Suicidal thoughts are poetic
The slitting of wrists
Ropes tied around your neck
The need to put that one foot forward
Into the pit that ends everything;
Hopes, dreams, wishes and nightmares combined

Suicidal thoughts are poetic
The feeling of drowning
A knife pierced to your heart
The want to simply put that one foot forward
To the center of the road that starts everything;
Sorrow, regret and sympathy combined

Suicidal thoughts are poetic
The endless hallucinations and insomnia
Thinking of what would happen if you died
The uncontrollable yearning to simply put that one foot forward;
To the darkness of closed eyes that makes everything;
Problems, unanswered questions and contentment combined

Suicidal thoughts are so poetic
That it comes to a point
That all of it
Suddenly and inconspicuously
Becomes true

it was said that we are more closer to 2050 than we are to 1990. It has the same gap of 30 years and yet both have a different feel towards each other. the past seems so far off because it had lacked what the future only had: hope.

yesterday seemed forgotten but tomorrow was an endless thought. what was done before could never be changed. the things we are about to do hereafter could still be.

now where was the concept of now? it is not forgotten nor is it a thought. it is just “now”. no thoughts no lingering feeling. it is now. and perhaps that is why we dont think about what happens. we think about now.

and that is what we should focus on.

now.

the mind is a restless soul. it speaks and it listens.

but it will never feel. that is why it is restless.

the mind cannot know contentment. it cannot know satisfaction. it could only resent but it could never forgive.

the mind is a restless soul. it speaks and it listens.

but the mind could never tell what the heart only knows.

youre as beautiful
as the sunset
because every time you leave
it makes me want for more
of you

you have hurt
this little fragile heart
of mine for a
thousand times
and it was always a problem for me
but if the time comes
that the thing about problems come
dont come running back to me
screaming to have me back

because the thing about problems
is that
it's not always about you

it was in his eyes
that i knew
that love wasn't a feeling
but it was a choice
because i would rather
look at his eyes
and think that i have finally found
my universe.

Stranger: Hi

You: what do you hate

Stranger: People who lies

You: thats a sad truth

Stranger: How 'bout you?

You: i hate it when i feel like i left somebody behind

You: or when theres not enough love in this world to heal it back

You: i hate it when somebody feels lonely

You: or they feel what i feel

You: i hate it when theyre unhappy

You: i hate it when i cant fix a broken soul

You: and whats ironic is i cant even fix mine either

to remember you
with the good memories
you gave

and not the traits
that made me leave
or the stabbing pain
in my chest

to remember you
in a way
that you were perfect
even if you weren't.

5:15 PM 12/17/2018

she was
as healthy as a baby
when she woke up
she was as optimistic
as a child
as she walked the paths
that could be the
next thing to death
but every time
she slept
she was as sickly
as an old woman suffering
from a disease
for she sniffed,
her eyes puffy
wishing that she never woke up once more
and it was always the cycle
she wasn't the problem
the people were
but she always thought
she was the problem
so one night
she didnt want to be sick anymore
and it was one moment
that time had to close his eyes
for a sad girl living in a sad world
and a knife
wasnt always a good combination.

i wasnt happy
because i wanted to
i was happy
because i had to
and i didnt want that
and thats what
made me insane.

in most pixar movies
or probably in the reality there is
we dont get what we want
we get what we deserve
and even though
we get what we want
its the will
to find what we deserve

and im ever so lucky to find it with you.

when you leave,
leave me
with nothing
take the love i gave
take the happiness i shared
take my broken heart
take the memories you shared with me
take the hurting feeling
take everything that you once gave
because when you leave,
there's no turning back.

please come back
running to me
as if youve never been gone
please look into my eyes
and show to me
i'll see you again

As easy as it sounds
Yet the hardest pill to swallow
I guess some people
Just dont want to be with me
The same way i want to be with them

the best people are contained
in a perfect mix of anxiety,
broken and missing pieces,
and the chain of thoughts of being unworthy
unloved
and
insiginificant.

you liked calligraphy
so much
that you decided
to use your lips
as your pen
and wrote on me
through my heart
the words i have longed
to come from you
and my simple reply
was a kiss to your lips
saying
"i love you too."

and then
the way
you told me
you loved me
showed
how much you dont.