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"fitter" poems
Don't be frightened if you hear me at the door...or even if you think you see me at the window. Pretend it's a trick of the light...or another one of those bumps in the night. The spirit is strong and, I'm finding, quite playful in its first few days, weeks, maybe months... whilst waiting for another 'mission'. You know...finding my feet - or maybe wings? But I'm not likely to phone. E-mailing was not my thing! And texting? You’re kidding! I was not a big fan!. All that predictive stuff...If you’re too quick it ends up nonsense...all wrong...not for me. But I will be sending messages through the wind in the trees or maybe the surf on the rocks and sand. Wherever we walked together listen out for me there. I've always felt that I'd be able to do that. You know...whilst finding my feet - or will it be wings? And always, from now on...help spiders out with a glass and a card... take care not to squash their legs. You never know what happens next. And, anyway, another time, but long ahead I hope, it could be you. Although, I always fancied I would come back a human - like this last time round. Being me was good. And they say, ...you know...out there... that you go back to a time when you were at your best. For me that means being younger, fitter - So, a wander on a sun warmed or breezy beach. A Salsa dance, or this Zumba lark...or doing a painting. I liked that... But definitely...fit...Before IT... You know...I’m looking forward to finding my feet, my wings. So...you may see me - out in a crowd, or walking along a country lane, incongruously between villages. I'm already working at appearing for longer and for being more than just a familiar, fleeting, scent or smell. Until I get the calling to make a full life of it again...I'll maybe pop in and out of your life (to let you know I can) ...just in an incidental, experimental kind of way; but then only from time to time. It's quite tiring...You know...finding your feet...your wings.
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Jan 22, 2019
Jan 22, 2019 at 6:22 AM UTC
Finding my Feet...or will it be Wings?
Don't be frightened if you hear me at the door...or even if you think you see me at the window. Pretend it's a trick of the light...or another one of those bumps in the night. The spirit is strong and, I'm finding, quite playful in its first few days, weeks, maybe months... whilst waiting for another 'mission'. You know...finding my feet - or maybe wings? But I'm not likely to phone. E-mailing was not my thing! And texting? You’re kidding! I was not a big fan!. All that predictive stuff...If you’re too quick it ends up nonsense...all wrong...not for me. But I will be sending messages through the wind in the trees or maybe the surf on the rocks and sand. Wherever we walked together listen out for me there. I've always felt that I'd be able to do that. You know...whilst finding my feet - or will it be wings? And always, from now on...help spiders out with a glass and a card... take care not to squash their legs. You never know what happens next. And, anyway, another time, but long ahead I hope, it could be you. Although, I always fancied I would come back a human - like this last time round. Being me was good. And they say, ...you know...out there... that you go back to a time when you were at your best. For me that means being younger, fitter - So, a wander on a sun warmed or breezy beach. A Salsa dance, or this Zumba lark...or doing a painting. I liked that... But definitely...fit...Before IT... You know...I’m looking forward to finding my feet, my wings. So...you may see me - out in a crowd, or walking along a country lane, incongruously between villages. I'm already working at appearing for longer and for being more than just a familiar, fleeting, scent or smell. Until I get the calling to make a full life of it again...I'll maybe pop in and out of your life (to let you know I can) ...just in an incidental, experimental kind of way; but then only from time to time. It's quite tiring...You know...finding your feet...your wings.
Continue reading...
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I had never imagined the impossible Never thought this would happen But how could I deny What was right in front of me It was like looking in a mirror But it wasn't exactly the same She looked so much like me, only prettier Slimmer, fitter, better in every way She smiled at me The same smile I knew too well But something wasn't right Something was missing Chaos came next My body petrified, my mind dazed I couldn't move, I couldn't see A second seemed like an hour, A minute was eternity When the fog cleared, She wasn't there anymore But yet she was, I could sense it And soon I found out She spoke to me, but The sound came from my mouth Then I realized, I wasn't me Anymore, I was her The missing was a soul Now she had one, mine And I was trapped for life.
