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Josie Stewart Sep 2021
I'm not your prodigal son;
I'm your abandoned daughter.
Don't wait around for me to return.
I won't.

I gave and gave because I was a child
Hoping for love I received conditionally.
When I stopped giving, you left.
That says more about you than me.

You worship a God in your image.
One who asks for all.
You say he loves unconditionally,
But that's what you said about you.

You worship an abuser,
And in his name you abuse.
You pray for repentance
But are unwilling to change yourself.

I know you miss me.
You want me back so I can give,
And a part of you really does care.
Your actions matter more.

You could love me again
If you wanted.
I haven't hidden myself from you.
I'm still here.

You can't expect me to come
Crawling back to you.
The fattened calf you'd offer only
If I approached on your terms.

That's not the forgiving father.
That's a parent still grasping
For control of their child.
I don't need your food.

If you wanted to learn,
Maybe even consider
You could be wrong,
I might call you again.

You won't even use my name.
Like the neighbors of your savior,
You say, isn't this our son?
I'm unwelcome in your home.

So I've finally done it.
I did what I knew I had to.
I shook the dust from my sandals,
And I left.
Jammit Janet Aug 2021
Dusting off cobwebs
From the corners of my mind
Giving them the proper love
To disintegrate the grime
That takes me off point
And wastes my time
letters to basil Jun 2021
XL
dear basil,

please start drawing again
singing again
please start loving again
and living again

please start writing again

<3,
basil
drink ur love life juice :))

19.06.2021
After a tough time
I treated myself to this
strawberry cupcake.
Bloom - Pogo
Z May 2021
one of these days, i'm going to write about how taking care of my heart
is a chore i wish i took more seriously.

every time i try to clear out the cobwebs inside my chest, i bump my head and shoulders into things hooked on its walls; knock my knees and toes into things stuffed in its nooks and crannies.
i would lay low and slowly
unpack the baggage i accumulated and start learning to compartmentalise,
unhang the skeletons of souls that have been chasing me in my dreams,
undogear the chapters that are done and dusted where you, like all the others, remain a metaphor, a foreshadowing, a symbol, a period that i thought would fit my lifelong sentence,
but that's a story for another day.

my obsession with hoarding memories like my life depended on it
has long been a problem
just like my system being an "organised mess"
— you and i both know, i am the mess.
until i can fold away my feelings from my past
and tuck away my thoughts about my future
to make sense of my present,
i will have to keep collecting these scattered words and phrases
waiting to be bound and sealed in a box somewhere.

one of these days, i'm going to write about how taking care of my heart
is a chore i took seriously
so that when it stops beating
it is full
and light
at the same time.

- 20200218
Josie Stewart May 2021
It's funny how focusing on me
Makes all else fall in place.
When others' needs are all I see,
I lose myself in that space.
had this sitting in my drafts, never finished it, decided it's good enough to release on its own
Evey Emery May 2021
Lonely
That's a expression I'm conflicted with
It's a word to describe, a feeling or state of mind
in which a person feels they have-
nobody to confide in,
nobody to stand beside,
nobody to tell what's on their mind,
and what am I?
Am I really lonely
When I have all these people around me, when I
Open and close my eyes?
Am I really lonely,
When I have somebody to confide in,
somebody to stand beside,
somebody to tell what's on my mind?
Empty
Even around the people I love
I feel like I'm sinking; suffocating
There is an emptiness in my chest
With the pains of all the rest
I feel I cannot rid myself of this pest
Loneliness;
Is this the feeling?
I wrote this poem to try my best to express how I feel almost daily. I can be around my best friends, and yet, I still feel so empty. I've heard people say that you can't really be lonely when you have people to talk to, people to trust, or people to hang out with. But here I am, still feeling lonely no matter who I'm around. The feeling is suffocating almost, as if it is slowly submerging me in it like its a pool of water.
One day I woke up. I woke up to the reality that the life as I once knew was shedding and I will never be the same.....

I can not speak for everybody, but I can speak for myself. One day I woke up to the fact that I did not want to keep singing the same classic blues of a troubled past. That I no longer wanted dance to a beat of another heartbreak, that I no longer wanted to fight for my worth and that I belong in this world. That I wanted to be in the moment and  acceptance of being.
You might ask,  what does that have to do with suppressed emotions? For me that I suppressed how much that I was hurting. That I had to keep on a mask to show I was worthy. That I had to pretend to much that I was ok, when I wasn't. That as I begin to wake up, If my actions were that impactful while hurting.. Lets thinks about how impactful they are if I am healed.
They say there are three sides of a story. Your truth, their Truth and The Truth. Well My truth is what I can walk in. And If the past was just that painful what are ways I can change the story to become impactful...

-Janielle Green
Have society  become obsessed with living in pain. The addiction is real.. hope one day we can heal.
letters to basil May 2021
dear basil,

just because a feeling doesn't go away
doesn't make it valid

persistence means nothing if it's going the wrong direction

love,
basil
maybe this is for u too, lovely. and also water. water is for u <3

04.05.2021
DElizabeth Apr 2021
Just because you cannot
visibly see it,
doesn't mean
it's not there.

It hides behind the stranger's smile
              behind closed doors
              behind your loved one's eyes
              behind "I'm good."
in plain sight.
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