels to untie you;
boo-shakalak-kee-sha!
  what did i find?
these turban brigadiers, these
blue indian, these pakis...
they have only one motto:
strength in numbers...
    but when they hear a white boy,
gurgling alcohol out of the window,
as if imitating drowning,
tilting his head back giving the perfect:
macaw signing in the sea...
these olive skinned virgins either play
*****, or call for backup "plans"...

*** yer plantain, but not yer bananas:
sure short, a ******* wake
across the whole of the caribbean...
called the havana autumn:
lost leaves, dry dung,
    monkey 'ave a throw's worth
of a bullet 'andy.

what? you gunn'ah **** on the pineapples
any'who? ******* will,
i'll be right there,
shitstorming your *** whether
there's an irma or her **** jose -
***** i'll witch-broom your ***
right off with a woop, telling my
neighbours: i've done so;

and yes, the internet is not a cul de sac,
you don't get to play
radio 4's the archers here...
sorry, i was wishful thinking for a sitcom
too... turns out...
    the phonebook is exponential in size,
but also too erratic in terms of
fluidity / fluctuation of capitalised on
use.

i should really stop watching these
youtube videos,
hearing people talking is
becoming... drag...

        esp. when drinking...
just put the music back on:
buddy body...
                  said the parasitic ego...
i can only entertain
about two new opinions,
per day...
      with you congesting
me with all this blah blah...
            don't get me wrong:
i do enjoy it...
        he enjoys it! "we're" fine...

just gender neutrality...
of pronouns?
             - he said there's more!
- and there is...
        how, certain languages...
can't escape the genderism
of their nouns...
     fwench...
         for one...

what about when you
become: pronoun disorientated,
i.e.
    you begin addressing
yourself via the plural
fabric,
   and in a doom-esque
style first shooter...
  you have to look back through
your eyes...
and breathe out a...
    'huh?!'

who wouldn't be perplexed...
       more music, less talking
videos...
**** me, you know the radio
station that plays decent
pop music,
and doesn't succumb to
advert interludes from
             circa 11pm to circa
6am...
            FAMA radio...
   https://radiofama.com.pl/

               yeah i know it's not
Wagner...
   but i like the fact that
adverts die after a certain hour
of the day,
and people are trying to
fall to sleep...
       esp. if they're not being
knocked out
  by a bottle of whiskey...

funny story...
i was once in a Liverpool st.
a black cud (cuddly thing,
a bit on the, lardish side)
stood next to me
with a white girlfriend...
   - see, she giggled,
i think she was... "in, on the joke"...
so i asked him...
- what are you drinking?
- *** & coke...
- oh, that's a ****** name for a drink,
i don't want the run-down
of the recipe,
i want the meal...
so what are you drinking?
- a *** & coke...
i had to eye him up and down,
down and up...
   fair enough, buckeroo...
- blackbeard!
the girl laughed...
      me, the interracial couple,
and some mongrel
with a proud irish in him,
and some pakistani...
standing side by side...
for a while...
oh god,
the pain, the embarrassment,
of having to explain to a stranger
that you have just been
strapped to: being stood-up
for a date...
             hey...
every time i flick my hand...
my shadow "friend"
i can't shake off...
     i didn't ask for a scribe
to dictate to a god my every
c.c.t.v. movement...
        hell...
         just have to roll with it...
but there was a giggle,
and yeah, he did don a beard...
what else would you call
a *** & coke... if not blackbeard?
a black isn't exactly black
when he's not coal...
but chocolate!
         the **** was he drinking?
a jack sparrow?
   to be honest,
that does sound better...
many people these days...
are not exactly concerned
with furthering the memory
of eddie "the patch" thatch...
- o.k., just give me the pagan music
from scandinavia and
some byzantine monk chants...
   i'll figure out some Mahler
when i'm in need of thinking -

it almost felt like standing
in Trafalgar Sq.
among all the throng
of the pigeon collective,
just prior to them taking
off by a slithering snap & bite
of telepathic panic
being induced on them...
      
    yes, because:
what did it feel like
is, probably twice as important
to reason...
given the casual expression...
what did i think about?
**** me...
i didn't think to begin with...
here's my cognitive luggage...
thinking always comes
after...
and, unlike feeling...
is never measured
     interim...

