Your smile so irresistible.
A captured moment
is unphotographable.
Your words are so beautiful.
They sound like music
so lovable.
Our friendship is capable
to make us feel invinsible.

We were both in the train
I saw you and called your name
I grinned and said you hi
But you stared without batting an eye...

I blushed and felt embarassed
Face turned red in a flash
My old friend did not see me
As she gawked at me so blankly...

Thinking much, I looked at the mirror...
The cheeks are round and eyes narrow
Waist and tummy have become one
My toes are gone when I look down

Oh the fallacy of real beauty
Norms are dictated by this society
Not the brainy not with personality
Tell me how would you look like Aphrodite?

I am fat, yes...
But I am not invinsible...

You are perfection
And with your arms around me
I’m invincible

May no monster disturb your sleep
and your night be filled with
battles with dragons and trips in submarines.
That tonight you become a knight, a super hero, a pilot and a rockstar.
That each night carries a different adventure,
that you feel invinsible and wake up with the urge to become
everything you've been in your wildest dreams.

Remember when you bought me three pears
because you knew I loved them? One wasn't
ripe at all—took the jaw of lion to crack that
open. Another had gotten smushed under the
weight of my books, leaving pear juice and
residue at the bottom of my backpack, and the
last just made the cut but fell to the floor after
my second bite. We laughed it off, smiling like
lovers & I told you that you ****** at choosing
fruit. But yesterday I stumbled around the city,
intoxicated and nostalgic under all those lights,
trying to grasp any form of support, hoping it
would be your hand on the other end. Passing
the same spot from our first date and that time
we skipped school just to feel invinsible and so
in love, I realized that those three pears were just
some twisted reminder that we ****** at timing,
too.

gd

It just doesn't work, trust me.
You said matter-of-factly in the tone of voice
that could have persuaded me to do anything,
except believe this.

No, it does. It just requires both people to put some effort in.
I remember myself contemplating
and convincing you;
trying to make you believe it was possible, because it had to be.

Exes can't be friends after everything. It just doesn't work.
You told me of all the others
pretty and playful who ran away with your heart
but never gave it back.

But for the longest time, I tried to prove you wrong
tried to make us invinsible in some sort of way
tried to make you see in a new sort of light
tried to show you it wasn't that hard
tried to hold on to what we had
tried to keep our friendship
tried to be the exception
tried to keep us intact
tried to find a way
tried to be more
tried to stay
tried to
tried

But I just came out breathless and heartless
because I hate to admit it, but
god, you were right.*

gd

I noticed something sad in your eyes lately.
A spark lost,
A dream blown away.

I wish I could tell you
"In the end everything works out,"
but honestly
i cant promise you that
i have no idea what you're going through.
And, No,
I would never force you
to change,
     to share
           something you are not ready to share.

Just like
I would never force you to change who you are.
but something else
has forced you to change.

I can't find it in me to judge you
for the sudden cold shoulder
or the cynical attitude.

Specially,
Since i can tell it's a defence
against whatever it is your hiding.

And No
I cant pretend to understand you
We're all different.

I don't know
       what's in your heart
             or what caused it to be there.

Maybe,
Some day,
You'll be able to tell me and say at the end

"But i'm better now.
      I'm over it.
           I'll be okay.
                   I survived.
                       There's better out there."

And really mean it.

I could not leave you,
Not alone,
So i hope that
you don't mind
if I just stay
by your side
in silence.
No matter
How hard it would be
to keep my thoughts to myself.

Maybe,
You just don't want to be reminded
Of your Deamons
or troubles,

Hey.

I'm there.
I'll make you laugh
If i can
         or distract you.

You know I can always distract you
            with my gooffy run on sentences that make no sence at all.
I want to make you laugh.
I want to make you forget.

Maybe,
The pain,
It's too great
And you feel torn up
            inside.

Maybe,
Its too far deep
And too far out
for my reach to
            fix it
                           with a couple of laughs.

I'll still be there for you.

Isn't that why you call me friend.
And I can't promise you that it'll hurt less.
But at least you won't be hurting alone. *

If I forget
to tell you
      how much you mean
           to me

I'll tell you now.

You were there for me.
And
Maybe
You didn't notice
        I was on the border of tears but you made me laugh and smile.*

Now
I want to return the favor
Because you mean that much to me.
I want to be there for you.


Everyone has their own daemons.
I know,
I've had mine.
And
...perhaps...
Yours are greater than mine...
I can't know
Because I would never fully understand.

I am not you.
There is
  only
        one
            you.

