Because its 2am
                                
                                                and im sitting in my bedroom alone

    thinking of ways to **** myself
                  thinking of reasons to hate myself  

                                                                  while you're sleeping



because I told you I was fine.

"And if you are like me you love deeply. You do not give a **** about your own self, because all that matters is if they are okay. "

Most days I find it hard to look in the mirror.
St times, I convince myself that no one would miss me if I were gone.
My scars tell stories that I wish I could keep to myself
I cry for no reason, and I have trouble figuring out the way i'm supposed to function, when my mind is such a scary place.
But-
I got out of bed this morning, and that's a start to getting better.
:)

if i could give you one thing in life,
i would give you,
the ability,
to see yourself,
through my eyes,
only then will you realize,

how special you are to me.

Just thought I'd let you know,
even though we're apart,
wherever I go, whatever I do,
you're always in my heart.

There's not a day that passes by  
when I don't stop and wonder why-
why was I blessed with a friend like you,
Even after what I've put you through?

Through all the pain and all the tears,
you're always there to calm my fears.
Thanks for always being around,
to help me up when I am down.

So, I want you to know:
no matter what happens,
or what time may do,
I am always here for you.

A friend of mine
you will always be.
To you, with love,
...From me.

Oh Ramen, Sweet as sugar
You shall fill my stomach with a myriad of tastes.
I am like putty because you’re my ******
Your enchanting dance at an unstoppable rate

Sip, slurp, and swallow
Everywhere you go I follow
I can’t help but be the cooker
Since you’re an amazing looker

You’re the heart inside my soul
seeing you every day is my goal
It is my heart that you stole.

I walk a path paved in penciled graffiti,
Where outlined music notes
Amuse my anecdotes,
I walk with break beats in my blood,
With brain waves pounding bass drums,
I got liquid
808 fingertips
And lips
Malted with crossfade grins
To spin surges of synergy
Out of bottled up battles,
Even my baby rattles
Used to shake with rhythm.

Wars
Should pause for music.

The power of harmonic symphony
Just pimping me,
Creeping up through cracked sidewalks,
Wrapping shadows around legs,
Up hips to necks
As it grabs,
Just pimping me,
A dance floor ***** with
Peace in and of mind,
In circles of 32
Note by note,
That lump of emotion
In my throat
Could choke,
With neon freedom.

Maybe it’s a pipe dream,
That we could put down the guns
And rave to the drums,
That even silencers will be silent,
And the smell of gunpowder
Will squander for an hour,
That there will be a day with no death,
A day free of neurotic nail biting mothers
Holding their breath,
That their children will walk our land again,
A day that suicide bombs
Won’t detonate,
That cries of loss and sadness
Won’t resonate,
A day that we won’t decimate,
Our own race,
The human race

Maybe it’s a pipe dream,
But that’s my pipe dream.

I’ve spanned seas to see,
That music brings harmony,
I’ve danced along
An African diplomat named Ife,
Which means love,
A Polish carpenter named Sebastian,
Which means dignity,
A Vietnamese banker named Ly,
Which means Lion,
And collectively,
We,
We're individuals,
Smiling to that same pumping beat,
That,
Breakbeat,
That brain wave pounding bass drum,
That strum laced
With a graceful hum,
Making our race numb,
There was no color,
There was no history
Because my history
Won’t dictate me,
Not that it's non-existent,
Not that I’m resistant
To believe that people hate
Because of the past,
But I understand personalities,
And believe
Everyone deserves a fair shot
At being an individual

Everyone deserves that music,
Everyone deserves to have
That path paved in penciled graffiti,
Where outlined music notes,
Amuse their anecdotes,
Everyone deserves to feel
Breakbeats in their blood,
And brain waves pounding bass drums,
Those liquid
808 fingertips
And lips
Malted with crossfade grins
That spin surges of synergy,
Everyone deserves what we have to offer,
Everyone deserves,
To dance to their own breakbeat
Of peace

never witnessing such a tableau;
towering… glowering over it.
he watched it in stupefied horror.
glued there- stuck- frightened and traumatized;
sensing it, his brain yanked himself back.
alone...for goblins are not human.
scary and sly, the truths of childhood.
thinking the things children hate to think.
he had found evil-such a tableau.

What would your 7 year old self say if
she saw you politely refusing your
favorite flavor of ice-cream
( Mint-chocolate chip goes best with
warm summer nights)
What would she think if she knew you drank
coffee black?
(You used to tell your mother that
it tasted like gasoline)
You skipped breakfast
(Your dad made pancakes every
Sunday morning)
Ran until your lungs couldn't
take oxygen fast enough
(No one is chasing you anymore)
Counting ever calorie
(You never liked math)
What would she say if she saw you hating yourself?