I have been born and raised in the midwest of the United States
And I have learned many things, some of which I have learned to hate
People here live the same **** lives as the people before them
People meet, they fall in love, they get married, they have kids
Their kids grow up and go to a tiny high school
They go to college, get a job, find someone and do what their parents did
But the thing is they never leave
They are never truly living
They live the same **** lives in a repetitive cycle and they never have a taste of unfamiliarity
And in my years of being alive, I have learned to hate this mentality
To live the same lives as everyone around me
I want something different
I want to have stories and scars from travels and years of being alive
I want something more than this town and this segment of a country could ever give me
With its familiarity and hatefulness towards difference
I strive to leave and to actually be alive

i know that you have no idea that i like you
and i plan on keeping it that way
because i know that you like some other girl
and i respect that, so im just going to keep this little secret to myself
but if you ever do find this and connect it to you
i hope you know that you mean a lot to me
i've become very attached to you and it scares me if im being honest
i have a tendency to put up walls but with you
it doesn't feel like i have to
and i don't know why i've fallen for you
but i did
and i keep trying to climb out of the hole that i've dug myself
but it seems as though i'm stuck

so, i just needed to get this out of my system
that i've fallen for you
and theres nothing i can do about it
and that maybe in the slight possibility that you see this and you like me back
that maybe you'll do something
because i'm too scared to
too scared to lose you and lose what we do have
to the girl who ive fallen for
maybe surprise me, or maybe just keep being you

i've always been the kind of person to give people multiple chances
regardless of how badly the wound was that they previously left
but after awhile when i get so broken
i have to give up and let them go
so please dont ever say i give up too easily
because i have never done that
don't wear me down and blame me for cutting those strings
i have my reasons for burning bridges
and if you aren't gonna let it go until i tell you then so be it

i got so emotionally drained and i felt like a walking zombie
being friends with that toxicity of a human
i did such terrible things and outside of that state i would've never done them
but the biggest reasons i cant do it
no human should get blamed for a suicide attempt
especially if they are just trying to help
no 13 year old should have to take away her friends scissors
because she won't quite cutting in school
nobody should break at the sight of a human

no human should have to go through that
and then feel the need to turn around with a smile and keep helping
so when i say i cant do it
i cant go back to that
don't torment me and make fun about it
because i don't have enough of me to go through that again
im done giving chances to the person that made my soul shatter through a phone call or a letter from the psychiatric unit
im sorry but im out of chances

nothing could ever capture the extent of your beauty my love
your face like the night sky
your freckles as scattered as the foreign stars
and your eyes like the beautiful glowing moon
but your smile and your laugh
are what some would call angelic
but darling nothing could ever contain this

no camera lens could ever have it all
from your curly locks to your favorite socks
it could never hold it all

no poem could ever hold enough words my love
words don't even exist that entail as much beauty
as no song could have as beautiful a melody as your laughter

don't you see my love?
you are the epitome of true beauty
from your actions to your face
inside and out you are gorgeous
i hope the whole world recognizes this
and i hope you do to
for only physical proof can show how spectacular you are

pretty boy get off the stage
the show is over
it's been done and played
take off that mask and be yourself
and stop trying to be like everybody else
nobody is waiting for an encore
so why are you?
step out of character and be the you we all desire
why are you refusing?
because the stage is comfortable?
well, pretty boy, the world is not a stage
the world is streets and aisles where the acting doesn't count
nobody wants to be around a facade
people want genuine emotions and reactions
and the character you chose is not you

so pretty boy its time
take off the costume
and step into your own shoes
don't let how you think you need to be seen
decide how you act
go with your instinct
and pretty boy just be you

i've never been one to have the desire to always live in a small town
to know the story of everyone
and to have the map of the town tattooed to my palm
i've always liked the idea of unknowing
to not always know what's two streets away
to not know everyone in the city
and i've always enjoyed the beauty of it all
in a small town you will run out of views and sights eventually
but in a city, they are infinite
when its constantly changing you can see everything newly
new lights, new faces, new buildings, new streets
change to some can be intimidating
but change to me is something of beauty
and to prefer that over similarity is not wrong of me

I've always had the urge to live somewhere bigger than me
something larger than life i suppose
and It's the night that has shown me this
Once the streetlights turned on and we roamed the streets
I fell in love
Small towns only hard stars and similar roads
The cities held more to me
Was it wrong to fall in love with streetlights?