You don't deserve
to be hurt
      the way
            you're hurting
                  right now.

All i can offer you is myself.
And even if I did tell you
           all the right words
I still wouldn't be much
because
          it's
                you.

this is
      your
           story,

Tragic or not.

              You decide.
  
All I hope for is that
You realize I'm not
The only one
        out there
             who would do this
                        for you.

There are so many
          out there that
                you've touched heart with
                        because of the way you are.
                                
           Luv ur invinsible

And if some
*******
broke your heart
And you're only feeling sorry for yourself i'll punch you too.

I'll do anything just to make you smile again.
Perhaps its not much but i'll try and just know i'm here.
And in your heart.
No matter how corny it sounds
it's true
you know it.

A thing of the graved past
Is not relevant at all.
But things you did not disclose
Is a deep dark nightmare call.

There was this noble boy
Who you've said have courted you.
You said he's a good friend
And he liked you.

I see he loves cars and travel
More often than you do,
A noble inheritor of a family firm
With an atlethic frame and hue.

But,  the way you describe him
Sounded like he has no mere value.
And me: I believed in the light
Of your tongues' sweet fondue.

Of all this precious time,
My mind have held your stories
Grasped and chained
Optimistic and unworried

Of all this time, doubts.
Yes doubting was never an option
Nor an attempt to juice
Even the slightest blood potion

Until Unexpectedly time came,
Yes on your twentieth birthday,
Expectant was not in the thoughts
Of positivism I've had for years.

Unaware and extremely honest
Smiling with a chance to navigate
Your smart phone's veins
Having a funny faith.

Until someone peeped and popped
From the large screen landscape.
And I never knew
That it was the pivot of my life
Nor a wrist sliding through a knife.

The SMS said, "I love you".
Then blah blah, "missed you"
And all of the mumbled I've seen,
Numbed my soul and ego.

I got wounded. Deeply wounded.
Every word, there's a stab
In my heart, cutting every veins
Feeling the friction and I rub

My eye, it has water I see flowing,
You loved him more than the sun
And I see the young persona of you
Blinkering infront the gun

Like a gun, Pointed at my temples
I've found my self humbly destroyed,
As I knew you missed the guy,
And how you were overjoyed.

Devasted in every word
Knees are trembling with grief
I never knew that I could,
Incorporate you with disbelief.

And as you came in the room
I immediately handed your phone,
And pulled the "surprise" curtain
And greeted you with a nice tone.

"Happy birthday, Darling"
I love you so much. With tears,
Streaming, spine shivering,
Caught off guard by the latch.

Then I stayed. Yes I'm invinsible
And strong as a boxer in the ring.
I've faced your family
Despite of the heavy sting.

Then the lights activated
And someone whispered me
And said "hey sweetie"
"The breakfast is ready"

I quickly jumped up out the bed,
And sip my good coffee
As I think of memories
Escaping the reality.

Looking at the kids
My heart beats faster than the bullet
As I look at your picture
In my treasure box's closet.

Then my wife whispered to me,
"Hunny, who is she?"
I said she is an ex giflfriend
Who cheated me nasty

As my wife and I are alone
She asked me, "why?"
I wrote this poem,
And I almost died.

Then I woke up again
Realizing it was just another dream;
I've found my 26 year old self
Decided to empty this bin

A bin full of trash
From memories who hurted my home
My heart and my brain woke up
Feeling pained and all alone.

ive slept 2 and a half hours for the past three days
i feel high
i dont mind it
i dont fight it
i dont hate it
i love it
i need it
give me the sleeping pills
ill stay awake the night
give me my strange high
why do i love it
makes me feel invinsible
not happy
but
invinsible

Here again at the edge of the fall
Take a deep breath and close your eyes
The drop off is closer than it seems

You're fading again
Loose crystal smiles cling to your lips
Too tired to hold on any longer

We watched and we waited
But the heart of the beast only grew stronger
In waiting for it to die, we gave it life
Gave it the will to carry on

And no one thought to call
And no bothered to write
We just sat and we stared
Carving bullets out of the walls

Tired movies loop in our eyes
Worn out songs eat away at our ears
The darkness is pressing in on us
Smothering, covering, choking the life force

Remember, darling, we brought this on ourselves
How many times did we say it couldn't get worse?
It can't happen to me?
How many times did we tell them all we were invinsible?

Truth be told, love,
We were only freshmen and amatuers.

