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Thinking about suicide
It seams its all not real
The thoughts that infest my swollen mind...the sadness that they feel

A broken heart where none belongs
A tearful eye can see
That this pain has already killed inside, and as death is yet to be...

So much pain and so much hurt
Its all my fault, i acted first
And apeared before a saint
Who looked down on me with strain

Thinking about suicide
Thoughts have never been...
Not since i was 5 years old...
"It is a mortal sin"

When i made a solumn pact
On those thoughts, i would never act
Nothing is ever clear to see
Nothing is a fact
I never understood
Why a person would deliberatly harm theirself
Or why they would put up with an abusive relationship that is so extreme that it results in injuries
I never understood why someone would defy the undefyable rule of life, to end their life, which goes against every law of nature
Why would someone **** themself?

...but now i understand...
They would put up with the abuse because they think maybe, just maybe, if i hurt, then he or she doesnt have to...maybe if i take the pain, then my love can live in peace

They cut because it allows them to feel, when everything has gone wrong and the mind has gone numb from the constant heartache, the cut will still throb, and the scars will stay, and always remind you that it was worse at some must have been...

And then their is the unbreakable...broken law...suicide
Suicide is seen as a last resort
In a world where everything amd everyone is against you

And i finally understand
Why these forbidden lawless laws
Inhumanitarian to the very core...
Protrude far from simple imagination, and out into the world

Because hope is bitter sweet
And some people prefer sour
Just alot on my mind
I saw the most peculiar thing this morning...
A bird with a worm in its mouth
Chasing around another bird,
trying to give it to her 0.0
And she kept flying away
They really are just like us...
A lil birdy drama that reminds me of something in my life right now
Once upon a time there lived a child
This child had a name, william as his mother has it written
Well this child, much like the winds of the arabian desert, was alone, in a vast land, drifting his way through life, without purpose, and at every corner, there was always someone there, who didnt care about him, who taunted and teased him as though he was a goldfish stuck in a tank, well this child, william, began to lose hope in the end, he turned to bad people who influenced him to do bad things and learn bad skills, william, naive as he was, thought that those people loved him, he was wrong, in only the short span of a year william grew from a lonely boy, to a bad man, at least thats how he saw himself, until one day...this boy drifted around the corner once more with a look of greed in his eyes and saw a beautiful angel, he teased the angel as he saw fit to do by denying her chance to kiss him, pulling away at the last second and making out her romantics to be nothing more than a teenage lust brought on by simple hormones and such of that nature, but...little did he know...this girl had suffered a similar fate at youth as one he had been accustomed to, and she looked at him with unwandering eyes and a sympathy that the boy had never seen before in his life, she showed him kindness that he had never experianced from anybody in his whole life, she, this beautiful angel, with the same hardships and characteristics as he, proposed ice cream, roller skating,  simple,fun things, that made him feel like a child...she looked at him and what she saw was not a bad person in disguise trying to rip apart the world one broken heart at a time, she saw a young child blossoming into a young man right before her very eyes, and she kissed him, and he kissed her...fireworks, a match made in heaven, the boy had never felt love as great as the love he expressed in her company...and he lost the bad guy that was a parasite on his life...and that caused trouble...when he tryed to break up with a girlfriend...a couple actually...there was no truly bad man left in him to break the hearts of 2 young ladys that were a blotch on his perfect white shirt of a life...and even through this difficult task...even through the lies that this young individual weaved, the betrayal, the immence regret...she, the beautiful angel, although heartbroken, stuck by his side, helped him to end it with 2 ladies he didnt have the heart to be rid of, and she held him in her arms, and they cried together, and they loved together...and all of that passed nearly from their memory...but he could never forget, and he will be making it up to her with his eternal love forever, but not because he feels obligated, but because he loves her and he always will, and now that she is going through something in her life, that he cannot help with, he can do nothing but feel helpless...and continue loving her, no matter what

Because she is the only one who has ever loved him for who he really is...for the man he was born as, and so that cuncludes this story, i cant say they lived happily ever after, because honestly, i dont know that they did or that they will, all i know is...he is going to try...i am...going to get her back...because she is the only girl who has ever or will ever understand me and truely love me
Once upon a time, i met an angel
When i think of the memories
Tears stream down my face
"We are always going to remember this moment"
As we kiss by the road
Out past my drive way
On a biking trail that we once road across 3 miles in either direction
When i think of the memories
My heart decays just a lil on the inside
Knowing that i wont be able to cash in those memories again...for 2 years
4 times the length of the time that i was with my heart, my soul, my meant-to-be bride
Its going to be a long, lonely road...

Just like my childhood
Feeling heartbroken :(
You make me feel
Like i could conquor the world
Like there is nothing that could stand in my way
You make me feel whole
And unchallenged
Even in the face
Of great toils
And great misfortune
You are there in my mind
Pushing me to drive through whatever stands in my path
You are my consience
You guide me through life
Much like the streams that flow from the north
Guide the salmon across the abyss
And into their home waters
You are the light of my life
Much like the light of the sun
That rises and sets in continuity
With the stars that protrude from the undefined infinite
When im not with you
I do not exist
Because me without you
Isnt really me
Me without you
Is a shell of a man
And not in the way that a shell of a turtle or armodilo is;usefull
More like the way the shell...
Of a full metal jacket-30.6 rifle round is;destructive and unjustified
Me without you is the world without the moon
Neither can be without the other
I cannot be without you
I dont know how i ever faired without my fair lady
I dont know how i ever lived
Without the love of my life
And if i ever lost you...
I dont know if i would be able
to live again

I love you
There isnt really anything else to it

And i wish with all my heart that you feel the same
I love you
Sympathy for the devil
A phrase we all know
It means to be understanding
Of a man who cant tell

Who cant tell the difference
Between what is good and bad
Who cant desipher the code
And so they live bottled up and sad

It means to take righteous
And stuff it in a box
For its not strong enough,
Barely a bull, or an ox

We need something more
A tank would suffice
A super charged righteous
And even still...on thin ice

It takes a great man
To stand up and say
"Im just as bad as you"
The irony is plain...

How could a man with such talent...
For good...
be brought to lesser
By the very words he brewed

Sadly it is so
That great evil be marked
As the final word in all the world
When it was the good that provided the start

The start to say "sorry"
"I admit i did wrong
It is my fault too"
As they sing that apology song

Then the darkness takes over
The advantage clearly sought
They know of bad charecter,
Except their own-they know not

The devil replies with a smirk
And always strolls on
Steam rolling the righteous
The tank is now gone

My point is just this...
Please apretiate the man
Who can apear before great evil
And say "i will take a stand"

For this he is wise
And couragous as well
He knows he's not perfect
Which is what makes a perfect angel
Be righteous more than anything, u will get steamrolled, trampled, used, and abused, but all that will happen anyway, its better in the end to say "i would have done the same" and with a proud understanding, be set free of emotional obligation for revenge, anger, frustraition, or any other emotion that would harm your mental tranquility, it feels better...i learned this lesson...long ago
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