I was hoping you'd notice my absence.
I wanted you to be hurt when you realised
that I didn't say goodbye.

I was hoping you'd assume that I
no longer want you in my life.
I wanted you to cry when you realised
I had cut you out of my life.

I was hoping you'd know what you'd lost.
I wanted you to be in pain when you realised
that you almost had me, but now I'm
gone.

I am so ******* happy
for the first time in years

Finally no more sitting
on the ground
choking back tears

Can I rejoice?

To be a stupid pawn
in this game called Life
was not my choice

But oh, thank god
thank god, thank god,

It's over.
It's over and we don't have to talk about it anymore.

I was crying in the dark,
Trying not to fall apart,
And where were you?
I needed your arms,
Keep me safe and warm,
But where were you?
You said you'd never go,
But you left me all alone,
And where were you?
Wrists and thighs bleeding,
My heart stopped beating,
But where were you?
I tried calling out,
But no one was around,
Cause where were you?

Up to the looking glass
you can see
none too clear

A pink hazed unreality
beckoning your touch

A myriad of music notes
pulling your hand

Your own voice covers you
in a blanket of warmth
humming to you
still, still, still

Inside the looking glass
you can see
none too clear

A gray clouded fantasy
begging for your taste

A shattered vanity
sinking into your teeth

Your own voice covers you
in a blanket of warmth
humming to you
shh, shh, shh

Death,
is not distressingly beautiful
it is cruel and tiresome
there is no peace in the act of dying
there is only pained loved ones
who tire of wishing for your release

I will eventually
convince myself

That this means
absolutely nothing

I will eventually
be rid of the stickiness
that is the pain
of anything near me

touching my skin
and making my mind
revolve around strange
things

I sometimes think of sin

Of all things

I think about how wrong,
how it’s bad

Society says no
they all just want us
to go

It was my insecurity
it was my discomfort

It was the pressure from you
and all that wouldn’t fit

Everything that just
didn’t work

And so I threw a fit

I’m sorry.

Right?

Is that what
I should say?

I’m sorry,
I’m sorry

Saying it again
would make everything
okay

But it doesn’t.

The pain of
what used to be

The thought
of what could’ve
been

The memories
of the hurt,
everything
that really
just wouldn’t
work

I’m sorry,
I’m sorry

It is working yet?

Why am I doing this?

It wasn’t me,
I promise

Why am I
apologizing?

In reality,
who’s fault was it?


Why did you
try to convince
me that
everything was okay?

I’m sorry but

I think it’s

time to say that

it wasn’t me,

it was you

so this is

ultimum valae.

Please cooperate, sweetheart. You're
Laying on your back, posing for
A cameraman with a sweaty hand.
You're nervous, I understand.
But you don't need to worry, we'll take care of you.
Oh, I know I know-
You need your rent money, right?

My dear, you'll get it don't worry don't worry.
All he needs is just one
Good shot. Stay still for us please, it'll be over soon.
And then we're done! See, was that so bad?
Zero pain on your part, right?
I know, I know, I'll get you your money.
Now you wait right here.
Except just one thing- would you be willing to model for us again?
Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry.