So many words I want to say
But how to make you see,
That how I feel is true.
So many words there jumbled up
Inside my messed up head.
But one thing I know is how strongly I feel
And I just cannot let you go.

You hold me up when I fall down.
You've held me when I've cried.
You are my best friend
This I cannot deny.
So many things I want to tell you
But how to make you see
That I think I've fallen for you again.
I cannot jeopardise what we have.

My best friend, I need you to stay.

last night at the poetry slam i felt like my youth was coming back to me

you see one young bloke went up to me and said don’t forget to cheer

on my mate, it’s his first time, and he keeps his poems to his heart

and i don’t think i am an old timer, because of my love of social media

you see i like the poetry slam because it helps an middle-aged dude like me

to find my mojo, and there are a lot of people who ain’t game enough to read

their stuff because of the heckling, but this young bloke last night really stole the show

i wasn’t clapping to be nice, i think he had a lot of talent and here is a song

you see it’s a great trip to the poetry slam, on his first night ever

you see he stole the night away, and might i add he won oh yeah

you see he had a whole lot of fun

and also dude, he blew everybody off their seat

you see i like poetry slams, because they are so much fun

you see it’s hard for a poor guy like me, to get anywhere on the buses yeah

you see the canberra bus service, dude, is so stupid yeah

the canberra government only care about the rich

they don’t give a **** about the poor

the poetry slam is a way i can really show everyone what i have

i don’t want to be one of those oldies who is too shy to go out

i don’t want to be one of those oldies who worries about family members

i don’t want to be treated like a bad smell, just because of my cracked feet

i don’t want to be treated like a shy person all my life

i am into computers in a big way, so deal with it, big fat rich ****** of this world

i don’t want to be shy at the mall, i like the mall, but not to sit there all day and night

i have a life to lead, i want to be famous, well, people, i am already famous on youtube

and Facebook, even if people film me on the street, when i am dancing, that doesn’t bother me

if you want to film me just to laugh at me, go right ahead, as long as that is all you do

i probably am on Facebook in a famous way, because i have been attracting attention to other people

in the last 8 years, i don’t want people to treat me like an old fogie because i really really extremely love life

i clean my house, and i know how to look after myself, i prefer to catch buses as opposed to getting lifts with strangers

don’t forget i am a person, i don’t care if you wanna tease, but i hate horrible teasing, for i am a real family person

you see mate, last night i really enjoyed myself, and if you want to catch me on bad slam search badslamnobiscuit on yioutube or Facebook

and watch the whole 2 hour show, because i did my own tribute to the great graham kennedy

you see i don’t want to be treated like a hooligan, i liked that man in the july poetry slam at the phoenix

you see he really lifted my spirits high and i liked the young dudes last night, yeah he was rad

when i got home, i watched june’s poetry slam on youtube, and dude, i sounded great

because i don’t believe in horrible teasers treating me like an old fogie, trying to get me to look worried

i don’t **** people off, but i am aware of my age, but i go to poetry slams to have fun

i go on youtuibe to have fun, i write stories to have fun, FUN, i tell you, i go to the christmas carols to have fun

i don’t want voices trying to get me to **** myself, i love my life for that

i know when i was young, i was a tad different to the other kids, but i wasn’t shy, i played basketball i played bowling

i went down the waterside at jamison and i wasn’t scared and i went to the movies

i went to the raiders every weekend, and mate i was a real teaser, and i know i am getting older, but i am ready

to make the poetry slam really work for me, you see i remember when paul berenyi asked me to look at these dogs

and he stuck a drawing pin on my ***, i felt, what fucken give dude, and i wrestled with micheal wright on the green grass

i know i am old now, and i can’t expect young udders to like me, like they used to, but i had a great conversation with

this man named rodney about things that make the poetry slam great

you see my voices are in the past, i ain’t living in the past, i really like my life at the moment

i don’t care if i look like my dad when i am on my computer, but i love computers, i always loved computers

i am constantly told in my head, my poems ****, but i can’t expect everyone to like them, but they should keep their opinions to themselves

because nothing anyone will say to me, will jeopardise my performances at the poetry slam, because it’s so much fun

i must admit, i get inspired my kids on youtube and television

i know i was a koomarri to muck around with, and i still believe in mucking around with my old school friends

