apologies, but i will not be abstracting people
as mere pronoun users,
i know i should, but i kinda like "painting"
and giving peoeple race, and differences,
i can't really establish what pronoun-bleaching
would do to, oh i don't know,
perhaps i'd be writing this...

back when i still worked as a roofer and was doing
a project in Greenwich,
  nice try, construction industry men don't
go to the gym... what a joy to remember my roots...
anyway...
    what was i saying?
   so i commuted from north east london
this this little village...
and it really has a feel about it that it is a village...
i went into the Greenwich waterstones
bookshop and spotted something interesting...
    a j. k. huysmans trilogy (beginning with la bas)
and ending with *cathedral, or something like that,
if i knew what the internet was saying,
i'd buy all three books...
     but i did the dumb thing of buying
the first book of the trilogy, that's always in print...
anyway, no small loss...
   and there stood sideways joseph roth's
the antichrist...
              i can't compare it to nietzsche work,
even though i should, given roth was jewish...
and i figured: if the concept is not originally
jewish and greek, and anti- is a prefix much
more easily understood these days with
the existence of anti-matter...
            than say... armilus...
    well... so i was commuting day to day,
and over the course of the project probably read
two of three books, roth's was one of them,
alongside nikos kazantzakis' blockbuster...
but something weird happened when i read roth
for the first time...
     sitting in this dockland train heading south
of the thames, a group of muslim "women"
spotted that i was literate,
     they sat, about 10 metres away from me...
but the word antichrist must have prompted them,
one just said out-loud: you're satan's *****...
huh?
   there i am, reading my own book not raving
mad reading it aloud, and there she has the prank
of associating a book to a very mysterious person
who riddles the bible being completed...
      mein gott: two world wars ever since nietzsche
wrote he was the person with the title kept
sorta on a whim for nearly 2000 years...
     and then two days ago my father has a car accident
and this hijab clad woman is driving,
  but she does a Pilate and doesn't take responsibility,
the passenger that's with her jumps out
   and gives my father his details
and the woman is pristine...
     a *******, what do you call it: sacred cow?
most pedestrians in england are treated as such...
  so she phones her son and gives the phone to my father
and her son says to my father: it's against
the law to phone the police, you can't phone them...
well... hey presto! we're in Saudi Arabia!
and this is what's worrying me...
no... nope... this is what pains me...
    i had to take my ego for a walk tonight...
i had to think a lot of ******* out,
how the ego would whimper and whine like a dog...
there's your "janus" / "contronym"...
ego... dog...
   the leash? i'm thinking with it...
and suddenly, clarifty, i can pierce it's *******
narrative and think about it... as any id might...
what i experienced was an ego-dispossesion...
   i lost it, it turned into an automaton,
robotic misery... hardly the angry Frankenstein monster...
i lost the care for an ego-embodiment...
i was dispossessed by it, robbed, thief! thief!
i needed to come back home and read
heidegger's aphorisms 174 through to 178 from
the ponderings (it would help that you read the
ponderings... after reading being & time)...
the pain i felt was very much akin to being British,
even though it's something i assimilated into...
which could mean that's it's the odd bit...
should i, shouldn't i feel some sentiment for my host
culture?
word are flying around the place,
they're calling it cultural marxism...
well... i come from a culture that had stated
marxism, period, i.e. supported by an economic model,
that worked, and would have worked,
had capitalism not done what capitalism does
naturally: compete!
   i'm watching these cultural marxists and, i think,
i'm watching penguins in a zoo...
  i don't know what to make of these marxists,
who aren't even leninists...
            where's the economic model?!
  
that's the problem of going to a catholic school
in england, attempting to stress multi-culturalism,
i even ojected to being confirmed ritually,
with a bishop from Brentwood,
sorry, too much Irish around the place....
i too thought i was about to say something in Gaelic...
outer-east london: a complete ******* jungle
of biodiversity...
     so did i misplace my allegiences?
to the tongue? to faking an ethnicity?
    of course i'm pisssed off, i spent the past 2 hours
walking the most mundane of walks,
bewildered why this woman in a hijab wouldn't
own up to causing a traffic accident...
i helped him will out the police forms,
and there she is, on paper, smug like some ****** mary
because i'm the one that really doesn't think
that Islam got Project Hair wrong,
me? personally? i think that woman's hands ought to
be covered,
     in thinking terms, a woman's hands could
get me more excited than a woman's foot...
but sure... hell... why not hair?!
              the last time i checked, normal people
have an aversion toward hair...
ever see that person almost vomiting when they found
a stranger's hair in their soup?
  that **** that grows on your hair is the only silk
you've got... how about a few toenail clippings
to boot? first thing a sane would think: ****! ****!
oh, we're going to get on... just fine, just fine...
   the next time i think about encouraging
an **** ******* position's worth of prayer
i'll be a ******* cardinal.
   what's wrong with taking responsibility?
why are Islamic women so immune to the tractātus
of law? where's the jurisprudence?
   i'd call it something more than diabolical...
you can really become a vampire when you're told
the lesson: those that thirst for justice...
  lesser leech...
            who gives a **** whether it was: "but a scratch"?
woman! take responsibility!
  pampered little coconut jugglers...
   now to think of it... leave those curtains,
and this one time: she was walking with a buggy
and a small child and she unveiled herself from
a niqab before me...
           the perfect arabian nightmare i could
have ever witnessed...
             i had long hair back then...
what she revealed from under that niqab?
wait... am i writing this in the times
when the French occupied the Holy Land and had
the first thirst / idea of a colony?
  
this is me, imitating punching a brick wall...
this is me... in a boxing ring...
bashing myself...
            this is me thinking about how man
has no capacity to usher in karma,
how man's concept of law is hardly cosmic,
how man is a kniving ******* that
deserves something beyond a heaven and a hell:
rather: a return to his self...
that's what i keep telling myself:
i don't want heaven, i don't want hell...
i, just, want, to, return, to, my, self...
    yes, that's a reflection,
hence the pronoun has no compound, i.e. isn't
a reflexive understanding for the fluidity of language
expressed by the concerning compound: myself.
perhaps that's just the beginning of understanding
the noumenon / thing in itself, or rather to counter
the fluidity of the word itself, since, evidently
it self makes no sense that could ever produce
a concept akin to the noumenon...

why wouldn't this woman care to give an inkling into
her concept of right and wrong...
she's driving the ******* car, she makes a doo doo...
pauper... **** up!
            i still don't know why it was about hair...
you like a stranger's **** in a soup?
   what's with this middle eastern fetish for covering it?
hey! beginning from 1986, am i sorta automatically
involved in a cult that has a vintage of ageing from
a **** of a camel a long time ago?
  no wonder the knighthood ceremony was initiated
by slapping a newly initiated knight across the cheek,
like i said, a woman's hand is more ******
than her hair...
      i'd say: take up ye care to don gloves!
and that, i'm sure, will never happen.

it's probably the most delicate thing a woman can possess...
a hand...
the rest is what darwinism cared to provide us with:
a black widow, a mantis;
and that's talking pure earnest about the matter...

listen, i spent the past two hours having the ordeal of
an ego... which i had to anti-narrate into theory...
yes, the id was helpful, is actually told me, or rather,
interrupted the ego from the narrative
to give me this *******'s worth of profanity
(and yes, with due reason; ever fill out a police form
concerning some accident? do that, then you'll be equipped
to read Tolstoy)...

so it was ego-possessiveness,
      the ego already thinks its eternally subject...
that's one of the implants...
eternity and god are inherent in ego,
   your heart means absolutely nothing when the ego
has been given certainity that it can't shake off...
what the ego isn't given is a unit of reason
that sees past it... the id...
in relation to dualism and the much active dichotomy
as alternative to an equilibrium of dualism
i will outrightly exclude the superego
  as nothing but antithesis to the ubermann theory
of overcoming man...
  and on their shoulder they once had
the epitomes of cartoon conscience, an angel and a demon...
but thanks to the superego: they had mama
on their left shoulder, and papa on their right shoulder...