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Nov 21, 2014
Nov 21, 2014 at 2:07 AM UTC
Trapped
968 Fitter to see Him, I may be For the long Hindrance—Grace—to Me— With Summers, and with Winters, grow, Some passing Year—A trait bestow To make Me fairest of the Earth— The Waiting—then—will seem so worth I shall impute with half a pain The blame that I was chosen—then— Time to anticipate His Gaze— It’s first—Delight—and then—Surprise— The turning o’er and o’er my face For Evidence it be the Grace— He left behind One Day—So less He seek Conviction, That—be This— I only must not grow so new That He’ll mistake—and ask for me Of me—when first unto the Door I go—to Elsewhere go no more— I only must not change so fair He’ll sigh—”The Other—She—is Where?” The Love, tho’, will array me right I shall be perfect—in His sight— If He perceive the other Truth— Upon an Excellenter Youth— How sweet I shall not lack in Vain— But gain—thro’ loss—Through Grief—obtain— The Beauty that reward Him best— The Beauty of Demand—at Rest—
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Fitter to see Him, I may be
Sweetest love, I do not go, For weariness of thee, Nor in hope the world can show A fitter love for me; But since that I Must die at last, 'tis best To use myself in jest Thus by feign'd deaths to die. Yesternight the sun went hence, And yet is here today; He hath no desire nor sense, Nor half so short a way: Then fear not me, But believe that I shall make Speedier journeys, since I take More wings and spurs than he. That if good fortune fall, Cannot add another hour, Nor a lost hour recall! But come bad chance, And we join to'it our strength, And we teach it art and length, Itself o'er us to'advance. When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind, But sigh'st my soul away; When thou weep'st, unkindly kind, My life's blood doth decay. It cannot be That thou lov'st me, as thou say'st, If in thine my life thou waste, That art the best of me. Let not thy divining heart Forethink me any ill; Destiny may take thy part, And may thy fears fulfil; But think that we Are but turn'd aside to sleep; They who one another keep Alive, ne'er parted be.
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Song: Sweetest love, I do not go
And me i wait down the weight, of the past by leaving my plate, Untouched. Instead i devour the self hate, And compensate for the thoughts in my head. By pacing along a path, that'll only lead to my death bed. But me, I already died inside, Many years ago. And my heart it may slow, But it does not show my ability to swallow Mouthfuls of regret at time. And me, I combine, Thought and feelings, With actions, I have no sense of attraction, When i stare at my reflection That screams rejection, And i pull out a fraction of the person i used to be. Because me I am 100 pounds too heavy, 80 pounds to heavy, Every single pound too heavy. And this weight loss is steady, And these burdens i carry, With this thinking that refracts me Prevents me the ability, To see any positive trait, or quality, I drown in a sea, Of unforgivable mistakes, I break, crack, smash Into a thousand pieces. And you, You try to iron out the creases, With therapy and weight gain, And to you, I am a piece of paper with a name, And my tiny frame encompasses Years of self blame, Disdain. And me, I slip through the cracks in the earth, As i claw and clasp for an inch of Self worth. I try to ride and surf This tide, But the feelings inside, The thoughts in my mind, Do not allow me to find Acceptance anywhere. And me i exhale rotten air, As i stare at my past, And i try not to feel, But this pain is so real, So me, i skip a meal And refuse the next, I filter through the net, Stomach regret, And maybe one day yet, Ill be ready for freedom, Excited and apprehensive about the person, I have the potential to become. But for now, My meal is undone. And me, I run in fear, There is no life here, No beauty near. And the sheer idea, That maybe, Just maybe A number shouldn't dictate my self worth. Shouldn't cause me to hurt, myself That i am worth more, The idea of closing the door, Too much to bare. So in silence I'll stare, I'll restrict and starve, And lose my hair, And don't tell me I don't care, Because it'd be impossible For me to care any more, But can't you see There's a fire inside of me And Im burning at the core. And i guess that makes me a coward, a quitter, But i can't see anyway fitter, And it tastes so bitter Chewing on the past, And the taste it lingers And fills up my glass. But until you've walked in my ever shrinking shoes, Do not judge me, Or the choices i chose, Do not question the freedom i lose, This body i abuse. Do not remind me Of the sanity i could find For you have no clue Of the hurricanes That run wild within my mind.