i just don’t like these odd movements i get from my medication, i want to lift all my bad fiucked up thoughts up

but that is all, no more, i believe in having a lot of fun, reading writing and watching youtube

i only went to the mall all the time when i was living in mum and dads backyard, to show my independence

and now, i don’t need to be there 24 hours a day, be cause i have my own flat now, i am independent

i really hate when people are trying take my cool credits away just because i ain’t doing what they say

you see i am planning to go on a holiday on the first weekend of october to bate mans bay

and i am off to the carols in the domain on the 19th december

and i might not have very much money, but i can still plan holidays, i want to go Perth one day

i hate when the ghost of my father is trying to make me clean my house the way i used to

cause ya know what used to did, he just used to, my house is clean, occasionally i like to fall asleep on the couch

and do my tapestry, you see dad is being a dad, as he is trying to make me remember my past

i ain’t living or dwelling in the past, i believe in being nice to the youth of today

because they are the future, and i wish online stalkers will leave the young dudes alone

because social media is fun for people of all ages

you see, i want to show the world, how much i support the youth of today

the intellectually disabled and the mentally ill, of today

because my voices are judging me because of my past, and i hate that

saying, don’t muck with brian, because he kidnapped a kid

the truth is i never kidnapped a kid, i just was a crazy person back then, and i don’t want to dwell in that, alright

and i want to enjoy doing badslamnobiscuit, despite my voices saying i am not young

i don’t want people treating me like a cool kid to a tease, ok, i know my stuff can really entertain for this and future generations, dude

so, let’s have fun, dude

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the argument of the universe, ends the life of youtube sensation, caleb



in the great saturn club rings on thursday october 1 2015m peter sargent and ted bundy

had a very strong argument which really was beginning to turn nasty, first ted ******* paul berenyi

and snatched greame thorne and adam walsh, making their earth bodies really shook up

you see greame thorne is me, brian allan from canberra and adam walsh is some young man who was

killed by the parramatta terrorist and peter sargent came up to ted bundy, and said, stop this, i mean

you should stop this, and ted said, i am slowing the earth down, so you will be good to mind your own business

but peter said, neh, i don’t want to let you win, you see my earth body is a cool boy, never to be killed, you

will never get us ted bundy, ted bundy grabbed peter by the arm saying, watch what you say, buddy, but peter

really wanted to slow down teds reign, because this is weird what the world has been going through since you died

first you made brian allan a crazy person by making him tie himself up in a toilet in mitchell, and can’t you see he is suffering

too much from that stupid mistake your ghost made him do and it was awful to push his next door neighbour brendan down as well,

brian really liked him, and me, you made me **** myself when i was having problems that you caused, and ted said, but you are

enjoying being a cool boy now, don’t jeopardise it, dude, but peter kept on yelling blaming him for all the suicides that happened like

anthony, the mentally ill christian, and barry loughton as well as mark jones, and i know these deaths were normal, but you are the reason why

they are dead, ted, and i hate what you are doing to brian allan from canberra lately, he likes watching his grandmas next life annie be with slim dusty

who is hayley, and me who is caleb, but you are trying to **** him, by making his old school chin patrick enright, in his mind, tease him in his mind

treating him like his family, by making him lose interest in things, and peter told ted, he hates what you are putting in brian’s mind, by killing off all the

old fogies one by one, you see brian’s aunty pam developed a cancer of the lung, giving her no energy, she never smokes, and peter told ted that

he hates dads dellusional ghost trying to make brian write and think evil things about his father, and peter said, you will never get my current earth body

he plays baseball and really enjoys being a youtube sensation, peter said to ted bundy, you see what you are doing is destroying the world, including

my beloved canberra, where i met brian and chris allan, who played cricket with me, and i hate how you are making brian tease his dad with the poor people

i know he doesn’t want to be a rich ****, but some of the situations were very dodgy, and i want you to let brian allan be a man, ya know, i know he still likes

cricket despite of what he tells people, and ted bundy, at about 7 on the 1st october, struck caleb from bratayley down, by grabbing his cool kid, and tying him up

on the sun with paul berenyi and adam walsh and greame thorne, and the way he did this, was grab peter sargent by the arm and say, you are no longer a youtube sensation

