Stop the day, I want to get off
If you could see my face, you wouldn't scoff
Emotional discourse and violent pain
What I would do to start feeling sane
This is inhumane
I took your pills and slept and ate
I couldn't stop the coursing hate
The searing strings pull from my heart
Slowly tearing me apart
But freedom is so far away
And I cannot keep these tears at bay
With all these words I cannot say
while the mania gets to play
Nothing I do makes it sway
It's clung so tight to my chest
It's been so long since I could rest
I see no way out of this
as I fall down further into the abyss.
Man, I thought the depression was bad
I forgot all about the hold Bipolar had

the trail is endless, the fog is surreally beautiful, calming but unnerving
i’m continuously picking at the barren ground for something that i might recognize
but it all keeps drizzling through my fingers like sand

wait, i found something
i can hold it, but i can’t make it out, it’s too blurry
no, no it's slipping through again
“please don’t leave me. please.” i say, as it slowly changes from solid to goo to gone

i look around me, still trapped in here
the void in front of me ******* me deeper and deeper in
when can i escape?
when will i find my way out?

wait, i think i hear someone calling my name
it’s getting louder and louder, i turn around and around but can’t see anyone
“hello, hello”, i call back
my name is being screamt louder and louder, my ears are beginning to hurt, my vision is darkening
am i leaving now? am i finally going to return?
my body feels like it’s being thrashed around. this pain, it won’t end, why won’t it end?
“i love you.” my eyes flutter open, and my vision is clearing up. in front of me is my mother,
and she’s weeping.
I got lost in my head again.

its happening

my lungs are constricting

breathing is stuttering

hands are shaking

i thought i was better

its been so long

my head pounds

i just want to go home
to sleep
to be alone

i could fake sick

but i wont

I'm spirialing faster and faster
I need to rid the demons that are taking over my head
Please call over a priest or a pastor!
DeNts dEnTs...three dents in my car
If only I looked behind me
My mind had traveled too far

One bite...just one bite
I want to eat but my brain always puts up a fight

One, two, three,oh God theres more,four five, six
STOP COUNTING!!...the lines....red lines
I cant hold it back anymore!


Drip,drip, drip...tears stream down my face
I shouldve been there for you
I was the one to put u in this place

The world is black, the world is good
Cover my eyes and rock in place
Just like an unstable person would
Tap...tap..tap
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap
It's not working, I need my headphones
I open the plastic ....the sharp plastic
Pressing my finger to the point
The pains feels good.....

I put on my headphones
"They are empty, they are worn
Tell me what we built this for
On my way to something more
You're that one I can't ignore!!!
Mmm...
I'm gonna miss you
I still care
Sometimes I wish we never built this palace but real love is never a waste of time."

Close my eyes and listen .....
But they're are still pouring
Through tears is the only way the world finally glistens

Red ....red...I see red
I see blue eyes
I dig my nails into my thighs
to remind myself I'm not dead

My 1 yr old niece crys
and for a brief second I'm out of my head and I can actually stand up and try

Try to be normal, try to hold it in
But when I am alone once more
My depression once again lets panic and anxiety come in
...tap...tap....tap....tap.

Save my soul for I have sinned
Red hot on my thigh
And regret in my chest

The first pang is small
Like the bite of bug
Then you can feel the pain crawl
Suddenly your dragging
The empty feeling lashing
In you gut

No more you cry
No more tears
The begging of why
Though the darkness never replied
The silence is screaming
You pray to just be dreaming

The silence is screaming
The comes a whisper cutting in
Those voices, you're wearing thin
The voices are deeming
Their scheming!
You can't take what their dealing

Just make it stop
Stop the shadow looming above
Your ear makes a pop
To **** this crud
You bet for any drug
But it's futile and painful

The doctor doesn't approve
Nothing can't be removed
You hear their breathing
Their whispering
You cry for their disappearing
But that dream isn't nearing!

Nothing is curing
Your only fearing
The sadness won't be clearing
Then you see the razor
A careless, simple razor
Maybe just a graze or,
A slice

Just one you question
And they agree
Just one run, now two
You can see the desolation
But they SCREAM to make it ******
The cuts keep coming through and through

They get quieter and quieter
You wonder their silence
Then you see the razor slowing
The key is glowing
A blood drop or two for their compliance
Nothing had ever felt tighter

You are no fighter
So you grip that razor tighter
Till they come back
If only the support hugged you back
Maybe then this wouldn't be so lonely
Maybe you'd be happy
Maybe you'd be ok
Maybe... You wouldn't be here in the first place

my insides may curl up like sails in a storm
but my heart is the flag, unafraid to be torn.

Anxiety is being unable to breathe
no matter how hard you try.
This life isn't glamorous, it's messy.
It's tear stained, exhausting, painful.
It's a feeling that never goes away.

Friends tell me to relax, just breathe.
All I can say is I can't.
Relaxing isn't in my vocabulary.
They say this isn't normal, but how
can they be so sure if they don't get it.

It's just another day. And I'm alone.
My one-dimpled smile faltering,
knowing my normal is their worst day.
They don't understand this burden
of always being scared, worried, alone.

My mind's reeling breath shuddering.
Feeling the popcorn textured
picture covered walls closing in on me.
The pinks, greens, and whites of
my dorm warping around the space.

If I were to look in a mirror, I would see a girl
shrinking under the weight of her mind.
But instead, I stay on the edge of my bed,
going through the usual motions;
inhale, hold 2, 3, 4, exhale.