I listened to a song that reminded me of my mother today,
but also that reminded me of me,
but also made me think of Sydney
though I won't talk about that,
I suggest listening to it.
Or simply looking at the lyrics.
White Trash Beautiful by Everlast.
I say that it reminds me of my mother, but it
mostly reminds me of my childhood.
Childhood car rides,
specifically from home,
maybe late at night.
She played things like this
and Metallica,
I was raised on everything, really.
I was raised on the musical staff.
When I was younger,
9 was late
so the stars and trees and clouds and world that passed by
so quick at night when I was sure
a monster would swallow our car
seemed to simply protect us
and the thumping of the stereo,
her hard, glazed over eyes locking on the road in front of us,
I dozed in and out of consciousness.
the song.
reminded me of the way people release their issues
in the music that they make
or that they listen to.
My mother drowned out her
failing marriage
drug addictions
and her mental illnesses
and me
and everything else,
with music
and alcohol
and more drugs
and more men, the kind that
couldn't keep their hands to themselves
those kinds of men.
There were songs by Everlast that just
made sense
to her
and I never
really
understood, I mean, I
was as a toddler, why would I?
I had too much going on in my kid mind,
I'm sure.
but I get it so much now.
I also recommend
What it's like which is also by Everlast
Because I get that, too, more than
I think
most.
the song
I was talking about first
isn't supposed to be bad, right
I think it's mostly the music
that reminds me of my mother-
of my childhood with my mother.
I try not to think
about things like that too much.
but I promised to try and start opening up more.

𝑰𝒇 𝒘𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆, 𝒘𝒆'𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒆.
𝑰𝒇 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒏, 𝒘𝒆'𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆.
𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆,
𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒖𝒆𝒍 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆,
𝑾𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒐 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕.
𝑺𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇,
𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕.