It was on the digital screen
That I saw the children scream
Mouths contorted
Faces distorted
In stainless steel poses
Of death and destruction

I saw flowers burnt up
Showers of shrapnel
Splitting skin
Sinking in
Deeper and deeper

Colors fading
Pictures saying
Everything in silence

Limbs desecrated
Face craters collapsing
The hopes and hearts
Of all who saw

The broken buds bursting
The ground bleeding
Gas, and red rubble

My computer became
A nightmare machine
But I could not turn off
That dreadful thing
While others
Had their dreams violated
By such horrific scenes

He hasn’t got a shot
On this brown town block
Except the one shot
By the stopped cop
Who pulled up hot
Cause the little brown boy
Was playing cops
On this cold stone block

It’s a sad song
When the soldiers come
With their loaded guns
And finger held firmly
on the trigger

The tears won’t stop running
For the victims that keep falling
On the battle ground

And the enemy
Well they are just siblings
From another father and mother

You became a better man from the fruit of my suffering.

It added some color to your cheeks though you still had pieces of me in your teeth..

I stuck with you through hues of red and blue, and for a time I was bright and yellow...you almost wrote back in a similar color.

I’ve been with you through thick and thin, smooth and rough, loud and quiet, and we held on despite the odds we held on.

You bask in the light now, all petals anew.

What did I gain from it but except a few new scars?

Everyone now admires you.

While my color fades and shrivels, you glow in delight.

It’s my fault I’m all alone
I should have known I wasn’t the one  because you can’t stand to look at me.

I carried you high and lifted you up and I let myself drown in the process.

Coughing and gasping with an outstretched limb

I remind you of your shadow; your darkest chapters.

You’re on land and you’ve left me to rot like just another memory.

I should have realized I was just your plot device.

It had been years since I'd seen your face,
I recognized your smile, as if I had never left...
We talked, it was good...
You said you were sorry... and I accepted your apology...
Although I had already forgiven you a while back...
But this doesn't mean that I forgot...

Do not confuse my forgiveness for forgetfulness...
because I still remember...

I remember all those nights
you were on the couch... sipping on some beers...
everything would be good, we'd laugh and play...
but then something triggered your emotions...

Your face would change,
you would start asking questions,
then the questions would turn into accusations,
the accusations would turn into anger,
the anger would turn into fire...
a fire that couldn't be stopped,
A fire that burned me... over and over again...

Next thing I knew
the fire would hold me down by my wrists...
demon like screams would be leaving your lungs...
telling me not to speak... or I would be punched in the face
and your eyes... your eyes would scar my soul
and I knew this nightmare would last all night long...

As the sun would rise...
you'd be sleeping next to me...
I never slept...
tears rolling down my face
scars... deeper than my skin...
You'd wake up and say you were sorry...
you blamed the alcohol....
made me feel guilty,
you said your love was too big...
then hugs and kisses ... and I was yours again...

But I never forgot...
Even after I left those nightmares stayed with me,
the scars you left, dug deeper into the essence of my being...
as I pretended that none of had happened...
But the more I pretended, the more prevalent it became...
the more I pretended, the more torturous it felt...

So I forgave you...
I forgave you alone in my room with tears coming from my soul
I forgave you as I prayed to God to get rid of my scars...
I forgave you, and in the process I learned to forgive myself too...

But just know...
that even though my heart forgave you
...my soul never forgot.

The number of stitches in my thigh,
punctures in my wrists,
the number of times you tried to **** me.

The number of paces I creased the carpet
with contemplating
how to escape you.

The number of hours you told me in bed
I'd be sorry after I left you,
naked and stabbing with your voice.

The number of  times I told my friends
your anger was disgusting, scary. The number
of times they told me don't worry.

The number of times you banged on my door,
****** knuckled, how many times I begged
for death, how many nights you barely left me
breathing.

violet violence
i find it sort of sad
that this was all we ever had
even now, after the fall
you are still violent in my thoughts