Our love is dead

It is gone to the ages

I lie alone bed

Now my feelings are in cages


What we had is lost

It lies within the ground

Only I know the cost

But you I'm glad I found.

I want back what I have lost.
To be whole once more,
To find the piece that fits.
I can't feel much;
But what I can,
Is just enough
To get up again.
The hope that tomorrow,
I'll find someone new,
To help me place the pieces;
To show me love again

Philosophy will tell you that belief doesn’t equal truth.

That’s why belief in a religion doesn’t make its precepts true.

Knowing that, I guess I should have known better,

But I held to the time we agreed that my belief and faith made my religion real.

“Her god is real because she believes.”

“My god loves me because I love him.”

We smiled, and for a split second we both saw God,

But you saw YHWH, and I saw you.

Maybe I should have told you that.

Maybe I should have told me that.

Instead, I spoke to you in reverence, like a prayer,

And took your words as gospel.

Every time I touched you was a burnt offering in your name.

My belief and love was pure and true, but it didn’t change anything.

It didn’t make your love real.

I know that now; I’ve seen the proof.

I think I knew it all along.

So, I’ll return to my religion,

The god you saw will comfort me and love me.

He’ll never leave my side, so long as I believe it’s true.

I’ve not found anyone to disprove him yet.

Still, words on a page don’t compare to warm arms

Anymore than cheerful texts replace a smile.

I’ll make do.

Sometimes, though, a glimmer of hope slips through.

Sometimes, I wish my god was you.

December 31, 2015

Maybe she was right.
That rent-a-gypsy years ago.
The one in the middle of the open lawn,
who told us our futures would be the same.
The one we blew off as a fraud because we were so different.

Were.

Maybe she really did see into the future.
Saw that we would get older together,
grow closer together.
Share hobbies together,
smoke cigarettes together,
pick up each other's quirky sayings,
and grow tired of each other.

Maybe she predicted we would grow apart.
She must have seen our frustration in her crystal ball.
The lines on our hands revealed anger and jealousy.

Maybe she saw our futures would be the same...
each without the other.

Maybe we were wrong.

I laid there wide awake
Listening to you breath
Such a stunningly familiar sound, every breath you take.
And the many months we've missed gave me cause to grieve.
My mind drifts out the window to mingle with the sounds of the city
Remembering the times we walked those streets and laughed,
because you were always so witty.
And the city sounds are tonight my life raft.
Keeping me afloat as the memories rush by.
And even though you are so close to me, wrapped around me like a shell.
There is such a gulf between us, caused by one small lie.
And my heart begins to swell.
It aches because you are not mine and yet here I am
Pretending to belong here
Your gentle snores hit me like a battering ram.
So I walk to the window to peer.
Perhaps the breathing of the city will give me more peace than you
Because its been two months since that night
But the city always gives me the attention due.
The love that is mine by every right.
But it cannot fill the hole you left.
Twice now.
Just by your sleeping breath.