In my loneliness, I find peace.
It is something that you cannot give me.
You see,
there is an emptiness in my heart.
An emptiness that you cannot feel,
but that is the only thing that is real
about me.
It is a void that you cannot fill,
a place that has been forever reserved for me.
It is a void that I do not want you to fill.
Because it is a place I have reserved for me.
You shall never understand the value
of this place.
Even if you were ever to understand,
you would never appreciate it,
but I know that you will never understand this place.
This is my own space
and it is sacred,
at least for me.
This is where I can differentiate
between a liar and an enemy.

So leave me alone here,
I am at peace here.
I know that it is where I am supposed to be.
It is my loneliness, I find solace in it.
Solace is something
that you can never give me.
So leave me here in solitude,
this is where I am meant to be.

It is not the amount of time shared
the amout of tears shed,
or the laughter lines that embed:
it is the cold, demeaning dread
that encircles my head
whenever our time together
ends.

- PMT

I close my eyes in wait.

I’m waiting.
Waiting

Waiting for the hurt to give way to understanding
Waiting for dismay to give way to hope
Waiting for light to penetrate the dark
Waiting for gloom to pave way for glee

I’m still waiting.

I’m trying.
Trying not to feel. Not to think.
Trying to numb the pain that numbs my senses.
Trying to keep going. Believing. Loving.
Trying to overcome the contradictions that challenge everything I put my trust in.

Yes, I’m trying.

And then you come along.
Stare me in the eye, assuring.
You calm me, soothe, promise of a better land.
I believe you.

I feel no need to try anymore.
There’s no more waiting.

Who said death isn’t beautiful?