After a tough time
I treated myself to this
strawberry cupcake.

one of these days, i'm going to write about how taking care of my heart
is a chore i wish i took more seriously.

every time i try to clear out the cobwebs inside my chest, i bump my head and shoulders into things hooked on its walls; knock my knees and toes into things stuffed in its nooks and crannies.
i would lay low and slowly
unpack the baggage i accumulated and start learning to compartmentalise,
unhang the skeletons of souls that have been chasing me in my dreams,
undogear the chapters that are done and dusted where you, like all the others, remain a metaphor, a foreshadowing, a symbol, a period that i thought would fit my lifelong sentence,
but that's a story for another day.

my obsession with hoarding memories like my life depended on it
has long been a problem
just like my system being an "organised mess"
— you and i both know, i am the mess.
until i can fold away my feelings from my past
and tuck away my thoughts about my future
to make sense of my present,
i will have to keep collecting these scattered words and phrases
waiting to be bound and sealed in a box somewhere.

one of these days, i'm going to write about how taking care of my heart
is a chore i took seriously
so that when it stops beating
it is full
and light
at the same time.

- 20200218

It's funny how focusing on me
Makes all else fall in place.
When others' needs are all I see,
I lose myself in that space.

One day I woke up. I woke up to the reality that the life as I once knew was shedding and I will never be the same.....

I can not speak for everybody, but I can speak for myself. One day I woke up to the fact that I did not want to keep singing the same classic blues of a troubled past. That I no longer wanted dance to a beat of another heartbreak, that I no longer wanted to fight for my worth and that I belong in this world. That I wanted to be in the moment and  acceptance of being.
You might ask,  what does that have to do with suppressed emotions? For me that I suppressed how much that I was hurting. That I had to keep on a mask to show I was worthy. That I had to pretend to much that I was ok, when I wasn't. That as I begin to wake up, If my actions were that impactful while hurting.. Lets thinks about how impactful they are if I am healed.
They say there are three sides of a story. Your truth, their Truth and The Truth. Well My truth is what I can walk in. And If the past was just that painful what are ways I can change the story to become impactful...

-Janielle Green

dear basil,

just because a feeling doesn't go away
doesn't make it valid

persistence means nothing if it's going the wrong direction

love,
basil

Just because you cannot
visibly see it,
doesn't mean
it's not there.

It hides behind the stranger's smile
              behind closed doors
              behind your loved one's eyes
              behind "I'm good."
in plain sight.

dear basil,

i promise i'll go to sleep soon
as long as you promise you'll smile at me
if you see me in public

i swear i'll fix my posture
if you swear to celebrate your birthday this year

and i pinkie swear that i'll love you
if you always love me back

forever,
basil

dear basil,

you don't have to be in pain
to talk to me </3

i want to hear about your
good days
too

love,
basil

I am in distress
'Cos we still keep trying to have to stress
That we still should rest
While we keep trying to give our best

In a world where you gotta move, where you gotta prove
To people you don't know that you're the best
To hell with the others, it's a test
It's always nothing personal, "I just mean business."

But it's tiring, alright.
We keep saying we are fine
Even though it's outta line
We're fine, should be fine
I'm fine, I'm fine
Fake it 'til we make it:
'Tis the demand of the grind