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Bowedbranches Jun 18
Channel 2

Nightly News

Who even knows anymore?


The clink of dishes


Disarray


Discussions a-bout dynamite


Likely to tear my hair out


It's fair to say I'd scare


my younger self


Wouldn't recognize,


or even know how to reply


to the sight of things


Paranoia creepin' in


Might have to do with,


all that research I been readin'


Either tricks are being played


Or something is amiss
in the way you treat me...
I'm neither the mirror nor the reflection
I'm neither the presence nor the absence  
I'm neither the fool nor the sage
I'm neither the seeker nor the finder
and
I'm neither the sky nor the cage

I am someone I haven't been
since
I am somewhere in between and something unseen
But if I do know a thing
is that
I am sewing what I am with the not's that I keep clean
Tell me,
How do you walk
With all of that pain?

You move on this earth
Steady, going
For so long now
That you believe
This is
A part of you.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

It sits, quietly
Draining your will,
Your connection.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

It sits, numbing
Out feelings,
Causing friction.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

It sits, waiting
For your eviction.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

So locate it, banish it.
I promise you, I swear
Oh, precious one,

You'll find that 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎
Your trauma is not you, but in your mind.
So work that **** and love what's left behind.
Hiding. She's
Trying. I keep her
Confined.

Sleeping. She's
Weeping. She screams out her
Cries.

Falling. She's
Calling. There's pain in her
Eyes.

Dormant. She's
Latent. She feels
Paralyzed.

Shifting. She's
Drifting. But I keep her
Inside.

Uneasy. She's
Queasy. Yet I
Minimize.

Refracted. She's
Lasted. She cant be
Denied.

Bleeding. She's
Seeking. To be
Recognized.

Unwitting. I'm
Splitting. I say my
Goodbyes.

Heating. It's
Fleeting. My old peace of
Mind.

Conquered. I'm
Anchored. I'm treading
Neck-high.

Drowning. Heart
Pounding. My sight going
Blind.

Vehement. Not
Present. I am losing my
Pride.

Engaging. I'm
Raging. She's loud from
Inside.

Neurotic. I'm
seasick. From pain left
Behind.

Messy. We're
Heavy. There's blood on our
Lies.

Damage. I
Manage. This fall from up
High.

Numbness. Crave
Oneness. This banal state,
Mine.

Transgressing. Keep
shedding. And I'll find her
Smile.

Uplifting. Deep
Thinking. I tame what is
Wild.

           Releasing and healing
                     My own inner-child.

      
☼ Mica Light
Sometimes she comes gently. Sometimes she comes with force.

Vehement: marked by extreme intensity of emotions or convictions; inclined to react violently; fervid
Banal: obvious and dull; repeated too often; overfamiliar through overuse
Splitting: a commonly used defense mechanism for people with BPD that is done subconsciously in an attempt to protect against intense negative feelings such as loneliness, abandonment and isolation; sees in 'black and white'; no 'grey area'
MG Sep 2021
To the little girl who grew up too fast:
Who had her childhood taken away from her too young.
Who never knew what innocence was.
Who desperately searched for love in all the wrong places.
Who was afraid to show her heart, but desperately wanted it to be seen.
Who craved validation from men, most who didn’t care to know her name.
Who drank until the world went black.
Who hurt people, because she was hurting her self.
So full of angst.

I can still see her now- clearly.
She lives inside me.
I can find her standing at her favorite beach.
Listening to the angry waves crash.
It’s night and she’s always crying, but silently.
Salt water sprays her face as salty tears run down it.
Staring at the ocean, gazing at the moon.
Desperate for a glimpse of hope.
Here she’s able to feel all the things she has kept inside—
Safely.

To the little girl who grew up too fast:
Who knew pain so young.
Who only wanted the love of her mother,
But looked for it in all the wrong places.
Who made choices to hurt herself, because she saw no value in herself.
Just know, I love you.
Even when you’re difficult to love.
I wouldn’t be me without you.
An ode to my teenage self
Greyisntwell Aug 2021
Another time
Another place
Just another pretty face
All these feelings come back to you.
Another word
Lost in disgrace
Is he someone you'd be proud of
Another smile
Another breakdown
All these feelings come back to you
Is he someone you'd be proud of
aesthenne Jan 2021
you lurk within
and stay between
the things
that i say
and even
the things
that i do.

you show up
whenever
i hold my standards
way too high
for others
yet give excuses
for when i
fail in the eyes
of the world.

you say that
you protect me
from the dangers,
but i say
that you're a child
who has been hurt
over and over
that you have
built walls
and a throne
that is false.

the darkness
is what we humans
tend to fear,
yet it an aspect
that lies within
every each and one
of us,
for we are all
souls craving
everything material
but nothing
spiritual.
"shadow work is the path of the heart warrior." - carl jung
She carries the weight,
As she tries to walk straight.
She cannot help but seethe.

Treading through mud,
And emotional blood.
Constantly trying to breathe.

The pain that she felt,
From the cards she was dealt -
Not knowing the reasons why.

The tears she would weep,
From a sadness so deep,
That echoes and amplifies.

For the rest of her life,
At the edge of a knife -
The slightest movement will ****.

"Keep calm. Keep steady.
Get with it already."
Or all that's distasteful will spill.

Behind all her mystery,
Is sadness and misery -
A truth she wants no one to find.

"She's magic" they'll say,
Before they run astray.
To this madness they won't be confined.

She will never be risen,
For her body's a prison,
Her mind, a bitter disease.

But they have a choice.
Without her, they'll rejoice.
They can live however they please.

Her soul is tired; heart is spent.
- Generational Torment -
Seeping from the past into each day.

Sifting through; righting what's wrong.
Hoping that her love is strong,
Enough for all the pain to be repaid.

Maybe one day, finally
A healed being she will be.
It's all she ever wanted all along.

She can't run from this existence,
But perhaps with some persistence,
Maybe she can finally belong.

She cries for you, she cries for me.
She cries for every long lost being.
She just wants the suffering to end.

A lineage of damage
On her plate to manage -
A lifetime of work to transcend.

Look past the hurt, beyond the pain.
It is clear what still remains:
The beginnings of a budding lotus flower.

This is nature, seeking nurture.
To this earth she needs an anchor.
This is the beginning of her power.

~ ☼ ~
To healing. To responsibility. To connection.
KG Nov 2020
Today I left behind
The life of leisure theater
The cast plead with me to remain seated
Convincing speeches that I want to believe
I'm not
Conceited to dream past these shutters
Couldn't see the greener grass past the plummet
Now I'm Three less leaches to feed over the weeked, peace friend I'm leaving to seek the me I believe sleeps far off into the future
And I can't wait to meet him.
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