I can't decipher the real from fake these days.
I can't part ways with the days I spent in haze amazed by the way he made me feel.
What's real?
I can't escape this doubtful state of mind.
Because every time I trust that you're fully committed I feel you becoming timid and I try to back away in time.
Trying to convince myself that in due time you'll come around.
But will it be real?
If you don't love me by now I doubt that you ever will.
So who are you trying to fool?
Me or yourself?
Or are you just flowing through the motions trying to fill the emptiness that she's left you with?
Does that mean you're using me?
You don't care to mend my heart, you're selfishly repairing yours through me.
Abusing me.
For your own good, but it's never good enough is it?
I can feel it.
When you turn your back against me instead of holding me I can sense it.
You're in love with your past and I simply can't take it.
I'm begging you not to put me through this pain.
I can't bear to feel the ground shake beneath my legs.
Again.
Nothing felt realer than the impulse of your absence.
The crude deliverance of your actions.
What's real?
You make me feel incredible.
You make me feel invinsible.
You make me believe this connection is inevitable.
And that nothing, and I mean nothing is realer.
But is it real?
Or am I in this alone?

i.
The pavement glistened at 10:43pm like a shiny new car. And contrary to popular belief, the asphalt was a painter, stroking a green carpet that stretched across the whole street like a pathway to promises. I couldn't help but stare at it; become mesmerized by its colours that danced along with the traffic lights. They fell in sync as if they were falling in love, like two lovers because when one changed, the other followed: from green to yellow to red, the darkness of the night couldn't withstand the strength of the blinding light. The pavement sang along changing itself to mimic the colours above—a love so strong it kept its promises no matter the change, no matter the weather.

ii.
Then I thought about how that must feel—to feel invinsible with someone... but I realized I had known. So long ago, though, I had almost forgotten. But when the memory hits, it hits hard; all the colours of the wind touching your cheeks in hues and shades of greens and yellows and reds and blues. Blue, like the ocean: constantly in flux yet unable to let go of the particles that were knit between them.

iii.
I felt numb watching the wet asphalt, and found myself hoping to feel like before somehow, or in any way close to it. But if I was being honest I would just admit that I'm scared. I'm scared I will never feel that way ever again, not even brave enough to let the wind colour my cheeks. And I've really gotten over everything that's happened between us, really, but what I'm trying to say is I'm lonely and the streets look filled with life when they're actually just empty. And I do not want to become that metaphor—a metaphor for broken promises or a statistic towards bad judgement.

iv.
I want to love. But I'm scared that I've forgotten how because in the process of losing you, I threw away a lot of things including some of my dignity. I just want to know how it feels to have someone's fingers intertwined with yours so tightly that no words would be needed to know they'd never let go. I want to know how it feels to look at someone and hope they'll be the first and last thing you see from then on. I want to remember how it feels to have your heart drop down to your stomach continuously until you can't even breathe.

gd

...had to face the person that you have to act strong in front of, but makes you break inside?

The love you cant't let go of but doesn't care about you anymore?

The person who makes you cry yourself to sleep every night?

The person who once made you feel invinsible but now makes you doubt your whole existence?

The one who made you feel so safe but left you scared of facing the world alone?

The person who gave up on you more times than you can count but you still didn't give up?

The one who left you devastated, waiting for apology you never got?

The person who made you feel stupid for ever loving them, cause they just used you.

If you ever had to face this challenge, I'm proud of you.
It takes a lot of strenght and courage.
It breaks you, just to build you.

The roar of the **** automatic guns

That threw their exploding flak shells

Mixed with the shout of our engines

And bone dry rattle of our machine guns

Gave the French battle scene life

As we strafed and bombed our enemy

To give our troops more time

Our biplanes were made to fight the last war

Not a Blitzkreig but a target was a target

We went after the ******* all the way

Our six Hawker Hector biplanes still had teeth

Four yellow painted 125 pound bombs

And two small machine guns aimed by both crew

City of Manchester Squadron grabbing their chance

Aircrew of the Royal Air Force serving King and Country

In the darkest hour as the **** war machine came

Seemingly unstoppable and utterly invinsible

Except when the RAF biplanes attacked...

From ruins rise great things

Wisdom and insight become

Invinsible to small stones thrown

From mundate comes majesty

Glowing with the inner sense

That all will become from whence it began

From mighty comes minute

Cycle of life continues

No great words remain but round again

we're standing still
face to face
tears are falling
and you're only aware of the rain
and that's okay
because while you can dance in the puddles
invinsible
i'm still standing still
soaking wet

you say you love the storm
but please
love me more.

