"It's so pretty out today," she said
with a beaming smile on her face
a look of lust in her eyes
staring out the window at the sky
cloud streaked and grey
dark & gloomy at it's finest
she was always most romantic about the darkest things.


*smndi

I'm battling my own demons while at the same time fighting off hers
like a prince slaying dragons for the princess
she never asked you to, but you do it anyways
don't get me wrong
she's no damsel in distress
she's her own knight in toughest armor
but you're still there
to pull the sword from the stone
when she just can't find the strength
to kiss her awake
when she can't get herself out of bed
to free her from whatever tower
she's locked up inside of
because my life may not be a fairytale
but I'll be ****** if I don't make hers feel like one.


ᴍjᴍ

You didn't know what to say anymore.
So you didn't.
You picked up your guitar
and you played for me some more.
You sang for me
songs we'd danced to before.
And it hurt but I smiled
and listened to you.
You played all my favorite songs
that were all your favorites too.
I watched you
you, with your eyes closed shut.
The petals fell from the sunflowers
and your room got dark and cold.
You sang songs you'd written in rehab
that you swore weren't written for other girls
but when you sang them
your eyes got still
and I could swear you were remembering someone.
That was our last night together.
And I didn't know it at the time,
but that was the last music I would hear.


*s.mndi

The sun came up
I came to
you looked at me
I couldn't look at you
you drove me home
we said goodbye
I went inside
tried not to cry
I checked my phone
no text, no call
my eyes got wet
I let them fall
tears began to pour
I could feel my heart break
I cried on the floor
til it turned into a lake
I went for a swim
had a bottle of wine
your life went on
and so did mine.


*s.mndi

My brother, it's as if we're speaking of a ghost
when we speak of you.
Your name
constantly accompanied by
"remember when"s and "I miss"es.
But you're not gone,
you're just away
on a little trip that turned
into an extended stay.
But it's no vacation paradise.
It's like you took a one way flight
into a bird cage
and you watched the door slam shut
right behind you
with nothing you or I could do.
And it pains me to see
because you're such a free spirit
but they strapped a name tag to you
and made you their pet.
Threw you in with the convicted rest
until you rebelled
and they kept you by yourself.
Well over a year spent in solitude
and when they let you out
you weren't the same.
And mom, she wasn't either.
I swear I saw her flinch every time she heard your name.
Little brother, he's the spitting image of you.
Like he's trying to make up for your loss.
A stand in
a mini me
every time he laughs it's your face I see.
He wears your hat every single day
and it breaks my heart
he wants to be just like you
and I pray he doesn't take after your bad parts too.
You're coming home soon
and as happy as I am
I'm scared to death it won't be long
before you're back at it again.
Rehabilitated is an empty word
you know what it means but it's something you've never heard.
You are what you will always be.
Even if what you're not is free.


*s.mndi

How could you not fall for
an angel like her?
nobody in their right mind,
not a single person could resist
all that she is and comes with,
h*eaven and hell alike.


s.mndi