In time..

You will learn to forgive yourself..
for  all  the reasons  why
  you think you need
  to forgive yourself.

The blame,  and shame
placed in to you
was done  in the most  
horrendously unfair way..
when you were  at  such a
tenderly-young,  
and impressionable age.

It  was  your  v u l n e r a b i l i ty
that was so horribly cashed in on.
The greatest horror of all
was the shame and blame
that you were forced  to carry..

as if it was your own doing..


   It    Was    Not.

What is this Love?
This glorious mercy from above:
This life He gives
So I can live
How can I not worship fore’er?
O read and see—the Lord is here.

What is this Cross?
His love in fullness there displayed
So I can say
That e’en today
I have a home eternally
O read and see—the Lord is free.

What is this Tomb?
The reason He was in the womb:
To bleed and die
So He could buy
Us all back from our own dark graves
O read and see—the Lord, He saves.

What is this Day:
This day He rose and left the grave?
Let the world know
His love o’erflow?
How can I not tell all the world?
O read and see—the Lord, He serves.

What is this Love?
This glorious mercy from above:
This life He gives
So I can live
How can I not worship fore’er?
O read and see—the Lord is here.

My mistake, i lost myself
I said I'd die for love but lied
My health declined
Forced sober eyes
My heart restarted -
Now misaligned
With hers to find
old grapes resurfaced
she turned to wine
Wine our trusty common ground
Held me close
Together again
A moment of zen
And then the crash
a sharp decent
Her health and her mask
Gone overnight
Daybreaks I awake alone
Amidst a vast mass of half recollections
Smashed glass and regret
She met me again for the first time and said with new found sober tongue
None of this was real, my dear, you and i we're fools - yes both of us
But between you and i (also anyone else if anyone asks) you are far more foolish having thought you could be loved
My mistake, i forget who i am
Pour another cup or 10
Let me buy us all another round
Strangers to friends
Grieving all the love i lack
Left behind, a burden of men
Perhaps she was the worse
What's worse is when she's gone and all I'm Left with is her words
this curse, it hurts to finally see   the love i give away in vain another's unrequited repentance and since it wasn't ment for us soon the moments gone
And so is everyone i love -- alone again and left with this thought i get everytime I'm down and out --I'm not enough, I've never even had enough  
My mistake, i lost, myself
Repeat that back again
I lost myself
With help from hurt
I mistook loss for love and caused a world of  pain
First for myself
And my mental health
My mistake, i tried to shake
Myself awake.
Alone is better after all
My mistake my life
too late
I lost
I took
Too much  
Thats my mistake
Not enough

Is it only I that sits alone
Waiting for the coming of the next bus
On a desolate stretch of road with no one
Among us, with only my thoughts to keep
Me company

Is it only my life that serves as a reminder
That I am truly at peace when I have no one
Beside me, in my arms, to talk to at
Midnight under the blankets at 3 am
In a haze of agony and bitterness

Maybe, it is only me
And I am with myself knowingly
Waiting for the road to end, and the bus will never
Arrive for a bystander like me, but the doors
Of a better life are open to the man looking for acceptance

I'm God's lonely man. And I need redemption.