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May 25, 2014
May 25, 2014 at 6:07 AM UTC
Anorexia (redrafted)
And me i wait down the weight, of the past by leaving my plate, Untouched. Instead i devour the self hate, And compensate for the thoughts in my head. By pacing along a path, that'll only lead to my death bed. But me, I already died inside, Many years ago. And my heart it may slow, But it does not show my ability to swallow Mouthfuls of regret at time. And me, I combine, Thought and feelings, With actions, I have no sense of attraction, When i stare at my reflection That screams rejection, And i pull out a fraction of the person i used to be. Because me I am 100 pounds too heavy, 80 pounds to heavy, Every single pound too heavy. And this weight loss is steady, And these burdens i carry, With this thinking that refracts me Prevents me the ability, To see any positive trait, or quality, I drown in a sea, Of unforgivable mistakes, I break, crack, smash Into a thousand pieces. And you, You try to iron out the creases, With therapy and weight gain, And to you, I am a piece of paper with a name, And my tiny frame encompasses Years of self blame, Disdain. And me, I slip through the cracks in the earth, As i claw and clasp for an inch of Self worth. I try to ride and surf This tide, But the feelings inside, The thoughts in my mind, Do not allow me to find Acceptance anywhere. And me i exhale rotten air, As i stare at my past, And i try not to feel, But this pain is so real, So me, i skip a meal And refuse the next, I filter through the net, Stomach regret, And maybe one day yet, Ill be ready for freedom, Excited and apprehensive about the person, I have the potential to become. But for now, My meal is undone. And me, I run in fear, There is no life here, No beauty near. And the sheer idea, That maybe, Just maybe A number shouldn't dictate my self worth. Shouldn't cause me to hurt, myself That i am worth more, The idea of closing the door, Too much to bare. So in silence I'll stare, I'll restrict and starve, And lose my hair, And don't tell me I don't care, Because it'd be impossible For me to care any more, But can't you see There's a fire inside of me And Im burning at the core. And i guess that makes me a coward, a quitter, But i can't see anyway fitter, And it tastes so bitter Chewing on the past, And the taste it lingers And fills up my glass. But until you've walked in my ever shrinking shoes, Do not judge me, Or the choices i chose, Do not question the freedom i lose, This body i abuse. Do not remind me Of the sanity i could find For you have no clue Of the hurricanes That run wild within my mind.
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649 Her Sweet turn to leave the Homestead Came the Darker Way— Carriages—Be Sure—and Guests—too— But for Holiday ’Tis more pitiful Endeavor Than did Loaded Sea O’er the Curls attempt to caper It had cast away— Never Bride had such Assembling— Never kinsmen kneeled To salute so fair a Forehead— Garland be indeed— Fitter Feet—of Her before us— Than whatever Brow Art of Snow—or Trick of Lily Possibly bestow Of Her Father—Whoso ask Her— He shall seek as high As the Palm—that serve the Desert— To obtain the Sky— Distance—be Her only Motion— If ’tis Nay—or Yes— Acquiescence—or Demurral— Whosoever guess— He—must pass the Crystal Angle That obscure Her face— He—must have achieved in person Equal Paradise—
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Her Sweet turn to leave the Homestead
679 Conscious am I in my Chamber, Of a shapeless friend— He doth not attest by Posture— Nor Confirm—by Word— Neither Place—need I present Him— Fitter Courtesy Hospitable intuition Of His Company— Presence—is His furthest license— Neither He to Me Nor Myself to Him—by Accent— Forfeit Probity— Weariness of Him, were quainter Than Monotony Knew a Particle—of Space’s Vast Society Neither if He visit Other— Do He dwell—or Nay—know I— But Instinct esteem Him Immortality—
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Conscious am I in my Chamber
1685 The butterfly obtains But little sympathy Though favorably mentioned In Entomology— Because he travels freely And wears a proper coat The circumspect are certain That he is dissolute— Had he the homely scutcheon Of modest Industry ’Twere fitter certifying For Immortality—
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The butterfly obtains
"Fitter Happier" "more productive comfortable not drinking too much regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week) getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries at ease eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats) a patient better driver a safer car (baby smiling in back seat) sleeping well (no bad dreams) no paranoia careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole) keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then) will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall) favours for favours fond but not in love charity standing orders on sundays ring road supermarket (no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants) car wash (also on sundays) no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate nothing so childish at a better pace slower and more calculated no chance of escape now self-employed concerned (but powerless) an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism) will not cry in public less chance of illness tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat) a good memory still cries at a good film still kisses with saliva no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick that's driven into frozen winter **** (the ability to laugh at weakness) calm fitter, healthier and more productive a pig in a cage on antibiotics" - A song by Radiohead. I did not write this.
