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 Sep 2014 Turn Off The Lights
ev
They say that there are plenty of others
That I'll find someone new
Someone better for me
There are 7 bilion people in the world
So maybe if I look
I'd find thousands of other lovers

But the thing is simply
That I've never wanted thousands of different lovers
I've just wanted one
Please don't let me find thousands of other lovers
Please don't let me fall for anyone else
Please be my **one
- ev
You let me down every time....
Your judgement destroys whats left of me every time,,,
Instead of letting these tears fall I prefer to smile..
I throw the lamp at you so that I can miss..
I scream so you can tell me to calm down...

I Push you away so you can pull me closer...
To hate you means I once loved you.. I still do.
It hurts to see you everyday and act like I dont care
It hurts that every time I am happy the first person I want to tell is you.

It hurts to love you, every time....
It hurts that everyday I dream about waking up next to you
It hurts that every time you never notice me...
You can be among-st a crowd and I will still find you..
That's because I love you and it hurts , every time...
And finally it hurts to accept that you dont know how I feel
You may leave at some point.
But your memories, they won't.
I may say goodbye.
But my love, it can't.
One.
My first kiss was a country boy.
His dorm smelled like coconut and summer but
three days later, he told me
he didn't want a relationship.
Two days after that,
he stopped talking to me.
He used me.

Two.
I kissed a boy
whose intentions were never
what I thought they were.
He had hands that wandered
and lips that didn't quite fit against mine.
That was our first and last date.

Three
I thought I loved him.
Young and in love, I let him
touch my heart and my body
and I thought we were forever.
But his hands were too big for mine
and he left me, like all the rest.
But I don't miss him.

Four.
Late night Snapchats that led to drunken kisses and roaming fingers. And regret.
I still think about it.

Five.
I was 19,
and he was gentle and slow.
He held my face as if I was porcelain,
beautiful and fragile.
After, he held me close to his chest
and I could hear his heart
beating with mine.
*Perfect fit.
Hands can take life away
Hands can save someone life
Hands can take away pain
Hands can write show how much you break
Hands can show your not alone
And hands can tell you to get away
Hands can make someone stay
Hands hold the knife that cuts my wrist
Hands can tie the not that i hang myself with
Hands can write the notes I give to my friends
Hands show my story
and can cause my story to end
Hands show you a lot about me
Just look at my hands and you will see
how much pain that goes throw me
maybe your hands
will be the hands
that can save me
Meeting you was like 
I was meeting myself for the first time 
And I want you to know that 
I would do anything 
Go anywhere
For your smile
Him
“17 September 2014
We met on that day
I don’t really know you
We are surrounded by books
Your manly smile make my heart pounding”
USM
Sometimes I wish I was blind.
No, don't get me wrong.
I'm grateful that I can see flowers and sunsets but,

It's that many times what my eyes see is distorted.

It's that I find myself making judgements about people based on what they wear, what their race is, where they come from, and caving in to stereotypes set in my mind instead of thinking about who they are as a person.

It's that I use words like ugly or fat to describe people as if looks alone defined them and as if I had the power to define beauty.

It's that I start comparing myself to others instead of being thankful for what I have and who I am.

It's that I start checking out guys
And seeing what's on the outside instead of wondering about what lies inside .

It's that I start selecting people to be friends with based on their appearance instead of wondering who they are as a human being.

It's that my eyes hinder me from focusing on what's truly important.

And perhaps if I was blind my soul would better understand that there is more than meets the eye.
That what makes certain humans great is how passionate they are when they talk about what they love.
How caring they can be in time of need.
How their personality can far outshine looks.
How even if physically a person may be falling apart on the inside they have the greatest heart.

Perhaps if I was blind,
Maybe then would I truly see.
Just remember to not judge a book by its cover. Humans are more than just their appearance. Although I do encourage you to use your sight to focus on beautiful things like nature and art.
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