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it just doesn't
come naturally
there's an awkwardness
a failure
to accurately convey
what needs
to be
conveyed

either that
or uncontrolled words
twist sentences
contort the sentiment
that was intended

feigning the expected
mimicking those witnessed
bought success
in the past
but
under closer scrutiny
the charade
would be discovered

for now though;
this silence
has drawn on
far
     too
           long
without response

another chance
wasted
xavier thomas Jan 2022
#42
Dear God,

I stared my killer in his eyes
as he express his frustration about the past
that he couldn’t redeem.

he told me:
“If I had another opportunity… if I had to **** you to regain what I lost, I would in a heartbeat. No questions asked my G.”

pure pain is what I saw…
killing him softly

instead of being frightened, I wasn’t, I respected him.
Not hating him, I couldn’t, but forgiven him.

in that short moment of him talking
made me understand the value of my young life.

what trip me out the most is that we just finished playing 5v5 ball on the same team,
while asking me for a ride home afterwards.

May 19, 2018
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xavier thomas Jan 2022
#41
Dear God,

For this new year, I’m ready to start living with my partner.
I’m ready to share my space with their space
for me & her to own our home
with the dog running around the yard
with the kids acting silly around the house
with us planning to say “I do” for eternity.
Living in this single home for 2 years,
under your wings, has been amazing.
But I’m ready for the next chapter,
the next task at hand,
join together,
a new growth.

January 3, 2022
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xavier thomas Dec 2021
#40
Dear God,

In the book of Genesis:
did snakes back then have legs?
or did the devil create those legs possessing the snake?
I remember reading & speaking with the pastor about how the serpent was deceiving Adam & Eve.
Serpent trick them both to eat from the tree of knowledge (good & evil).
You found out, highly disappointed, then cast Adam & Eve out of the garden.
Afterwards, the Bible talks about you making snakes slither from now on.
So if I’m reading in-between the lines this time, then that’s a scary sight to see snakes walking.

March 11, 1982
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xavier thomas Dec 2021
#39
Dear Jesus,

When people say they are “manifesting” something into their lives.
~let’s add good deeds + intentions.~
They go out to get it in the “now” factor
vs. “patient” matter right?
However, in your eyes
does the word manifest cast sin?
That it is not of you, your will?
Because we use it so freely,
overtime
was this word(s) true meaning
swept under the rug
from those who came before us?
maybe it’s a unknown sin to our knowledge
until it’s known?

June 14, 2027
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xavier thomas Dec 2021
#38
Dear God,

May I ask you a question please?

I wanna know if Lucifer, your first angel, has permission to challenge us (your creation), by your approval?
For example: Lucy makes a request from you, and if accepted, he then tries to show you( Lord) that we (your creation) don’t love you like he say we do because we sin.
As a result, he wants us all for himself in hell.
And if so,

I want you to forgive me as I confess my sins.
But also,
I want to forgive him for thinking he will change me. He will continuously lose + never gain my love over yours.

April 6, 1968
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xavier thomas Dec 2021
#36
Dear God,

What I want for Christmas this year is peace. No more drama. No more family members asking me who I am bringing home for Christmas or “what happened to the last person?”. No more asking me when I will get married, have children running around, etc etc. and especially no more asking me to go shovel the snow outside knowing it’s below zero degrees outside.
May we please have a peaceful, gift opening , celebrating, honoring heaven, hot cocoa winter.

December 19, 2021
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xavier thomas Sep 2021
I’m a…

Middle-class sinner, athlete village breadwinner.
The man in the mirror is a sweet smooth operator.
Too unique in my skin cause “Black Lives Matter.”
A young discipline brotha, who one day will meet his maker.

A “Chi-Town” Legend; south side lands are what I represent &
Against all odds, I battle victorious as a strong veteran.
Never threaten, but these quick lightning hands will do some holy damage .
Cause I come from where God’s from, the pearly gates of Heaven.
xavier thomas Dec 2021
#35
Dear God,

Man I’m tired of this toxic trait going around.
Why am I always being pushed away in the end every time someone catches my attention?
I’m just tired of feeling abandoned after putting efforts into a new relationship.
I mean it’s like the new norm & seems to be ok to push folks away when it’s actually not. I may not know what people go through all the time, but please keep them away from me. I’m done feeling hurt after I caught feelings for someone, while planning a future. High expectations.
It makes me question if it’s even worth giving someone new a chance now-a-days.
Please help.

December 11, 2022
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xavier thomas Dec 2021
#34
Dear God,

I remember the day I sat down with my high school coach who’s like a father to me, tell me a story about his father sitting him down about the afterlife.
His father said, “You really don’t know what’s going to happen after death. At the end of the day one group is right, and a whole lot of people are wrong. Better hope your group right.” - then me & coach both laughed.
After I laughed, I started to really think who’s right & who’s wrong.
Because of the unknown, that’s why I have faith.

November 20, 1977
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