Euphoria of returning to
the old seaside cocoon.
The place of change and shift
of heart and mind,
and tide which
pushed the town
right back
in January.

The next day we looked out at the promenade
in pieces like an emptied out jigsaw box
but cheered for postponed exams
so we could cherish important things,
like a night out at the Pier, and long talks.

Returning back
finding it’s still
just the same
as the train parts
through the hills
and forward
to the dead end
that began it all.

i love you this morning
it's a come home safe morning
fog on the road
& no seatbelt kind of morning
the sun is over easy
& nothing's on fire
there's punctuation
where i don't want it
and extra love
in the glovebox of my car
been thinking about being honest
how these poems are all me
but they tell the story
how someone else
might believe it happened
within reasonable doubt
no copy & pasted love letters
no 'who ever says hello first gets my attention for the day'
try a little tenderness
in my ears and today
there are instruments
in the back of my head
i think you love me
because i'm sunburned
felt it in a 'come hell or high water' kinda way, that 'touched from far away' kinda way that 'if i touch this piano one more time one of us is going to break' kinda way
and i drove over 17 bridges yesterday and today i'll do it again
and i think nobody gets
what that means except maybe you
i just tell them i love the scenery
that somebody must've made
these trees blush just for me
you know how i love
to change the subject
i bet they'd love the view
i bet you would too
and all these metaphors
for other things are beside the point
this is a metaphor
for why i don't wear my seatbelt
a metaphor for why whiskey
knows me better than you
could ever try to
all the buildings seemed to sag yesterday and all the stars
are doing that cliche thing
where they talk
quiet jet noise
& some lumbering giant
made everything shake
not those hand metaphors
not another one of those
& keep the sea to yourself
i think it was a train
it's sound hugged the embankment
for a moment
and then trailed off into nowhere
and that's kind of like me
how there's a town called 'rescue'
close to my home &
it's no coincidence
that i've never been there

I have grown beyond you.
I could play your trifling games,
but I prefer to burn this bridge
and watch it fall in flames.

I have an illness of anger,
burning at my mind.
I fought at your side as blood,
only to be maligned.

Once where I saw my friend,
I only see a snake.
You are behind me,
I leave you in my wake.

Again I wake in this wretched place
Where the devil glares with grimaced face
Reading my heart, stripping it bare
Savoring the scent of the secrets there
I'm slipping and sliding, the ice too thin
Carefully creeping, lest I fall in
I'm holding on tight with a white knuckle grip
Knowing he waits, for the moment I slip

And just as before, the first time I fell
He stood at the ready, casting a spell
Quick as a wink, he swiftly swooped in
Leading me down his pathway of sin

Dashing and daring, he's handsome and strong
He tied me in strings; then led me along
His clutch was so quick, I had nowhere to run
From the cold calculation, he fancies as fun
He baits a fine trap, with flattery and fawn
Seeking the weak to use as his pawn
Once I was trapped, caught in his snare
I was twisting and turning, gasping for air

He's a devil disguised, with eyes of deep blue
But nothing he says is faithful or true
So ladies beware, he's cold as a snake
And the treasure he offers, is gaudy and fake

But this time I stand strong, I'm adept to his game
Won't be fooled by his charms or bullied by shame
I'm squaring my shoulders, I'm calling his bluff
A lesson hard learned, and enough is enough
I say…bring it on you sly devil, this time you'll be beat
I'm wise to the tricks of a liar, a cheat
You can't take my heart, I've locked it away
Now…I am the slayer and you are the prey

So stare if you must, you'll have no affect
The passion in me, you can't resurrect
Your whispers fall dead, like leaves on a grave
You'll have none of me, or the homage you crave

May you lie there twisting, kicking up dust
With your mind full of soot and your heart full of rust
I've broken the chains that have long held me down
I picked up the mirror and turned it around
So, just look at yourself, you're sordid, unclean
There's nothing to you, behind the smokescreen
Smoke and mirrors together is a dangerous pair
They'll make you believe in what's really not there

The laugh is on you, cause I've learned your game
And the favor you seek, you'll never reclaim
I'm no more the victim, of your wretched deceit
And the armor I wear, you'll never defeat

all i remember is that first sip,
the rest, of course, is a blur.
i don't remember tripping over thin air,
or being here but not being all there.
i tried to drink you away,
to forget the taste of your lips,
i craved more and more,
even though i wasn't supposed to be doing this.
i tried to dance you away,
to forget the weight of your bones,
i danced all night long,
it did nothing for me, though.
because i saw your face and heard your voice,
i thought of your body and thought of your noise.
we were perfectly imperfect,
and yet i took every drink,
every drug,
every song,
every opportunity,
to forget how much you mean to me.
i kissed a different set of lips,
and still tasted you,
i held a different body between my hips,
but still screamed like it was you.
i knew texting you was a bad idea but i still did it anyways,
and what you said next made everything in my body freeze.
"i'm sorry for everything,
i'm sorry i ever dated you.
i'm sorry for the bruises and broken bones,
i'm sorry i ever got attached to you."
that's when i finally craved the feeling,
of alcohol running in my veins.
it burned my throat a little,
but i relished in the pain.
i still remember the thought,
nothing that good could ever go bad,
the night was a blur,
and everyone around me was constantly sad.
i wondered why,
why do these things in life bring us all down,
i taught them of love,
and hoped you'd come around.
i told them our story,
and pretended i'd have you again,
i'm sorry for what we've been through,
but only sorry for everything at the end.
because the beginning was great,
i'm not a saint,
but i believed in you, in us and everything we've been through,
i believed in love and lust and complete trust,
i've been places,
you have too,
next time just promise,
you'll take me with you.