Dear diary,
So many things I yearn to say
My thoughts can never escape your page
I long to tell you everything
But I can't even meet your metaphorical eye
when i picture you asking how I've been

Dear diary
Strange, strange, fickle me
It's not lost on you, the lies i breathe through inky-white knuckles & stupidly clenched teeth
But how could I ever l admit to
you, diary
A blank, unmarred slate- a new start
What I have yet to admit,
within my emoticon-romanticised, hopeless, heart?

smiling through the pain is the worst variation of insane but no one would understand if i told them my brain is fading, breaking, existentially ever-craving so instead i keep it all inside my mind, buzzkill benign.
AND, ill live life living as though we weren’t all born to die.

I crave you relentlessly

ive always been selfish for you
Even if i never showed it  

Deja vu

At least if i starve my body of sleep
It has no will to dream of you
Or anything

But you were always selfish for me too
And you always showed it

I want to drown in candle-soaked, chemical-smoked tragedy
I want you or nothing

Ride, or die

you or nothing

i used to sleep with a candle

now i sleep with chemicals

"Don't cry, child!
And you should really stop wearing all this black"
"Your sadness is illogical-
Oh, how about a nice new bag?"

"I know you think you're gay,
But I think you simply have yet to find the right man!"
"Don't be so dramatic, you know I want for you, only-
what we mothers- only can."

Well, mother-
I don't need your misguided love
Your assurances are idiotic
And your guilt-trips, once so potent, no longer bring me down  

So, please~
Please.
Do tell me again, there's still a span
Of space reserved for me
within thy deity's plan

See, I don't believe in fate
In the same way you cling to yours
I'm a nihilistic atheist, and your bigotry made me who I am

what's a wildcard in a hurricane?