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Atypnoc Feb 2015
I'm just

I can't feel my lips
on my face
so still
i cant move them
on their own
i can't tell if they are parted
i can't tell if they exist
i can't feel my hips or
my feet, or my lefs
i can't move them
i can't feel them

i want to break
i want all of the confusion, the disconnectedness
i can cry

but i can't escape this
and i can't can't escape this
there is no break

a million scattered shattered steps
stood stunning
chameleon flattered

I can't move.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6n_z-FdEkw&feature;=youtu.be
^unlisted
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I'm so ******* dizzy from remaining in one place
while the world thrashes around me and collapses into space
it's a wonder just how breathless i am left when the whole race
i ran immobile unsure whether to flee from the life ever-giving chase
Atypnoc Jan 2015
We're free
To do, to say, to be
Whatever makes you proud of me
I can oblige, I don’t agree
I can't see eye to eye, you see
I'd lie to try evade that sigh
Assumed reply consumed by why
I had no say conceived the sky
Each passing day perceived too high
Trespassing lay bereaved to die
Til watered ground believed too dry
The forest falls; no use to cry

You never asked to be born to any life
Your say, it mattered none
If ever tasked to bring morning with a knife
Poor day, pit-pattered sun
Wore spray, spit-spattered gun
Swore stay, sit-shattered spun
Floor display wit tattered won

Door away fitted undone
***** will say bitter begun
A score to play hit her home run
Too poor to pay **** owing one

A roar made sore ripcords I tore
Demanding, MORE!
Standing, what for?
No landing, or
Backhanding, or
Still stand ignore
Can't stand no more
Line by line; meaning for the first portion:
They tell us we can be whatever we want to be
that we can speak freely, that the world is our oyster.
But here, I'm only free to become that which you wish of me.
Although I acquiesce, I resent it.
We don't hold the same standards.
I spin fables of what I've done, and hide that which I do, to keep from hearing that heavy sigh of disappointment.
Saying less gives you more room to see me as the daughter you wish I were.
I didn't ask to be born.
I didn't ask to be born with a disorder that requires medications that used to make me into a monster.
I'm ready to go, every night that I lay down
Water the grave with the tears, now dried up
If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, why bother making a sound?
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Bio
Narcoleptic storyteller living the dream; it's a ******* nightmare.
Dark eclectic gory hell or giving up steam; watered luck is right there.
Appear today; drawn tomorrow
I could tell which words you borrow
Inconvenienced shades of gray
Eighty shades of sorrow weigh
today, which way to say,
I will stay here when you stray hear
they may play fear, bray they pay dear
Ever listen on to bold tomorrows.
Atypnoc Jan 2015
it's nice to know it's not for naught
there's value in what can't be bought
where my plans convene with thought
i invest different kind of plot

honeycomb are to the bees
as madness is to mysteries
and are polite priorities
nectar of insecurities?

the recounted sheep are bleating/(bleeding)
cry of wolf to deaf misleading
as i bray again repeating
every note so self-defeating

thrown about the limbs of trees
chaos with-in-discrepancies
that which we melt just to freeze
wring tangles such as these

my journey is while they sleep
shepherdess lost counted sheep
the edge, again, to fall or leap
for flight first failure grade so steep

My white whale wild in the seas
This ship no sail, nor north agrees
Ever-spurning taste of tease
I am ahabs intricacies

to illusion am i ******
eternally roaming the land
through burning thirst for empathy
-i'm plagued with insecurity

in an old biblical story
mortal glimpsed our father's glory
From that instant's blinding light
was driven mad took his own sight

if i could measure and define
truth and where it draws the line
which cliff faces only mine
encases truly, i am fine

chronic illness violently
supressing luminocity
onlookers hang silently
as ash consume ferocity

speed builds on tracks in my train
I know this is too fast, again
upon myself, 'you dare complain,
without reference to real pain?'
all avert their eyes, refrain
saying nothing is my bane
am i alone and insane?
this focus that i can't explain?
creating reason for my pain
purpose for and by diseased brain
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Breathless, I sat silent as each word formed on his lips
and from his tongue, took flight; floating in the air
to find their way straight to my heart, and burn like acid drips
leaving holes I know that nothing can repair.

The moment breaks as I am asked, where on this I stand
I burst and flood; they watch as drowning, I died
for if to save our sinking ship, I can't retreat to land
then I'll wait here until I'm told to come inside.

But I'd misjudged the shouldered weight, and buckled at me knees
I turn to see no one run in my defense
Unsure the cure will come in time to free us our disease
I walk away from suffering your convenience.
Written about the meeting where my marriage fell to pieces.
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Why, given these winnings, are you compelled to defend…
Where I live in the beginning that lies at the end?
To die driven and spinning, far too fast not to pretend…
Decisive will the sinning burn a lonely man to blend?
When I live in the beginning that lies at the end.
Second portion of "Anomie" by Atypnoc and Anomic84
soundcloud.com/baird-atypnoc/anomie
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Why turn on the light illuminate the beast that's here?
Who stirs beyond the softness of the focus so unclear...
Condensing on the hairs sprung straight from necks the breath so near
And if i light it, we ignite it, I haven't ways to fight it, giving sight to insurmountable fear

— The End —