I stopped striving for the perfect year,
Because my concept of "perfection" was flawed.
I was chasing a scenario in which,
I could go a full rotation of the sun
without anything going astray,
All my dreams being fulfilled.

This search for perfection,
Was like looking at a window,
And being annoyed because
All I could see was a sheet of glass.

But, I decided to alter my desires;
Try to live single year in hopes of good autobiography.

Meaning;
To say yes more often.
And say no when needed.
To relish in successes.
And learn from mistakes.
To love without exception.
And to be kind without expectation.
To revel in every single wonderful moment as they come,
And not letting their fleeting nature feed the bitter parts of me.

Don't chase the perfect year.
Chase an amazing story.
Leave readers captivated.
And your grandkids bored-to-death.

i don’t know why i’m still here, honestly.
i mean, my rooms not clean,
there’s a stain on my jeans
and i barely know how to work the washing machine.
i’m fifteen. i’m a teenager.
in a few years, i’ll be choosing a major
at a college i’m not completely sure i want to attend,
like upenn, columbia, yale, or brown…?
thinking about it makes me want to drown.

but only figuratively, not actually.
because nobody really means what they say anymore,
like “of course i got your text,”
or “yes! i definitely remembered your birthday was tomorrow”
or “yeah, i’m only five minutes away,”
or “i love you.”

i don’t know why i’m still here, honestly.
i mean, i’m an academic burnout.
in ballet, i didn’t have the best turnout.
i was never even a girl scout.
my mom said when in doubt, always tell the truth.
okay. sure.
i can do that, at least i thought i could.
i did, up until the point where i couldn’t tell where the truth ended and the lies began.
i said the tears in my eyes were just allergies.
i began to realize i was running out of energy.
everything i did, i did haphazardly.
looking back, i wonder if it was even reality.

low battery, my phone continues to tell me.
and honestly, i don’t know why i’m still here
because i lose everything.
i still can’t find my charger.
my classes are getting harder,
and at this point, i’m highly considering just becoming a farmer.
but i already know that’s out.
i mean, lets be honest
no amount of plants can get me the money that scholarship grants can.
maybe...maybe i should just become a doctor.
you know, perform transplants, give implants.
with all that money,
i could take a trip to france!
sometimes, i’d rather be there than here.
other times, i feel like i should just...disappear.

but it’s not even that serious,
i mean for the most part,
me being quiet is just me being mysterious.
other people might even call me delirious
due to my lack of experience in this
brand new job that
goes by the name of ‘life’.
i said it already. i’m a teenager.
i don’t even know why i’m still here.
and if i’m being honest,
i don’t think any of us do.

An eye for an eye,
and a heart for a heart.
Two people so close, that they’d never thought they’d part.
Twelve years today, they had to say their goodbyes,
for God had a plan only seen through his eyes.
An eight year old girl was filled with sorrow,
but hopeful that her mother would turn up tomorrow.
As the years went by, she learned mom was gone for good.
It took some time, but she finally understood.
Things in life happen and we don’t know why.
That’s why it’s always so hard to say goodbye.
One thing for sure is, she’s going to be okay.
She will see her mother again one day.
Oh little girl, you’ve grown beautifully.
Your mom smiles at what you’ve come to be.
Take my hand and come with me,
so we can become everything you’re meant to be.
Mom, I hope you’re proud of me.

For years I turned right
For years I turned left
Believing it would bring me some form of happiness
Perhaps the lack of Love in my life caused me to do so
However I soon discovered that turning only in one direction
Left me moving in a circle
Thus was my cycle ... Thus was my life
Going round and round like a Ferris wheel
In ways I guess it kept me sane
In practice it wasted a lot of time ... Precious time
And so my soul had to be dragged through the dark woods
Lost in a maze
A whirlpool called life
A gloomy forest filled with hungry wolves
The only way out was to try all exits ... Break the pattern
To turn in all directions
From afar I could see a light
This light reflected ... As light usually does
But this light also attracted
I focused on it ... Progressed to where it was coming from
I was not afraid
I ignored the growling sounds of wolves trying to close in on me
Gnashing their teeth as if they could already ******* blood
I soldiered on towards the light
Finally I had reached the open door
I stepped into the light as if it had been waiting for me
Then I turned to see from whence I had come
But the ocean water had washed my footprints away
I was standing on a sandy shore
Children playing in the golden sand ... Building sandcastles
People sunbathing ... Sapphire blue waters
In the air the distinct smell of coconut
A mirror in the sky reflecting my life story
I was able to edit it ... pause and delete
Cut out the bad parts
But then I realised that without them my journey would've been incomplete