Sidewalk through the narrow path
don't ever lie
It reveals every signs leading to eternal life
& saves all lives,

For the spirit of Holy Orun-mi-law is a Wheeled will
& the word of Adam-Hū is the truthful way
when judgement is established
with perfect justice
we will all see clearly
"Life's Innocence"
& It's universal providence
when intimate with righteousness.

Whilst I was in the wilderness
the parched deserted wasteland
besieging as deep callth unto deep
I was caught up in thin air
into the invinsible O-realm of
Baba-A-law Edé'n

And I saw the Word of the Creator transformed
into supernatural armies mantles.
filled with perfect Literacy & true Morality
Absolutely absorbed in Spiritual stability.

Then I was caught up to Sheol & Hades
that forbidden exile
which gate is ancient
& path forgotten
which leadth straight
to the eternal lake of damnation
Émourn Amon.

& I beheld the beast & it's 7-seal
as one beholding himself
in a mirror crystal clear,

But I dread no evil
for I am as a psalms that sees
yes,
I am as a psalms that's well equipped
my weapon is living & active
sharper than any double edged sword,

I speak of roots and truth
revealing visions
I do not worship aimlessly
nor do I fellowship as one shadow boxing
no, my locks are 7 lucks
never tempered with blades
from birth
I was born ready to wrestle against
every weapon fashioned by D-evil,

Understand the riddle
a deep allegory
it's metaphysical
there's no lie in my story
only mysteries & mystic deep,
one that can only be unlocked
by one fully oriented in incantation,

Life is as a game of chess
& I speak of the eternal end
the beast and it's 7 heads
what it all represents
& it's antidote;

Unicorn(disgusting lust- Psalms) Dragon(irritating seduction- Revelation) Lion(sorrowful iniquity- Ecclesiastes) Sharkwhale(disgraceful illiteracy- 10 Commandment) Dinosaur(tormenting poverty- Lamentation)
Eagle (fear of Time- Scroll of Adam/Job)
Phoenix (shameful death- Scroll of Enoch)

The confusing sound & voices of their secret cemented illiteracy, and how they worship materialism, and despised enlightenment; the beautiful awaken state of perfect consciousness, choosing rather to break spiritual communication wherefore losing their holy form and transforming into demons, having the heart of a ****** rock, laying net's for the souls of men as fishers, misusing the powers of the dark realm causing blackness in the holy place.

I speak figuratively of the 10 crowned horns of Zion.
Of Babylon, ***** & Gomorrah, Philistine, Hella's, Medes & Persia, Chaldean, Tyre & Sidon, Rome, Kemet, Kush.

Although the righteous one may
fall 7 times before he conqueres
but the Father Lord-God & King
by his Holy-Icon101 already prepared
a beautiful pleasurable bed
for every pit in 7 places
I speak of;

peace, understanding, wisdom, love, knowledge, counsel & acknowledgement
representing the 7 heavens
of God

Yes, I fought & conquered the
D-evil one
through whole stream baptism;
Restoring the soul
purifying the mind
sanctifying the spirit
redemning the emotion
Saving nerve fibre

whilst rebuilding man's fallen State
to its original glory;
where love doth not sleep
peace doth not rest
wisdom is never weary
& understand never dies,

I seek for (wisdom) & I found, knocked at (loved) door & it was opened, asked for (peace) & I was given, called for complete (understanding) & was answered.


The becoming of the Son of man
(Immanuel)
& the coming of the Son of God
(ORISHÀNLÀ 10000)
I speak of err & imbalance
& how it would never again,

Balancing the science & art of living
measuring art with slavery pains
& science by the blood from wars in our veins

then purity & essence will forever remain,
putting an end to strife & greed
ending turbulence from times machine to Clock wise data.

i bite the skin hanging off of my thumb with ladybugs in my hair.

last year, my mom made a wreathe of green and pink hydrangeas that she grew on the side of the house. they're dried up now.

i promise i'll make up for all the years i was supposed to be kissing you instead of them.

my eyes glaze over with euphoria from knowing i will soon douse my whole self in childhood.

ten years ago my father's day gift to my father was moving 2,429 miles away...

the sea turned into lakes, and lost it's salt and starfish.

i sigh heavily as i weave through the cars, another seven hours ahead of myself, and hold my breath as i walk through his cloud of cigarette smoke as he says, "you just coming in?"...

california hasn't forgotten about me...it waits patiently for me knowing i would always return
|
return to it's dusty air and beige dry grass, shriveled in my palms after i picked them out from the cracked ant-infested dirt as i sat "criss-cross-applesauce".

it waits patiently...i wait impatiently...

the mountains watched over me through every black-top-scraped knee and monterey sticky-fingered ice cream cone.

the seals slept soundly on the sun-heated rock beneath the obnoxious seagulls, unbothered by the tide-splash.

