I have made mistakes in the past
I have been broken
I thought you are ready to leave
Yet I was forgiven

I was desperate for love
Been desperately giving myself away
I thought you are ready to leave
Yet I was still forgiven

I told you too many lies
Even While looking at your eyes
I thought you are ready to leave
Yet I was still forgiven

I told you I cannot trust
To them it was nothing but lust
I thought you are ready to leave
Yet I was still forgiven

I didn't believe that you love me
Yet I was still forgiven
I'll be nothing but a misery
Yet I'll still be forgiven

It's ok to worry about yourself,
It's ok to ask for help,
It's ok to need a hand,
It's ok to talk,
It's ok to not be ok!

By; Nida Mahmoed

Too many questions too many doubts. Desperate of being loved is what my heart shouts

I gave you my trust,  I gave it with lust. But you said commitment is not always a must.

You walked out the door,  left me lying on the floor. Then I remembered when you said you love me before.

I looked into your face and felt like my world turned into a maze.  You gave me your last gaze and left me confused and dazed

It gives you peace yet causes chaos
it makes you trust yet lets you doubt
it makes you strong yet weakens your soul
it makes you proud yet lets you regret.

It makes people fight but eventually let go
it makes people unite but causes them sorrow
it makes people humble but it makes them boast
It makes people forgive but ends up hating  most

It makes you learn but hurts you in return
it makes you feel but lets your heart burn
it makes you dream but leaves you nightmares
it makes you joyful but leaves you broken

I tried writing a happy poem.
But in turn it reminded me how truly unhappy I was.

I'm happy when I sing in vacant places,
or when I see shadows in open spaces.
I'm happy when I was with family,
and sad when I think of how happy we were,

Now its 4 strangers who claim they're related, and when asked how we are, put on painted faces.

Now I'm sad and happy is nowhere to be found.
I think I'm happy but sadness reminds me I'm not.
I'm sadder than sad's sad and happiness laughs,
and miss my Moms hugs and Dad's morning coughs.

I miss having hope in something that was certain,
where faith was assured and separation forgotten,
now its me living my fears and my happiness rotten.

I'm happy when I'm not sad, and its not often.
I'm happy when I speak to you and your soft voice makes my rough heart feel like cotton
candy and lipstick and makeup to cover the hurt.
because now this is a sad poem and theres tears on my shirt.

It wasn't real.
The love you traced upon my lips...
Was filled with venomous lies.

- Rayvn St. Claire