just the mere act of shutting that thing up
was enough, and it was apparent,
that writing fiction could be to blame,
   writing fiction can be rightly guessed at
for levitating a condition of medical proportion
into the realm of mythology,
    we have already depersonalised the unit
of ego to the extent that it has become polarised,
bipolar, e.g., comes from a depersonalised
gravity of ego,
we're no longer in need to write books,
we're in a dire need to write our own psyches...
and it all stems from making the basic human unit,
bound to the privacy of thought,
as needing a system that outweighs the moral
stratum,
           what can a person actually be or become
to even dream about asserting that there is
a da-sein (i.e. something, somethingness)
          "happening"?
i feel that there's something worse than a second
nakedness emerging,
         it's this incapacity to move on,
it's a mental nakedness, i am more easily prone
to dress my body in clothes
than i am able to dress my ego in thoughts,
than can correlate adequately, and peacefully...
toward something akin to a symbiosis
that can reach a = status, rather than an
   ≠ or an ≈ status... ****! Aquarius!
isn't the ≈ symbol the basis for it?
oh hell, back into the zodiac...
              
     i know my ego can be a downer,
but at least that's who i am talking about...
aphorisms no. 174 through to 178?
i do odd experiments with books,
     this is the first of its kind,
i'm actually going to rattle-******* this book out
till it feels like having wanked it 20 times
in a single day... i'll write what i "feel",
funny word, that word feel...
you never get to use it these days,
man is more about hammering in nails than
saying: ooh... that hurts...
and we all know what happened to Jesus'
teaching... forgive strangers...
     make sure your former friends are
crucified up-side down...
                 that really went far...
                      i can just see him...
an oasis of bullet-proof clauses...
              about how to handle people...
give them l.s.d. unconsciously!
         then wait for actual l.s.d. to arrive
and then worry...
when they took to their Swiss bicycles...
and writing poetry... and eating a soft-boiled
egg... given the concern for cholesterol:
a hard concept to fathom: that runny yoke...
     never ate mine with salt, i always like
that idea of legalised abortion...
                and we can be just that...
so imaginative to consolidate being mammal
that we can fathom eating chicken eggs
as easily as abortions... runny yokes have no basis
for a morality, or a compass...
they just are... runny... yummy...
             i call yokes the male version of
a woman's fascination with chocolate...
  i think egg yokes are the equivalent of cholocate
for men as chocolate is for women...
or so the advert said...

aphorism 174: as language...

          aphorism 175:
              philosophy catching up to science,
akin to theology catching up to philosophy,
both condescending extracts
that end up with both of the extreme parties
dressing up funny.

aphorism 176: such that newspapers are
the natural preservers? i.e. the idea of historical
escapism.

      (toilet paper does, much much more,
than a newspaper actually provides,
   press freedom is a bit boring to be honest,
beginning with the need for a moral agent
that's less and less moral, and more prone to
darwinism, i.e. selective, which is also said via:
what's natural, in a more and more techno-savvy culture?)

aphorism 177: only as, a rural thinker unto
a rural thinker... a case of describing a perfume
of those thinking about a day after tomorrow,
   but more precisely:
  the day before yesterday that didn't involve them...
say, on the ethnicity basis,
  the talk of being inheriting from the form
of ancestry... how we cultivate cucumbers,
tomatoes, prejudices...
   which is why i'm a slav happily talking a tongue
that's germanic, an off-shoot saxon,
and hopefuly defending it.

aphorism 178:
         "everything great wavers and wobbles,
stands in a storm. the beautiful is difficult."
   Ezra too, with the last, alas.
     but it's true... what happened in england in the second
part of the 20th century was great,
  and it did indeed wobble past the storm into
a desert of retirement...
            a peaceful coming toward terms of
a natural agreement...
   the generation preceding mine enshrined in their
psyche an england they heard over the radio...
king crimson... all such artistic expressions
found a case to take root...
     how parasites never attack a feeble creature
and only take roost in a strong symbiotic partner...
once it was said england could resemble ancient greece,
and it did, from the second part of the 20th century...
but that ended...
               it's gone, i have inherited a communist
past, a marxism with a concept of money,
and economic policy that wasn't inherently competitive,
but it also wasn't a welfare policy of the Marshall Plan,
and all i get is this freakish counter-movement
known as marxism in culture...
   that's worse than marxism in economy!

it should be heartbreaking to say this,
but coming from a monochromatic society,
watching the death of communism...
     i could say it was perfect... but then i can't
given my grandparents have a secure pension plan
that the state provides... i like that joke,
i just said it, and it makes perfect sense...
there is much more of Pilate in the history
of the peoples than there is of Jesus...
washing my hands clean, the companies said,
meaning self-employment...
     unless you have a really hungry libido
you actually do start worrying about keeping up
the numbers...
  companies don't...
      it's a bit of a bollocking...
i come from what could be imagined as a safety
economics of marxism into a marxism of culture
that i simply can't comprehend...
              well: it did give "us" a sense of pride,
and a will to rebuild warsaw without any american
money...
        the russians just said: where's your pride?
do you want to take their money and have it easy?
and when i ask that question:
i just start thinking about arabs without their oily diapers...
oil diaper... not exactly black gold:
oil diapers...
             Ahmed gonna poo poo?
              &nbsp

pre-scriptum:
                no polyglot would experience this sort of "paradox", it's not even a paradox of a "paradox" off a 'paradox', bilingualism has its methodology, as Kant could explain, extracting his methodology off the page into a meticulous day-to-day activity... the sage / if not the clock of Königsberg... i can imagine this obsessive-compulsive mini-rituals that would always escape the throng on a Sunday... the Sunday eucharist wasn't enough for the man, there were so many rituals to take care of, having famously not married, while Kierkegaard having: infamlusly not married... i appreciate their strategy... reading them while also reading Nietzsche, these two gentlemen, by comparison, if not in work, certainly in life gravitate above the popularity of Nietzsche... why? Nietzsche appears as an incel... fan boy, are you? *******... but you need some sort of structure if you're not going to marry... Kant found his daily routine an eternal mass... so many routine daily tasks seemingly mundane to some, can enlarge themselves to become out of proportion pillars of preserving sanity in face of standing before god and a post-life scenario... hell is not so much a place of suffering... i can tell you of the most "mild" form of suffering... an extrovert becoming drunk... constant talking, lack of purpose as in: lack of direction culminating in: lack of concentration, pandemonium is the heaven of a flickering light for a moth... again... this always bewilders me... why did Sisyphus have to drag the stone up the hill? was there some overlooking demon with a whip looking over him? couldn't he just... sit, and concentrate on the stone, create pleasure, from thinking? is that really so odd... i suppose so... given the grand h'american export of the freedom of speech... few people will find pleasure in thinking... Kierkegaard, which Nietzsche didn't read... said: why do people concern themselves with the freedom to speak, when they already possess a freedom to think? is this, me speaking, because it's the internet and it's a public space... surely i don't have an eloquent speech, i speak too quickly, i sometimes mumble, this is an extension of thinking, it's not an invitation to speak... rhetoric is an art designated for people who joked about philosophy and took sophistry seriously... i don't like Nietzsche... i still think of the man as the esteemed bachelor... apparently being freed from women allowed him to write his Critique with the sort of clarity that comes, in a cascading form, at the end, in the methodology of transcendence... which reads, like a page-turner tabloid narrative... once the formalities / difficulties are established... i'm no polyglot though, but i do succumb to some eccentricities... as any entrenched bilingual might... notably linguistics... how there are no diacritical markers in english, but there are: in other latin script based languages of continent europe... how i've never heard of dyslexia outside of the realm of spoken english... how orthography does not exist in the english language, which creates all these silly english questions of: what is reality, what is perception... with no orthography: metaphysics runs rampant... and "another" thing... i really can't read a philosophy book in english, i always have to revert back to my mother tongue, to Polish... i can't read a philosophy book in english... i looked at Plato once in english... the aesthetic is lost on me... but the Irish know of the Slavic aesthetic when it comes to dialogue, i.e.:

(a) the english standard for dialogue weaved into a narrative -
"i want this," she said,
   "as i want that," he said...
(b) the slavic standard for dialogue weaved into
a narrative...
- so?
- what?
- will we try to speak without
   the reiteration of who said what?
- we could.
- no, we should.
smoother... James Joyce noted this,
casual - no point adding descrptions of
how the puppet-master lost power
over his puppets with " " ditto markers of
dialouge of a: he, he really did say...
no, not he, the narrator...

