A body was found in my home town.
They are calling homicide.
People I know are scared,
More than that,
They are paralyzed.
Worried that it could be them,
Danger lurking around every corner.

We lost three highschool students earlier this year.
It feels like life times ago.
I watched a whole city mourn together.
Even the streets seemed to weep.
And street lamps gave hugs.
I was sick from all the crying,
Sick from watching people break down.
Sick of the sadness that hung around.

I haven’t seen my own city streets in two weeks.
I don’t think I’d recognize them if I did.
They are shuddering in shadows,
Anxious for salvation.
But here I sit,
Wondering the age and race of the victim.
Desensitized to the reality of it all.

When three of my peers died this year I did not mourn them rationally.
I wondered what their corpses looked like.
If they had become gaunt with rigor mortis,
Or if they were still soft and supple as they had been all the times they did not acknowledge me.

I am sitting miles away from everything I grew up tracing in my mind,
Wondering how a nameless corpse looks on a cold metal slab.
Laughing at the people chasing ghosts over their shoulders.

Small towns are too easily rocked by tragedy.
I think I could knock mine over with a pinky finger.
This year has proved to me that the good die young,
And the young die loved.
I wonder who loved the man they found in the park.
Will he be just another ghost to haunt these grounds?

If I were to die right now,
They would find my body stiff in the morning.
I would be all rigor mortis,
Less soft girl next door.
I wonder who would have loved me.
Am I bound to just be another ghost haunting this town?

He'd say to me, "What if I died right now? What would you do?"
  In those seconds, between his question and my answer, they thoughts that ran through my mind were endless.

  I'd think, if you were to die right now, I would take take my life and easy last 1…2…3 breathes next to your corps, that way, our souls would be aligned and we would inevitably be together for always and eternity during life after death. Our shadows would be able to run free against the wind and we wouldn't have to worry about anything except our locking lips and dare to stare into each others eyes and baby everything, will be okay.

"What if I died right now? What would you do?"

  If you were to die right now, I would turn mute. For I do not want to speak the words of my mind if your name will be brought up constantly and I refuse to let the words of love and passion exit my lips if it is not towards you because mama told me never to lie, and I will not to the boys and to the men who say those words the way you once did and I. I would rip off the bracelet I made for you but never gave and never lay a hand on your sweatshirt ever again for the gorgeous scent of you would make me sick to my ******* stomach. I would shred any poem ever written in my notebook with the mention of your name, your laugh, your eyes, and your stupid, awkward ******* walk with anger and dismay. I would cut part of your body ever inked with your name in ballpoint pen with the blade hidden deep inside the walls of my pencil sharpener.
  Because you, are like the rain I adore so much in May and the reason I did not stop myself from breathing on nights that I felt so alone.

"What if I died right now? What would you do?"

  If you were to die right now,I would take the bus to the homes of the girls who 'cared for you' and I would kiss them. I would kiss their mouths, cheeks, jawlines, stomach, thighs, nose and arms so hard with my fist! They pretended to care about you when they never loved you! They never loved you like I loved and still love you! Nobody has ever and will never love you the way I do!

And I hope you know, that the reason I do not compliment you daily is because I'm not sure whether to start from top to bottom or bottom to top. I would try to make it easier and compare you to the most beautiful thing in the world but how do you compare you to yourself, I don't get it!

Would would I do if you died right now?!
I would loose my ******* mind because if such a magnificent crystal as yourself dies then why should somebody like me, so much as a pebble, deserve to live?!

What made you think that I was prepared for this question?!
What made you think that I was prepared to even think about loosing you?!

Dear; You,
   I get it that you and I did not last forever, but I cannot stand up to that ******* reality and face the fact that I already lost you!


So please, do not as me questions such as "What if I died right now what would you do?"


