See those plots of earth where roses once grew?
I planted them when I was 18 and my sister was 22.
Her's blossomed nicely every year,
While mine turned brown and stark
Like winter-borne deer.

See those bushes with fragile twigs and no leaves?
They were lilacs whose bright green leaves danced in the breeze.
My favorite flower of them all
I let fall victim to decay,
With the ruthless mindset of fall.

See the tree that has split in half?
It once stopped the sun from beating down on the path.
A storm blew through 5 years ago,
And I haven't had the strength to take care of it.
Even though it's broken, I can't let it go.

See those flowers that are still intact?
The hydrangeas survived because I made a pact.
I promised to watch over those special flowers
Offering hydration for the hydrangeas
With tears from my loneliest hours.

There is something eerily interesting about drowning.
Sinking slowly into a body of water
watching the light dancing at the surface
as your limbs refuse to work anymore
and become dead weight
but your mind is still alive.
Your vision starts to become fuzzy around the edges
as the sparkling light starts to dim
and the murky darkness of the depths surrounds you.
Until your mind finally, gives in and fades,
the lack of oxygen putting you to sleep
forever.
And what's glorious is
You don't even need water to drown.

*You don't need water to drown

Everytime I try to think of someone else,
Everything just blurs and goes blank for a long time.
I’m beginning to lose my mind because of you.
You're driving my whole world insane.

You bought my heart for a thousand smiles.
You never left me to be forgotten.
I gave you my body, my everything.
And now you stole my mind.

I’m sticking needles inside my skin,
Just to forget you.
The nightmares are pretending to be you,
Pulling me deeper down.

The illusions, hallucinations.
They exist because of you,
Never leaving me alone.
Always drugging me,
Making me eager for your love.

They’re drinking my soul,
Feeding off of my negativity.
Pressuring me to think more,
Making me the petty victim here.

They’re forcing me to drink,
They’re getting me drunk from my habits.
They’re making homemade guilt,
Forcing it down my throat.

Making me delusional,
I can't see through right and wrong.
They want me to believe I did it,
And they know they’re gonna succes.

They’re inflicting damage to my reality,
They’re brainwashing me, ******* everything out.
They change me, they’ve changed me.
They’ve destroyed me.

You’re my only desire for freedom,
You’re my opportunity to get away from it all.
You’re the only one I would remember,
If my life should disappear.

I’m only a doll, a machine for a greedy heart.
I’m ill, im psychotic.
I see things, I hear things.
And I know it, but i still believe every single thing.

I never did see the murderous intent
Of the expression in my eyes.
I avoided mirrors to flee from the sickening thoughts.
But things stand clearer now.

You wanted to walk away,
So I caught you.
And broke open your body,
To devour your life. I wanted you all to myself,
I wanted to treasure you forever.

I exist because of you,
And now I endure responsibilities of my crazy mistake.
Nothing’s false, nothing’s true.
They’ve taken everything there is to take.

Taking a bite into a sandwich,
A well made peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And tasting nothing.
The jaw moves up and down.
A hand migrates to the temple,
Feeling the muscle respond
To the empty, automatic, chewing.

Boring.

Breathing in a breath of fresh air,
A spring breeze carrying the scent of lilacs.
And smelling nothing.
The lungs expand and deflate.
A hand is placed on the ribs
Feeling the bones respond
To the empty, automatic, breathing.

Boring.

Watching storm clouds in the distance,
A western front bringing the rain closer.
And seeing nothing.
The eyes' gaze broken with blinks.
A hand is placed next to one eye
Feeling the muscles respond
To the empty, automatic, blinking.

Boring.

Turning on a car radio while driving,
A voice reports the unusual weather patterns.
And hearing nothing.
The ears started their phantom ring.
A hand is placed on the volume dial
Feeling the ear drum respond
To the empty, automatic, ringing.

Boring.

Picking at the worn steering wheel,
A ripped, and tattered leather covered wheel.
And feeling nothing.
The skin got caught and ripped open.
A hand is placed over the heart
Feeling the chest respond
To the empty, automatic, beating.

Boring.

*I don't care.