   i simply cannot read the genre of philosophy in english, too much easy access points of pop culture with that umbrella overreach... matrix, memes, darwinism, blah blah... too much focus on images and very little focus on words, esp. etymology, that other component of history that focuses on: a universal application of words, beside status king, or status pauper... both the word bread can succumb to the king's tongue, as to the pauper's... but with an origin story? anything beside **** similis, the monkey, will do me just fine... then again... there's no one strand of monkey to begin with... a bit like looking up your own *** for too long, you decide that there's a coherent, "bigger picture" and it begins with chimp- and ends with -rilla... doesn't anyone else just tire of looking up a monkey *** to peddlestool the importance of darwinism for so long? i mean... at least chemistry is a playground among the science... there's no worry for a beginning... there's only play... no... i can't read a philosophy book in english... i have to read it in Polish... which is also a... january, february, march, april, may, june, july, august, september, october, novermber, december... you'd think i'd be able to recite you the months in my mother tongue... styczeń, luty, marzec, kwiecień, maj, czerwiec, listopad, grudzień... english alphabet? a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, m, n, l, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v... **** gets scrambled... pointless rubrics... give me the practical! - i've just picked up a copy of Plato's republic... straight away i know that i'm finding my gensus in Plato rather than Aristotle...

    och ty, pijaku z psim pyskiem,
                  a za to z sercem jelenia...

    oh you, drunkard with a dog's snout,
                           nonetheless, with a stag's heart...

again, Nietzsche: Kant is an idiot, Plato is boring...
perhaps in German, for a German,
looking for Germany while roaming parts of Italy...
well... Plato, really seems appealing in
high slavic (western), the conversations breed
a sense of clarity, about fog, about darkness,
or any akin metaphor to boot...
                           between Nietzsche's maxims,
i'll take la Rochefoucauld succinct observations
before i succumb to pop-nietzsche modern
cult meme fucklords...
                          Roger Moore... prime example
of a bachelor, Kant, the same, Kierkegaard...
as for myself? if i married?
  would i still have the same sort of access to new
music, that i currently enjoy?
   for god's sake... i have to fall asleep while
listening to music, if i spend a day without
at least 5 hours of music on the headphones
   i start to lose the plot...
              my drinking is merely a side-note...
a p.s., given that now i'm a reformed drinker?
having cut my dosage in half...
     i'm still a music *****...
   women don't like music junkies...
                   and when my ex- started reading me
a qustionnaire from a russian cosmopolitan
magazine on the train to moscow from
st. petersburg... i thought i was going to shoot
myself in the head...
             perfect girlfriend this,
perfect girlfriend that...
             bob dylan saved me...
        but not for long...
                         women aren't feline...
at least with a cat you can ignore it...
                  he's pretending to be a solipsist and
you pretend to be: caring...
                 food on the table,
a clean litter tray... besides that?
                                                 fuckoffski!
     and i write this from a perspective of endearment,
nothing beats the zenith moments in a hetrosexual
relationship... the odd date...
                 talking impromptu... making food...
***, ***... ***... *** *** ***... ***... ***...
       but the petty arguments...
   the attention to detail...
                   god... anniversaries?
  i don't even celebrate my own birthday!
i fake celebrating christian holidays...
                    today is today, tomorrow:
that's tomorrow's concern...
           o.k. england winning the cricket world cup...
but that's a celebration with a calendar!
it's not regulated by hormones and
the impossibility for nostalgia...
                 i tried the relationship,
i tried the ***...
                       i had to visit a brothel for
the anaesthetic with regards to the past...
  i needed to visit the brothel to also visit
the butchers...
                               i needed to become meat,
to **** meat... and stop concerning myself over looks:
they only brought me trouble...
like i was walking with a "telepathic"
c.c.t.v. crow on my shoulder...
                             so i put on the weight i lost...
and... at that point? it was liberating...
mind you... if you want to lose weight?
  bicycle and swimming... no gym...
fruit for your last meal during the day...
eat anything you want...
  but losing weight? and all that bulimia,
classical roman bulimia:
training the oesophagus with first *******
into the mouth... then with no fingers
down the mouth?
                beauty... is not worth the trouble
when you really tempt yourself with the expansive
temporal canvas...
21 was my peak... after that...
                     voluntary celibacy...
                   a **** here and there...
            but no... it's not for me...
                    i guess i looked up to the right sort
of men... with regards to staying a bachelor...
to be highly invested in something,
   like Kant in a transcendent methodology...
like Kierkegaard invested in the arts...
like Nietzsche invested in waiting for
the fruition of his prophesies...
                      you have to be born to want to live
the simple happy life...
                  the "expected" life...
       the whole Hiob motto of: once taken,
can be regained blah blah...
                        it needs to have trans-generational
breeding involved...
                   a list of expectations...
                social-pressures and for that matter:
intrinsic socially-cohesive-stratification...
i'm a ****** in England...
             and... that puts as much social pressure
on me as... a chihuaha barking does
to an Alsatian's yawn... that's the stereotype...
the smalls dogs bark... the big dogs bite...
                 oh sure, when i visit my grandparents
back "home"... the older generation put
the pressure questions to the test:
even women from Warsaw...
   so where's your girlfriend?
to the old folk i reply: well i can't exactly force
a woman to be with me...
to the women of Warsaw?
   i'm practially a monk...
                        why?
          you don't really want to be aged 21...
forced with a scenario of:
happily dating, presumably reciprocrating trust
with regards to contraception,
being forced to reply to the scenario:
i think i'm pregnant... my my...
   and we were only 6 months apart after
the break-up, living in two different cities...
em...
                     on a lighter note...
what's the most fun you can have in Kenya?
   sitting on the balcony, in the shade...
feeding rascal macaques anything from nuts...
to bags of sugar... you, two macaque monkeys,
one balcony... the indian ocean frothing beyond...
it doesn't require a genius to figure out
what's worth cherishing without having
to feel obliged to the whole of humanity for...
offspring - many already figured this out before me:
you learn to give birth to your self (reflective,
and yes, not yourself - the reflexive)...
   which brings death to having to stand on its head...
... isn't Sisyphus the son of Atlas?
            couldn't Sisyphus just sit beside the stone
and... well yeah: think up the philosopher?

.em... looking back at the british empire, and the loud-mouth former colonial people... by god, i've never seen such leeches, i've never seen a people, so proud of being colonialißed! what's there to be proud of?! looks like in a post-colonial world, these former colonial busy-bodies had to, had to: step up and move their markers for Aladdin being performed in the West End... *******...  never in the history of the world, were post-colonial people endowed with so much pride, the whole m'ah bwee'dish *******... to counter herr zeppelinmann with the pakistani in the p.s. framework of the british empire... rotherham... ring a pakistani blue?! have a guitar on y'ah?! see... i don't like these former colonial states, with their people migrating to england, having their overlord say it now, say it clear bollocking... i don't mind a top hat, tux donning ******* giving me directions... but when a ****- does it?! sorry... i'm so sorry... will you please excuse me?! i just don't like *******, i don't like the sort of people who celebrate being colonial subjects, esp. after the whole post-colonial celebration of "libertion"... i don't like ****** / pakis who have to find their "past" by playing the cricket ball of, "the former" colony! i hate copper skinned ******* of ****- origins! former colonial raj-vizier... how can you breed these sort of people, who find pride in being under colonial power?! the **** didn't understand freedom, only understood it when being subject to its lack?! well... so much for english women... i guess they were only going to go for pakistani grooming gangs... drowning in the ganges... i have as much of jesus christ on the cross in me, as i have plenty and enough of pontius pilate's worth of soap to mind the next few years; never in my life would i have to witness the former colonißed to bribe their way, into an acceptance "speech" methodology... the ****- to fable the englishman for his, "tea"... no conquered people, no colonißed people should ever glorify their conquerers or colonißers... i guess the british achieved a double subversion... why do the ****- (stanis) still play cricket... i don't want to know... i'm new here... but... but... when a ****- attempts to displace a european from europe? that's my breaking point... i don't like being displaced from europe... the next ****- that will? well... the obvious target, a northern english teenager girl readied for grooming. i said! next ****- that tries to displace an european from europe... well... i guess.. given the power of the current politicians... nothing! ha ha!

