So very tired but there's no sleep

Born to be broken,misery to reap

Words forever frozen deep down in my throat

Once upon a time dreams kept me afloat

Now drowning in this ever churning sea

I cannot fix or even find ME

You didn't break my bones or leave blood upon my face

But you placed me in a Sisterhood from which there's no escape

For as long as memory reaches throughout my history

You made it understood the fault lies all in me

Never say a word, let nobody in

There was an arrow pointing toward me with a bright sign flashing SIN

God alone knows the reason I was only prey to you

It's because of you Daddy

That I have to say "Me too"

I got a new sweater today
Men's section
Of a cheap department store
It's too big on me
Fits like drapery
Concealing my form
That's the only thing I want to do anymore

I don't fit in clothes
Like I don't fit with girls
Too big, too bustless
Their sweaters hug my body
In all the wrong places

But I'm too small for boys
Too young
Too restless
With messy girly hair
And a slim doe's neck
I am not enough for them
I cannot fill their shoes

So I bury myself
In a baggy sweater
Drowning myself
In insecurities
Hoping no one will look closer
Find out what's beneath these clothes
Beneath this skin
Beneath "me"

It didn't snow this year
I'm not sad
Just a little numb
And a trifle stunned
The hours pass too swiftly
Pounding past me
On elephant's feet
And it's a shame
That he's spending this evening alone
It's a shame that she
Still thinks we're in love
It's a shame that they
Are drinking with friends
Instead of going to bed
Like they should be

Cluck — then duck.

And there, in that dark park — shark and spark — mark, their responses.

Oh the powerful, how they bluster, hulk, sulk and skulk when exposed. And if they can’t deny it, they mouth crafty-drafty-daffy apologies.

I hate it!

I asked you, “Why?”

“Why do you think that even after you complained, he or she or they or Ray — his supervisor or even, say HR — did nothing?”

You weren’t sure why; I wasn’t either.

Systemic evil, personal stupidity, good-old-boy culture, a bark beetle, a comet, tormented egos, black holes, massive incompetence, weakness of character, fleas — money?

We couldn’t sort it out.

Think about it, all the complaints lodged all over the world — then dodged. It’s maddening!

You do the same job as he does and get paid less? Really?

You are assigned work that isn’t even in your job description? Are you kidding me?

He said, what?

****!

He touched you inappropriately?

My God!

He sexually assaulted you?

Ugg!

The ****!

The sick creep!

Hell!

Go tell — in order to get well!

Yes, I can see that, and I’m so sorry!

It is horribly and terrifyingly humiliating! But to not tell — that’s devastating!

Prepare yourself. Do it. Of course there will be the denial. the revile, in the aisle, the social media pretrial, the counter attack and threat to sack.

But, keep this clearly in front of you:

Secrets perpetuate sicknesses.

For there within the sinister silence of relational violence oozes the foul psychic **** of false shame and self-blame, a suppurating sepsis of misapplied guilt and a fetid, festering biotoxin of furious fear mingled with ferocious anger.

My God girl!

The organizationally administered inflammagens are virtually dripping out of the open crack at the base of your skull, running off the tip of one of your shoulder blades and bio-trailing you along the office floor.

This cannot continue.

I want you well.

I want you healed.

I want you empowered.

I want you vindicated!

Therefore, fill the hall, and tell it all!

Make the complaint, lodge the grievance, file the paperwork, notify the press, call a conference, sue their ***** off! Trap the fly, smack down the lie, out the tie, exposify — him, and hem and them!

This much is certain. We must not go on without you speaking up.

I’m standing with you.

Pellmell, raise hell, go tell