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This hurt is enough for a lifetime
It is stacked precariously upon all the other pain
So much hurt, enough hurt to last ten lifetimes over

Please don't let my smile fool you
If you do you will hurt me to
There is only so many times I can put something
As fragile as glass back together
Before it becomes useless
One day my heart will be Humpty Dumpty
No one will be able to put it back together again   

This poor heart is already missing so many peaces it does not work as it did
If I give it to the one who does not know he has it
Will he be hurt by the sharp peaces that are left?
Can he make this sad pathetic thing feel hole again?
Is it even fair to burden my heart upon him?

All this pain is too much!
They are at their breaking point when I'm already broken
Yet I am to be the shoulder to cry on,
The person who makes things all better.
I'm invisible now like so many times when others are more important.
My heart is once again shattered and
I'm left picking up the peaces with ******, tired fingers.
It's not fare but they don't seem to care.
Tired of crying, I want to scream!
If only they could see I'm hurting,
maybe I wouldn't be
invisible any more.
There is no more painful love
than unrequited love
A heart that is open
pouring out to another
but an empty space
like a vacuum
with nothing in return

Like giving a gift
‘Tis better to give than receive
And the heart offers freely
all of its wonderful presents

Free of expectations
when truly filled with love
It blindly releases itself to another
With a simple creed
‘I am for you’

Like the wall of a dam
suddenly letting go
A deluge of emotions
Thoughtful, interest, caring, warmth, love
A flowing waterfall
of Niagara proportions

However, without intention

which goes without saying
since the truer the love
the blinder it be

The vacated space
creates a sudden vacuum
A sharp, deep pit left
where once all of itself was housed

For a brief time
the heart is unaware
still glowing in the warmth
from the happiness and joy
of the love it gives

But slowly the glow fades
And the presence of the empty space
becomes more obvious
and apparent

A coldness sets in
An addict looking for a fix
The heart desperately seeks
in return what it has given

Never intending to give with strings
but so it finds itself
now tied to another
with the strongest of bonds

The intense fulfilling feeling
once experienced
Replaced with anguish,
longing, loneliness and pain

The mind and heart begin
an epic civil war
Feeling the torment
and seeing the destruction
the mind invokes all its resources
to break the bonds
the heart has created

But with hope that is
almost sad and pitiful
the heart refuses to let go
So sure of the ties it made
And fighting back with all
of its might to defeat
any attempt
the mind has
to remove the bonds of love

A man at war with himself
will find himself at war with others
And so, the inner conflict
resonates outwardly
displayed aptly with defiance
and destruction

Like a pebble in a pond
each action creates ripples
Slowly at first
but then with exponential speed
a life is destroyed
leaving only a broken
and beaten shell

And after all the destruction
and loss
All of the pain and suffering
The tears and sorrow
At this moment
standing on a pile
of nothing but debris
The mind,
with a sense of arrogance
and certainty,
confronts the heart
and pointedly asks,
“Do you see now?!
Do you see the
error of your ways??
Look what it has cost us!
Do you see the
mistake you’ve made?!”

Without hesitation or waiver
the heart responds
with a steady certainty
that is calm and cool in nature,
“No. Love is a risky venture.
One always, ‘takes a chance at love’.
But I will not admit
fault for trying.
When I love
I love freely and openly
I offer all of myself
without expectations
It’s only when you get involved
and create conflict within
that we have problems
To love is to love
It brings joy and happiness within itself
If it is not returned
then it is not returned
but an open and loving heart
can not feel emptiness and pain for it is filled with love
And there is no greater reward
than finding that love in another
and having another
find that love
in you
Written: March 4, 2018

All rights reserved
 Oct 2018 Crystal caro
ryn
.
**Crushes or
infatuations
•••don't last
••••this long.
•They're never
••this intense
•••••Never
this strong.
••I am in
thought,
••all day
and all night.
•••••Through
•••••moments of
••••••triumph and
•deepest, darkest fright.
•••I see you in all there is,
•••••I see you in everything.
••••••••Living in the present
••••but for the future I'm hoping
•••You calm and get me all riled up
••••••••••••••••at the same time.
••••••••••••You exist in metaphors,
••••••••••••••••••broken sentences
•••••••••••••and time worn rhymes.
•••••••••••••••••You give me life
••••••••••••••and take my breath
•••••••••••away altogether.
•••••••••You hold the key
to my erratic emotional lever.
•••••••••••You fill me full
••••••••••but empty me out
••••••••••••simultaneously.
••••You make me want to be
•••••••••••someone else
••••••••as well as being me.
••••••Paradoxes of the heart
•••they can never be quelled.
••••When hopes and odds
••try to be one and meld.
•••••This is how I know
••••••••that this is real.
•••••••••••••I'm truly,
•••••••••madly, deeply
••••••in love with you
•and it's all that I feel.
Stay tuned for "She Said..."

