"holdback" poems
Will there be a time when
All this technology ends
When the screens go down
We all mute the sound
Will we return to a time
Not forged in financial design
When the ROI and the GDP
Big money banks we no longer see
Or the interest rates and credit lines
Hidden fees and holdback fines
And tell them, when I turn my shoulders to the night,
I sent you to discuss the market's yield's human right
Oct 11, 2020
Oct 11, 2020 at 9:10 PM UTC
we all rely on the gravity that pulls us back into the earth when our heads are caught up in the clouds. the world is one gigantic living and breathing organism that latches on to the beliefs we so speak. but what separates me from you are the barriers that position us in places where we're out of reach. and all i desire for is to be able to meet you, see you and acknowledge the fact that you are real.
i move from place to place until i lose count of all the people i encounter and i feel as if we may have crossed paths on the streets or the grocery store or daily hour. i'd be lying if i say that i never get tired of searching for you every day but i believe the world moves in mysterious ways so that one day those walls will crumble and disappear and everything else will fall into place, and just maybe you might be real.
i drag my feet across concrete and daily routines often forgetting that the world is indeed too unfathomable to explain. you could have been that person gazing out the window of hotel rooms or vehicles. you could have been the person in front of the line, counting your change before making your way. you could have seen the scars on my arms or my vacant eyes and how you wished you could have approached me in some way that wasn't odd for you and i. maybe you could have said hi. but such acknowledgments are often dismissed with eye contacts and smiles, sometimes not even our senses could be leaned on. our true intentions disguised with glances, subtle hand brushes and complete negligence.
quickly enough, you are nothing but just a stranger walking past me unknowingly with only the thoughts of daily routines clouding up your mind. you may forget the order of things and misinterpret a stare as elusive, wishfully hoping it could have been an introduction to a greeting. i apologize for not initiating on to the next step and only admiring how lonely a human being could get, standing alongside me and many others yet our bodies seem to respond only to each other intensely but subtly to the eye.
we both know the holdback is agonizing and we wish for the day when we would be running our fingers through the rubble of the walls we tear down. for now, what we believe in will remain as thoughts. the world will always contradict with our stream of desires, dreams and feelings. you and i may not know of each others' existence but everything else on this earth is alive, living and breathing, and in time i will be able to look at you in the eyes and know for sure that you are all that is real.
n.j.
Mar 19, 2016
Mar 19, 2016 at 2:50 PM UTC
The snow puffs on the lonely trees of my yard...
Zephyr falling on the rheumy ground,,,
My Heart beating
With no sound!!!!!
My Heart beating with no sound!!!!!
Moist ground intimate
With moist eyes :::
The Parakeets holdback Spring to come,
The peak of KHARABALL,
All Milky with fresh snow
Once Sunshine Gnaw...
Looking above the minerates of my Masjid,,,
I saw your image
Waiting for me...
Let us again we should be we
As we are we
As we are we
Jan 4, 2019
Jan 4, 2019 at 8:02 AM UTC
#*The life of the dew
In the morning
On the flowers, beautiful it looks
To the human eye
To condense and collect
To drop as a dewdrop
To holdback, it knows not
On this earth, it lets go
In the morning hours upon the grass
As there is sunlight up the sky
Beautiful, the life of a dewdrop*#
Jul 27, 2020
Jul 27, 2020 at 2:08 PM UTC
Today I felt different...
While I was decluttering my room and sorting my stuff (preparing my things to finally leave this apartment). Tears were flowing, again. It still pains me knowing you aren't there everyday. Knowing I can't talk to you about the random things that happened today. Knowing that you'll always support me when I told you that, " I don't feel well, I need to clean my room to clear my mind". Knowing that I don't have you, period.
I found photographs of me, you, and us. We were happy in those tiny polariods we have. I found a lot of stuff that reminds me of you, yet I still can't let go even in those things we shared. I still want you near, hoping we'll still share this rainbow color we had. I still have those vivid memories of you, of our plans as a family together. I still want us to work, I still crave for your affirmation and attention. I still think of you a thousand times a day, I am missing you everyday. I still want you. Because I'll never found love like ours.
But, each day I have to face a difficult ending. I have to accept that we need to grow apart. I need to accept that you aren't going home to me anymore. I gotta holdback asking how are you today. I have to hold myself from coming to your place, hoping I'd see a glimpse of you even I'm outside looking like a total creep. I have to keep this random talks to myself. I have to be taster, every time I found a new recipe. I have to be me, without you anymore.
I pray someday you'll find what you need in this lifetime and if this letter crosses your path, let me know. Because I, we'll be waiting for you.
Until then, please do take care of yourself.
S
May 10, 2021
May 10, 2021 at 12:49 PM UTC