i liked a girl from school, she was,
for me, a little too cool; she was -
on top of her game:  
something to aim for, she was -
hardly concerned if I had a last name.

i remember those roll calls…
my head leaning against the wall
just to sneak a momentary gaze,
as she'd stand up to answer the teacher's call.

“present, sir.." or "..ma’am”,
that’s all she’d say.
and I knew I’d make it through the day.
i believed someday,
with a voice so sweet,
she’d give me a call,
ask me to meet.

and though that day never came to pass
i remember looking through the broken glass -
of the bus window with a muddy tint.
i could still see her like fine print.

i remember her doe-brown eyes,
her fleshy lips -
the belt clutching her beckoning hips
i’d go to sleep,
drooling like a creep.  
in my slumber,
we’d meet in our secret keep.

she spoke in riddles, it would seem:  
but i could trace the general theme -
she’d throw me on the bed, and i’d fall -
right out of my wishful dream.

it’s absurd, i know -
i’m not a fool.
yet sometimes,
i wish i were the ‘cool kid’ in school.
and though her memories are all a blur,
i’ve yet to meet a girl like her.

Stick my face in your neck
I started to smell you in my shampoo
I shower because the water running
Down my waist is just as scalding
As your fingers digging into me

I run my fingers through my hair
Wishing the strands were yours instead
Your cheeks aren’t mine to kiss anymore
I feel your touch in the blanket I bought for us
I sleep naked in winter as if
I’m showing you every part of myself

You wouldn’t understand it in words
I would know you blind
I would know you through smell and touch
Through the taste of your neck under my mouth
Through the sound of your laugh, even if
It’s just the sound of breath through your nose

I miss you is a pointless exercise
a murmur in the Sahara,
swallowed by endless sands

I can't carve myself into something you'd miss.

I love you is a sandstorm—
turbulent, scorching,
a fury that never seems to settle

I have no idea how to be something you'd love.

And I don't think I want to try
anymore.

I don't want to bend and break
under the weight of
your
sandstorm

I was the moon,
terribly in love
with you, the earth-
always chasing,
but never caught up.

My biggest fear
came to pass:
you were gone.
And with you,
a rigid, broken piece
of my heart.

I unlearned you,
every part I loved,
forcing myself to forget,
as if telling the moon
to stop revolving
around the earth
was possible.

Seeds scattered
gather the courage
to germinate, emerge
as fertile, verdant trees
of evergreen and birch,
breeze's tease and flirt
enough to render
Earth fractured–
shattered.

Underneath the dirt
remorse's corpse interred,
lurking thoughts linger,
yet something within me
still stirs and burns;
searching the surface
for touch, tender.

Heart murmurs
but not as
a murmuration of starlings depart,
more like crows murdered;
buzzards, vultures circling birds
conjured–
the curse unburied torture,
no dying words in final dirge
and yet it yearns
for yesterday's return.

Memories my mind blurs,
senses fervently usurped–
but time can never
be reversed,
this cistern's nature
gushing to a turbulent river,
water's surging,
turgid current, pure;
about to die of thirst,
this dam soon fills to burst,
my love i spill and purge
as i remember her.

I was an earlier version
of an imperfect person,
a scourge
of that I stand assured,
but this pain is
terminal,
permanent,
and the only cure
is her laughter,
rapture,
or feeling
fragile fingers,
shelter–
you certainly weren't the first heartbreak I've had
but **** it hurts the worst.

Why do I want what I can't have
When initially I create a feeling that feels like I am being stabbed
Even though I am alive
I feel dead
I search my unrequited love for a guy instead
Instead of looking outside and seeing the beauty in the rain
Seeing how the rain falls with love
And it looks up to see the trees
That the rain helped create up above
The rain works in perfect harmony with the seed,soil and sun
We can learn from the rain and see past the lust of love
To see that there are other things that we need
We need other stimuli for balance
and then we shall live in perfect harmony