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Oct 29, 2013
Oct 29, 2013 at 11:31 PM UTC
Radiohead
I weigh 68 kilos right now, But I must cut 3 more kilos. Then I'll be fitter with my body more defined, But - I don't intend to become a bodybuilder. I don't just want to tighten my body's muscles, I want to make sure there is not any loose skin.
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May 3, 2013
May 3, 2013 at 9:31 AM UTC
Gotta Get Stronger (My Gym Poem)
Wouldst thou hear what man can say In a little? Reader, stay. Underneath this stone doth lie As much beauty as could die; Which in life did harbor give To more virtue than doth live. If at all she had a fault, Leave it buried in this vault. One name was Elizabeth, Th' other let it sleep with death; Fitter, where it died to tell, Than that it lived at all. Farewell.
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Epitaph On Elizabeth
Out of the darkest shell I emerge, Bringing Out a path once trailed I Arrive; With a story to tell From a past once bitter To a Path Now Fitter Out of the grave of dreams, I Arrive Standing on the Rays of boom From the pains of Mirage, To the Shadows longed for I will take my Chances Out of the loneliest Sea, I conquered Beneath the Deepest Clouds I Fly, I sojourn without feathers And tell my tales at Heavens Gate
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Jul 14, 2016
Jul 14, 2016 at 6:49 AM UTC
''OUT OF THE DARKEST SHELL I EMERGE''
There’s nowt like some rapping To get my feet tapping. Alesha Dixon’s the ***** That got me mixin’ Today. Saw her on a recording Doing rap for Piers Morgan. That might be pararhyme – At best - But who gives a dime. Just feel like rhyming With impeccable timing. Let’s shimmer and shammer And give it some hammer. Alesha’s sure got glitter There’s no gal fitter No wonder she is All over Twitter. She’s as smooth and silky As a pint of bitter. These rhymes Like chimes Make me feel so fine. Well that’s me done now I don’t quite know how This mood came over me. It is infectious She leaves me breathless But hey I’m out of time, What a crime. Paul Butters
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Sep 12, 2014
Sep 12, 2014 at 6:46 AM UTC
Alesha Dixon
All guest are gone Beds emptied Wash is on New year a new me Stop my vices For a fitter me to be My mantra kindness New year a new me Yoga my roots Love my stem Seeds to grow New year a new me The world is ours Cherish the now Grow kinder branches Be the leaves you want to see New you new year
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Jan 3, 2017
Jan 3, 2017 at 7:17 AM UTC
New year new me
Sweetest love, I do not go, For weariness of thee, Nor in hope the world can show A fitter love for me; But since that I Must die at last, 'tis best To use myself in jest Thus by feign'd deaths to die. Yesternight the sun went hence, And yet is here today; He hath no desire nor sense, Nor half so short a way: Then fear not me, But believe that I shall make Speedier journeys, since I take More wings and spurs than he. O how feeble is man's power, That if good fortune fall, Cannot add another hour, Nor a lost hour recall! But come bad chance, And we join to'it our strength, And we teach it art and length, Itself o'er us to'advance. When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind, But sigh'st my soul away; When thou weep'st, unkindly kind, My life's blood doth decay. It cannot be That thou lov'st me, as thou say'st, If in thine my life thou waste, That art the best of me. Let not thy divining heart Forethink me any ill; Destiny may take thy part, And may thy fears fulfil; But think that we Are but turn'd aside to sleep; They who one another keep Alive, ne'er parted be.
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Sweetest Love, I do not go
Twice or thrice had I loved thee, Before I knew thy face or name, So in a voice, so in a shapeless flame, Angels affect us oft, and worship’d be; Still when, to where thou wert, I came, Some lovely glorious nothing I did see. But since my soul, whose child love is, Takes limbs of flesh, and else could nothing do, More subtile than the parent is, Love must not be, but take a body too, And therefore what thou wert, and who, I bid Love ask, and now That it assume thy body, I allow, And fix itself in thy lip, eye, and brow. Whilst thus to ballast love, I thought, And so more steadily to have gone, With wares which would sink admiration, I saw, I had love’s pinnace overfraught, Ev’ry thy hair for love to work upon Is much too much, some fitter must be sought; For, nor in nothing, nor in things Extreme, and scatt’ring bright, can love inhere; Then as an Angel, face, and wings Of air, not pure as it, yet pure doth wear, So thy love may be my loves sphere; Just such disparity As is twixt Air and Angels’ purity, ‘Twixt women’s love, and men’s will ever be.