       measured feeling...
which of course, being measured...
allows for a post-scriptum
of thought...
delay...
                   pieces of a puzzle
that do not fit
for a personal gain...
since the puzzle / labyrinth is
already prosecuting you with
an a.i. semblance
       alternative -
the womb of all things abstract...
that... automated birth
from the womb of per se...
wriggle there, little sprout
of ego, *****-esque...
  into either that bright light...
or the yawning darkness...

no... feeling is not so bad,
but a tongue attired
in a stiff tuxedo will do you
one better...
   sure...

hey! oi! penta mann!
well, i can give you a sketch
of contradictions...
i'm about to live in a country
that freely accepts
Daesh refugees...
oh, just some stupid teenager...
but you know...
        there's no tongue-in-cheek
with this...
   prejudice contra:
and this is not about being
right or wrong,
rather: i told you so mentality...

so... when will the inmates
of Broadmoor
have their spring holiday?

the western five pillars...
let's see if i get this right...
  what once was shahadah
is now...         jahudah...
   funny, if any, translation...
       it's not exactly disbelief...
more...
          atoms are our tools,
and...
something or other...

   salat (prayer) becomes
hadith (freedom of speech)...

no good translation
when you need one...
so the idea...
oh... not gluttony...

that would be too obvious...
fast...
        siam...
                           hamia...
but this is...
   in the western world?
an obsession...
they figured:
pretense for Lent...
one month of obligation
ought to do it...
but... each and every day?
for...
nibbling on an iconoclasm?

zakat...
            if not
gambling...
then certainly being
duped
     into giving to
charity organisations...
who... of the 3 quid
you donated...
send 2.50 to the offices
of the charity,
and 50 pence to
the people in need...
      
hajj...
sure... your pick...
thailand...
  south america...
there's a "you" than needs
to find you
somewhere,
that isn't hier...
but... "da"...
             a there
that has to be a certainty
             of somewhere...

see... it's almost tempting
to aim for shooting
an own goal via a headder
from a corner set-piece
into my own net...

            but me...
i'm somewhere between...
the existential crisis of...

satan contemplates a serpent
by gustav doré...
and...
   ruins (inner voices)
by james tissot..

            sure as hell...
          no brick in ruin
without a structure...
    someone about... how they
are stacked up...
are always identical...
but among the rubble...
          great... so satan begins
with the contemplation
of a serpent...
  me? ******* grand chav
of the universe?
     - and god said:
   'ere, start with a brick...
mr. ******* lego magic...
      throw a ******* dog's bone!

see if you can spot
the similarity
that binds these twins together...

  gustave doré's
the judgement of solomon...
and antonio ciseri's
           ecce ****...
no... no glaring similarity?
   so... solomon was right...
in giving the baby up
to the woman who had no measure
of her emotions
(stand to the left
in doré's interpretation,
while standing to the right
in ciseri's interpretation)?
    the heart of truth...
is the basis for being allowed
to throw a stone,
rather than climb a mountain...
or some wacko-saying
out-"there"...
  "there" also implying:
"out"? "out" of "what"
and what "in" to begin with?

given the current...
   Moloch tribunal / freedomi
base...
   given...
       a whole plethora of
examples...
        the way solomon is cast...
for the better judge...
the crowd moved pilate...
while his wife kept
it a secret
     that he judged wrongly...

doré:ciseri ratio of comparison...
and you'd think...
but it's not like i'm
attacking the psalm singer,
king david...
          it's solomon...
               he's no more sacred
than a h.i.v. infection...
looking at these two paintings...
i think he was wrong
in giving up the child
to the hysterical woman...
because there's always
than silent audacity,
invested in,
   of proving the king wrong...

only a silent heart doesn't
lie...
      there's just too much stoicism
in the woman's reply
regarding solomon's judgement...
akin to the wife of pontius
pilate...
succumbing to feeding
the amassed throng...

but this does't change
one iota of me
concerning my problem with
christianity,
given the emergence
of the nag hammadi
library...
       i can't just...
incorporate those writings
   as: level playing field
with the strictness of the unwavering
stance of dogma...