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 Oct 2018 Crystal caro
Gulishta
Sadness creeping from every side,
Seeping into my bones.
A curtain falls like a thick fog,
Blurred vision,can't see anymore.

This thing inside my chest,
Out of control,bleeding.
Beating,cracking,breaking,
Then shattering into a million pieces.

An Explosion so deafening,
Didn't make a sound.
Little needles running through my veins,
Turning me inside out.

It felt like shards of glass,
Piercing, cutting,hurting,
Then settling in my chest ,
A knock out punch,
Making it hard to breath.
 Oct 2018 Crystal caro
Albuna
I should have knew it from the start , that guys like you just break my heart.

I should have listened to my mind but it was too late, he owned my heart...
My poor heart...
 Oct 2018 Crystal caro
Seema
I will fade away, like a sketch
Gone, torn, broken so far away
Where no one would be there to catch
Not even a word to say

Alone, in this busy world
An identity of an unknown
I'd be forgotten soon
Like a weary leaf, been blown

You promised to be by my side
But instead, you pushed me outside
Dropped from a glass tower
Taunting every minute, every hour

What did I do wrong?
What have I ever done?
You hated our favorite song
The love that shined, now all gone

Perhaps, burry me in your memory
And walk away like a stranger
You'd not stop, even if I tried
And never see the danger

I'd be fine, yes I'll be
Once you were mine
But now on my own, living you alone
I'll be fine

So sorry, I took up your time
That for now, you labeled as wasted
You never told me my crime
But the bitter hate, I tasted

I'd have lived by your side
In the dark days, showing you light
But now, I am fading away
Like a mist, in the darkest night

I should've never loved you
If I'd known, you'd leave my side
While breaking my heart into two
You gobbled up, all your lies

What should I think?
What should I do?
Atleast give me a clue
Of what I should do?

In a blink, you took all away
No reasons, no words, no nothing at all
So I am fading away, yes I am
I cannot hear your call

Coz,
         I
            am
                  Falling
                              Falling,
                         ­             
                                                 Fading
                                                ­            Away....


©sim
Scribbling thoughts with imagination.
 Oct 2018 Crystal caro
teni
i see you from across the room.
every word i want to say
immediately vacates my mind.

countless nights wasted away
planning my course of action.

'what tone of voice do i use?'
'am i allowed to use your name?'
'can i make eye contact?'

as i begin to saunter towards you,
i feel as though my feet are cinder blocks.
my hands have never shaken so indomitably.
my lungs are pumping air i cant breathe.

everything is moving so slow,
yet before i know it,
your name escapes from between my lips so effortlessly,
like ive never stopped saying it.

but the moment you looked up
and your eyes met mine,
all of the lust,
love,
pain,
and loss
you had once implanted in me
flooded my heart.
i am nearly drowning.

my voice is quivering
and tears are swelling in my eyes.
yet somehow,
in some such way,
my head is clear.
i know what i want to profess to you.

the words pour out of my mouth
like a child spilling a drink.
there is no pause,
no break,
it all comes out at once.
everything i have wanted to,
needed to
get off of my chest
for much too long of a time
to be healthy.

you feel so distant.
so disconnected
as if i never meant a thing to you.
i can see it in your eyes, though.
the guilt is wearing you thin.
youve always been good at suppressing emotions
you dont want others to see.

i say my final few words
and you dont say a thing.
you stand there,
a stone cold boulder,
trying to not erode.
listening or not,
there you were
tarrying unbroken eye contact.

i turn away
instantaneously being able
to catch my breath.

i never realized how much closure means to me
until now.
2:03 pm. August 29, 2018.
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