I think about
you, loosely in the cracks
between my mind. You
hold that power over me,
my favourite misdirection-
My favourite muse.
To desire to want you in a
masterpiece is the secret
painted on my
wrists. I breathe you in
a little louder, kiss you a little
harder; til the earth
wipes away.
a Daydream in the night sky,
I hold you there.

it felt so wrong

but she simply had to exist

feelings were all over the place

disaster struck 

simply denying was not enough

all she did was smile

which sent

hearts racing

it felt so wrong

depriving

sick

twisted

she didn't notice

it felt right

(that's a lie)

you're not quite the thing in the storybook

i would say quite more beautiful

but you, however much

i blame you

i know hope festered because of me

you opened a door that's been shut too many times

and i let you in

how could i be so utterly foolish?

i'm a monster.

she radiates in a glowing light

sunshine and flower crowns

warm with an able hug

she is the cool wind breeze of spring

the ocean lapping at her feet

fluffy frozen snow is what she is

snowball fights and linking arms

am i sick?

to notice this about her

twisted and utterly horrible

i wish she could just share her warmth with me

so i could feel like a rainbow

shiny and new

but i'm just the long, dark, dirt road

bitter and full of longing

her light is at the end of my path

sweet and savory

ponytails, flannels, blankets, books, braids

my heart can't take the restless pounding

she tastes like cranberries and chocolate cake

i taste of nothing

i am nothing

she is everything

every little movement

set my heart on fire

don't ask me to prove it

don't color me a liar

my heart is in two

she doesn't control her actions

you might be asking who

my answer isn't a satisfaction

we could be so close to each other

if it wasn't for my icy frame

maybe she'll yell for another

and i'll be consumed by the flame

recite me sappho
through your breath
and beneath your palms

You're just a girl
Who's been taught to be ashamed
I know you had the best intentions
I know you're not to blame

But I'm just a girl
Forced to fear the ones I love
And the deathly breath of distance
That you now remind me of

'Cause she's just a girl
Who promised to be mine
I wish that I could tell you that
I wish we could be fine

But you're just a girl
Who fights pride with sin
Mirror, mirror, stop and breathe
But you wont let me in

I am still me.

Still me.

I want to shout it from the highest places, just so that you can hear it and understand. Hear it and believe it. Hear it and trust me.

Still me.

Because that girl who dug around your garden and nearly ate night shade berries still exists. The one who crawled around on the carpets, playing with toy cars, she's still here. The child who sat cross-legged on the counter tops licking icing off her fingers is still alive.

She's still in here. Waiting for the day she sees the entire world. Pretending that she can fly even when the world has clipped her wings time and time again. Watching rain streak down the windows, admiring the ladies who traipse around in Victorian dresses when we watch those films you love.

She still awws at every sweet thing she stumbles across. And still hopes against all hope that she will live in an ancient forest. Who still adores Joan of Arc and loves to read poetry out loud.

Still me.

Still over watering plants because I have no idea when to stop giving.

Still up in the middle of the night dreaming.

Still singing.

Still here.

Still me.

That simple truth shouldn't change your opinion of me. Because it doesn't change who I am.

My tongue and my heart have betrayed me.
And though I curse
these wondering and doubts,
I do not regret
saying those simple words.

We lay together in bed,
and while I showed you all my scars,
you counted all the things
you loved about me
on the tips of your fingers.
You moved closer-
close enough to hear the hammering
of my hopeless heart.

Your elbow brushed mine.
          and I allowed myself to remain within reach.
Close by, where your still-damp hair
begged for my fingers to caress,
reach out - tenderly touch.
It would have been so easy
to weave my fingers through yours
or to rest my head on your shoulder.
But my mind wouldn't leave me
and before I caught them;
my words had betrayed me.

"I really like you"
slipped out somewhere in the dark
and the echo returned to me.
You threw your arm over me then,
pulled me close enough
to breathe the smell of rain and earth
you carry like a perfume.

You let me let you hold me
until we could bear it no more.
And I fell asleep listening
to the rhythm of your breathing
singing sweet songs in the dark.