SEQUOIA NATIONAL PARK
|
KINGS CANYON
|
DINKY CREEK
|
YOSEMITE

the redwoods and i are related by blood, but they never believe me when i tell them. i can scream it until i am black and blue.

my hair looks like night in the evening, chocolate in the day, and becomes fire in the sun.

dopamine limbs, serotonin mind, and oxytocin heart.

i was never impressed by blue eyes until mine met yours.

eye-contact is a language in and of itself. but few are fluent.

i arrive at you fully made up and exactly how i want to be...
|
wisp and bisk rub off onto your clothes and skin as you love me whole.
|
i leave as more myself, seen raw and authentically bashful.
and to my surprise, i leave feeling more beautiful than before...

this morning i had to look up the definition of "LONELY" because i forgot what it meant.

(a week later) this morning i remember what being lonely feels like.

medical supplies is becoming my unfortunate attributed aesthetic, i fear.

i have never been particularly athletic but i would swim across all fifty seas for you if you needed me.

walking with purpose but mindlessly, all others only blurs i didn't bother to distinguish, daydreaming of your black shirt scrunched into my fist-

i notice she was asking me a question ! begged to know what smelled of indulgence and unidentified nostalgia...
|
: vanilla, salted caramel, saigon cinnamon, heavy cream, sandalwood, orgeat, ice cream shop.
|
she told me it fits me perfectly...sweet but subtle...niche but noticed.

eleven minutes left and feeling very corporate as i look out the third-floor window. neighboring building's & office windows.

the sky was cobalt but my skin was pale.

and you don't say much in reciprocal anymore...are you tired, my love?...

i cried when you told me you loved me.

much-anticipated days of strawberry milk mustaches, laughing until our stomachs ache, and sun-slapped cheeks.

eye watery, pigeon-toed in ***** shoes on the pale checkered floor. she's a summer baby.

i tell him i have known him for four years now, in asl from across the market (in my head, over and over and over again)

i only half listen as she tells a story of a woman who was obsessed with saffron-colored fabric. the other woman argued that the thread wasn't saffron, but red. in which she then stood corrected as the other explained how the water turns orange when the thread was dipped into it.

i miss her and her purple hair. i only pay her a visit when my bangs poke my eyes every morning before i curl them.

a box of chapbooks sat upon his desk touching a ripped manila envelope full of printing press letters.
|
"S"

between debates about jam v. jelly and strawberry v. grape jam/jelly, we dance as friends and friends only this time..

i recall, last summer tasted of cookies too-sweet, but this time it'll be just right.

our star beams & casts shadows onto your sheets. your eyes ablaze and your hair afire. i won't kiss you gently when you look that beautiful.

they told me they'd teach me how to swim, then left me drowning in their pretentiousness.

you held me down but i was set free . . .
|
you're more gentle than i thought you were.
|
it actually hurts thinking of you kissing someone else.

"she used to wear that shirt a lot." my mother told me. she deserved a life full of joy.

BRUISE COUNT: 15

BRUISE ORIGINS: WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, SLEEPING, SLEEPING, ??, ??, ??, ??

_ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ COUNT: 5

_ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ COUNT ORIGINS: LOVE

they don't know the valley the way i do. but i hope they will.

i take up as much space as i possibly can to feel more comfortable.
i only end up feeling more vulnerable. retreat or proceed

tears of fear when eyes should be closed.

i watch her weeping with poor statues of woeful beautiful women
with nameless faces and bare ******* not-quite covered by chiseled cloth. modesty.

my cheeks are flushed as glitter mixes with salty tears, making my skin itchy, raw, bare...

i lean over the vintage sink, peering deeply into the mirror in a dimly lit bathroom of someone i only met once before...

when i was younger i always thought that it was impossible to die in a church. i thought that being inside of it made us
INVINSIBLE . . .

when i was younger, i never really thought about how
birthday cakes don't only have to be "birthday cake" flavored
|
meyer lemon-raspberry, chocolate-cinnamon, quadruple-chocolate, key lime-blueberry-strawberry, carrot, german chocolate, red velvet !

the cars in the review mirror made a total eclipse.

you are the softest color i have ever touched.
and...
you still know me better than most, even if you don't know my favorite ice cream flavor.

logopoeia of ellipses.

i will know the touch of the rays, the slimy backs of 𓆏 after the rain,
and the sting from stepping on chipped shells in the wading water . . . . .