by grabbing you, i **** off your youtube sensation life caleb, and burn your cool kid in the sun, you see peter, there is no heaven, and there is no hell, you see if you are a

nice kid, i will, put you on the sun, ready to suffer in your next life, you’ll never know, peter, i might bring you back to hole in the wall canberra, in a poor neighbourhood

you see peter, i am destroying the life of crocus’s current earth body, by giving him sore feet, and keeping the cool kids away from him, like brattayley, i know that brian’s

grandmother on his mothers side is there as annie, and slim dusty is hayley, and if they return after the funeral of caleb, i have powers to take the cool kid off

these kids, ted bundy said, because, what i was doing on earth, was turning people off, showing the world their fresh legs, peter said, let us go, ted bundy, please let us go

i will never lose my reign, and your next life will certainly know it, peter sargent, peter said, i will make sure, you suffer, and ted said, think about it, brian allan wants to be famous and living in adelaide

but money is keeping him here in canberra ok, so you will never get what you want, while you have to understand, even the rich people who are seldom getting what they want

in theory, are being bashed or murdered, or maybe even both, this world isn’t good, and that is because of me, ted bundy said and caleb is suffering, as he doesn’t want to be *******

to the sun, he wants to be with bratayley, to live to be old, and ted bundy said heh heh heh heh we will make4 brian allan suffer as he wants to give greame thorne is wish of being famous

trying to beat ted bundy forcing his old mate patrick’s teasing voice out of his head forever, but what is happening ted is saying, let’s make brian’s school friends watch the professionals

and laugh at brian, yeah this sounds radically awesome said ted, granny is with slim dusty through annie and hayley, but because of caleb being snatched from there to be tied to the sun

will bratayley return, or will ted bundy get what he wants, no technology for young people, and this is a hard battle, but we all must stop the ghost of ted bundy, by doing what we want to do

as long as it is good, and realise if we do things that is bad, it’s ted bundy that is enforcing it

we wake the next morning
barely able to look at each other
torn between guilt and shame
replaying every decision
that led to this

i feel i need to apologise
for allowing you to jeopardise your forever
for a fleeting just-for-now moment

a moment purely born from lust
unadulterated passion
that made us forget who we are
this has truly shaken my core

my mind torn between the beautiful act
that consumed me for a few hours
and it's destructive consequences

my heart cries for the woman i betrayed
as much as the hatred i felt towards
the woman that did this to me once
when did i become her, the "other woman"

i hope you find your way back home
and the reasons why you strayed

now i need to say goodbye to you
to someone i never knew
a stranger i'll always remember

try to forget a memory
that will linger
like the bitter taste
of our unspoken secret

The mountains would shine, Echoes
of their singing rung through the cities below,
Brilliant blue skies were never doubted, And
the hope of better things was never wished,
this world couldn't get much greater.
Childrens laughs filled the atmosphere
and shining sparks ruined the darkness of the nights sky
Hands were touched and glances were exchanged, Smiles
never faded and tears would never be shed.
Beauty defined the world and the people,
they would dazzle even the most bitter creature,
Love would last forever and could never be ruined.  
Routine ruled, yet thats what made this planet brilliant,
how it maintained it's wonder and disbelief.

A child cries, and thats when it stops.

Beauty becomes a thing of the past
                                  
Swarms of evil swoop,

Buildings crumble, burn and die,
                      
Screams now echo through the cities,

Tears fall and Love follows closely,
  
People are lost and hope begins to fade,

Fire grows, scaring, bullying people out of their homes,
                
Blood draining out, leaving men grey, Like
                       the sky the darkness had consumed,
                  
Energy is lost, fighting back is pointless

Smoke starts to fill the atmosphere,
  
And the planet is ceasing to exist,

Cries of many mothers are heard,
Lifeless children in their arms,
Many wanting to live on
but the need to give in and perish, conquers,

This once-peaceful world will soon become forgotten or unknown,
              
A decision needs to be made,

Would you jeopardise your world in the hope the other may be
destroyed?

Be the killer of your own kind and the killer of your enemy?

The choice is made,

Sometimes you cannot escape the inevitable,
                                                      
Sometimes things have to be done.....

