"paranoias" poems
Sophistication is the refuge of the complicated,
High maintenance, it’s someone else’s fault,
Infecting everyone with their little paranoias,
A black hole, taking all and giving nothing back.
Simple pleasures are the friends of the complex,
User-friendly, reliable and rather iPod-like,
Touching everyone with their magical dreams,
A desert oasis, giving all but getting even more.
Nov 25, 2012
Nov 25, 2012 at 8:36 AM UTC
With all my insecurities
Faults and failures
How could anyone love me?
With all my past mistakes
***** deeds and regrets
Why would someone care for me?
With all my angry shouts
Suspicions and paranoias
What is there to love about me?
With all these scars
Curves and stretch marks
Who could possibly want me?
With all these little dark thoughts
Depressive words and suicidal stanzas
Where is that one to love me?
And finally set me free?
Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015 at 5:35 AM UTC
Help me understand. Help me come to a conclusion. Why I am the way I am.
Help me decipher my inner thoughts. Help me find a way to survive in this place.
Help me figure out what I mean. Help me realize what I need. Help me get through this.
Help me get out of here. Help me.
I cannot fight the war from the inside.
I cannot get my point across from behind enemy lines.
I cannot get around my mind.
Cannot decide a god **** thing for myself.
There are always a million other people
weighing in, screaming their opinions...
Whispering in serpent tongue
paranoias and red flags.
pointing out every little thing
that means nothing, really.
but in that moment
with a million voices
my world falls down.
my heart caves in.
I am not one person.
I understand if this is hard for you to grasp.
I understand if I am too much for you.
I am too much for a lot of people.
Nothing with me is easy,
Everything is a battle.
Inside and out.
between me and me
me and you
me and her
me and him
me and us
me and them.
Everything
is
a battle.
exhausting.
at the end of a typical day
I've gone through a dozen wars
a hundred second thoughts
a thousand put downs
a million arguments
just with my self.
I'm having just a little trouble
figuring myself out
hearing my voice above the others
thinking clearly.
I'm tired of listening.
Nov 20, 2011
Nov 20, 2011 at 8:11 PM UTC
Deep and tearing,throbbing feeling
That wrenches at my every being
Paranoias grasp and visions seeing
But no sound will I be freeing
Hold it in and act fine
Pretend I am yours and you are mine
Just have another glass of wine
In silence I will sit and pine
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 4:06 PM UTC
all I ever wanna be is alone
but I'm never alone
my anxieties, fears, paranoias have taken a physical form
and I carry them around with me
I need them for my character
to humble myself
scheming, plotting
they're running around with me
they've attached themselves to my person
it's to the point now where I don't run from them anymore
they're oddly comforting
most people can't entertain an evil thought without getting emotional
but i'm emotionless
each emotion takes the form of a separate physical
my gang of pain
making up the anxiety that lingers in my head
my heart
but I've separated my soul
I put it in a safe place and I guess thats why I'm good with emotions
I left my emotional soul in another life
my existential is separated from my physical
and I can only feel when I go to that zone and want to feel
and that's the best feeling
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 2:02 PM UTC
Finally, I was there, so close that I could almost touch you.
After so many years looking at you only by a computer screen and old paper pictures,
It feels like you are a creation of my mind.
How would you look in front of my eyes? Will you be different from my dreams?
Strangely, I’m not nervous.
The idea of that encounter be only an illusion was keeping my anxiety down.
That couldn’t be real, could be?
Suddenly, I see you.
Dressed all in black, your hair moving as you walk, smile on your face.
As you’re coming closer I start to forget who I am.
Is my body flying? Did I forget how to speak? Do I remember how to breathe?
I feel numb.
You’re finally in front of me and I can be sure now that you are real.
I see the sweat running down your neck and your green eyes shining with fire.
You don’t even look human, you are perfect.
You give your hand to us and I know that if I take it, my heart will stop.
But I can’t reach it…
It’s so close but, at the same time, it’s impossible to reach it.
I finally can see you but I also can finally realize that you are superior.
You’re so far away from me, an unbreakable barrier.
I still have fights to face, I’m full of monsters in my head, the paranoias that don’t allow me to have peace. I’m still looking for a place to call home, hoping that one day I can find my own light to shine.
But you...you are the light that can guide millions. You’re literally a star.
Your image, your soul, your heart and your existence feels superior to us all.
For so many times, you helped me to fight my fears and, sometimes, even fight against myself.
You were my teacher, my savior, my idol and my friend. My great example and my great influence.
I dreamed of making you feel my gratitude so you would feel there is someone in this world that you saved uncountable times.
But I can’t say this, you can’t listen to me, you are so close but also so farther...
At the end of the night, the magic is over, I can no longer see you.
Maybe I will never see you again, but it’s for sure that I will never reach you.
Did anything change in my heart? Do I admire you more or do I need to say goodbye to the hopes you gave to me?
I can’t remember which road I should take now.
But I know that when I fall asleep, what I will see it won’t be a dream anymore, but a memory.
Jun 5, 2018
Jun 5, 2018 at 1:28 AM UTC
She hates the way I say I'll do something and then prove myself wrong by doing nothing at all
She doesn't like how I can be so inconsistent in my approach to everything but it's my fault
She can't stand it when I sit back and let myself get tossed around by my need to answer paranoias call
Mar 3, 2016
Mar 3, 2016 at 7:46 PM UTC