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Air And Angels
Open conspiracies are born in black light as a big bang passes a tiny toot Beyond color-prison shackles freedom glows a fitter hue as unreal and exact as foreseen Baby Buddha in smoothed-out wrinkles redisappears backwards into a moment gravity holds dear pieces of universe stuck in its throat giggling to negotiate the terms of its final rebirth: The magnetic pole to every needle, in exchange for time to squeeze out of life the conditions for running counter-clockwise… Reality is a plot to overthrow itself.
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Jul 5, 2018
Jul 5, 2018 at 12:24 AM UTC
Conspiracy Theory
In the frame time with mimes Circling around in rhyme Where the whispers are shouted And the misery is publicized In colorful banners all emphasized Take thy front foot to the left And they back foot gone to theft All here on the bitter mans salute All here on the fitter mans salute All here on the winning mans salute And in sticking finicky horse flies War torn and wishing they were never born Telling tales that now are screened as myths Where love is prophesized in the shape of gifts No man may enter and no woman may squeal We are all habits in finely packed eight dollar meals Shipped off and clipped off Like coupons were are richly scuffed So here lie the bitter mans salute So here lie the fitter mans salute So here lie the winning mans salute With the bid that went through by the government official Stating that all tax will be in the form of red wax Each child must pray to someone else so to obey Kidnapped minds that grind their kinds as thin as lines Non-sensical quotes that drift in the minds like long lost boats Skimming the surface of a service of true freedom Reaching millions with a smile with crossed fingers as long as miles And here lie the bitter mans salute And here lie the fitter mans salute And here lie the winning mans salute Our timing in the black market square Makes all who enter shiver and dare Know not who you hate only who you love Take a start toward the finishing line above Inside all of this lies no secret and no lie Your heart will be broken but do not cry Bright in the day but dark all around me now The farmers in the field work with no plow She's memorized by pity pain capturing her life Sharpening the ****** weapon a heart shaped knife Make your way down and See the bitter mans salute See the fitter mans salute See the winning mans salute
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Dec 21, 2011
Dec 21, 2011 at 3:21 PM UTC
Winning Salute
In the frame time with mimes Circling around in rhyme Where the whispers are shouted And the misery is publicized In colorful banners all emphasized Take thy front foot to the left And they back foot gone to theft All here on the bitter mans salute All here on the fitter mans salute All here on the winning mans salute And in sticking finicky horse flies War torn and wishing they were never born Telling tales that now are screened as myths Where love is prophesized in the shape of gifts No man may enter and no woman may squeal We are all habits in finely packed eight dollar meals Shipped off and clipped off Like coupons were are richly scuffed So here lie the bitter mans salute So here lie the fitter mans salute So here lie the winning mans salute With the bid that went through by the government official Stating that all tax will be in the form of red wax Each child must pray to someone else so to obey Kidnapped minds that grind their kinds as thin as lines Non-sensical quotes that drift in the minds like long lost boats Skimming the surface of a service of true freedom Reaching millions with a smile with crossed fingers as long as miles And here lie the bitter mans salute And here lie the fitter mans salute And here lie the winning mans salute Our timing in the black market square Makes all who enter shiver and dare Know not who you hate only who you love Take a start toward the finishing line above Inside all of this lies no secret and no lie Your heart will be broken but do not cry Bright in the day but dark all around me now The farmers in the field work with no plow She's memorized by pity pain capturing her life Sharpening the ****** weapon a heart shaped knife Make your way down and See the bitter mans salute See the fitter mans salute See the winning mans salute
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801 I play at Riches—to appease The Clamoring for Gold— It kept me from a Thief, I think, For often, overbold With Want, and Opportunity— I could have done a Sin And been Myself that easy Thing An independent Man— But often as my lot displays Too hungry to be borne I deem Myself what I would be— And novel Comforting My Poverty and I derive— We question if the Man— Who own—Esteem the Opulence— As We—Who never Can— Should ever these exploring Hands Chance Sovereign on a Mine— Or in the long—uneven term To win, become their turn— How fitter they will be—for Want— Enlightening so well— I know not which, Desire, or Grant— Be wholly beautiful—
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I play at Riches—to appease
I am thinner than you Better than you Fitter than you Bitter at you Check out my texts Don't share my sexts Here is one breast Beg for the rest wiggle jiggle Giggle hate you hate me Rate me Wait! See?