     i'm still having...
one hell of a time...
          trying to not be bothered
by the coincidence of
the writings of
josephus ben matthias...
the flight to egypt...
where the nag hammadi
library was discovered...
nero...
         the book of revelation
(which... i think was the first
book written
in the new testament...
no...
        no one has that sort
of coherency...
  listen...
    i don't even know the name
of my grandmother
on my paternal side!
    yeah...
at least the old testament begins
like a poem...
not a ******* phonebook
into the past!
   me? when Greek sentiments
alligned
themselves with the sentiments
of the Hebrews,
to topple the Romans...
who...
       first encountered
the northerners)...
   and guess what...
i'm rather fond of digging this
trench of...
whatever it is worth...
belief, disbelief...
      you name it...
better that, than converting to islam.

the **** just happened last night?
oh, right, 1 litre of whiskey,
documented with an emptying bottle
and a clock...
   and the silliest thing a person could
do, was take a "selfie" with
a hat + pompom pulled over his eyes...
but i seem to remember something
else...
   while i was cooking stuffed peppers
today...
what the hell was it?
  ah, right... now i remember...
listening to i'm shipping up to boston
by the dropstick murphys,
and continually punching my face
for about 10 minutes...
while also in the silent movie way of
singing along to the song...
         who does that?! does what?
punch themselves in the face?
well... some people learn a martial art,
i'm a cheapo,
     i practice on myself,
if i can withstand my own punch in
the face, any other poker will have
a harder time to punch me out...
then again, there was the ireland vs. wales
match today, and i was trying
to jinx it, meaning: i wanted the paddies
to win... and win, they did;
  and it would appear i'm more irish
in terms of literary adventure than most,
i've have the james joyce oeuvre
under my belt...
           which is a bit like having finished
that ponce proust...
       i'm actually dreading reading
that book of his, and to be frank,
   i'd probably get off more reading
the small print of some terms & conditions
on a contract,
  or do the rain-man
                 and read a phonebook;
sometimes all you need in hell is a book,
there's no need for hellfire.

p.s. by the way, who made sisyphus roll
the rock up that hill?
was there some sort of guardian
        whipping him to repeat this
futile action? why didn't he sit by the rock
and contemplate it,
   becoming the architect of a cognitive
labyrinth?

let's be fickle in a democracy -
let's be democratically fickle -
   pheasant one evening:
           a wholesome broth of bother the next...
this is not a political poem:
you'll soon see...
             it's not in a democracy
there's a status quo "tyranny"...
          the same hands shake: when changing
gloves...
but this is not a political poem...
it's... a fickle poem...

20 minutes into "surfing" the internet...
looking for the jukebox that once was
that once was youtube...
and not that keen on using last.fm...
   circa 2006 very much so:
that's how i came across porcupine tree etc.

- how i love drinking and listening
to music... and then: off the perch i cascade down
to scribble: long lost the hand-writting...
if this is a forever of getting used to
being a "lucky duck": a dyslexic's nightmare...
an ambidexter...
                  
        which you could quote:
if i were donning a sort of niqab that...
was a veil: + below the eyes...
                        not an ambidexter pianist?
this... the alternative... universe where this is true?
all of us being looked using
spectacle specifically designed for the sort
of Daltonists that...
      would... make the calcium of the dover
cliffs come out: sulphuric and therefore canary...
lob-sided architecture of
the imperfection that was... and is...
       the vitruvian man: alias: quasimodo...

some remains of nirvana:
  a twist of punk, grunge and... indie...
            "post" and a modernism 2.0 etc.
i'm no john peel and i don't come along
for a hard-on for any "proper terms":
because... the library is: over' v'er...
"somewhere"...

   because we're talking about the year 2001...
i was... ****... 4 years to 1990...
10 years to 2000... and a year to wait to come
up with: hell... being 15!

              the year is 2001...
i care because only recently i was looking through
the sunday times' culture magazine...
and a band i do remember from: aeons ago...
the strokes... released their debut: this is it...

and i was reading this album review...
because... the strokes did a comeback...
        the newspaper culture cohort made a note
of: the new abnormal...

               for the music i'll spare myself
the already boiling embarrassment... of "narrative"...
oh sure... fast paced: almost akin to a spy thriller novel...

look no further: glum... details in culture...
of something new...
                    i told myself...
you find something... music it is...
and curating for mr. absolute...
                       and perhaps the chance:
        blitz...
                            
