William Thomas Lodge III

William Thomas Lodge III Nov 2015

Slipping

There's a hole in my pocket
And the memory of who I wanted to be fell through and into the cracks in-between the floorboards
I can't seem to retrieve the concept of who I once was,

It's getting colder outside, and my brick walls have been crumbling as of late
And the inside of this house isn't exactly beautifully picturesque

The soul I've stolen for show and tell isn't my own and he's much nicer
than the thief underneath

So please, do me a favor,

And leave

#love #lies #depression #lonely #sadness #death #winter #cold #slipping

William Thomas Lodge III Jul 2015

Big head

When I look in the mirror I can't see what she see's
I see an ugly combination of all the names I've ever been called,
Like, My head's too large, my teeth too small,
I never smile with my teeth
(Freak)
My ribs show no matter how much I eat,
I look like an alien when I cut my hair too short so I leave it long
(Freak)
He's so skinny, does he even eat?
(Freak)
He just sits there on the playground as far away from everyone as he can possibly get
(Freak)
Why don't you talk?
(Freak)
Why do you talk so much?
(Freak)
Why do you talk so quiet?
(Freak)
Why do you talk so loud?
(Freak)
Why is your head so big?
You some kind of freak?

#bullying

William Thomas Lodge III Jul 2015

Pause for Effect

It seems as though I'm predisposed towards the frivolity and uncaring nature of my younger self,
And even now that I've "Grown out of it"
My life seems to reflect every decision I've ever made and they were rarely good ones
So here goes to hoping for the future, even though I'm not sure how
Because if I don't I'm scared what may come next
Because life has handed me chance after chance and I'm afraid I've run out of do overs
So pray for my strength
Because I'm desperately clinging to a life given me by the grace of something.
Because there's no other way to explain away the things I've done,
The people I've hurt,
And the idea that anyone could love me anyway boggles my mind
And if you look deep enough I hope you'll find that I don't ever want to be that way
But after years and years of pain it takes time to change,
So please have faith,
For I don't always say the right things,
I don't always remember names,
I don't always think of the important things,
I try,
Lord knows,
I try
I fail,
Everyone knows I have failed,
But even if my efforts aren't enough for everyone it doesn't matter
Even if I'm thrown back out to sea to drown in me
I'll float
Because ******* it I'm better than this,
Because I chose to be
******* it I was alone before I can do it again,
So if you don't wish to see me struggle, if you don't wish to see my pain
Walk away
I can do without the saving grace
For I am a new man, because I ******* say so.

#love #truth #hate #pain #sadness #faith #hurt #caring #hurtful

William Thomas Lodge III Jun 2015

Poverty

Born into this,
It's not my fault
Living memories of past events I haven't remembered yet
But others remember them for me,
It's my fault,
Maybe it is
But don't dare say I'm not trying,
To be different than my father,
To make different mistakes,
Life's a game and we've been dealt different hands
But don't pretend it's anything but a game of chance
You're not better for seeing what's there and using it.

William Thomas Lodge III May 2015

Weathered

Everybody
Is broken
At least a little bit
Since when did brokenness land on a measurement of more, or less?
Like, beaten is better than broken,
It's better to be battered than shattered

But last I checked broken was a loss of functionality,
If you can't do the same things you used to without crying,
You're just as broken as the rest of us,
If you just don't smile as often as you used to,
You're just as broken as the rest of us,
If you can't even hold a pencil without your hand shaking,
I'm sorry, you're broken, just like the rest of us.

What if I told you that in order to be truly broken you have to accept it,
What if I told you that in order to accept brokenness you inherently accept that you were ever whole in the first place and you, were made of pieces.
Two halves came together to make you,
And no self inflicted bashing, slashing or thrashing will bring you alive again because you were never dead
You have so many parts that have lost segments of code
You're not broken, you've just altered your directive
Because brokenness, assumes that you have a function,
And
If you can't perform a function anymore,
It's okay to find a new one.
You're not broken,
You're just weathered.

#love #self #broken #hate #sadness #brokenness #loathing

William Thomas Lodge III May 2015

vows

I'm sorry
For the amount of times my words may hurt when they don't mean too
And for never knowing what to say even if the answer stares me in the face
For never loving you half the amount I should
For letting my day come between us in the stupidest of ways
For not letting you know how much what you call being clingy means to me
I'm sorry
That sometimes I forget that you aren't my mother
That I always think before I act
That I can't always be the version of me you seem to see
I'm sorry
For not being there everytime you're scared
I don't have a good excuse, except maybe that I'm human
But I don't know what that means so it isn't good enough for me
I'm sorry
That sometimes I need too much space
That some days my brain carries me away
That sometimes I get so enthralled in my thoughts that I don't remember their subject is next to me
Becsause I think about you in that white gown every day now
And I guess I've been so excited to get there that I've forgotten how we got here
How I've smiled every time your eyes crinkle at the sides and how you compliment the parts of me that I hate the most
Thank you
For loving how I see the world
For loving those parts of me I wish away every day
And for giving me that space
even though I feel like sometimes I don't give you yours.
You're a beauty, and I'm a beast
But love is an euqation and we've been variables but I believe that if we get in there and plug ourselves in, this will work
Thank you
Because we don't fight, we argue
Because you've solved my values
And I can't wait to see all the little ways in which the things we used to say to each other from the moment we met spring to life
Thank you
For not believing in pre-destined fates because although circumstances have fought against us, I chose you, and you chose me
And I hope one day we both can see, the product of all we see before us
You,
Are as beautiful now as you have been forever and forever after
Are a gem who has sprouted from the dust
Are the polish to all my rust
Are the love that completes my heart.
I love you

#love #eyes #beauty #you #beast #weddings

William Thomas Lodge III May 2015

Human Dust

I'm allergic to dust,
And I think there's something metophorically significant about that, because if you think about dust it's really just human rust.
And I'm okay with being allergic to rust.
Because the only cure for being allergic to human rust, is to sit down with someone and agree that everything seems okay to you.
That we don't need to change.
**** that.
Because if we were really on the right path than maybe we wouldn't continue to be the targets of our own wrath after all the polar ice caps have been knocking on our door for a while now,
Just asking if we'd turn the heat down.
See we're rusting because there's never in history been this much self destruction and it's getting disgusting.
I'm sorry, to everyone who comes after us because although it's not too late it will be.
Even as I write this we can still fight this but not for too much longer.
Quit living in the bubble they've put you in and stretch your gaze a little bit farther than the media maze and realize all of those people who aren't are real, or will be.
And with your own two hands you can build something better for them from your comparatively fortunate circumstance.

#love #broken #life #pain #nature #thoughts #earth