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Nov 11, 2013
Nov 11, 2013 at 5:04 PM UTC
Fourteen 2013
THE FUNNY FARM Take a look, the cow’s milking itself And the sheep are shearing their wool. The hens gathering eggs from the shelf And the pigs entertaining the bull. The geese are collecting litter Foxes are mending the fence Farmers never been fitter No work for him to commence. Chickens have pecked the hedge To make everywhere neat Ducklings have polished the ledge Where the farmer keeps his feet. The plough horse back from the field Had quite enough for one day Now has to calculate cabbages to yield Then clean out the hay. This is the funny farm Where smart animals hang out Full of character and bags of charm Lots to shout about.
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Apr 9, 2016
Apr 9, 2016 at 12:17 PM UTC
The Funny Farm - reposted
Hide inside Pesticide Spiders slip Inside your skin Strip within Filled with sin Oh Take  me Break me Fake me Oh you Simmer Glitter I'm not without a light Why fight Fill your brimmer You glimmer Why don't you judge who's FITTER Don't be so scared I'm self aware It's just your faults I blame I hide inside your light I beg you, please don't fight So tell, what's my right? So tell me, Will. I. FIGHT? Why don't you Hate me Stake me Fake me Forsake me Don't be so scared I'm well aware That we are all the same. You Glimmer Simmer I hide inside your light You ask me Am I bitter I glitter Sinner Oh I beg you, what's my right? I ask you, do I fight? I'm not inside your pesticide I hide inside your rage I'm not too scared I shield your glares They strip aside my age So, will I Glimmer Simmer I hide inside your light Do I Glitter You sinner? I ask you watch my rights Will you Hate me Break me Forsake me or **** me I ask you , it's your right. I ask you, why should I fight you?
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Apr 20, 2014
Apr 20, 2014 at 7:50 AM UTC
What are my rights? (Song)
Do you want me as much as I want you? And I don’t mean in the physical, “I want to **** you way” I mean in the “I want to hold your hand and fall asleep with you and while you slumber tell you not how beautiful you are to me but how beautiful you are to the world and how you deserve someone much better, fitter, prettier, smarter, better, than me and hope you can hear well in your dreamland and then tell you how I want you to make me feel like the only star in the universe, the one that shines brightest but that will never burn out, to make me feel like the one who deserves everything you tell her in the pitch of the night, but I also want you to tell me these things in the daylight when I can show you those three scars on my arm, when you can see every single blemish that I refuse to cover up on my acne-riddled face, when the cellulite between my thighs and covering my once-thin tummy jiggles while I laugh at the silly jokes you tell me to cover up the fact that we both are terrified at being hurt again and what I want the most is for you to read this terrible poem and tell me I’m not crazy for wanting these things because you want them too" sort of way. Three-thousand memories ago I once wrote the line, “I’m tragically in love with the idea of you” but I’ve moved past that. I’m at the point where I’m just praying you aren’t in love with an idea of me, because believe me, it’s twisted, it’s warped, it’s a facade. I hope that as soon as you realize I am Jess The Mess you don’t run away screaming, because I sure as hell would.
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Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 11:03 AM UTC
The Mess
Do you want me as much as I want you? And I don’t mean in the physical, “I want to **** you way” I mean in the “I want to hold your hand and fall asleep with you and while you slumber tell you not how beautiful you are to me but how beautiful you are to the world and how you deserve someone much better, fitter, prettier, smarter, better, than me and hope you can hear well in your dreamland and then tell you how I want you to make me feel like the only star in the universe, the one that shines brightest but that will never burn out, to make me feel like the one who deserves everything you tell her in the pitch of the night, but I also want you to tell me these things in the daylight when I can show you those three scars on my arm, when you can see every single blemish that I refuse to cover up on my acne-riddled face, when the cellulite between my thighs and covering my once-thin tummy jiggles while I laugh at the silly jokes you tell me to cover up the fact that we both are terrified at being hurt again and what I want the most is for you to read this terrible poem and tell me I’m not crazy for wanting these things because you want them too" sort of way. Three-thousand memories ago I once wrote the line, “I’m tragically in love with the idea of you” but I’ve moved past that. I’m at the point where I’m just praying you aren’t in love with an idea of me, because believe me, it’s twisted, it’s warped, it’s a facade. I hope that as soon as you realize I am Jess The Mess you don’t run away screaming, because I sure as hell would.
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