well, with the e.u. article x, y and z...
herr zensor just flew over
London and dropped a bomb
from his zeppelin,
             because?
         two year ago,
       a teenager, girl, aged 13,
downloaded some materials
regarding self-harm...
              now the english government
is implicating regulations,
it will regulate social media usage,
mind you: ***** 'arry was pushing
the agenda all along...
   never mind the competent users...
just tackle the problem
with the addicts...
    oh look: no ******, no alcohol...
ms. amber: i'm sorry, we've failed,
we punched "the agenda"
of a blank canvas too far,
    we're going to have to double down,
for a while, so we can just
survive and have this sort
of a punching-bag of a blank
canvas readied for us...
               so the government will come
in and regulate,
       come on, 13 years old,
but the rising queer epidemic of
premature depression in the youth?
    while the parents do not
implement internet safety
   for their children,
        no block filters...
                like blocking pornographic
sites,
      so the infiltration came
            from within the supposed
safety-net sites?
           ****... i was exposed to
rotten.com by word of mouth at
school...
                           just when the internet
launched with that whole
dial-up modem,
    chris rock in lethal weapon
moment talking about old telephones...
and people bemoaned e.u.
articles...
         there have to be consequences...
people should / companies
should be taken into account...
     what about the *******
  who sold me chemically enhanced
marijuana?
            well of course:
   better a guilty man walk free,
than an innocent man become imprisoned...
that logic is still kinda flimsy
for me...
                 i don't know why...
   but it just is...
    surely there are parental filters
for what a child can and cannot see
on the internet...
                 when i was first exposed
to horse on woman *******?
       em...
         is there anything honest to think
about, at this point?
          maybe that's why i decided
to "ghost" around 200 fwends on fb.,
i figured...
        **** this pseudo-voyeurism
of what people want me to see...
    i've invested a decent amount of years
and settled for the 13K poem / doodle count...
and some pictures...
   none of them saved on a personal
drive...
         why would i stash the content,
hide it, when i want people to peruse...
'it's always dark before the dawn',
sorry, i don't know how much
of a ****-******* optimist i have to be...
before a stoic cynicism grinds me
to a halt of:
                   "branching out"...
              i came here for the punching bag
of a blank canvas...
              i never came for the fake
sycophancy or some count of numbers...
i came here, for an outlet...
      it was either this,
                     or a punching bag...
and you almost sense that this whole
farce of "national sovereignty"
is about to be dropped into the *******
and flushed...
       because... it will all become
                             "too inconvenient"...
oh they'll stall... until the european elections
take place...
                   and there's a u.k.
                        (probably the only time
where an N does't come between
vowels)...
                they're wriggling themselves
out... public: 1 vote...
                parliament: i've lost count...
it's not even akin to rats jumping ****,
more like a maggot **** in a pit...
                        that's what a cynic is:
a realist...
                         if i'm wrong, i'm wrong...
but...
              on several occassions
i haven't been wrong...
           and you just have to watch for
that glee in the eyes of channel 4 journalist
anchors...
     i know that glee in the eyes...
it's a glee of hope...
              a sly variation of hope...
               it's also a certainty imbued
               with a certainity-expectation;
thank god i didn't use the video medium...
no passive watchers,
      at least with writing...
certain sacrifices have to be made. / / / / / / / / / /
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

a "p.s.": well of course i'm not happy
with the news coming from today,
mind you: ever spot a woodland pigeon?
god, aren't they plump?
               bloated *******,
they always seem well fed by the forest...
a pair nested in a tree in my garden,
only yesterday, i picked up two
almost translucent offspring of theirs,
thrown out of the nest,
   the bride and groom
               decided they were sick,
weak...
                  they did look weak...
     death stared back at me,
          what once was animate,
lying there, among the stones, inanimate...
what a strange sight...
            do i believe in god?
            well... tell me...
   what is the driving force that coordinates
hearbeats, the functions of the stomach,
intestines, liver, kidney and lungs?
the categorical imperative split of the brain:
thinking, memory, imagination?
the bank of pathologies?
              tell me, what is the universal
1: nth term functions of the brain / 1 (divided
by 1),
                 the heartbeat / 1,
              the liver's function(s) / 1...
              the stomach's function / 1...
the pancreatic function / 1...
           i sometimes wonder:
  i own bones only in light of the thin
skinned extentsions associated with
fingers and tooes...
   sometimes this sort of thinking helps...
to "fake ignorance",
in order to rediscover awe...
         as if a genesis story...
to be the first...
        you never actually know what you will find...
sometimes there's no point being caged
in all the advancements of knowledge,
of certainity we are presented with
on the secular altar,
            ****! i can't even begin to comprehend
how i managed to clamour out from
beneath the eisenvorhang...
    a brief interlude... and straight back under
the siliziumvorhang...
            i guess i need to sleep the better dues
to pass this day...
           it was expected though,
i was, after all... sending out an S.O.S.,
     wattpad... what is it?
              teens wet silly with poetry
associated with no messy love,
mostly girls...
              YA novelties and novellas...
side projects...
               again: vampires, warewolves,
zombies, blah blah: yawn a year later...
         teen girls: sensitive as
daffodils, but as soon as a presence
comes along: little scheming modliszkas
   (mantises) - since daddy would not
approve...
              i discovered marquis de sade
in my teens: thank **** that i did...
i wished for an exoskeleton,
i moved past it, into lizard skin,
until my skin started resembling
an oyster shell hardness...
                     you snooze, you loße...
i only saw the trilogy once,
in the waterstones of Greenwich Village
in London, when i was doing some roofing
for a housing project...
i only saw the trilogy once...
i only bought Joris-Karl Huysmans's
Là-Bas once... i should have bought
the two other books...
  since i never saw them again...
  unlucky me... having succumbed to the sterotype
of the magpie stealing silver spoons...
the cover...
   artwork by aubrey beardsley:
                        'of neophyte and how the black art
was revealed to him by the fiend Asomuel'
   (the pall mall magazine, june 1893)...
on amazon.com you either get a chance
to purchase this book, or:
Against Nature (a rabours)...
    but there's a trilogy behind Là-Bas...
zee fwench: sorry, and not sorry,
the english can be grand poets,
but when it comes to prose?
                they're not even sniffing
the toes of the french...
                what happened to woodland pigeon
coos today?  wattpad.com,
2015...             the same for me...
an outright ban... because some girl
decided to be offended by me cutting off
a conversation with her: wish her a good life...
and i really out so much effort into that page...
zip it shrimpy: cut off, little richard
on the guillotine... cut!
                well... i was clued into
the world of 'olapoesía.com,
           hallopoesia.com
                       sveikidzeja.com (lithuanian...
dzieje? happenings, events, in ******)...
          and just my luck...
      leave a harmless comment in an in-group,
in a hive?
              how the nazis were not exactly
mongols, or the first christians who
burned down the library of alexandria,
when notre dame burned...
      when the blitz of london...
and how st. paul's "miraculously" survived...
and i said: i'm pretty sure the people
in command said to the luftwaffe squadron
about to bomb london:
you drop a single bomb on st. paul's:
firing squad...
           they were nazis: but sure as ****
they weren't the people of the siberian steppe!
so hellopoetry.com,
  2019, suspension from may until december 2019...
but unlike wattpad...
  i still have my account!
   and guess who's digging trenches, right now?
poetfreak.com and minds.com are
step-overs...
why did i delete my 200+ fwends off of
facebook.com and reduced it to
3 random strangers?
          eh?
                   as much as i abhor darwinism
poking its head through to give
every single existential explanation...
i have to side with darwinism on this point:
a defensive modus operandi...
lie low...
          pretend to be dead...
                   i knew the censorship storm
was coming back in 2015...
and this current banning of woodland pigeon
coos banning?
     i'm sort of happy...
but not for the sort of reasons stemming
from the ban...
     i can finally spread the "love"!
           i finally know what it feels like,
for someone who liked my work...
         being cut off from my content...
frankly... it feels great!
                   i can finally entertain my perspective
with a pinch of empathy...
sympathy is already here:
since it happened to me back in 2015,
and in early 2019...
         now for the 3rd time lucky
on the platforms i already mentioned...
but like this hindu woman said to me...
1st time is an honest mistake,
2nd time is a lesson in learning...
3rd time? there's nothing for you to learn...
and that's of course in reverse:
of me being banned.
                         after all...
if marquis de sade is still with us?!
                 marquis de sade...
                              i knew herr zensor was
coming...           but i didn't exactly
expect to climb from under the iron curtain,
to be draped over with the silicon curtain...
and these people know they're taking away
our former playground,
our youth center,
                       well...
                           but at least i didn't make
passive content akin to a video...
         if they really want to ban me a third
time...
       i'm glad someone took the effort
to read my work...
   saves them the time ageing toward granny
age, resorting to binging on harlequin
romance novels.

p.s.

you've actually caught me in my berserker
drinking mode... i'll just spew...
and spew as i must, i never expected
the "useful idiots" to comply to what my thinking
didn't prescribe them to do...
even hegel once pointed out:
something about 3D chess,
a thinking man, with pawns of willing
actors... i never liked hegel...

