i get tattoos
to love my skin
instead of scar it

i get tattoos
to love the art
that goes into it

i get tattoos
to love myself

i get tattoos
to reclaim
what you stole

this is my body

this is my art

this is not yours

this is me

Even when my skull vibrates from the screaming in my head.

I will wrap my sturdy arms around me, fear and all, fear especially.

I will whisper, quiet but sure "I will not hurt myself the way they did."

I.
      Will.
                  NOT.
                    ­                 Hurt.
                                                           Myself!

I hope this is the last set of letters
Because I am so tired
Of hanging onto these things that
Happened so long ago now
And allowing other people
To have this type of control over me
I love myself now and
That really is an amazing thing
I didn't even like myself back then
I couldn't even comprehend the idea
That I could care about myself this way
And that's exactly the reason
Why all of these past occurrences
Suffocate my thoughts so much
Because I cannot fathom how
People who claimed they loved me
Could treat me the way they did
How I could let them
Use me and
Abuse me and
Manipulate me to such a degree
Where I stayed in those conditions
For much longer than I should have
The reason I haven't let go yet
Has nothing to do with my exes
It has to do with the ways in which
I allowed important people
Those who I shared love and a life with
To hurt me so deeply
It is not about the people
It is not about their names
It is not even about the individual love
It is solely about me and
The love I carry for myself now
And my own inability to comprehend
How I could hurt myself so much
By letting other people
Actively hurt me so much

I wish to be good
I expect to be good
I rise to be good
I thrive to be good
I want to be good
I need to be good
I have to be good,

To myself.

i don’t think
it’s possible
to unlove you

— and i don’t have any complaints.

i’ll just love myself more
until i forget
what it means to
not have someone around

and focus on having
myself around — present at all times.

I’m in a good mood. My depressions been supressed with an iron fist not made out of maiden ,but its steal is killing off the stress i seem to dress when im in the state of no sleeping . By the morning here comes my sadness waking me up with a cup of boredom and regrets . “wake up *****” a slap across the face with ****** teeth and a pale ghost skin. hair up to the roof poking out to stick me again. her hair is the fences its in defense from all the neurons tryna attack against . I smile in humor but outside my canvas its a diffrent picture. stare at my refllection to see a girl petrefied of whats hidden deep inside her eyes. The bad always comes as a suprise . a kodak moment forever in black and white. the colors been stolen by the thieves in the night.Drag myself out of bed once again. My hands scrape the floor a rug burn seems to appear oh how she adores the pain outside the comfortness of my own doors. “Dont abuse me you started today but i swear this time im still not losing” . laugh was so big created an earthquake felt my brain shake at the noise she could make. “medical doctors saved you but no surgery can be done to your mental state . Dont come at me with a force i’ll break your bones this time and make it seem like it was fate” My fractures shivered in shame as she took the blame. Fear rose up to my ears they started bleeding as if they were tears. Oozing out blood as she drank cup after cup. Bruised lungs, but i still talk.Bruised heart yet i still love.weak bones yet i still walk. Dragged me towards hell, but im not giving up now. Got the key you had hidden on top of the shelf with all the other souls you take to feed off when your own sadness starts to fade. My body is draining out toxins as i get fed perioxide by the angel on my side. I’m not religious but a guardian always has a seat saved for me on every ride.  I can’t die now when lifes just started. Theres a purpose to every knowledge. I’m still taking courses simultaneously at my own pace in my own college . You dont follow rules and run red lights ,thats why you crash at night ,but i swear to you as long as the sun rises ima win this fight