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... eat other peoples
poetry then

***** all over the page.


(C) SoulSurvivor
Despicable...
 Oct 2014 Towela Kams
Neath
"I love you"*
The words that no one wants to say too early.
The words that no one wants to say too late.
The words that everyone wants to say eventually.
 Oct 2014 Towela Kams
ellie
Laughter like lightning fills the air as I crack another bad joke,
her smile lifting the weight on my shoulders as she breathes in the smoke from her mid-day cigarette.

She nudges me and makes some remark about something I once said, or did, and we giggle at memories made and times gone by.

I wish her well and tell her goodbye, walking out of the door with hands in pockets and scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, protecting me from the cold.
I reach for my phone and see that already, her mask has dropped and her inner thoughts are being spilled onto private social media like a lost diary. She tells her thoughts to a screen rather than to me.

"I want to die"
"Someone help me, please"
"I deserve it all"
"I don't want to be alone"
"Cut cut bleed bleed starve starve"

In my minds eye I see her:
her laugh like lightning and smiles that lift weight from my shoulders
and I just wish that those beautiful emotions she presents to me
were real.
i wish i could help her because her laughter warms my heart and her smiles make me feel light and she is so beautiful and incredible and she means the world to me
I'm so unhappy
being this being
of unresolved
uncomforts and broken
unrealistic dreams
of wanting to be a new
something without a way
of becoming
it's this pain so deep
even I can't reach it
in a place where only I can feel it
and I smile and wave
while people say
"wow, she looks so happy"
but I fake so much
I almost think it's real
and then I'm reminded
with a tear stained window
that I've never been so unhappy
depersonalization.
I was new to the school
I had no friends
Fear wrenching my gut
And so I smiled

I met some people
They turned me away
Bullied behind the back
And so I smiled

Finally I made true friends
And got asked out
But of course it never did last
And so I smiled

Then the friendship all went wrong
Promises broken, loved ones lost
Blood was shed, turning hands red
And so I smiled

Horror, black clothing
So much more
Crying and dying all inside
And so I smiled

A grandfather left
Passed away
No longer shall we play
And so I smiled

Glaring eyes crossed
Hatred shown in the hall
Between friends turned enemies
And so I smiled

True friends turned sisters
Moved away
Leaving me alone
And so I smiled

Fear wrenched me again
As I tried to mend
Broken friendships from childhood
And so I smiled

Now I have met some girls
Not true friends but close
A boy I like is more than friends
And so I smiled

But a smile no longer means happiness
Now it's simply a brave face.
So how do I reveal to the world
That I am somewhat happy?
 Oct 2014 Towela Kams
Ash
How do I restart
To those perfect days?
Deception: an art
That leaves me to gaze

Yet I will depart
From all these dismays
So I'll have my heart
Away from this *haze
What I am most fearful of, is waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to move. Being paralyzed. Only being able to move my eyes.
      
        I am terrified of the dark, or maybe not that, it could be the things that are found in the darkness. Imagine waking up in your 160 year old house, with ancient doorknobs that have apertures only a skeleton key could fit, finding out that the door is locked. How? You are inside your room and yet the door is locked, who locked you in, how did they lock you in? Your eyes might water but before you cry you will pound on the door. There is no response.

           But wait, you are now paralyzed again and still you can move nothing but your eyes. Your only hope is that the morning will come soon and the sun will shine through your windows. What seems like an hour, passes. You are able to twist your head to the side. The clock says 2:04 am. You wait and wait, but surely ten minutes pass and the clock still says 2:04 am and now your head is stuck looking at the clock and you are scared you are so scared, and the door, you can hear someone put a key in your door, the **** turns and the door swings open, something forces your body to jolt up, you look at the door and all that is there, is.....darkness.

       That is what I am terrified of.
I am truthfull
 Oct 2014 Towela Kams
julius
what is it to you
if i pave my own path
and do not speak up
when you expect wrath?
you see, i am
quite the silent kind
but look into my thoughts--
i've a chaotic mind.
these lips are shut
so you may not hear
what lies beyond
my skin austere
though you may peek
into my spirit
through words
that i write vivid.
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