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everything is changing.
youve changed.

you dont talk to me now.
i cry over you every night.

sometimes i wonder if you think about me
as much as i think about you.

then i remember
you left me because it hurts

i was too much like Her.

and you replaced me.

that hurt the most.
Laying here in our bed,
I've never felt more alone,
You once gave me comfort and love,
Now anger and scorn.

I long for songs I've never heard,
For places I've never known,
I long for people I've never met,
For events I'll never go.

I long for a 5 hour cut of "The Thin Red Line",
The red dust of a northwestern Australian road,
For a red streaked sunset at a burning man,
An applause from the crowd lauding my accomplishments.

Give me my peace,
That I had so few years ago,
Give me back my confidence,
Give me back my home.

I long for my place in the world,
I long for not feeling like the fool.
You woke,
not knowing your name—
only the weight of breath
and the pull of light.

Before mirrors,
before clocks,
before the word you—
what were you?
And who decided
that was enough?
Joy is a sunflower in bloom,
a burst of yellow laughter in the throat of dawn—
it dances barefoot through fields
where even the scarecrows smile.

Sadness seeps in shades of blue,
an ocean swallowing lullabies whole,
waves cradling broken boats
and the moon’s reflection—shivering.

Anger is a match lit red,
flickering like a war drum’s pulse,
a wildfire in the chest,
burning bridges before they’re crossed.

Fear creeps in gray,
a mist dragging its feet through alleyways,
whispers behind curtains,
the silence before a scream.

Love is crimson spun with rose,
a heartbeat wrapped in silk,
sometimes soft, sometimes savage—
a fire that kisses and consumes.

Peace wears the hush of lavender light,
a hammock beneath wind-whispered trees,
a breath drawn slowly,
unfolding like petals in spring.

Hope is the color of sky brushed gold,
a sunrise you almost missed,
a window cracked open
in a room you thought was locked.

Loneliness is the aching indigo,
stars you can see but never touch,
a winter coat with no one inside,
quiet as a room full of eyes.

Jealousy glints a poison green,
a vine curling where it’s not wanted,
something sour behind the smile,
a mirror cracked just slightly.

Gratitude glows in soft orange,
a hearth with arms,
warmth that hums
even when the fire’s low.

Shame is a dusty blush of muted brown,
an old coat you never meant to wear,
muddy footprints you try to clean
before anyone sees.

Confidence roars in emerald and royal violet,
a cloak stitched with thunder,
feet firm on the earth
as the sky bends to meet your eyes.
I found her one day
Staring into the bright blue sky
With the eyes filled up
With a bottle rich in emeralds

Wondering why she’s looking at that
So beautifully and curiously today

I’ve been watching her from a balcony
For quite a long period—

I’ve noticed her for a while ~

With a notebook she carried
Every summer in her left hand
With a pencil she held  
In her right hand firmly

She was like a scholar of an academy

Never did she fail to flatter my heart
With every walk she takes

With her long golden strands spreading
Along with the warm breeze of summer

Holding her notebook in one hand—
Drawing of what her forest eyes tell

Truly the whole appearance in my eyes
Is breathtaking like viewing a night sky
With thousands of shiny sparkles

Never did I not learn about her name
Never did I not learn about her story

Such a mysterious angel
Only appeared when breezes bring warmth
To every corner of the entire world

Desires to learn more about you—
Desires to watch you nearly every second—

Grow every summer you showed up
Like a planted apple tree ~

Will you vanish this time too
—if this summer passes?

Where are you flying to
—if this summer passes through?

A glimpse of hope entered my mind
Whispering “She’ll come back in summer”

What if you won’t be coming back this time?

What if you will vanish like a summer breeze?

What if you will vanish for good this time?

Will I ever get a chance to know your name?

Will I ever have a chance to learn about you?

Will I ever make you fall in love with me?

Oh I wonder, I wonder, and I wonder
I have weathered storms that shook
my heart against my rib cage

Battled lightning bolts
that gave my brain electric shocks

and yet -

I cannot withstand this goodbye
that tastes like battery acid in my throat
everytime i try and say your name

I cannot find the strength to let you go,
even though you are

- gone

your face echoes, wild as the wind in my memories

all I have is love
this love that was not enough to save you
so how can this love save me

from crumbling with grief
 Apr 13 Bekah Halle
Eme
I went to church today after years of not going. I talked to the pastor and poured my sorrows to him. Something hard to do is asking for help and suffering in silence. We aren't meant to suffer in silence. I've learned a lot about accountability finding others we can trust to help us because we can't do things alone. Thank you friends for holding your men accountable and trying to get them to meet men who can hold each other accountable emotionally and physically. I know who I am but it was also because I've suffered and sought myself. I love you ladies
 Apr 13 Bekah Halle
Erenn
You are the warmth in the serenity I never drank,
the final page of a novel I hold off reading
just to stretch the story one more night.
You are the lullaby I hummed when I forgot the lyrics
but remember the ache.

I think I’ve been writing to you in everything—
in the way I halt at fullstops
Because I'm afraid
there's always an end from a beginning
I do not know the color of your eyes,
but I know how they’ll light up when you speak of things you love.
I haven’t felt your hand in mine,
but I know how I’ll memorize the curve of your thumb
like it’s punctuation—
a comma in the sentence of my life
that says: pause here. something beautiful is coming.

If you’re wondering,
yes—
I’ve saved you all the best lines.
The ones that never made it into poems
because they were too soft, too sacred, too soon.
They live folded in my chest
like notes passed under desks in classrooms of longing.
I don’t send them,
because I want to give them to you in person—
when we are older,
and ready,
and brave enough to admit we were always meant to find each other
in a world full of almosts.

And when you arrive—
with your quiet eyes and your laugh that tastes like home,
don’t be surprised if I cry.
Not because I am sad,
but because it is a kind of grief
to wait so long for a face you already loved
in every stranger that almost looked like you.

To you, whom I haven’t met yet—
come slowly,
but come.
This heart has been keeping time in poetry,
and every line
has always led me to you.


Erennwrites
"Wherever you are in the world, I'll search for you."
Inspired by the Anime film, Your Name❤️
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