I couldn’t share my life with you,
So in dreams, I sought you too.
But even there, all I found was endless blue.

No light, no path, no hope in sight,
Just shadows in the endless night.
If not in life, nor dreams, then where?
I still search for you silently in dispair

I searched for you in the quiet rain,
Each drop a whisper of your name.
The skies wept soft, but still, in vain,
Their tears left nothing but empty flame.

I sought you beneath the crescent glow,
The moon a beacon for the lost.
Its light unveiled only shadows below,
A silver path I dared to cross.

I called for you where the wild winds roared,
Their voice like yours, but hollow, untrue.
They led me to places my heart ignored,
But never to the heart of you.

Through every void, I still pursue,
Each step a prayer, each breath a plea.
For even if all paths undo,
I’ll search through all eternity.

I have no one to show me off
Nobody to take me on trips

No parents to introduce me to
Nobody to dote on me

No one to kiss my forehead when I'm down
Nobody to build my own life with

I'm tired of pleasuring myself
Of not having a protective hand on the small of my back

No touch that sends electricity coursing through my body

Nobody to love me truly
For who I am
Deep from their heart
Seeing past my flaws

So far I try
to be the true love for my own self

I remind myself
that being single
is a privilege

Or is that just a lie
that we tell ourselves
to cope?

Thank you for the quiet goodbye,
For following truth, not weaving a lie.
Though it pierced me, deep and slow,
You chose the path where honesty grows.

The pain of missing you is killing me,
But I know it’s a kinder cruelty.
Had you chosen me, with her in your mind,
It would have unraveled me, piece by piece, in time.

I’d have wondered if her shadow lingered there,
If your gaze held her image, your heart split, unfair.
I could have been your shelter, your flame,
But in my arms, her name would remain.

It would have destroyed me, not to know,
If your love was whole, or part of a show.
To lie awake, fearing every embrace,
Was a memory of her you couldn’t erase.

And worst of all, the quiet doubt,
That your choice of me had shut something out.
That you wondered, in silence, if you were right,
While I loved you with all my might.

So thank you for sparing me that fate,
For stepping back before it was too late.
For loving me enough to let me be free,
From the shadow of a love not meant for me.

The pain of missing you may never leave me,
But your choice saved me from far greater agony.
I’m grateful you chose her,
And even more grateful you chose not to destroy me.

Today, I
put a full stop
at the end
of an on-going
poem,

the sad part was
that I thought it will
bleed beyond it,

but all it asked for
as a light mentioning
in pages,

I had to refuse
so I added another
full-stop..

Magnifying glass, a preacher’s eye,
You held it steady, watch the edges fry.
Her smile curling like a silent crime,
Promises snapping, one wail at a time.

Sirens call.
They call you home.

Cigarette burns where her lips once lived,
A paper throat, and you’re unforgiven.
The smoke uncoils like a serpent’s hymn,
In the ruins of her, your fingers swim.

And she’s tasting something holy,
A chemical prayer on her tongue.
While your stranger smiles slowly,
His palm says run.

Oh, you’re tracing lifelines,
Marking graves on borrowed skin.
Childhood shadows, beasts still whispering,
When no one could save her, where were you then?

Where were you then?

She claws at the mirror where her ghost resides,
Fighting sleep, fighting him,
Fighting years she thought she’d outrun—
Oh, but trauma’s a promise kept in blood.

And it’s no longer safe for you here,
Not in the ruins where her voice disappeared.
Sirens wail but don’t baptize.
A stranger’s smile, a forest gone numb,
And a ******* fire with nowhere to run.

No, no—
Nowhere to run.

To throw away:

The hammer pants I wore
the day we met in person,
faded pattern and hole in knee
you said you would patch
for the memory

10 greeting cards signed by me
for Valentine's, birthday, anniversary.
21 post-it notes with "I ❤️ U"
once hidden around our bedroom
reminders from me, to you.

3 Greeting cards, scribbled by you
2 Given late, 1 on time
asking for *** on Valentine's

The set of knives and cutting block
to you for Christmas, rusted through
you soaked but never washed.
The owl mug, your first gift to me
that fell from my desk, handle broken
tossed instead of lost.

The practice leggings, now too loose,
stretched, and not your size
you "borrowed" and continued to wear
ignoring they were mine.

To wash, febreeze, rest and reset:

The jacket I bought for me,
that became yours when you arrived,
sans winter clothes,
donated, now. Surprise!

The mattress we bought together,
After I cried and begged for hours,
The box spring my then-bestie donated
to me, but you claimed was "ours"

The soft, memorable fabric, on which
I wanted no one else to sit,
my Poppy's Lay-Z-boy,
about which you threw a fit.

The car I gained when I kicked you out,
that I keep cleaner than you would.
My space, my heart, my dignity,
my house and personhood.