When everything begins to bottle up
I must bring myself down
I could smooth out the wrinkles
I could mantra things out
But I am my own worst enemy
So I pick, ****, and poke
I especially like to highlight my flaws
During these times
Twisting and contouring my body
Unnatural poses for a natural body
I am so trivial
But I am my own worst enemy
I wonder if you think I'm beautiful
I am vain that way
Aren't we all?
I wonder if you see my flaws
The dents in my skin
I wonder if you cherish them
If you wish for them to be gone
If you wish I was more like her
I want to scream at this woman I have become
But I am my own worst enemy
It would just be so much easier to live
A life full of confidence and crop tops
High waisted shorts with cellulite
An inch of skin hanging over the top
And why not?
My own judgments and insecurities
I want to be your friend
I want you to be happy
When your thighs feel full and swollen
When your face is scattered with imperfections
When your stomach can't **** in anymore
I am still here
I so desperately want to be your friend
But I am my own worst enemy

lines,
the curves of your neck, your eyelashes that flutter.
color,
the brown in your eyes, the barely there pink of your chapped lips.
texture,
the bumps on your cheeks, the smoothness of your hands.
space,
the width of your shoulders, the space between your eyebrows.
shape,
the way your shadow looks as the spotlight's on you.


van gogh, da vinci, munch, and michelangelo,
they'd all be ashamed,
for they could never make art in the form of you.

The world I want to live in,
It's that world
Where your childlike twinkle
Those fumes of pink ignorance behind what you'd call sweetness
Never have to leave

As we'd never have to fear
Men behind closed doors
Women behind them too
We'd never think of prisons

An alley where
Our parent holds our hand to pulls us away
Would be alien to us as the day we were born
And painfully born

A world in which
I'd never have had to learn to lie
Where my smile could be taken seriously
And my brother's eyes

Twinkled in all and out
Full of
Misunderstanding
For that thing we call deception

We'd tilt our heads
And smile
To the tears of stories long gone
We'd be the puzzles the past learnt to fix

In my world

it is all the same
the differences contrasted
by the space that separates
things in order to give them shape
its always been there
and always will be
how can distance be great?

I                                nights.
am                        cold   Snow
  born                  and         flakes
    In                 snow            fall
    the               of                   in
     winter      time                 shape        
      month   The                the  of snow  shaping
          January.             pure    white                gloves,
                           ­   white        stars,                     warm                      
                         colour.           shining                     and                                  
                      I am                    bright                      clothes        ­                        
                   born                          In                   Thick                        
                 In                                   the           light.                                
             Capricorn.                               street

I love the wind’s howling.
The breath of God surrounds me.
It’s angry and loud.

It says
Destroy yourselves!
and we do.

Well we do a bit,
but we’re so obsessed with living.
What the hell for?

******* parasites.

The shape itself
Captures this
poem well

Love is
Down
Below
The place
we all
once
fell