                  hegel has become too much
of a crucifix, a bookmark,
of what and where, "things" went wrong...
i hate bookmarked people...
kant isn't bookmarked...
         all the slander that nietzsche offered him,
as some repetitive jargon booster,
with the sort of a bachelor lifestyle
he greatly admired: rooted in Königsberg...
****** worked like clockwork...
his predictability was the great deception...
forget shuffling ideas and whatever
like a northern semite...
weren't the vikings the semites
of the north? restless creatures,
constantly displaced? weren't they?

mind you... eh...
     you know how many necromancers
actually exist?
   you ever read a book by jean-paul sartre?
james joyce? stendhal? dumas?
sienkiewicz?
      you sure you're not
a necromancer?
                it's not an exactly
illustrious title to hold...
             when reading the books
of the departed, aren't you invoking
their living presence, into the current storm
of affairs?
  sure as **** it's not a spectacular "title"
to hold, is it?
           to think: one is more likely
to cite the dead, having "risen" from
their grave, that one is to make
   "compensations" with the living...
   when journalism ****** politics...
and the sort of admired journalism,
akin to all the president's men...
died...
                a slower death than the traversing
speed of a snail...
   like that other quote beside
hegel:         the terrible...
                   has already happened.
the holocaust, chernobyl...
   that has already happened...
               awaiting what could ever be
worse: is but akin to the sword of Democles...
it's hanging in the air,
   blood-thirty,
  like the talking heads of
the french aristocracy, once the guillotine
chop happens... gagging for "free speech"
in a basket...
what is mary antoinette just said:
let them have croissants?!
    fat fake cake binges would...
with a snap of the fingers... be over...
still... the english crumpet...
      tyson fury vs. manny pacquiao
    (the obvious choice of crumpet,
and the croissant getting battered...
akin to a french toast,
               soaked in beaten eggs)...

you read any book by a dead person,
you're a necromancer...
             i'm a necromancer...
                 you're a necromancer...
the dead arrive at your head,
have a ******* with your thinking,
then leave,
you continue,
   in your own right,
and in their right: of mutating their
original thought...
          that lost ambition of narrative,
transcending any and all
moral 'oughts...
                    try me after an hour
spent with a ******* doing nothing
but kissing her:
just, because, "on a whim",
i forgot to trim my ***** hair...
                stealing kisses from prostitutes
isn't exactly easy...
all that pretty woman dogma...
     **** above a kiss...
          well... "yeah"... in reality?
                   i'm thinking about three things
right now... growing a heard long enough
to reach my heart...
   bonsai: in both the tree botanical form
and a feline form of a shrunken tiger
akin to a maine **** cat...
   and a pagoda...
                      don't ask me why...
i'm good at su doku puzzles... mahjong...
really **** on the crossword puzzle scale...
hence? random words just enter my mind
and i need an ars poetica impromptu
to lodge them into.

p.p.s.
i already know what the inquiring man would
or could ever do with a child,
to inquire about his own development as
a child, to find the: dot dot dot the missing
answers, to see for himself as he developed
into an adult, or, worse, to project his own failings
onto the child, child genius tiger mums team
alpha-bravo... child prodigy gehennah...
it's almost a psychological fetish for some,
to bind oneself to the canvas of a child,
better off with a cat, or a dog if that's your
"thing"... at least you won't be hurting anyone...
worse still: the marquis de sade ******
scenario... i still have memories from when
i was 4 years old... Ganesha must be looking
over me: the stereotype? elephants' memory,
which is as long as its trunk...
      "conundrum": if an adult male can fathom
his child: himself at the age of 4...
if he can fathom a metaphorical foetus,
why would he have to procreate,
to produce a d.n.a. mongrel to satiate his
curiosity further?
      besides that... if society was once overtly
religious, moralistic...
today's society is overly-psychologised...
i hate psychological stereotypes,
everyone is this part-time hobby-psychologist...
             i don't exactly require a biological
part-replica of myself to preserve at least
one thought with origin and end within
the confines of my self...
       i'm not exactly prone to utter patriachal
proverbs that encompass whole ethnic groups...
maxims or categorical imperatives
cater for individuals...
                   not the masses...
i'd have to be a patriarch to utter proverbs as
a way to gather the brood of my own
sow and subsequent harvest...
to be so obscure,
    to be so... concerned with lineage...
                   you have to be born with the facets
of necessarily ensuring that future generations
are to make the same mistakes...
           that's why i would never trust western
neo-atheism... d.n.a. as the only future blah blah...
         sure... if you can lodge a thought
into d.n.a. and receive the token of finding both
self and consciousness within such claustrophic automaton confines,
"somewhere down the line"...
      much older generations would have told you...
that's in the fables, the mythos, the temporal crux
and crossroads... time doesn't give a donkey's *******
about your "rational", scientific materialism's worth
of continuum...
                         etc.

i deal within the realm of the currency of words -
words are my currency; sure, you can throw coinage
into the affair, or what i'd prefer to be called:
the gambler's cauldron, the days when history
is not built through will and outside the casino...
these days are built through
chance (luck) and outside the church...
    wasn't ever attending
the church the biggest gamble?
was theology,
ever not inclusive of the notion
of gambling?
   atheists don't gamble,
they have no notion of chance...
they lack the adrenaline junk
bound to adrenaline...
    immobile senile *******
and they know it!
   atheism will not attract
as much emotional concerns
to upset the stance of apathy,
only because atheism has
no degenerate attitude of
capitalism, which is gambling...
come on! people love to gamble!
the more wealth they amount
and can no longer see any use
for it... they won't invest it in others:
they'll waste it! they'll gamble it
away!
   atheism feeds no idea supportive
of gambling...
    even in the dialectical medium:
one side says:
    i know that i don't know,
   but how can you be certain
  that you know?
likewise: i know that i know,
but how can you be certain
          that i don't know?
   theology has so much of gambling
inviting its scarred hearts
and inhibited ambitious ones...
     people talk of western civilisation,
but what talk is there is
western communism,
          serious communism?
people only understand the capital,
and the gamble with it...
          better to gamble,
than to become philanthropic...
             i've never seen days where
money is so squandered...
but you might as well
   throw pebbles into the whole
dynamic,
  wishing for a philosopher's
   stone to come from the other side...
pascal's wager is alive and well...
    atheism can't fathom a worthy reply...
what can atheism provide for
the gambler?
      what's to gamble for?
   what gamble does atheism provide?
pascal? he was smart enough to explain
the human dynamic of a thrill...
   people are adrenaline junkies...
they do un-imaginable feats of danger,
can't theology equal that,
  on a microscopic level or slight deviations
of felt emotions?
     people gambled, gamble,
and will continue to gamble,
  simply because the idea of money is
so limited that it had to fill the vacuum of its
existence with both gambling, & communism...
how can atheism usurb pascal's wager
when atheists can't stop people gambling?
what is the atheistic wager?
      is there a worthy gamble?
     this is why people become so heated
in the theological dynamo...
             they become a tsunami,
a tornado, a hurricane...
             simply because atheism has no
gambling dynamic invoked...
    there's no god, death is certain,
what is there to gamble with?
another hour of a boring stalemate sunday
before the next working week begins?
that's not even a gamble!
           people need to gamble!
  please... please...
you have nothing for the theological gamble...
atheists have no sweet scented nectar
of an argument...
   no dubious fickle state of emotional
turmoil...
                    atheism is just another
boring framework of "revised" boredom...
        say to to people who gamble,
no one in this world wants to live a certain
life,
       and die with a certain truth...
                there's always the quest for
potential, for uncertainity, for adventure...
     atheism is probably the worst assertion of science...
man is born into the certainity of existence,
but lives, and wishes to die
            into / with the uncertainty of essence...
i.e. was war ever essential?
     was love ever the sole purpose of explanation
and worth the crown of above all explanations?
       man is in this affair a quasi-specimen
of the civilised typos...
      strange affair:
             he is alone, the natural world's typo,
rather than the kin of monk chimp & anzzy...
  i find it as follows:
  it will be hard to relieve theology of
the gambler...
                        and therefore gambling itself,
as a worthwhile invitation for
universal socialist philandering with
                   philanthropy...
as i find it as follows:
    atheism is no place for gambling,
   even it be as eloquent as the gambling
of pascal...
                      i suppose atheism does
hold the joker hand of gambling:
   an actual end of gambling,
   and a return to communism,
  whereby gambling is replaced by utopian
philanthropy...
                   here's your god.

