Fleeting November clouds-
stained with red wine,
fill the sky like one-hundred
crystal glasses,
finally spilling onto the white cloth-
of the Earth's winter table.

June will kiss you and tell you that you’re beautiful,
July will ******* senseless and leave you with a bleeding heart,
August will try to put your broken pieces back together only to get cut and leave you still broken,
September will bruise you and ask you why you’re still crying on the floor,
January  will snap  you in half and  later kiss your scars but only ends up cutting you deeper,
February will be an ocean of self destruction, washing over you and gently cradling you in it’s arms,
March is broken records all over your apartment floor and driving to the liquor store at 4 am,
April is blood in the sink, crying yourself to sleep, shaky hands and breaking down every time you hear his name,
May is a storm forming in your eyes when you realize that you need to save yourself and when you stopped loving yourself, they stopped loving you too, when they tell you that wounds will heal, you know that you’re never going to forget.
All you wanted was to hear the words ‘i’m never going to leave you’

Little Girl Lost said “I spy a full moon”
Yet her wild eyed companion didst flicker, and croon:
"Strange love, I think not, you’re mistaken I fear
Wait two, three days more, you may know ‘f’it was here.”

But she rolled back her eyes, and laughed into the night
Lifting feet from the platform as wind’s teeth did bite
And baring her own, turned back to her friend
'Fore the train thundered forwards to meet a new end.

They found a new platform, were fresh faced and fierce
Running forth to the crowd that was there every year
And just as the flames crept to lick at their jaws
Fell back to the platform they’d stood on before.

They are devilish; pure; a frightening thing
They are mornings of Autumn and evenings of Spring
But now things are better, she wills him: remember,
It wasn’t so awful, that fifth of November.

When the glass falls
from your fingertips
And you know you
won't be fast enough
to catch it
And you cringe,
waiting for the loud
sound of such a
fragile material,
bumping heads
with the solid ground,
to echo in your
ears.
That is what
helplessness
feels like.
(And though the
fall takes only a
second,
the wait is
so much
longer.)

Without a care
She told him of
Her hopes, her dreams
Her plans for
Her future
'There is no we
In me.'
Slowly he realized
That in the end
Everything he'd
Built up
Was absolutely
Pointless.
'There is
No we
In
Me.'

Its November 26 and my mom still hasn't noticed the empty bottles of Tylenol and Ibuprofen under my bed. Those pretty much became the end to hunger pains when I stopped eating. Its not that I don't like my body, I don't really have a way to excuse myself for fasting at all. I guess eating just became another thing I was disgusted with.
Its November 26, in 28 months my dad will be out of prison. I wonder where we will go then.
Its November 26, no one can say they love me without a "but" or apology following it. I guess nothing changes, so ill just change myself.
Its November 26 and I've given up on cutting and moved onto bigger and better things. Why hurt myself when I can down a bottle and avoid scarring? Works for me.

It's November 25 and I'm wondering if I've become less vacant than I was two months ago. I still drift off in the nothingness of the white walls. I still black out during my showers, then find myself laying the tub. My bathtub has become a safe haven to me. That's ironic, you know? 2 years ago that was the spot I tried to open my veins and watch the demons spill. I'm still worrying about the downfalls of tomorrow and if it's worth waking up anymore, but at least I can smile again. That's a start.

I know how lonely it is to be a tree
To watch November come and my leaves fly away
Because you were my leaves
Beautiful and vibrant on the way to death.
So much so it's a wonder why you were ever alive.

*The Suicide Diaries