Because I have no idea

Transcend your life,
don’t die
or say goodbye,
just rise into the sky,
look back and ask why…
have you ever been too scared to ask why?
I have.
My own thoughts left me with a black eye.
But it’s alright.
I don’t cry,
just find my vibe,
relax
ride out the night.
I’m alright.
Can you tell that I’m lying?
Can you tell that I’m crying?
NO..
no..
I’m alright,
it’s all behind.



Dark poetry by Vladislav Vagner
read more at http://www.poemjunction.net/

⠀            there is one girl i know.
⠀            her voice is of angels,
⠀            too perfect for this earth.

⠀            her voice could make
⠀            even the most stubborn
⠀            flowers bloom early.

⠀            her voice is the rising sun
⠀            and i can’t wait to wake up.

⠀   yes i do like music and catchy tunes
⠀         but the song that is your voice
⠀              is my favourite one yet.

⠀                          - BZQ

Why does life have to be so hard?
Why can't I just take a knife to the heart?
Rise above this earth and depart
Everyday I'm getting pierced with darts
I don't like this ****, it's not how I wanna live
I'm tired of being the sweat on your sleeve
I wanna get away from this **** so I can breathe
Thinking too much, can't free my mind
It's like depressing thoughts got me in a bind
I try to not mind but it's hard when you're on the grind
Always against the flow, and never on your mind
Never on your team cause I'm not meant to gleam
Or maybe life's about the need to feel wanted
To be in the lead and always be complemented
But how am I to do that when I'm not even noted
People always eat at me until they are bloated
And in the end I'm just the sheep being hoarded
No choice, no sense of direction
No point of pursuing perfection
Because I will always get the door, too used to rejection
I will never be your knight in shining armor
or your superhero with a cape
But don't worry about me, eventually I'll make my escape
If I get enough ***** to leave the states
To finally embrace a life where I can't be traced
Where my shoes do not have to be laced
And I don't have to come face to face with myself, the disgrace.

By Vladislav Vagner
http://www.poemjunction.net/

Blame it all on me
If your blind, I'm the reason you can't see
If you got a STD, I'm the reason it hurts to ***
If you're losing, I'm the reason you're not in the lead
Blame it all on me

I'm the fault you lost your job
I'm the fault you got robbed
I'm the fault your job is to mop
Getting paid minimum wage
Still by yourself, at your age
I guess I'm the source of all your rage
Blame it all on me

'Cause I'll just sit here and take it
I don't give a ****, no need to fake it
And if I'm the reason you didn't make it
Blame it all on me

Even if I'm half way cross the world
It's still my fault
That you're broken and missing a bolt
Or that you're lovely relationship came to a holt
Blame it all on me

But while I'm steady being the blame
I stare at your life, head down in shame
'Cause while you're blaming me for losing the game
I take responsibility for what I do
If I **** up, I'll be the last one to blame you

By Vladislav Vagner
www.poemjunction.net

We have grown into fresh peaches,
Full blooming curves, rosy surfaces.
Each teeming with the desire
To be handled by a pair of hands.
So, tell me little peach,

How did it feel like to have your juice
Run down his throat?

We are no longer flower childs,
We are maidens, suddenly seated in front
Of the mirror, the ends of our hair
Carrying the weight of our youth.

Mornings, i sit with my knees
propped up like a temple and I pray
that love come as close as loneliness does.

(One night I tried to kiss my own arms
-a train track from elbows to wrists to fingers-
With the lights off. Was it my lips or arm that burned?
In the interlude of tears between my closed eyes
I wondered what it’ll be like
To have another claim me by the mouth
Like that.)

Even when I’m not in love
I’m more in love than you are
In love.

⠀
              
⠀             i thought blue eyes
           were the most beautiful.
             then i saw your brown.
              and let me gladly say
            your eyes are like oceans
               and i want to drown

                            -BZQ

⠀
             ⠀
               ⠀            you
                   have bright eyes
                              and
                    lips that spelled
                       d i s a s t e r

                             -BZQ