In my journey I have not decided
If walking in blinding light is better than wandering in the blackest night.
I give darkness such negitve continuity, no fault of my own, societal programming, when I am feeling lost.
And
Yet I can't even move to feel my way in the brightest of light that stings and attempts to eat at my eye lids through the crevices of my fingers.
So
Which is the better?  
To wander in the dark associated with loneliness, helplessness, cover, or protection
Or
Feeling around in the light  associated with bravery, certainity, vulnerably, or exposure?
Somehow I seem to have slipped onto a ship without anyone at the helm and I,
Neutral
I neither give a here nor there on which to decide
Only
More so which one bares more of a case on better returns.

Should you know everything from start to end
Would you change a thing?

I would rather not.
Not even Choose to know
That where to reach
So there to go
Whom to meet
Whether say yes or no

I just don't even wish to know
That where to search
And what to find
That what will hurt
And who ll be kind

Isn't that what we do
build that wall Of certainity
Wall of our dreams
Of that promised secured  future
Organising everything random
Offered by the universe
So that
Not even for a moment we go off track
Into the unknown
So that none ventures in and surprise you

Changing things so that
We don't have to change it later

And then what
Lay staring
Nothing but those walls
Your walls
Made of those work-hours
Decisions, regrets , memories
Walls so high and strong
Now you can't see beyond em
Let alone walk past it

I won't mind losing
For my mistakes
The pain, the chill, the burn
Heartbreaks under scorching sun
Let me be swept by cold winds of doubts
Drenched in the rain from clouds of fear
Not under the safe concrete of wealth
Unseasoned and a mortal mere

I would rather choose
To be lost
As I am
As are most
And won't even try to find my way
No quest to solve
Nothing to resolve

Just you and me
Walking all the roads
Stopping where we feel
And staring at the sky
Counting stars as if we can
Everyday afresh and start anew
You with me and I with you
And
You love me and I love you

WE WILL ALL DIE ONE DAY.....
a certainity we cant change....
not concerning  myself
with this bitter truth...
let me wish .....
to create....
something worth IT....
NOT ONLY for myself....
but for those breathing alongside me.....
which will STAY.....
LONG AFTER I LEAVE....
MY BODY CAUGHT I

To the point where it starts or is it to the point where it ends
A sinful but childish memory  that knows its way to the back terminus
The coda of a moment with the certainity of a melliflous flow
What makes it deep and so ween is the never ending uncertainity
Uncertainity , whether its to the point where it starts , where it ends or is it just simply to the....!!!

Look inside yourself;
down the road that you travel.
How far have you come?
And how much do you really know?
Just like moons and like suns
with the certainity of tides,
just like hopes of springing high
still i'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
weakened by my soulful cries.
You may shoot me with your words,
you may cut me with your eyes,
you may **** me with your hatefulness
but still like air
*i'll rise

Eyes appearing on the horizon
Coming towards me
Greeting me with sweet simplicity
A heart skipping a beat
Within my very chest
Words directed at me
By wonderful lips
All thought momentarily impaired
A response
Whisperedwith fright but certainity
My heart will be captured by you
And so it was fated
Those eyes would forever see me
See all of me
And those lips would forever
Spark a flame withing my soul.

You would now be mine for all of eternity
And I shall be yours.



*May the world learn from our undying love.

love isn't seeing all of them and loving them anyway
because you can't- you can't see all of them, ever
you'll never know their whole soul
you can't love someone for what you see because they will
constantly, constantly show you new things
changing your impression and taking or giving your love
your idea of them cannot change your love for them because then
it is constantly shifting and changing
and if their soul and person and essence do not change-
why should your love for them?
but- faith, faith is the guarantee that because God loves all
God loves them, perfectly- and God knows them, perfectly-
faith is knowing that even if you doubt,
even if you see parts of them that are gross, that are broken
that get angry at you- even if you see vengeful and mean parts-
God knows their whole soul and loves them anyway
faith is not seeing all but knowing all is worth dying for
faith is seeing a certainity of hope that they are worth loving.

visit a turkish barber... was better than visiting
a bulgarian *******... seriously....
   a shave and trim felt better,
than any felatio would ever will...
      imagine!
i discovered the turkish barber,
after, just, after...
i discovered a *******...
whether ukranian or bulgarian...
   don't worry...
   i might have a child...
but given that i'm not
circumcised...
         the whole "m'ah" pleasure...
sure... when oral *** comes into play...
but pulling back my *******...
during *******...
      h'uh?!
                 the pulled back *******
was always constrictive...
         boa seeking new skin...
shedding its old skin...
   the **** is this blame game about?!
i don't want to be guilty of
pro-choice,
when... just now...
i salvaged a life of a moth...
  it flew it, attempted to plant
its larvae into my clothes...
   i caught it, released it...
      i hate being plagued by abortion...
i would **** a ******* spider,
a moth, a fly...
         an unborn foetus?!
seriously?!
       now i know why i grew
a beard... it's like smoking
a cigarette... a past-time...
something to fiddle with...
      attention-******* the capacity
to think....
      if i am going to by misogynistic...
stealing kisses from prostitutes
is "currently" misogynistic?!
         really?
             what, oyu never heard
of a story by a ******* when her co-worker
was murderered?!
no?!             then you haven't lived
through of what's desired to be
the worth of: enough!
             i hate being blamed for
an abortion...
        i don't know: she was ******* her
ex-boyfriend, she was *******
a hot-be-free alpha-looks while
married...
                 my moral agony is a lie...
it's not like
    not wearing a ****** gives you
access to "pleasure",
when you're not circumcised...
   circumcised men, h'americans...
for all their moral argument worth,
simply, don't know...
Zeus had the same discussion with
Hera...
    who derives more pleasure from
***... men... or... women?
from what i remember...
sorry... from what i know?
             men derive ******
pleasure by deriving it from
giving ****** pleasure,
rather than experiencing it!
circumcised cuck-load...
i don't respect gentile,
h'american, circumcised men...
i'm not!
                fuckes simply
buckle and give in...
allowing squids to **** them
off!
                  what sort of respect
can i have to the circumcised
gentiles?!
    the jews?! fine... they have rules...
what rules... do circumcised
gentiles have?!
  cuck-philosophy... *******
******* are more ******* than
"you"...

   no! i don't like being asserted
as pro-choice life...
         i live upon a lie...
                  apparently everything a woman
says: is the truth...
               maybe that's why i turned
to celibacy aged 21...
            i don't believe in 2nd chancing
the "problem"...
once is enough... twice is
lowering your i.q. from 120 to 80...
-40...
    escobar'oh menos cuarenta pavlov:
*******: wink wink?!

draft interlude:
(

you know how the british
treat people
of similar ethnic origins,
who integrate,
learn their tongue,
better than than might
speak it,
  and receive letters
from downing st. regarding
their tax dealings?
like ****...
                   they treat them
like second class citizens...
they deserve muslim
attacks...
            i'll lick a stamp
and send a letter to mind
the "problem"...
      i can't be bothered...
      this
p.c.s.d. (post-colonial stress
disorder) doesn't even
begin to nibble -
or tickle at me...
              you made this mess,
you fix it!
           i'm washing my hands
clean of the affair...
       i'm having not part
of it...
    i'm doing a pontius pilate
publicity stunt...
            you can come
to a foreign nation,
and enrich it, and then
you're treated like vermin,
like ****...  
  believe me...
the vultures are waiting
to nibble at the scraps...
              if you're so *******
prone with regards to
kebabs...
stuff your face with them!
then tell the mothers and
fathers of manchester to:
"stick to the facts"
  and repress their emotions...
i can recite you
the home office,
   visiting my house,
the year? 1997...
               and hand-cuffing
my father and mother,
and me punching the wall
of a room...
               your turn...
   pretending to be
   cultured, to be respectable,
to be whatever it is
that you're not...
           two-faced liars...
      i hate liars...
me? i only lie when
i go to an ex-girlfriend chistening
her first baby...
  and i lie, out of a need
for tact...
              it's just uncomfortable
to tell the truth
in such circumstances...
               all it was,
was a lie about staying
for a period much longer than
anticipated outside the
church event, i.e. having drinks
in the church...
    i only lie when i'd might
require a napkin...
             but the bree-teesh
are becoming unbearable
   to other europeans...
   they have these superior airs
thinking that ******* a black
girl doesn't make them "racist"
or whatever label might
creep-up...
        these airs of aristocratic
respectability is bugging me...
            the dukes and earls
are no better than football hooligans...       )

  i.e. the "ordinary" citizens...
they are so over-entitled...
    the casual citizen, given the opportunity....
is allowing himself / herself

overtly toward the stature of king or queen...
pack and parcel,... your ****,
from pakistan, mr. sadiq khan...
                       savvy?
             when will the english just grow
the basic, the basic implies:
a pair of *****... rather than masquerading
behind the cricketer moeen ali?!
is this the part where i day:
oh look... one slipped past the sieve!?
            maybe that's a good "thing"...