Every inch of my enthusiasm
Seemed to bifurcate into the hypnotic chasms
Considering it to be a cynical manipulation
Made the situation even worse
Every soul around exalted their emotions
And I stood in the corner
Behind a pillar of dramatic fluctuations
Mediocre skills
High hopes
Delusional beliefs
Every thought in my mind seemed to jeopardise my future
All the hypocrites and their sanctimonious talks now were unraveled
I wondered why my ingenuity was being tested
I died wondering why the chaos in my mind was stopping me from living.

western society has, what we call
an ambitious existentialism -
eastern society has, what we call
the expected existentialism -
oh, apologies for the big word,
i know how smart you are
having books for doorstops
with whiffs of the northern wind sometimes
pooping by a hello... but honestly,
the west is so ambitious and the east
so unambitious that we have
a billion Chinese and about a billion
variations of a McDonald's original advert
of: mm... i'm turkey minded to gulp
that **** in!
and stitched up like a diabetic on a diet!
hanky-tango-two-times of
a sneezing donkey's giddy-up toward Golgotha
sounds almost the same.
are you here for the touristy memorandum
hanging on your neck? me too,
i was about to jeopardise two thousand years
of human history with it, imagine! imagine
what an idiot i'd be if i'd actually gone along
with it!

You want your freedom
Want your *****
You make my fairytales come loose.
Apologies dont mean a thing to both of us
You re still unfair and I still jeopardise your trust.
I want to be with you see that you care
You only talk, you choose truth never dare.
I want a first dance, want your crying eyes
To shine so bright and be clear like blue skies
When I am in the whitest dress…say yes.
My life is not a fairytale
Of that I’m sure.
But I believed you d make it one
You d make it pure.
I’d fall down to your feet
I’d hug your knees
I’d beg and swear I love you
With such ease.
In love there is no space for pride
I say im sorry and I never hide.
What hurt the most that you don’t understand
how much it hurts and how hard to pretend
To make my peace with what I always feared.
To know what could have been and realise.. I saw- it disappeared.
You made me stronger I have ever been
But now im so weak, and my hope s so thin.
i want to make you feel like i am not forever
eternity seems to be not so long.
i want you to keep what we have
and treasure
what we will have as long as love goes on.

for ever under pgang 09.09.18

this is going to spike
the penny did drop
not a story to get a like
front page will flop.
every single shift
all of pgang did scrutinise
now for ever rift
staying clear for no jeopardise.
going to speak my mind
speculation is no illusion
looking back at rewind
gang mentality had conclusion.
on you is shame
you all did cross the line
like love for ever and playing the game
logged on poetry forums for ever to shine.

We won’t sink back into darkness. I don’t want that for either of us. I’ve worked so hard to be a better father, husband, human. I won’t jeopardise that and my hard fought sanity. Nor do I want to hurt you ever again.

And you’re a locked up box. I don’t have the key.

You’re not a horrible monster. You just made a decision, at a very difficult time. Decisions have consequences. My heart, soul and sanity were the consequence.
My decisions had consequences too, I acknowledge that, but there’s one difference. It’s all in my lines. I won’t rehash it.

I didn’t write those poems to hurt you. When it all got too much, that’s all I had...

The sea saved me this week. I walked past that little car park where you dropped me off that day and **** near lost the ability to breathe.

I can’t stay here any longer. I fly home today. Dad’s back on his feet for now. I asked him what he’s going to do when his frivolous bipolar spending spree runs out. He calmly replied. Suicide.

I have not-so-little humans who need my energy. He doesn’t deserve any more.

When you read my lines, beneath the pain, I still love you.
I can’t feel the warmth from your heart. Mine is cold. Your well wishes are welcome.

I miss you x

One Love String
Pink lines in your eyes invite me to commit but a crime
My love how I can please you more in this spring
Allow your innocence to rhyme with me in sweet prime
Let our passion and sentiments be in one string
Get your heart to the rhythm of best music and dance
Let my love it be the world best dance in sheer love
We may not come across to these moments with chance
Let me kiss you and embrace you my sweet dove
Let the rivals may not jeopardise this sweet love venture
Let us pray to love and beauty to remain daze to phrase
I am soldier and you my sweet heart is a sweet adventure
Let us praise these days with same intensity of craze
Colonel Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright Aug 2020 Love Remains