Eyes staring,
eyes everywhere;
watching,
looking,
laughing,
judging.
Can't breathe,
can't walk,
can't speak.
I just wanna get on the bus,
I just wanna eat my lunch,
I just wanna buy a cup of coffee.
Can't find the words,
can't find the breath,
hands shake,
coffee spills,
I blush -
violently,
unmistakably.
Walking across a room feels like running across a desert,
talking to a stranger
is incredibly impossible,
looking at anybody in the eye
is not gonna happen.
Just leave me be,
just let me live,
without this constant commentary
racing around my brain.
Does everybody feel like this?
Does everybody hear this voice?
Is this just how it is?
I'm not special,
I'm nothing to look at,
not attracting attention;
so why do I feel the burning stab of a thousand eyes
pressing against my back?
Am I just totally mental?
Is this just pure self-obsession?
Just simply BEING shouldn't be so excruciatingly difficult.
Should it?
I wanna go to the bathroom
but I can't get across the room
without anybody seeing.
An easy-breezy laugh comes out like an uncertain whimper,
a friendly smile makes me look angry and confused.
I swear I'm nice, really,
I promise.
Just don't look at me.
Please don't look at me.

You are brighter than
the shining sun.
When I believe
I cannot be happier,
you come along and
prove me wrong.

Alone in a room
A comforting thought.
When outside open, flailing
It is the only thing you want.

But when inside the covers
You feel only dread.
Taunting thoughts tease
Dancing in your head.

You jump back in the waters
Helpless and Scared.
Imaginary sharks nip at your organs
You feel a pierce at every glare.

The pain is never temporary
It follows in your sleep.
Every breathe you take
Is a hopeless cry, a never ending weep.

You eat peoples words
A poison sent from hell.
Digestions through intestines
Another soul to sell.

Alone, away, together
With this new order
You never want to feel
As a person in disorder.

-e.m

My head has rotted away I'm afraid to say!
Major depression
Social anxiety
Insomnia
Are the viruses!
The ******* reason why I can't live about my life!
They're to blame for my lack of social skills and education!
There's nothing I can do about it, but sit back and pop pills and hope that one day it'd go away!
It's like black mold in a old bathroom, deadly and hard to get rid of!
The one thing I want for christmas this year is to be free from the burden of these mental illnesses!