i'm talking to something akin
to hautköpfe: skinheads...
   the beschnittenmerkwürdigkeiten:
the "christened" / baptized
             peoples...
                    m.g.m. is no scalp?
as is the *******...
   why should man experience
pleasure from ***?
what pleasure can a woman,
derive from being pregnant?
so... why would man,
derive pleasure from ***?!
        if you will circumcise man...
should all women be
allowed the cesarean section?
well... if breeding with the semites...
should women be allowed
the luxury... associated with the pleasure
derived from *** by circumcised men,
by allowing women the relief from
giving birth, via the cesarean section?

say no... and you know you're and
you'll be wrong.
what's the reality of
the cesarean section?
a day or two extra in bed in a hospital...
what is circumcision
of the male phallus?
egotism...
              pompous *******...
maybe that's why i turned celibate
after my last relationship
aged 21...
          i didn't want the lies...
the finite, unimaginative lies
of women...
the predictable lies of women...
how women can't handle
drinking... and feel no joy
from the past time...
        
                   i can't **** a moth...
trying to nest in my wardrobe...
but when a woman,
is keeping a baby in the oven,
and lies...
that it isn't mine...
                 i become berzerker...
i am blind but slashing...
            i see: blind...
who am i to invest in a ******* child?!
i hate liars...
   liars esp. in the age of
scientific gratification of facts...
at least in an age of mishandled
narratives,
of mythological bribery
liars could be confined
    to an established truant liking
of a variant of comedy / trickery...
to make play of kings becoming
fools...
               but now?!
                           given the certainity?
i'm not willing to *****-father
a *******-*******.

why psychological studies are a load of *******; the "near" assurance of the non-existence of god, the almighty mechanisation of man in the mind of man, with the study of a soul, as the extension toward god, and made into an extension toward the other's ego, no wonder the canvas is inexhaustible! how can anyone exhaust a blank canvas?! only a psychologist can... but no psychologist is actually confined by being sublimely correct... god has become exhausted by the distancing in averting a connection between the study of soul, and the existence of god... psychology is the labour of carrying of stones, with the stones resembling the multiplication of ego that resembles anything morphing into the transcending aspect of breath, i.e. soul; i.e. thought detached from body attached to the "body" of god.*

wait a minute,
so you're telling me that i grew
a beard
to prove is disprove that
i was either more or less,
violent?!
     can't i simply reply:
it gets chilly at the end of
December and early January?
no, really, my face gets cold,
i feel an army of imaginary
***** pinching at my ****** tissue
and i'm trying to prevent them
from doing do...
       so a clean shave = excess of
aggression?
   no one is actually a boxing fan among
the autistic crowd-surfers...
sorry sorry for ramping up
the ****** status,
but there's one thing
     protecting the weak,
and another treating them as propaganda
shields like the Israelis already know
the Palestinians are doing,
don't throw a ****** in my way,
throw yourself
let me see how much ***** you have!
so that i might at least count
up to 2, perhaps 1, or... none!
           i didn't grow a beard to "appear"
more aggressive,
i grew mine because it was getting colder...
*******-dim-whit "scientists"...
            it's cold, i don a beard,
i'm not looking for forking a ****,
dimwits...
            science... ooh look at me i'm
Spartacus!
                  suddenly you're *******
Einstein having revealed to the people
your glorious revelation?!
          i bet you are...
                    science...
almost as bad as religion,
but only half as bad in acting out
a religious practice;
which makes science quasi-religious
in attempting to give an answer...
                  where religion had doubt
that morphed into faith,
science has denial,
that cannot really morph into popular
talk beyond falsehood versus truth...
religion has no asset of denial,
only an assertion of  doubt...
       the scientific
deniability of doubt
                       is in no way,
shape or form,
               a currency to establish
a resurgence of religion with
a doubting of denial...
             since denial is a certainity
while doubt an uncertainty...
          we've reached a point of simlipcirty
that's accustomed to treating
language with a focus of
1 + 1 = 2, as Kant would have put it...
the lesser idiot, and certainly
half the madman...
                             no one best embodies
the madman than the actor
in the role of idiot... and Kant was one...
or so: post-mortem thought
to be...
                 much harder to play
Mr. Bean than to play the Black Adder.

.wasn't the mythology of a dragon, an... ******, inherent, whimsy folly, a "predilection" for the existence of dinosaurs? dragon, hardly a snake, the remains of dinosaurs, brain and spine wriggling in a pickle jar of history, no? so... no one finds a belief in dragons, suspicious, with what was later found, in the remains of dinosaurs... guess beside oil, that was the 2nd best kept secret / joke of Hades / Loki.

i'll hold my nose,
tight-lip shut,
        then hold my breath,
go all,
cross-eyed...
   and wait for...
   the cracking point,
where i'll just
give an outburst of laughter...
of course i'm not drowning!
i'm in between
drinking
and chewing on roast beef...
i need to get that feeling
of numbed molars
out off the temple
of my mouth...
the sacrament of tooth,
those choir boys,
can, *******...
     i'm after the priest,
and the metaphysical
translation of tongue into
the confines of the mind...
i need...
to see...
   what the tongue looks
like...
in the medium,
of thought!
             ah ha ha ha!
talk about target practice...
             (th)ought
as in... left without
a moral ought?
        my kind of language...
i like toys,
esp. if they have
evolved toward,
  askance stature...
      better fiddle with the new
g.i. joe;
m'ah ah ha ha ha;
               i love surprises!
        where,
will, this, one, lead?
   yummy, a whiskey downer,
some oven baked beef,
pink in the middle...
christmas came early,
it would seem,
on this, of all the other,
particular sundays!
- and what's up with this
brothel keep of leftover
fatherhood never coming
to fruition?
        over-powering women,
cultural infestation
via psychopaths?
                   well...
at least now we know
what the women are like...
   modern times...
the nue
(head of a monkey,
the body of a raccoon dog,
the legs of a tiger,
and a snake as a tail)
the chimera
(part lion, part goat,
              and part dragon)...
             nou vogue...
and the modern man was
asked:
   'how many women
did you bring back from
the sabine war?!'
    'none!'
'why?! "what" does that
imply: none!'
     'well, the beauty was there...
but... that's hardly
a reason to believe
a thousand Athenian ships
were launched to "save"
Helen...
  you can only be as beautiful
as time allows,
spare of the moment gimmick...
after all, they only
launched one apollo ship
to sniff out the gravity
on the moon'.

   i'm pretty sure the myth of dragons,
was a precursor for finding
out that dinosaurs,
dragon-esque lizards
  came, before the 2nd "big bang"...
notably though...
     the dinosaurs were wiped
out by an asteroid...
  so... the asteroid didn't hit
the moon?
            oh, right...
what about the asteroid
protective membrane
outside of the range,
nearing jupiter,
  not involving mars?

