i've been trying to stay
positive but it gets so
hard sometimes
i still remember that night
in july when i almost took
all those pills
and i still remember the
morning after when i cried
for hours because i was so
pathetic i couldn't even ****
myself
the depression hit like a
brick to the face and i wonder
everyday why me
i get so sad i can't even bring
myself to get out of bed for
days and no one even tries
to get me up
i want to be positive and happy
all the time but it's so *******
hard and i don't know how
long i can keep disappointing
myself like this

i'm crossing oceans
and i'm making waves
and i'm becoming a tsunami
i'm causing a *******
scene because *******
it i miss you so much tonight

i hate when you don't respond
late at night and i know you're
getting much needed rest i'm
sorry for being so selfish and
needy but i don't think i've
ever been anything else

drink, drink, drink
over and over again
and try to stop and
pick up the bottle
again
laugh at yourself in
the mirror and then
cry about how you
can't even take yourself
seriously
why can't i stop this
anymore?
the pounding headache
and the hangovers are
almost too much and
i don't know if i can
handle this sadness

i was trying so hard and
put everything on the
line just to see you
i did everything i could to
build you up while you
were too busy tearing
me down to notice
but now that i've given up
you want to see me more
than ever and you need
me in your life?
i refuse to be a doll
sitting on a shelf
in the back of
your mind