stillhuman

stillhuman Jan 2021

I love life
in all its uglyness
and all its beauty
I love people
so complex
and imperfect
and true
I love the world
with all that it has to offer
all that we've created
And Nature
for always being there
for feeling like home
I love
And love
And love
And one day I'm sure
I'll even love myself

It's just a feeling I can't explain. That one that takes your breath away for a second and you're smiling so much but your eyes want to cry because you're just so happy you get to be alive

#life #relationships #people #love #alive #emotions

stillhuman Jan 2021

Waiting for tomorrow

Today I hate you.
My blood boils thinking
of all the times you burnt me
with your words
your indifference
your disrespect
My hands get cold
with nervousness waiting
for a fight to break out
My eyes water
with shame
Because I remember
how you don't take responsability
how you put the blame on me
how we have always argued
how you demean my worth and feelings
how you shaped my reactions
my instincts
my image
to something I never wanted to be.
So, today I hate you.
Today I can't bring myself to forget.
We have nothing left to do
but wait for tomorrow.

I guess love is more complicated than just "yes" or "no".

#love #relationship #family #upbringing #childhood #complicatedfeelings

stillhuman Dec 2020

2020

a daunting friend
you have been
but as you get up and leave
all I really feel is thankful glee

Reference to the wonderful song "Daunting Friend" by Lost in the trees. I wish all you wonderful, sensitive people the most amazing year you can have.

#2020 #newyearseve #newyear #2021 #future #reflections #past

stillhuman Dec 2020

Mannequin

It's harder for my lungs
to open up to new air
when you're here
than when you're not

After all your presence takes
all the space I used to shape
to fit my own self
my own taste

Instead you force me
into a mold you've created
Force my body to fit
my mind to submit
my patience to coexist
with things I never wanted
A life not made for me

I'm just one of your mannequins
to pass the time
when people disappoint you
life doesn't go your way
your choices don't matter
so that you can shape me
into your own frustrations
and smother my essence

I'm just one of your mannequins
and
now
that you've left
I don't fit
in myself.

I was in love with a girl once who didn't love me back. She made me feel inadequate but also the best, most unrealistic version of myself

#ideals #unhealthy #relationships #mannequin #inadequacy #imperfection #idealization #person #human

stillhuman Dec 2020

Feet planted, hope lost

We'll waste it all
For an automatic bomb
We'll forsake it all
For a cold human's wish
We will lose
For standing still

stillhuman Dec 2020

Conversation

My eyes are fixed on you
while you give a little
of yourself away
to me
in small fragments of memory
and I'm captivated
by your voice recalling
simple moments, harsher stories,
funnier realities
and all at once
the air feels clean
and bright and fresh
like a breath of spring
in the December cold
that sparks
with our connection.

I can't help it, it feels like spring when I'm with you

#conversations #connection #understanding #friendship #muse #love

stillhuman Dec 2020

Codependency

My skin has melted
in the shape of your core
and I move
like a shadow
right beside you.

I've felt more like a shadow than anything else.

#codependency #stuck