It's not fair that you get to be on my mind when I don't want you here; I feel like a kid stuck in a three hour long car ride screaming how much longer will this freaking last ten minutes into the everlasting journey into a black hole to a relatives house I never asked to go visit.

How long do you get to be in my **** mind until I can wake up without the taste of your name on my tongue

i don't want to hold this anger in fact i'd like to let it shoot out of my palms onto anything, any surface, any face whatever the **** it takes just get the **** out of my head

I hate stomping on sparks,
Trying to be the first to erase
The butterflies
Choosing logic over the shared
Eye contact that made your heart
Thump as loud as the music playing
In your brain while your happiness
Danced around the room

But I'll stomp anyways so you don't crush me

What a happy thought;
As I'm overwhelmed with fear as our plane shakes with turbulence left to right I suddenly hear the sweet sound of children giggling with joy, having no clue how high in the air we are or what the possibility of this could all mean.

I'll trade you my heavy heart for your fresh perspective

ive got a lump in my throat in the shape of your ***** socks and my head can't stand the smell; your smell crowding my thoughts as I try to do quite literally anything. Anything at all without your name nagging me like a homeless man at a stoplight that just turned red as you sink in your seat knowing this **** voice is not going to get off of my back.

How the **** do I flip my brain upside down to get a green light, anything to let me just breathe a silent thought without smelling your name

****
It's hitting me and it's hitting me hard as I unpack the shoes you'd always tell me to wear into this new and vacant room, no mattress no furniture as you sleep in the bed I slept in for over a year. And who knows who will sleep there from now on and **** they better appreciate how perfect your cats are or that you don't snore in your sleep like a lot of boys do.

But that's the thing, I fell in love with a silly stupid boy. Women do not date boys. I should not have dated a boy.

******* I just feel so heavy
Like a wet paper towel falling apart
As I replay the past year and a half through my beat up memory I let you use as your personal punching bag for far too long

and as i let me palms ease open and you fly away to whatever planet youre off to again, i find a part of me running back. cart wheeling and dancing and screaming i've always loved you and you were always more than what you settled for. i've found a part of myself that cant contain its excitement to start new, to start fresh, to be whoever the **** i want to be. to kiss a stranger to have a lover who actually would fall in love with all my little flaws and mistakes and not silently criticize anything that floated in my brain. welcome home happiness, goodmorning freedom.