I stare at you angrily,
After what you did, I cried for hours.
While you lie, cool as a cucumber, smiling right next to me,
In your birthday suit, I hate you much, brothers shouldn't touch sisters that way.

I sand up shakily, the pain shooting my core only increases as I drop to the floor with a cry, you chuckle as I start to crawl to the bathroom, slowly but surely I shut the door.

I lie in a bathtub, naked and in pain, I can't get my brothers hands and how he used them out of my head, I can't get rid of the feeling on my pale skin, I feel *****.

I feel so *****.
~ Kat Herondale.

Just get over it
That's what they all say
You have a good life
You aren't depressed, you're just whiny

Oh, that's right
It's in the past
Because the gleaming eyes of a too-old man
Dark rooms out of the family's sight
The way you can't live without those sick memories
It's all in the past, right?

You were a young saint
A little boy with nothing to lose
But his too-big hands and his too-wide smile
Ripped your white angel wings from your back
And pressed your fragile body
Ever harder to the mattress

It's been almost a decade but you don't forget
Like the way America has not forgotten
September 11th
They remember 2500 lost lives
But you're not allowed to mourn your own?

"They" is just another pronoun
But you know exactly who I mean
The bitter faces that turned away from you
Accusations of lies on their tongue
When all you needed was someone to be there

Forget them
You've grown and changed and you are not one of them
They need to get the **** over it
Not you
You're strong
You're unique

You're alive

I spent my day
With kids under 8
They were a lot of fun
And pushed me
'till I couldn't move another step
We were laughing
And smiling
And just talking
I felt like a little girl again
Going back to the age
When I still had my innocence
Before that awful thing
Was done to me
Or that I did
I don't know which it is
The kids
The made me happy
But at the same time sad
Wishing that never happened
That you
Or I
Or both of us
Would have held back
No one may understand
That kids may be a joy to my life
But also tear me to shreds
When I look at them
I can't help but see
My own innocent smile
As you took advantage of me
Or I you,
I don't know which
They called it molestation
Or just kids exploring
But whatever they call it
It changes nothing
I still lost my innocence
To a guy
When I was just 4
You were 5
Nobody knows
What happened that day
But you, me, and her

"I didn't say no.. Why didn't I say no?"
"It was my fault. I should've said no."
"Why'd he have to do it? Why'd he have to do it to me?"
"I shouldn't have let it continue. I should've told someone the first time."
"Why didn't he go to jail?"
"Why wasn't he punished?"
"I never should've told anyone. I should've just let it go."
"My mother hates me because of this."
"Will she ever forgive me?"
"She will always love him more than me.."
"Why didn't she kick him out? I was nine years old."
"Why did my own brother do this to me?"
"If I **** myself, I won't have to see his face anymore.."

Remember me?
I'm the girl you sent away,
Cause you were afraid for your REAL children's safety!?
What happened to "You're our daughter now."?
Did I mean anything? I mean ****?!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the girl you molested!
After you said I could call you Daddy!
*******
You knew EVERYTHING that happened to me as a kid,
You shoulda known it would **** me up more than I already am!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the little girl you *****!
While you were beating my mom and me!
You were getting so high, you probably don't even remember me.
But ****! You remembered when your friends came over! So why not?
And you!
I'm the girl you gave birth to!
But you never gave a **** about!
You only cared whether you were sober or not,
Or if your supply was doing ok...
Do you know you have a son too?
Oh yea, you do... But like everything else in your life,
You scared him the **** away too!
So now I have to pay?
I've already given blood!
What more do you ******* want!?
Haven't I given enough???
I mean really,
I'm a big girl now,
And I'm still paying for your mistakes somehow...
But you couldn't care less,
Cause you got what you wanted...
Maybe child support,
Or just some ******* you started.
I Just gotta know,
Did it pay off for you?
You lost so much,
You almost lost me too.
I almost KILLED MYSELF.
BECAUSE OF YOU!
And now I'm going crazy,
I've lost **** too,
For starters, my virginity...
But that wasn't my choice.
But it's all gone now...
And I still don't have a voice.
Second, Blood
**** and lots of it.
I've bled and shed for you,
And you ******* love it.
Third, my mind.
******* thanks a lot.
It disappeared one day
while you were smoking ***.
Do you know what you did to me?
Can't you see?
What the **** is wrong with you?
CAN YOU ******* REMEMBER ME!?

I was only four when it happened.
Late at night, when I was alone.
You preyed on my innocence and my weakness,
How could I know that it was wrong?
The things you did so horrible to me,
My soul and body were barred.
What you did to that little girl,
Left me feeling alone and scared...
You said it was to show your love,
By taking my body for your use.
But now I know what happened to me,
It wasn't Love, it was ABUSE!
All the ***** things you did to me,
Won't wash away with rain,
Nothing on earth will rid my heart
of this never ending pain...
I hope that you hurt as much as I do,
Or do you even remember what you did?!?
Nothing will make up for the pain you caused,
When I was just a kid...
The physical scars on my body,
Have since healed with time,
But my pain still shows on the outside,
Whenever the the child inside me finally starts to cry...
That little 4 year old girl,
Had to grow up way too soon,
And ALL of the hurt and pain you have caused,
Will forever be remembered every time I look at the moon.

She saw it all go crashing down
On top or her small dream life
The acid of her mistakes
All of the dreams and heart ache
The tears and blood
Of sacrificed life
The skin was not meant to love the pain
Anguish and feel of a knife.

She honestly wanted to tell it all
The rise, the descent, and finally the fall.
Of all of them she wanted,
She couldn't compose the rite
Only to go deeper into the silent life.
Her eyes filled with tears.
Her mouth wide - was sewn shut
With the needle of lies she called - but no help.
They saw the pain, but no one saw the feel,
Of the peel of a heart.

Try to help as she might
It only came down on her small dream life...
Her eyes filled with lies,
Her heart consuming the pain whole,
Her mouth sewn shut.
She tried to call but was afraid
That she might rip the string.