                        where's this
certainty coming from?
         why wouldn't i want
to believe that we came from
mars, originally?
  after all...
earth, was kind of inhospitable
when the sun...
was in its early stages
of life...
                
     and give it a few million
years...
when the sun cools down...
wouldn't the planet venus
become less of a toxic
    gas bulb and more of a
foundation ground
for a new genesis?

             even though i studied
chemistry to a university level...
aren't scientists ******* up
the concept of time?

  proof... what proof?
what proof what certainity is there
to be had?
               the dealer just dealt
you two 10s,
             a 9 nine of clubs,
a 2 of diamonds and a jack of hearts...
texan tuxedo roulette...
appear smart,
then play to the dumbest
forms of arguments...
    
   faking ignorance:
wouldn't that prolong all that
existential angst of:
cage like predicament?
             if we're going to survive
for what appears to be
a supposed eternity...
wouldn't the belief in dragons
precursor finding out
that dinosaurs existed...
prior to prior what?
    living on mars,
not daring to set foot on
                                           h'earth?

i still don't understand
where that simple explanation
came from,
as to how dinosaurs became
extinct,
   it's primary school certainty...
but there's this massive
meteor belt protecting us...
and then there's the moon,
which could have augmented
the gravitational pull
of the earth relating to the killer
meteor...

   why can't there be an alternative
narrative?
      with no priority
to an observable significance
to manage pop culture...
i'm bothered about dragons...
a dragon would be considered
a ******* dinosaur...
but we didn't know about
dinosaurs...
much later...
much later than having
conjured up the myths
of dragons...
                 first came the futility
of the lizard in Eden,
became a limbless spine and brain
in a pickle jar's worth of snake...
but i'm pretty sure
the machurians figured out
a myth of a dragon...
correlating to the unearthing
of dinosaur remains...
right... with no proof...

so? what the **** is going on?!

deus est genesis ex cogitans, cogitans est ex genesis absque deus: res ultimatum res: libido telepathos.

we have a name for *it
namely god,
   a noun encompassed
within the framework
of the noumenon -
        but when a phenomenon
arrives,
   there's the deus est mort
moment that claims all
forms of interpretation
as un-sourced,
    without any footnote,
       allowance / certainity...
there's a name for it,
   but at the same time
there's the non-existence of it:
shielded by ulterior names;
but whether id est or
  whether id non est -
  there will forver remain
in our vocabulary a noun
of some sort, to denote
           that "know" unit among
the polyphony of facts yet
to be known to us....
       and remaining unknown:
0 is by no compenstation
a worthy vector basis...
  but 1?
           a spear, a throwing
exemplified?
           i'm fine with that...
as long as we begin from point
(a) and head toward point (b)...
why do atheists like
christmas carols,
  of byzantine chants of the monks?
what a ****** group of atheists
liking christmas carols over
byzantine chants of monks;
nonetheless,
   what could ever come evolutionary
from descartes' res cogitans
regarding man?
   well, the kantian reinvention
of descartes' god,
                given descartes' man:
for if man be res cogitans -
                   then god is res per se;
who's existence / non-existence
perpetuates itself by
being attached to the spiderweb
of thought,
         and never the empirical
suggestion of being sensed,
never seen, never heard, never touched,
in that diabolical pentagram of
being defended by a satan...
   yet how unfathomable to think,
and yet to think of what
deems a necessity to be thought of...
    perhaps in an atheistically
fathomable personna non grata
explanation of god...
               nonetheless a form of coordination
to suggest origin and end purpose...
   transcending the mundane
travesty of the final unwished
                   fathoming that's death...
every philosopher will ask:
why think of god as a ritualistic
entity?
          why are we to assume it being
evolved from the realm of pronouns
to the realm of nouns, and with
that evolution... so many of nouns
attached!
         72 in judaism, 99 in islam!
if those who believe attest to a god,
then so do the atheists,
although without a ritualistic angle,
but a cognitive angle of "concern",
for they see god as a personna non grata,
yet by the argument
               of negating the existence of,
they invoke the existence of,
        and deny themselves
    the status of being anti-theists...
  they enforce the existence of a god,
and shelter themselves in
the rhetoric of being anti-religious,
anti-ritualistic...
              for whatever argument
they have, there's the pre-
   to every "supposition" -
                       that they turn into
a pro- *         that somehow translates
into a *supposition,
  atheism doesn't even ask,
atheism is a sophistry of
          some sort...
                   unless expressed in a
communist collective,
               it amounts to nothing but
jargon, a word salad...
               of **** me,
    pleasant on the ear,
                 but a maggot on the mind.

paceful
in going to sleep with the certainity of not waking up
in the morning
when the conciuos slowlly makes its apperance
there is a crashing pain in the soul
in the knowlede of being alive.

What can one do
when the bones can´t stand the weight
of the body
of the mind
of the heart
and they hurt
like when you where a child
growing.

But we are growing, aren´t we?

You open your eyes
or maybe not
And you can only ask
Why?
Wasn’t it enough?

i guess... subjectivity is what...
makes dialectics fun...
because... it's not like...
via dialectics...
    a grand truth was revealed...
or... revelled in...
that's mostly...
silent... the awe takes
care of... "bothersome" conversation...
if we were...
talking... diacritical markers...
orthography...
accents...
then... yeah...
that's not subjective...
but... to entertain dialectics...
is to... enjoy...
having... disparaging
opinions...
without... really...
gaining a truth of them...
        the best music in the world....
axiom (a) no one...
really knows... (b) point (b)
is so boring...
     let's just... read the gobshite
and the tabloid...
have a quick passion-fruit
moment pressured knees
in the back of the bus and...
mr. android was always...
the fail-safe mech. driver
for that... c.c.t.v. link-up with...
mad-basher *******...
quasi-and-a-"god"...
          i.e. last time i heard...
the socratic invention...
dialectics...
it... wasn't...
          an object-sharpening "tool"...
no truth would ever arrive from
dialectics... no...
******* spontaneity susan...
microscope in the age of hammers
and chisels!
          to enjoy subjectivity
was beyond a mere: yes or no...
      that... whoever reads Plato...
will find...
so... why... the lobotomy libra blues...
since... characters blend into
the character-narrator complex...
i.e. you just can't disagree with
Socrates!
  it's either a yes... or a no...
binary complexity of a socratic audience...
but dialectics is not an art of...
what objectivity defines...
      the invention of beer wasn't
talked about... it was... the fermentation
process surrounding wheat... barley...
hops...
      there is no... "superior"
objective reality that's spoken of...
the best we can do is... enjoy...
a muddling of subjectivities...
                muddy waters:
   nothing at all can be confined to being:
objectively true: when spoken...
or thought...
  the objectivity rule:
             surd letters... an object falls...
the wind carries the creases of...
poorly tailored suits of suicides...
          
after all... dialectics is a subjective art...
that was aimed to subvert...
rhetorical peacocking...
         how to interrupt an orator...
a sophist... a "know-it-all"...
   dialectics is... how to... allow two objects...
the entertainment of being:
displaced as verbs in the mouth
of others... to entertain...
a theatre of nouns...
a band name... and a song name...
"counter"...
to make... con-ver.... s'ah-tion...
     i will not say... what is already being
said...

dialectics and... "objectivity" -
talking like autistic androids...
recycling... encyclopoedic facts and measures...
life talked about...
like... two butchers... arguing about...
a certain cut or pig torso:
as... the rib-cage is plentiful in sizzle...
oozes... "character"... when properly spiced!

i am subjected to a body...
but i also tend to objecity this subjectivity through
the aid of the "other":
i am subjected to gravity...
i am subjected to hunger...
i am subjected to... the litany essential...
i am therefore introspective:
object-and-subject alike...
but dialectics is not born from:
a greasing of fathomable:
            incorruptible truths...
certain realities exist for the focus of
nuance: for conversation...
one doesn't beg ausitic-esque scrutiny
to android a future of a day's
blessing with them...

i am subjected to heat and drought...
i am subjected to thirst...
the objective reality that is concerned
is a welcome attache...
stating... water boils at 100°C...
that's an objective statement...
water boils at 100°C...
1 + 1 = 2...

kant ***** descartes and says:
is it a priori subjective...
or is it... a posteriori objective...
that i have a fetish for...
looking at insects...
but not...
              to hell with those
who defame the concerns for
subjectivity...
fact-regurgitator-spewing:
spawns of beelzebub!

         dialectics doesn't require...
the certainity of oblong scrutinies...
we are here... to entertain...
fixations of: prefixed standards
of fixation of... counter to...
movie or music critics:
established by the will of mammon
a status of paid... professional...
lingering umemployment
secured by... the people in...
the... "know how"...

                  being confined to...
being the subject of gravity...
being the subject of history:
a time... deviating from...
everything past... otherwise...
doubly... "somehow"... apparent...
subjectivity is "less"
than objectivity...
i can fathom one...
and two...

1 + 1 = 2 is an a prior objective statement...
roses are red... sorry...
that is an a priori subjective statement...
since... we'd like a triangle statement...
but there, isn't one to behave as
one might wish: for it, to behave...

  dialectics "contra" diacritical markers...
"facts don't care about your feelings"...
come to "think" of it...
neither does my autistic-android
non-self...
i will allow as little facts
as i will allow the opinions...
to find the truth of opinions...
last time i heard...
the facts need no siamese
abstraction of addition / twinning...

one fact can't obstruct / negate
another fact... since... "the godly narrative"...
but opinions are wavering...
to talk is to entertain...
subjective nuances... or no nuances...
hello tomorrow...
today hasn't been kind.