My heart begins to melt
while my hands sweat.
I begin to hide where I dwelt.
Afraid to make you upset

You make me shake like never before.
My words slowly stumble and crumble.
Either I'm falling or taking off to soar.
I elegantly dance or tumble and fumble.

Staring into your soul through the depths of your eyes
Captured in your laughter and delirious grin
Reliving each moment as I agonize
what I should've said when it started to begin.

Can you love me? Do I love me?
If love is so powerful, why are we apart?
I guess sometimes life makes us set'em free
All I need to do is give up my heart

Again I slouch on my couch.
Awake.
Conscious that I am me,
Composing this piece.
I have my memories
And see my lounge –
My Man Cave
With gardens outside.

But
As I’ve said before
When I fall asleep
Weird things happen.
In my dreams
Amazing stories unfold
As though I’m making films
Or countless TV clips.
Sometimes it’s like I’m on my computer
Again –
Living what I read
Or taking part
In streams of videos.

So many shocks!
Surprises.
With people now living or dead
In the real world.

So once more I have to ask
Who is feeding me these scenes?
Presenting me with crowds
Of people
Known and unknown.

Is it my Id, Subconscious, Unconscious…
What?
Some other person
Within myself?
Putting aside the Spiritual source,
Who is this Other Me
Who can’t be me
Because I am Me.

The Conscious Me is lost
In some Unconscious Realm,
Weirder that Twilight Zone
Every time
I dream.

We take these things for granted
Of course
Putting to the back of our minds
That we have no idea
About that fundamental question:
What is Reality?

Paul Butters

© PB 20\9\2020.

An entrance to my fears
A look into the dark edges
Chills, screams, and tears
My sleep slings me into what trenches

Trapped in my menacing mind
Reality twisting into a paradox
Reminding me through the confine
Fearful of the disturbing faux

The shadows reach for the soul
This treachery haunts my heart
The feeling of separating my skull
My memories ripping me apart

It takes your deepest senses
Manipulates your faintest thoughts
Developing a world of consequences
Twisting your psych into tight knots

Why is it that you don't exist in my mind
When I see people why are they just shapes
My thoughts, why are they shackled in a selfish bind
How do I uncover my empathetic eyes behind drapes

I so badly wish to be a good person just once
Yet one moment of right is delved in false intentions
All of my attempts to be a hero are only theatric stunts
Why do I constantly and carelessly crave attention

Where did my wretched personality begin
Could I have been born covered in expectations
Did I see their lightened gaze and grow dim
So absorbed in what they say I can become, stuck in elevation

By pushing everyone away did I raise the anchor
Or did I trap myself in a shadowed cage called loneliness
Was all my love, kindness, and joy the ploy of a faker
Possibly a plea for some guide of life; though useless

Why is it so hard to be great and virtuous
I may never know after detaching parts of me
Why is being great compared to goodness so arduous
An evil king who kills and the poor people who die innocently
I wish I'd chosen the ladder

cut open my stomach,
and gut me

dissect the tumour,
that you left in me

do i still look like the girl you used to know?

with my intestines on display,
and a smile on my face

remember what you did to me

Psyche has moods
Sometime happy, others  gloomy
Psyche  has moods
Sometimes wise,  other times  fool

psyche has moods
Sometimes, I wander
Others, I surrender

Psyche has moods
Sometime melancholic,
Others sanguine
Psyche has moods
sometimes  choleric,
Others phlegmatic

You'll never get to experience the depth of the still water until you're submerged.
The iceberg of the mind...
There are no mistakes, only lessons manifesting in various degrees of challenge.
Adversity is the crucible through which character is shaped.
Let my equanimity be mistaken for indifference,
as my tolerance is for acceptance.
Because the mountain piercing the heavens is actually a dormant volcano.

grow a beard
two times a year.
let your hair grow down to your shoulders
and then cut it.

take selfies at goodwill,
wear the same seven outfits.

never smile, it draws
attention :)

stay at home
like a ship at the dock,
and observe seashells
from the deck, never straying far...

download a dating app
to keep tabs on the ex
for you know not
the day or hour.

is there something important
you've been ignorant of
your whole life?

wonder what the cops think
when you pass them on the street,
now that they know who you are.

wonder if
the Man might motion
to **** us all then run
to their bunkers without
a second thought.

ablute truth and wonder
if its an illusion
or if you are subject
to global delusion.

come on now,
don't fake it;
don't say you
can't take it.

Into this world world will come,
A few,
Very precious souls.
Who  will not fit
Into your cookie cutter molds.
Yet,
To your ideals,
You try to make them hold.
And never realize,
They may be,
The purest form of gold