                           the strokes... because... culturally...
it mattered to the newspaper to revive...
10 minutes in and if i'm not getting anything
that's no more than soap-opera or
tabloid press...
          i'll sentences myself to silence and
pretending to drink... and harvest a chapter
off of Dickens: the new bible for me...

       on repeat: Dickens can... casually...
on a good day... on a bad day...
                 do more than Shakespeare could...
because there was no bad day for a Shakespeare...
the whim... the breath... the oracle and
the muses needed to mind-**** those hands
into scribbling and rhyme...
rhyme: the lesser geometry...
          but Dickens... should have been taught
at schools...
why Shakespeare still needs to be...
turning in his grave over have schoolchildren
scrutinize his work...

   Dickens: bible darling: every day any day:
all day long over...
                              and i promised myself
that if i didn't find anything...
and even if the strokes released this is it
back in 2001...

       there's another...
                     that other quondam relic of 2001...
which was never given the same traction
of journalistic interest...
        fugazi... and the album?
                                       the argument...

the landline isn't working: the vinyl factory is burning -
i can't remember the last time
i used a phonebook... come to think of it:
i never used one...
                        talk and on the cheap:
i do remember licking a stamp...
and an envelope...
                                    
   nothing political: but democracy and its
status quo "tyranny"... bewildering in how anti-cruel...
and... dispossessive concerns this fudge
passes from one pair of hands to the other...
last time i checked: the argument for veganism
was... you eat the meat: you eat the fear...

                           that once upon a time...
oysters were... hardly a... delicacy... but something
to be eaten by the east end clot... "of bother"...

of no concern: this is hardly a competition...
a steady diet of nothing from 1991...
                   and no mention of sonic youth...
exits only...
                    and only that...
                              backrolling with the barbarians...
a comparative literature course:
from Dickens... through Beckett ending up
at Burroughs...
                          and then...
       well... Rapunzel? the grammatical overview
of sumerian?
          much closer to home...
                 rzecz:        жэч    (thing)...
   but what russian doesn't have is...
                      rzeczą (with / using a thing /
to be a thing)...  and no... the indefinite article (a) /
the definite article (the) are more or less...
for now... an english "thing"...

   Dickens mentioned: orthography...
but... can you have a concept of orthography...
without diacritical marks?
isn't the claim: orthography: nothing more
than... merely a... spelling mistake?

after all... an orthographic error is...
            śmieh to zdrowie → śmiech (correctly)...
etc. because i'm not here to bother...
   it's not an orthographic error:
when both nothing and... no thing actually
coexist... depending on the emphasis...
or lack of... i.e. i know nothing...
                          and... x has no (other) thing
of comparison to exist with for a worth
of default...
         something: some things never change...
because there's a difference between something...
or other... and... some things: which can never
become: something - since there is no: "somethings":
or "nothings": as there are: no things of said
description...

                   known knowns... known unknowns...
unknown knowns... and gnomes...
          unknown: unknowns... orthographic gnome
garden of donald rumsfeld...
                
a nice little rubric:
     noga (foot) - nogą (using a foot)...
             mowa (speech) - mową (using speech)...
     but... only partially true:
   widelec (fork) - widelcem...
      barometr - barometrem
                                              -em
                                               -ą  "sumerian" suffixes...
since apostrophe 's is hardly a suffix
when it's: a plural article...
                     and a possessive (possession) article...
or... capitulation to 'ort-'and...
                         it's: it is...              
and how the apostrophe "disappears"
                                its: red colour:
                                                      but­ for me that's...
pedantic orthography when no diacritical
marks are involved...

                     enough... not as a language: as a whole...
with... no clarity of invested in interests... for...
anything beside: a vanity project it could be...
a one off... but that it keeps recurring...
no amount of labour: for this iron maiden...

a whiff of the topic... nothing more... a teaser.

they burned the cities.
they burned the pharmacy,
they burned the bus stop
, they burned the libray and the depot,
they burned the fire station,
of course they burned the police station.
they burned the homeless man crying for his socks.
they burned the dog,
they burned the manicured grass
they burned the log cabin and the phonebook and the 12 hay stacks across the way
but they didn't dare burn the synagogue
but they did
burn a church,
and they did burn a zoo. the animals ran free